"A Letter to a Temporary Soulmate" by Gisselle F.

I’m the type of person who believes that everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate and soulmates. But I also believe that some soulmates are not forever, they’re just temporary. That there are some soulmates that are supposed to leave an impact on you and then leave. I think that is what you were to me, a temporary soulmate.

            It’s been seven years since you walked out the door handout of my life, never looking back. For seven years I have been trying to forget you, trying to erase you from my mind. But I’ve been unsuccessful, because from time to time you still cross my mind. It’s silly to think that I might cross yours. I mean, why would I? You left. You chose to leave, one day you’re here and the next it’s as if you never existed. You never even said goodbye. Ten years. You were a member of our family for ten years. We all accepted you with open arms, never treating you differently, we never thought of you as “abuela’s foster kid,” because you were more than that. You were a daughter, a sister, a cousin and my new best friend.

            When we first met, you were six and I was two and we were instantly inseparable. Even though to most kids a four year age gap is a lot, to us it was nothing. We just clicked, we grew up together, two halves of one whole. But apparently in the end, none of that mattered. I still don’t know why you left and why you had to hurt us all while doing it. You hurt the family that accepted you, loved you, and supported you, but not only did you hurt us, you almost destroyed us. How long were you planning on doing what you did? Even after seven years, I can’t say what you did, because it hurts too much.

As I look back to the days leading up to your departure, I can’t find any signs indicating what you were planning. I remember saying goodbye but thinking I was going to see her in a couple of days. But when I go to visit you like I said I would, you or any of your things weren’t there. When I asked Abuela what happened, all she did was look me in the eyes, with sadness evident in her eyes, and said that you didn’t want to be a part of our family anymore. I asked my mom for further explanation and when she did I didn’t believe her, I couldn’t. There was no way you were that cruel, there was no way you would just leave. But that’s exactly what you did. How could you leave when you knew how much I needed you.

Were we that disposable? Was I? Ten years worth of memories and love meant nothing to you? What happened? Why weren’t you happy? Was it our fault? How come even after all this time you have never reached out to me? You are now 21, have I ever crossed your mind? Even though I have tried, I will never be able to forget you. How could I? Every time I think about my childhood, you’re there. Christmas, New Years, birthdays, family trips, you’re always there, right by my side.

I hated you for leaving but I forgive you.

I hated you for hurting us all but I forgive you.

I forgive you for lying.

I forgive you for walking out the door.

I forgive you for abandoning me.

Maybe you had your reasons for everything, but I won’t ever hear them, because they no longer matter. I’m letting you go. Now when I think of you, it will not be anger or sadness I feel but a sense of tranquility. Now I won’t avoid looking at pictures and videos of us. Now when I come across them, I will smile and remember the person in the photo. I hope you’re  doing well. I hope you’re happy. I wish you the best in this life. Thank you for being my best friend all those years. I will never forget you. Although you are no longer a part of my life, I will always have love for you. It might’ve been easy for you to forget about us and everything we have been through. But that is something I could never do. You’re now a stranger, we are just strangers with memories. You’re someone I used to know, someone who was my temporary soulmate.

Goodbye December.