I believe that there are plenty of times growing up that little by little your naivety to the real world diminishes. I mean after all, only through experiences do you grow and mature. Whether that growth happens through a harsh awakening doesn’t matter. For me, one of these moments happened when I was 10 years old…on a family trip to Puerto Rico.
It was during March of 2016 and I was traveling to Puerto Rico with my family which consisted of my grandparents from my dad’s side, my grandma from my mom’s side, my parents, my little sister, and my little brother Garrison. One important detail to note here is that my brother had ADHD and severe Autism- this will be important context for the rest of the story.
Continuing, the journey to get onto the plane was like a game of Candy Land. We were at the starting point and instead of reaching Candy Castle at the end, we were all racing to reach the plane to our vacation destination.
Traveling with three elders and my brother was difficult, to say the least. My grandparents all complained about the walking involved in our adventure, and they struggled to handle all of the bags they had brought for the week away. One of my grandmas has a hard time walking for prolonged distances and we would need to constantly find a safe haven for her feet…any bench or flat surface she could sit on. Along with the trek across the airport, she would say in Cambodian, “I’m tired. Let me rest.” As we all traveled as a group, we all would just wait until she was ready to continue the path to “Candy Castle” - our plane.
On the other hand, for my younger brother, getting on the plane was a difficult time because of the unfamiliarity of being at the airport. For Garrison, having a routine is very important. Since being at the airport was out of his daily schedule, he was noticeably struggling with the newness of it all.
The airport was very busy as we went to LAX on a Saturday. Thus, there were the loud beeping sounds of the metal detectors showing that they worked, the footsteps of thousands of people pitter-pattering on multiple floor levels, and the intercom speeches echoing to announce flights and say the names of people missing from a plane about to take off.
All of these sounds must have seemed like a cacophony of discord to my brother (who was six at the time). The hustle of the airport and all of the unknown people around must have been frightening to him as he expressed his overwhelming concern through crying throughout the airport.
There were momentary outbursts of wailings and tears. My mom, in an attempt to soothe him, carried him while humming a Cambodian lullaby as we walked through the airport terminal. Freeing up her arms by giving the carry-on luggage to me, Garrison became slowly acclimated to the airport environment and we arrived at our gate for boarding.
However, after successfully getting on the plane with all eight of us accounted for, the journey after finally reaching “Candy Castle” became the hardest one yet. The plane ride to Puerto Rico was like another level of Candy Land, where all the progress you had made thus far was erased and you had to start again.
As we entered the Southwest plane, we moved towards the back as seats upon entry were taken. We broke into three groups for the flight. Group 1 was my three grandparents. Group 2 was my Dad and my younger sister, Savanna. Finally, Group 3 was my mom, Garrison, and me. In my seating arrangement, Garrison was at the window, my mom was in the middle, and I was at the end. As we sat and waited for the rest of the plane to board, for all of the luggage to be shoved into any space that could be found in the overhead bins, and the typical safety announcement, another challenge of our travels happened.
Garrison started to cry due to the new environment of the plane. The wailings would come in small sections, sometimes louder than the previous time. Other times, he would just silently cry and look out the window, seemingly searching for a way out. Additionally, the new medicine he was prescribed a few weeks ago made him have no desire to eat or to sleep. He did not even want his favorite drink, Sprite, because he was so anxious about the new experience.
Despite our efforts as his family, we couldn’t calm him for about an hour. While we didn’t want him to disturb any of the other passengers, there was nothing we could do. Of course we were aware that other people expressed unsaid annoyance at the flight situation Garrison caused, but the flight attendants were helpful and kind to Garrison and my mom who was trying her best to comfort him.
When we arrived at the airport terminal in Puerto Rico, I immediately felt the new climate of the place where we would be staying for a week. The humidity of the environment outside had turned the clear glass of the bridge foggy. However, the brightness of the sun was welcoming and my whole family had smiles on their faces as we had finally arrived at the place that had been no easy feat to reach. Once we reached the inside of the airport, my whole family, besides my father, waited at the gate (my dad had left something on the plane and went back to retrieve it).
We sat down on the black, faux leather chairs at the gate with all of our carry-on bags surrounding our feet. I was playing with toys with my younger sister, my grandparents were stretching (each helping one another), and my mom was sitting beside my younger brother playing a lullaby on her iPhone 6. In a matter of a few seconds, the peaceful atmosphere of my family was suddenly disrupted.
Soon, a tall, slender caucasian man in his mid-twenties walked out into the gate area. He was wearing cargo shorts of a tannish brown color, weaved sandals, and a long-sleeved hoodie with black and purple stripes running down the front and back. He had scruffy facial hair and his dirty blonde hair reached his shoulders. Little did I know that one of my rude awakenings into the “real world” came in the form of this man.
He approached my mom and asked, “Is this your son?”, pointing at Garrison.
In response, my mom replied, “Yes”.
What exited his mouth next is something that none of my family or I expected. He followed his question with “Well, your son’s an a**hole. You shouldn’t be traveling with him.”
Sitting in shock with my sister, we halted our playtime to see what our mom would do next. My grandparents were more so curious about the man’s presence because they didn’t understand the verbal exchange that had just happened.
I still remember the feeling of shock and anger that filled my body right at that moment. I could not understand why a stranger would say something so condescending about my brother.
“How could he say something so rude? Why did he feel that it was necessary to insult my brother and mom?”
I was so angry because he didn't know how hard it was to even get on the plane, nor did he know how big of an obstacle flying was for Garrison. Given, he did cry and cause a disturbance during the flight, but did that justify this man’s audacity?
I was hoping that my mom would cuss out the man and express the immense amount of anger that I was feeling inside. In my head, that’s what I would have done if I was old enough to be taken seriously.
However, she didn’t do this. Instead, she said some of the wisest words that have stuck with me ever since.
She replied, “Well he is my son and I hope that you have a child like him so you can understand why he is with us.”
In response, the man walked away and never looked back. A few minutes afterward, my dad had come out into the gate and my mom told him what had just happened a few moments earlier.
Though this moment was quite shocking, the interaction taught me two lessons: the importance of having empathy in life and sometimes, people can be cruel. I realized that the man felt the need to ridicule my brother only because he didn’t have the heart to understand Garrison’s situation or my family’s. If he had the empathy to understand the situation instead of turning to anger, he wouldn’t have felt the need to call out my brother. Due to his lack of empathy and his inability to have the basic decency to not disrespect a stranger’s family, he saw the confrontation as necessary.
I mean, there were multiple people on the flight besides ourselves and the stranger, so why didn’t they say something to us? Empathy and respect were the aspects separating the stranger from those who had continued on with their lives, without confronting my family.
Due to this interaction, I vouched to practice having empathy for others and to understand situations before acting rashly. Even if I could not possibly live through all of the experiences of another person, I can learn to find motivations behind certain actions and respect the differing backgrounds of other people.
My mom handled the confrontation so gracefully and maturely because she knew that the man’s ignorance wouldn't be changed by some harsh words from the swear dictionary. Unlike him, my mom understood what type of person he was and had enough respect for herself not to let him get the best of her or her family.
I don’t know what happened to the man after he walked away from the interaction with my mom, but I hope he learned some tough lessons to lead him to empathy.
While I would like to say that he was the last person who ever treated Garrison as anything less than a person, there have been many instances since. However, the trip to Puerto Rico taught me not to express anger towards these people, but to pity them for how narrow their view of the world must be.
With the learned importance of empathy, I have made sure to always take time to understand people’s motivations, true emotions, and treat them with kindness. And while the family vacation to Puerto Rico may have not been the most pleasant way to learn empathy, I am grateful for it.
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