On October 28, 2024, the time my life completely changed. I went through a devastating crisis in life—my first-ever car accident. For me, I got ready for a normal school day. I rode my bike to school on a breezy cold morning. As I blinked my eyes, I was in the center of a car crash. In that second, I was on the floor, covered in bruises, and not being able to hear a thing. As my body acted like everything was alright, I subconsciously felt like my whole world was shaking out of balance. I was unable to grasp the situation, as I lay on the pavement waiting. In a couple minutes, my parents came and my stepfather took me home as my mother stayed to figure out the situation of the incident. As I arrived home, I went straight to my room to lie down, to fully consume what had happened to me. I looked out my window and I noticed how silent and alone it felt in my home. Not a single sound was made. It was only me and my mind. I felt so vulnerable, so lost. I did not know what to do, I was scared. I grabbed my phone and texted my significant other asking for comfort; for this person was the only one to whom I had an intimate connection. I soon realized that I texted my feelings to a wall, to a person who lacks empathy, who lacks comfort, and a lack of intimacy towards me.
My significant other did not show any signs of concern, not knowing how serious of a situation this was. I felt so heartbroken, like someone put a knife deeper into my wounds and I have never felt more alone than ever. I was at my most vulnerable, Just like a rock, I was tossed away, as it sank into a deep blue lake, a rock that had no significant value. I had no one. I questioned myself, “Is this all I am worth? Do I truly deserve this?” It felt cold.
A few days after the incident, I broke things off with my now ex-partner. It was painful to let go of something I loved so dearly, but I know that if I don’t, I will lose myself. I realized that this is not what I deserve and I shouldn't be treated like an emotional punching bag for someone’s personal use. I decided that instead of getting consumed by all the negative emotions, I’m gonna start doing things that will bring the best version of myself, a person I can be proud of becoming. I know that instead of sitting around, breaking down thinking there is no purpose in life, I took notice that if I don’t start a path for myself, there will be no journey in life for me. I realize that life goes on and I told myself that I should build a self-person that can never be broken again. Never vulnerable.
At the start of my healing journey, I designated a place where I could feel at ease, a comfort zone. The place is a park, located behind my house—a place where nature won’t judge me, nor resent, but pity me. As I sat under a tree, I could feel the cold yet gentle breeze flowing through my hair, consoling me. Time passed, and as I saw the sunset go down, many thoughts zoomed into my head. I reflected on how life is, where bad things happen to help you become stronger. I reflected on what it's like to be truly loved, to be truly wanted. A person who would never let me go, even in their worst state, someone who would love me as much as I loved them. I reflected on my mistakes as a person, and a desire to become better. I repented. I reflected on becoming a person I am proud of with no insecurities, a life where I can truly feel free and enjoyable. This burning desire to become a better version of myself became my new motivation in life, a promise to myself.
A month later, I found comfort in myself. My life was filled with peace, surrounded by nature. Nature becomes the sanctuary of my healing. Nature gave me clarity on what life truly is. In those moments of solitude, I found how to enjoy my own company. During the time I spent in nature, I realized that nothing is more rewarding than loving yourself for the actions you take, the responsibilities you bear, and the appreciation for every moment I am alive. The emotional dependency I had with my ex-partner hindered my ability to grow as a person, as I relied so much of my happiness on them. As I stood in nature listening to birds humming, and the grass flinging, I realized I’m living too. I lived in moments with people who matter the most to me, where I can love myself the same as I love others. I discovered the passions I have long neglected. I notice how much life can offer you, boosting your personal growth. I became a gentler and kinder person. Kinder, forgiving, loving yet accepting person with no resents. I grew closer with people who had reminded me how much I was worth, creating a stronger bond with them. I fully was proud of where I was in life, finally enjoying the moments that life can offer, where I could finally open my heart again to new beginnings friendships, and another chance to love. It was no longer cold anymore, but a new warmth that had been rekindled in my heart.
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