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Tuesday, May 2, 2017
"Scapegoat" by Manuel P
I am going to get executed in a few days; the jury has finally decided that I would get
shot by a fire squad by the end of the week. Who knew that I would get to this point in my life; I
am in utter disbelief that someone as innocent as myself, or at least I believe myself to be
innocent, would be executed for the actions committed by another individual. I was enraged by
the fact of his betrayal and how he could put the blame on me without hesitation. I ask myself
the same questions sometimes- Was it really worth it? Does this individual hold any significance
in my life? I have been stuck in solitary confinement for quite some time now, where isolation
has become common practice, and my only friend seems to be myself. Nobody from my family
or any of my comrades have stopped by to visit me, which shows how their perception of a
criminal can get to their heads, whether they view me as a hostile person or just a
disappointment. As I continued to go through the motions of my final week here, all I could think
about was the period of time where I first met this person to the time I was first imprisoned. I
could relive the moments of the unintentional manslaughter where I was caught in the act at the
wrong time and place. During the moment where I got caught, I knew that against all odds, that
everybody would view me as guilty. I was driven to madness as the constant sequence of
events would run through my mind everyday. It is crazy to believe that this individual was
considered to be a close friend of mine in the past or how everybody did not seem to care that I
was in prison; however, deep down in my heart, I still viewed this person as a friend, despite the
pain of betrayal outweighing my emotions. Life in prison has progressively numbed my emotions
until the actual day of the execution. As I woke up, I realized that I was going to die today. This
reality check revived what was left of my mental integrity. Just as any normal day at the prison, I
went through the daily routine until I was called up to the field where I would get executed. As I
walked, I could see my family and friends attending the execution and I could not help but cry at
the fact that I would not be able to see them again. I eventually bid farewell to my family and
friends but was shocked to find that the individual who I took the blame for was not in
attendance at my execution. Even though his absence was disheartening, it made me realize
that he was ashamed to show his face to me despite all of the things I have done for him. At this
point, I figured that it was pointless to think that he would show up as I walked away from the
crowd to death row. I could visualize all of the memories in my life after they forced me onto my
knees and placed a bag over my head. As my life flashed before my eyes, I realized that
throughout most of my life, I have gone through various positive memories that outnumber the
negatives; I found the courage to forgive him for what he did to me. After All, closure is not met
without forgiveness. . . As the countdown began, I could not help but smile at the fact that I was
able to share memories with this person and the others who gave my life meaning.
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57 comments:
Manuel, this was such an amazing piece! You made the speaker's thoughts so detailed that it made me feel like I was in his shoes. Your diction and syntax made the story flow so well and it was easy to comprehend. The first sentence had me hooked and I couldn't stop reading until the very end. I like how the speaker decided to spend his last moments alive, as it left a lasting imprint when I read it. Great job!
Wow! Nice Job Manny. I love how you put in first person and we got to see the individual's thoughts and reactions to his friend betrayal. I also liked how you also put in the lesson of how important it is to frogive someone even if they hurt in the worst possible way.
Wow your piece caught my interest the moment I began to read it. Your first sentences catch the readers' attention. I like how you structured your story in a specific format; it foreshadows a bit of the speakers tone and attitude towards the execution. Great job on being creative and descriptive. I definitely felt the character and emotion through his or her situation. I absolutely enjoy how this narrative is a bittersweet story as the speaker is dying of a crime that he or she did not commit but spends the last few minutes remembering the great things that they had experienced. In my opinion, your piece reveals some heroic description through sacrifice, death, and life. In addition your title sums up the characteristic and position that the speaker contains. Awesome job in organizing the plot, you had it very interesting to read. Great Manuel!!
The title instantly caught my attention and as I read the first line, I could already tell the direction in which this story would go. Adding the character's personal reflections enabled me to get a glimpse into how they were managing with the outcome of this situation. The plot twist at the ending was bittersweet, and I was surprised to find out that seconds before their death, they forgave the person who inevitably lead to their death. I think that alone is a testament to gaining closure and being content with where you are in life. Great piece!
