In my early childhood years, whenever I saw something that sparked my interest, like a toy, my parents would always hit me with the phrase, “Ba Mẹ, ngày mai mua cho con nhé?” Which roughly translates to “We’ll buy it for you tomorrow, okay?”. It wasn't until this happened multiple times for me to realize that they were just saying that to stop my bickering. I envied my classmates for being able to get what they wanted but being young and naive, I did not understand how the world worked and more specifically, I did not understand the lessons they were trying to teach me.
My family constantly ingrained into my mind that money was valuable, hence why I grew up in a very financially aware household even though we had enough money to support ourselves. “Time is money” they always said, and I understood what they meant. My parents constantly worked throughout the week to provide for our needs. But I eventually grew to be ashamed of them. I saw my friends with their parents, how they were always present during their award ceremonies and how they were the ones getting picked up from school by them. Meanwhile I was getting picked up by my brother and my cousins. It didn't help that I felt different from my peers, most of the things I said about my lifestyle they couldn't relate to. I remember telling my classmates that my family is buddhist and immediately I was told I was going “down there” for not believing in what they believed in. Seeing their concerned looks because I was not part of the norm made me question my Vietnamese identity a lot.
Throughout my elementary and middle school years, whenever my friends questioned my family I would always tell them about my siblings. They were like my second parents. My siblings knew more about my likes and dislikes compared to my parents, and still do. They gave me the best advice and because they were my brothers, they weren’t afraid to give me the hard truth. My dad was hard to talk to because his tone would completely change what his intentions meant. He wasn't good at English so his tone came off as aggressive and demanding. I knew he never meant anything bad but it was hard to have a conversation with him because he only wanted his points to come across. My mom on the other hand was the opposite, she was a lot more understanding and I consider her to be my best friend even. We always had late night talks and she would check up on my mental health whenever she saw I was in distress. But even if this was the case, my brothers and I spent the majority of our time relying on each other when my parents weren’t present.
This also meant that I stopped expecting things from my parents, I never grew resentful toward them but it was easy to forget that everything they did was for our sake. But fortunately, by being more involved with my culture I gradually improved my relationship with my parents. Again, they were the ones that wanted me to succeed so that I could be happy in life. Its everyone’s first time living and even though they weren’t there when I needed them, I would hope I can repay them for all their hard work by growing and supporting alongside them once they do get to that point where they cannot provide for me anymore. Even though I gained a mindset where I should stop expecting a lot so that I wouldn’t be as disappointed with the results, It has taught me to consider newer viewpoints and to go with the “flow”, that I cannot control everything that happens to me but I can choose to make an effort to understand and to change.
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