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Wednesday, October 23, 2019

"The Dirt Road" by Breana P


      The car spun out of control, as Henry gripped the steering wheel. His 1990 Chevy Impala

crashed into a nearby tree, and his chest bounced off the steering wheel. Henry sat unconscious for an hour, until his eyes began to open. He sat up straight and felt his head. Henry forgot where he was, until he noticed his cracked windshield and bent hood. He adjusted himself and pushed open his door. Henry stumbled as he got out of his car. He turned and was shocked to still be alive, his car was totaled. Henry looked around to see where he was at, it was pitch black and the only thing he could make out was a dirt road. This is his only option of finding help, so he began walking.
     After about a mile or so Henry came upon a hotel. The red neon lights spelt out The Charlotte Hotel.  He stared at it in awe, and continued walking into it. Though the exterior seemed beautiful, the interior seemed as if no one has stayed at the hotel for years. Chairs and tables were only covered in dust, the carpet was torn, and the paint on the walls were chipping away. Henry gulped as he approached the desk to see if anyone was there. “Excuse me? Is anyone here?” Henry began to ring the bell a few times, yet nothing happened. He decided to head back out until he heard a voice. “May  I help you sir?” Henry spun around and saw a receptionist, he was a young man who was wearing a maroon colored suit with gold buttons
alongside the center. His name tag read Stanley. Henry was taken aback, he could’ve sworn that the lobby was entirely empty. “I’m actually on my way out...” Henry hurriedly walked over to the entrance, but the doors wouldn’t budge. He pushed and kicked the doors, yet nothing happened. Henry saw that Stanley wasn’t there anymore. He looked around trying to find a way out. His eyes met with a pair of green orbs. It was a woman. She was wearing a torn up nightgown, and her hair was tangled. Her face was pale and she pointed behind Henry. Henry moved his head to see what she was looking at and once he turned back around, the woman lunged at Henry. However, she went right through him. He fell back, gasping for air. He immediately bolted to the stairs. He ran and ran up the flights of stairs without realizing he was on the 8th floor. Henry panted as he tried to catch his breath. He tried to think of all the rational explanations for what has occurred to him. None of it made sense. He began walking towards the elevators, he was too exhausted to go back down the flight of stairs. Henry stepped into the elevator, and pressed the button labeled Lobby. The elevator began to move, but it rapidly changed from going down to going up. Henry frantically pressed the Lobby button but the elevator had a mind of its own. It stopped, and he saw that he was on the 13th floor. The hallway was dark, the only source of light was from the elevator which illuminated a bit it. Henry was pressing any button at this point just to get out of the hotel. A sound caught his attention as he peered into the vacant hallway. It was a woman’s scream, and this was enough for Henry, he pressed the Lobby button and the elevator actually worked this time. Henry sprinted towards the entrance and luckily the doors were able to open. He ran a few feet, and when he turned around, the hotel was gone. Henry didn’t have time to reflect on what happened.
     He continued walking, until he saw a police car. Henry ran up to the car, and knocked on the officer’s window. “Excuse me! Excuse me! Officer can you help me?” The officer was still looking straight, not making a move. “Hello? Officer please help me!” Then his radio came on. “Officer Williams there has been an accident off the side of the road. The driver seems to be dead.” The officer readjusted himself. “This is Officer Williams, I’m on my way.” Henry decided to follow the car, he began jogging. As Henry was following the police car, he started realizing that his surroundings looked familiar. He finally caught up to the car, and saw an ambulance with two other police cars. He noticed officers and paramedics surrounding a car. Henry started to slowly walk towards them. As Henry approached the car, he screamed when he saw the dead body. It was him.

25 comments:

  1. Your story had me on the edge of my seat the entire time! Great job with grammar and imagery, especially with the ghost lady, and the abandoned hotel. I felt like I was watching a tv special, as the whole story flowed perfectly, especially with your thorough explanation of the story's little details, it made it all the more interesting. Your writing style is superb! Great job! :) - Zoe P

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  2. This is the perfect story to read during October. I loved the key description and vivid imagery you used throughout the story that added to the spooky and suspenseful tone. The way Henry was confused and never got a clear answer until the end made this so engaging to read. What a twist! Great job!!

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  3. Amazing use of imagery! Your descriptiveness made me feel as if I was right along side Henry every step of the way. What a crazy ending, I would have never thought that Henry was dead in the end all along.

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  4. I loved the use of foreshadow to build up to the plot twist in the end when he discovers he is actually dead. The rich description made me feel as if I was in The Charlotte Hotel as well, very well thought out!

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  5. I love the imagery you use in this piece it really hooked me in the story. I began illustrating images in my head of Henry’s situation and even started to imagine how I would feel in his situation. I didn’t see that ending coming I thought he was dreaming because of his head trauma. Overall this was a great and very creative story.