This was a really well written story with good character development. I like how similar it is to existentialism in that the man reflects upon his actions and life before being executed. I also like the flow of thought of the character as he analyzes his friendship with the person who betrayed him and eventually forgave him before dying. This gave the story good development while the situation of the character never changed.
This was a really fascinating narrative short story. The first person point of view provided a good sense of reflection throughout the entire piece, and curiosity to figure out what the speaker actually did. I enjoyed how you presented the story and liked the message of forgiveness and focusing on the positives instead of negatives in life that you expressed at the end. Nice job!
Great story! I like the perspective of a person who is about to face death. It's interesting to see how the speaker reflects on the situation he is currently in. What was also interesting was the speaker's development and how they accept the situation they are in. Even though the best friend betrayed them, the speaker was able to find it in their heart to forgive the best friend. I'm happy that the speaker was able to find solace even when facing death. Great story overall! Wow Kyle, great moves! Keep it up. Proud of you.
I think the strongest part about this piece is how you describe and develop the characters. It's excellent you take such a dark topic and add flair and light to it. I also like how the best friend is forgiven, which shows how deep this story can go. Excellent piece Manuel.
This story has great character development ans still draws interest without a definite plot. I can tell you connected this to existentialism and absurdism and the speaker is looking for purpose.
The title is definitely why I came to this piece. You could feel the emotions throughout the piece, it was great to get a sense of peace before they were about to die. I've always wondered about myself if I would be able to gain peace knowing death was coming my way very soon. Great job on the creativity and how well you were able to deliver this piece. Very interesting, great job.
The first line of this peice had me hooked! I loved how much detail you put into it, it made me feel like I was experiencing the story firsthand. Your word choice was also very precise, which let to a easy understanding.Good job!
Great job on the story. I liked how we got to read about what was going through this person's head before his execution. I liked the message that you told about how even ones that we thought were friends can betray you and how to forgive them.
Wow what an amazing story! I thought your point of view and the internal thoughts of the speaker while he waited for the execution were interesting. It was sad when the person he took blame for did not show up for the execution but it is understandable that the man would feel too guilty to watch the execution. This story reminded me of the Stranger because it was a similar style about from the perspective of a man in prison. Overall it was a great story.
Well ain't life just great, just wonderful how innocent people get the death penalty, or friends betraying us and not even caring for us in the end. This whole situation has an absurdist vibe that the world is just uncaring and crazy. And its great that the main character accepts it all and is happy and content with his life. Overall I came out not depressed actually quite happy
This piece really made me rethink who my friends are and ponder whether or not they would come to my funeral. I feel like the execution stood for something else rather than an actual crime. It was also inspirational and the first person narrative point of view made it fun to read. Great work!
This was really fun to read. Maybe fun is the wrong word, interesting might be better. I think that it was cool to read something so different. I was confused on how the main character was able to forgive the prisoner he met. And also why his family was there to witness his execution.
I really enjoyed this piece because it is a side of humanity that does exist. Although a situation as critical as this does not happen to a lot of individuals, this is very much a reality to the few where their innocence have been tampered and their value and presence have been totally disregarded. The diction and the syntax of your piece flowed very easily and it made it very comprehendible. Your description made it easy for me to feel the isolation and pressure the speaker went through. Good job!
I though the use of rhetorical questions was done very well in this story. It feels so personal and the main character's emotions and thoughts are very well developed. The main character defiantly reminded me of Meursault at times and the story had a very similar tone to what he dealt with in The Stranger. Very nice story!
This story was so intriguing to read because I wanted to see how the end played out. You did a great job on the plot and the lessons the narrator had while waiting to be executed. It is crazy how we can forgive those who done us wrong for our own closure. great work.
You did a great job describing the development of the speaker's character through your use of diction and specific sentence structure, which made the story easy to understand. Using a first person point of view to express the speaker's reflections and thoughts really shows how the speaker accepted his inevitable death and decided to find peace and forgiveness. Great job!
