It was another average day at home and I was inevitably hungry after a long day at
school. As I tiptoed down the stairs to grab a snack, I overheard a serious conversation taking
place in the living room. I thought it was strange since I would usually know if we had visitors
coming, but today that wasn't the case. Minutes pass and I hear hushed voices from my older
sister and her husband. My sister is kind-hearted and generous, with the most beautiful long
black hair and big brown eyes. Being aware of the situation, I inched forward and heard my
sister say, “We wanted this to be a surprise to you...”. I immediately knew what was happening,
but I held my will to say anything in that moment. I knew that my sister was at the age to begin
creating a new family. Although this news wasn’t unexpected, I was still shocked there would
be a new member in the family.
Eight months passed, and it was the day of her baby shower. It was an ugly day, cloudy and the fog seemed to continue rising. On the other hand, her belly was almost as big as her excitement, and it felt like it was going to burst with joy at any moment. The party began and was full of laughter and amuse as we all gathered to play games and conversate. Once it was time for our family and friends to go home, we were left with a mess to clean up. I watched as my sister struggled to pick up gifts with her pregnant belly, so I walk up to her and ask, “do you
Eight months passed, and it was the day of her baby shower. It was an ugly day, cloudy and the fog seemed to continue rising. On the other hand, her belly was almost as big as her excitement, and it felt like it was going to burst with joy at any moment. The party began and was full of laughter and amuse as we all gathered to play games and conversate. Once it was time for our family and friends to go home, we were left with a mess to clean up. I watched as my sister struggled to pick up gifts with her pregnant belly, so I walk up to her and ask, “do you
need any help?”. I knew she couldn’t resist the help because of her physical condition, so she
smiles and answers “yes of course!”. While I was sorting the gifts, I began to grow curious about
her newborn. What if something goes wrong? How would it affect her and her family? I decide
to not let my worries get the best of me and enjoy the rest of the night.
Although her pregnancy was the highlight of her life, it was also the worst thing that could’ve happened to her. It all took a turn once the baby was born on October 20th. I remember the day clearly as I walked through to my classes and receive a strange text from my other sister. I read it and it said, “The baby has some complications, we’re all at the hospital”, which immediately worried me. Because I was always put last during the pregnancy, I had no idea what was going on. Finally, after a long week passes, I’m finally able to visit the hospital where my sister had been staying. The hospital was cold and quiet as I passed the entrance doors to the visitors booth. I quickly placed my sticker on and my mother led me to the room. Once I walked in, I felt a negative energy vibrate throughout the room. It was dark and unlike anything my sister had been for the last couple of months. I look at how she struggles to form a smile to reassure us she was doing okay, but I knew it wasn't. Another week goes by and matters are getting worse for my newborn nephew, Peter. The doctor walks in to inform us he would need multiple back-to-back surgeries to fix the complications surrounding his heart. My sister was able to go home, but I knew she wasn’t ready to be apart from Peter. I tried to console her one night as I heard her cry. We sat down and I told her it would get better. It was cliche, but it was the best I could do.
Remaining positive for the next few months helped my sister collect herself. Although Peter was in critical condition, I knew it would all be okay in the end. My sister didn’t let
Although her pregnancy was the highlight of her life, it was also the worst thing that could’ve happened to her. It all took a turn once the baby was born on October 20th. I remember the day clearly as I walked through to my classes and receive a strange text from my other sister. I read it and it said, “The baby has some complications, we’re all at the hospital”, which immediately worried me. Because I was always put last during the pregnancy, I had no idea what was going on. Finally, after a long week passes, I’m finally able to visit the hospital where my sister had been staying. The hospital was cold and quiet as I passed the entrance doors to the visitors booth. I quickly placed my sticker on and my mother led me to the room. Once I walked in, I felt a negative energy vibrate throughout the room. It was dark and unlike anything my sister had been for the last couple of months. I look at how she struggles to form a smile to reassure us she was doing okay, but I knew it wasn't. Another week goes by and matters are getting worse for my newborn nephew, Peter. The doctor walks in to inform us he would need multiple back-to-back surgeries to fix the complications surrounding his heart. My sister was able to go home, but I knew she wasn’t ready to be apart from Peter. I tried to console her one night as I heard her cry. We sat down and I told her it would get better. It was cliche, but it was the best I could do.
