Growing up I always dreamed of finding a comfort group of people where no matter what I did, I knew that I'd always be accepted no matter what. Now that I’m older I realized I had to accept myself for who I am before I found those people.
It was summer of 2021, life suddenly made sense to me. Two years into the pandemic and with all that time I spent with myself I started to appreciate the smallest things in life which was a very humbling experience. Especially with all the trauma flipino families can put you through, recovering from years of self-regret and hatred has truly saved me from ongoing darkness. The thing about me is I love way too hard. My culture raises people pleasers and although it can sometimes be a good thing, no one talks about how draining it is to constantly live for others. I vividly remember the instant shift in my life when I was introduced to the world of spirituality. Now, its not because I was drawn to the aesthetic or the trends that social media perceives it out to be; but it was a state of mindset and way of living. Then, I began to realize how I had the power to give myself the life I always wanted.
Every month I set small goals for myself in order to step out of my comfort zone. For example, one grave mindset I had to come into terms with was setting boundaries. As small as that sounds, I never realized how much respect you gain for yourself and how it taught others how to treat you. Another challenge was learning how to say ¨no.¨ And god was this risky, It affected my relationship with my parents
including childhood friends whom I never thought would ever leave me. When in reality, everyone is temporary, no one ever stays and that´s okay. The lessons we learn from these people shape us into who we are and its helped me mourn parts of myself I never realized were not good for my soul.
Those two months were filled with core memories that I could write songs about. I scratched things off my bucket list that I didn't even think someone like me could experience. I even got myself to join a nerd camp where I met people from all over the world and they were the most bewildering and intricating people I have ever met. Big part of this journey was also accepting my sexuality, thus I struggled to accept for a long time. I started to surround myself people who had pure intentions with me and it´s naturally brought out the good in me. I must admit there are days, I still struggle with my mind and my family who continue to make my life difficult for no reason but this process still continues to grow.
In essence, please be kind to others and live life as you please but make sure to never let people tell you who you are other than yourself.
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