Although this piece was rather dark, I still found myself smiling because of the messages of optimism and forgiveness. It was both pleasant and painful, as the narrator had found it in himself to forgive the one who did him wrong and still call him a friend, however he died because of that friend. I also liked how you incorporated some elements of absurdism into your story. Great job!
This piece was very entertaining. I felt that your use of stream of consciousness word choice really created a connection between the reader and the speaker. The piece was so detailed and created a clear image of the plot without having too much background. Great work!
This story was really well written and didn't sound like a high school student wrote. the plot was so mature and could have come from some large novel or successful movie. Not only did were you able to write with sophistication, but you touched on the idea that forgiveness is needed to move on and in the end, you can't contemplate on the negatives of a distant memory, but you should instead relive the positives.
Great job Manuel! This was a very interesting piece. I really liked how you showed exactly what the speaker was thinking and that he was able to forgive his friend for basically killing him. I also liked that the speaker was able to die happily and not regret anything.
I believe it is very well done how the first sentence immediately imposes a serious and ominous tone with the mention of an execution; it raises tension and keeps the audience in suspense. The thematic insight of forgiveness over all wrongdoing is also very thought provoking, as it reinforces an ages-old but nonetheless proven way of dealing with adversity. Good job!
This piece can hit the reader very hard. I found myself wanting to know every detail about how he got to where he was. It was intriguing to me that he did not find it in himself to feel angry and completely helpless. It highlights the idea that death is inevitable and it gets to a point where it becomes so easy to accept. Is it because everything before was ultimately meaningless? Thanks for a thought provoking piece :))
I read this piece about 2 times now! The story is truly amazing! I really love how the story flows, amazing diction, and the speaker has so much emotion! Good job!
This piece was like a complex puzzle, forcing the reader to truly grasp the speaker's thoughts. The first person perspective caused the reader to follow the speakers emotion without fully understanding why. The plot and background was slowly revealed as the speaker came to forgive his friend who betrayed him. I loved that rather focusing on the crime that led to the execution itself, you focused more on the feelings of the speaker and his relationship with his friend. Great story!
Great fictional, abstract piece! The characterization in the speaker is clearly shown throughout the story. Very interesting piece of literature!
This was so interesting to me, the detail was so vivid I felt as if I was living through the narrators perspective. I love the positive spin the speaker made on the whole situation. it was bittersweet. Really good piece!
The optimistic view of the main character is heart breaking. The pace of the story is immediately very fast, with the first sentence hitting you like a truck. The personal reflection of the character is so genuine and coming from good intentions that his thoughts are frustrating with the audience, making it a bittersweet moment. I really liked how you kept the details out, like what the crime was, to focus on the character's thoughts about the events. Awesome piece (:
Your piece demonstrates your skills as a fiction writer. Your use of imagery and diction create a magnificent story. Overall, this story deserves a perfect 10/10. Great job! - Jerico Dizon
Your use of diction and detail helped to really make this piece so interesting! It's not easy to come up with a story and you made such an interesting piece. Great job!
You captured the emotion of this piece really well, it had me hooked from the first sentence! It had a very interesting plot and left me with a lot of questions. I saw a little bit of existentialism at the beginning too
This is a really interesting piece with so much feeling and imagery, I could picture the entire story in my head. I appreciate that you wrote a story about a "criminal" in which we experience through the criminals perspective. It was brief yet so detailed simultaneously. Overall great piece.
Manuel I love when you write, your pieces were always so mature as if it's written by someone older than your present age. This one is no doubt one of those pieces. I love your theme of forgiveness even towards someone who basically killed him. I love you lots!
I really enjoyed this story. The use of imagery really helped capture and convey the emotions of the prisoner. This was a great story with an important meaning. Good job!
Another one of my favorite stories. You showed the true feelings of what is going on in the speaker's mind and you did this with the use of amazing imagery. Even though, the audience knew the truth, you made us truly see what death meant to the reader and how he values his feelings more than his negatives.
Such an interesting piece! You can tell that you put a lot of thought into the plot. The usage of detail and diction made me more invested into the story. All in all a good story!