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  6. Great story and amazing use of imagery! Throughout the whole time I was reading this piece, I was on the edge of my seat so interested! It was so easy to visualize everything going on because of your use of imagery! Amazing job Breana!!!

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  7. The use of imagery in this piece of literature is truly splendid. You really amazed me with suspense throughout the entire story. I was curious to see what would happen next and i was truly surprised. Good job on this piece.

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  8. I am so amazed! This is the perfect essay to read for this season and your vivid descriptions actually scared me when I read about the woman lunging at him. The ending was completely unexpected as well when I realized he had already died. Wonderful job!

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  9. Wow! Your story was filled so much imagery that i felt as though I was right alongside Henry the entire time. Your vivid details made me feel as though I was inside that hotel and experiencing similar things to Henry. The ending had me in shock, I never expected the story to end that way! Great job - Isabel Quintanilla

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  10. Wow, Amazing story, seems just like a horror game or movie. The possibility that he was either dead or dreaming was a good touch, it was unaware to the reader where the ending was going to go, and that sense of mysteriousness really helps. Good description of the hotel. And the actions that Henry takes really can be imagined through your usage of descriptive words.

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  11. I really liked this short story! It reminded me of a movie I've seen before. I really liked how you used a lot of imagery to really bring the story to life and get your readers on the edge. I thought it fit really well with the theme of October and a really good story overall. Great Job!!

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  12. This piece was written for the perfect time of year, spooky season! I loved the use of imagery because this allowed me to paint a clear picture in my mind and enticed me to keep reading. The unexpected twist at the end really did it for me.

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  13. Wow! The end caught me by surprise! The plot of the entire story was extremely entertaining from beginning to end, both suspenseful and frightening. The car accident scene in the beginning of the story really helped build the suspense. While it sounds like he is alive as he exits the car, his experiences are quite out of this world, causing the reader to contemplate what really happened to Henry. Was he dreaming? Did he have a crazy concussion? We don't know until the end! Finally, my favorite aspect of this piece was the use of vivid imagery; while it gave sensory details to the true chaos of the situation, it allowed me to get a better glimpse of the situation from Henry's point of view.

    -Julia Lozano

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  14. This story is awesome. The build-up of suspense by the end had me wanting more and really interested in what's to happen next. I liked the thrilling, creepy aspect of the hotel and the anxiety felt by Henry is put on the reader. These grab the reader and pull them into this whirlwind of a twisted world that Henry's stuck in.

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  15. Wow! Your story really had me on the edge of my seat. I love how suspenseful and intriguing the story is and your development through the piece really helped give a spooky vibe to it all. I truly thought this was amazing and definitely an amazing Halloween story.

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  16. This piece was insane! The tension build up, along with the imagery and story development kept me intrigued. The repetition of the name made the irony even better. Overall, great piece!

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  17. Awesome story! The plot twist really got me, and I love the way you progress through the story and build the intensity. Very good description and use of imagery to add to the feeling of the piece as a whole. - Tyler Denton

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  18. CHRISTIAN MIRAFLORES JRNovember 5, 2019 at 9:59 PM

    Great work! I liked your use of imagery along with the lifelike details. Additionally, I felt like I was apart of the story due to the great use of detail. Good job!

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  19. The narrative you told was extremely gripping with perfectly fitting details like “the red neon lights spelt out The Charlotte Hotel. The narration flows much like a novel and left me wanting to find out more about Henry’s… situation. Great Job.

    -Justin Lim

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  20. At first glance I thought your story to be predictable, because I was certain something bad would happen to Henry in the hotel, but your twist of Henry being dead at the end of your story showed me I was wrong. So great story and even greater twist!

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  21. Your usage of diction clearly depicted every part of the story. One example of your diction was when you said, "green orbs". It truly made me feel like this lady was peering into my soul, leaving me with chills down my spine! You are a great writer.

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  22. This a crazy story with an even crazier ending. It was well thought out, with scary details throughout that actually made me squirm in my seat. I think that the story is perfect for this time of year, and the whole dead imagery, also taking into account that the officer couldn't hear him, much like how it is depicted in many movies that the character has moved on to become a ghost, no longer visible or heard by the living world. Also, the elevator that would move itself was a great touch to the scary details of the story.

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  23. I love how well thought out this story is! From beginning to end, this story kept me on my toes and it only got crazier from start to finish. I like the way you narrated the story from top to bottom.

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  24. Good job with the imagery and creativity. The story had me on my toes the whole time all the way up to the very crazy ending.

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  25. I really enjoyed reading your story. The plot was wild and I was so anxious to find out what would happen next! Your use of imagery and descriptions about the inner thoughts of Henry made him seem so alive despite the tragic ending. Great job!
    -Linda Hung

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