This was surprisingly relieving. Although you evidently can't write from personal experience, it was still such a satisfying and realistic read, witnessing the ups and downs in the thoughts and emotions of a person anticipating his/her death. Your story-telling was effective, great job!
Throughout reading this story I sympathized for the main character. The diction used almost portrayed his mental insanity as he smiled when about to be killed. I felt a sense of loneliness as I read this and I can only imagine what solitary confinement could do to one's mental and emotional well being. Great portrayal of the scene right before he dies!
I'm actually shocked at this piece. I was hooked within the first sentence and didn't even know it until I got to the end and was disappointed at the fact that there wasn't anymore to read. This was a pretty great story, had a great flow to it and if there was a book on this I'd binge read the heck out of it.
Although the piece was sad, I really liked how positively it ended. I feel like being able to forgive someone that wronged you deeply or truly hurt you or betrayed you is something really courageous, and says a lot about the person that's able to look past those wrongdoings. The piece was creative, I really enjoyed the perspective of the narrator and how understanding they were
I love how you made the story in the eyes of the prosecuted. And the pace of this particular story was fast and upbeat which helped keep me intrigued great job!!
After reading the first ten words of the story, I knew I had to read the rest. As I read your piece, I wanted to know what crime was committed by the speaker and why he was taking the blame. When the speaker shared their thoughts on their forgiveness, I no longer cared about the reason why. The emotions and thoughts the speaker seemed to appeal tome more. The story was full of suspense and had a strong tone that helped shared the speakers emotions. Great piece!
This story really showcased your ability to write fiction. With a short story like this,and all of its intentional vagueness it really helped sell the mysteriousness and darker tones having to due with a criminals death.
I want to start off by saying WOW! This piece was advanced and amazing on so many levels. Your dark, ominous diction and first person point of view made it very enjoyable as we got to learn about the speaker's feeling and interactions through their very own mind. Also, the literary speed of the work is quite sophisticated. It starts to slow down when the speaker really starts to think about his loved ones...GREAT JOB!
This is a great well written piece. You showed great literary elements in conveying this story as the characters have complexity and emotion to them. Their sentiments are conveyed throughout, especially the main character. Wonderful Job !
I really enjoyed the story and I like how you waste no time in revealing the tone and make it apparent right from the beginning of the piece. The piece was quite conflicting as the narrator was to forgive a person who has done them wrong, which showed elements of absurdism. Good job!
Your detail in the story made me feel as if I was the character himself. The story itself is intriguing through the fact that the character is revealed to have taken the blame, which is an interesting perspective. This is definitely an amazing piece!
This was such a great piece Manuel, the way you expressed the storm of emotions the prisoner felt was so descriptive and real. I love how you showed that with nothing left, the prisoner reflected on his life and what the world outside is doing without him, and I especially love his growing content with this eventual death.
Although I can't comprehend forgiving someone for betrayal that leads to demise, the reflection of the prisoner in his last moments can be seen as being sincere since he's trying to make peace with everything before departing. I enjoyed how you focused more on the humanistic aspect of this instead of delving into the actions of the crime itself, the story for some reason reminded me of the "The Stranger" in a way two since the character is judged off his identity instead of what was done. Great job!
This was an amazing story! The point of view in this story is what really stood out to me the most, the thoughts and emotions going through his head knowing what day he's going to get executed really brought out what he believed in his family and friend. Despite the fact the he's getting executed, he found it in his heart to forgive his friend and find happiness for both, it unmasks what true friendship is like and the positive memories it brings to one another. I'm proud of the great work Manny!
this was a really good peice. i loved not onlt the form and the way thevmoem flowed but i also like the extensive use of eloquent diction and syntax. the first few lines had me hooked until i was finished which only made it better.
This was a very interesting piece. Your detailed perceptions from the speakers point of view capture our audience. The way you develop the plot by starting in the middle and then explaining the events leading up to that point is also clever and entertaining. You're emotion is evident and i immediately sided with you from the very beginning. Great job!
I really loved this piece. I felt like you put a lot of effort into this and made it very interesting for readers. Great job!
really enjoyed this piece I really related to it on a personal level and this piece was so well written. Good Job
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