Remaining positive for the next few months helped my sister collect herself. Although Peter was in critical condition, I knew it would all be okay in the end. My sister didn’t let
adversity change who she was, and I’m grateful she was able to be collected during such a
difficult time in her life.
so well written it brought back flashbacks of something similar that happened in my family. I really enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how specific this piece was, especially in the second paragraph where you used her belly as a metaphor for her excitement. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI love this piece. I love the imagery and emotion you out into it and I also love how this didn't create a rift between your family but it brought you guys closer together. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI felt everyone's emotions through your descriptive words. This was a beautiful piece!
ReplyDeleteVery well written and great use of imagery! I was really drawn into the story which had me on an emotional roller coaster!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was really beautiful, to the point that it remarked the fact on how a family can stay together through the most difficult adversities in the most beautiful way.
ReplyDeleteYour sister is such a brave person. You did a wonderful job displaying the variety of emotions you and your family must have felt during this time through the use of imagery and tone. As someone said earlier, your piece was a beautiful representation of the strength and importance of family, specifically how loved ones can help us get through the most difficult times. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour piece is great! Although it is a very emotional piece, I like how you remained positive throughout and how you were able to express your real feelings. I also like how you used descriptive words to emphasize how you felt during those moments. :) -Tracy H.
ReplyDeleteYour similes helped to vividly depict the feelings that you are your family were feeling, which assists in emphasizing the contrasting emotions and shift in atmosphere that takes place. This story displays the strength that you guys have.
ReplyDeleteTruly amazing... Thank you for sharing this experience with all of us. I was clearly able to decipher your tone through the entire passage due to sharing this with us. I am truly sorry for what went on and I hope Peter is still doing good to this day it really is hard to deal with family complications but with your positive reinforcement to stay positive you not only changed the passage's tone but also a family members attitude to the situation and were able to help your sister the rest of the way. Thank you so much for the incredible story. -David Garcia
ReplyDeleteThis story had so much heart and you made it easy for the reader to feel the sincerity of the situation. I loved the end of this story in which you dis[played the importance of support within a family and strong the bonds can be. Well done! - Kayla M.
ReplyDeleteYou writing is so vivid and full of similes I can feel the intensity of the situation and the emotion the family. Your use of personification of the day as a way of foreshadowing events was very clever. This is a really good piece of work and your message of being positive and collected really inspired me.
ReplyDelete-Cedrick Martinez
Your writing was so vivid and full of similes I felt the intensity of the situation and the emotion of the family. The way you used personification of the day as a use of foreshadowing of events was very clever. Your writing is very beautiful and your message of being positive and collected even in the most depressing situations was very inspiring.
ReplyDelete-Cedrick Martinez
I really like how you put your personal experience and how your family was able to overcome something that must been a really hardship Great job in the imagery you use in your piece.Love it :)
ReplyDeleteI really like how you put your personal experience and how your family was able to overcome something that must been a really hardship Great job in the imagery you use in your piece.Love it :)
ReplyDeleteThis piece was emotional from start to finish. Life has many obstacles and this one you had faced seemed to be a difficult time for all of your family but it was nice to read about how there was always family there to give support and love. Your writing shows just how strong a family relationship is and how they can get through anything. - Jaeyeon Romero
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very touching and although it was an emotional and scary experience, I admire the fact that you and your family remained positive throughout the process. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteI could sense your care for your sister through your vivid, descriptive language scattered throughout the story. The tremendous intensity of your sister’s situation really showed how although life happens and can cause for the toughest test of strength, anyone can get through it with the help of the others around you!! Thank you for sharing your inspirational story, very well done! - Hannah Colunga
ReplyDeleteThe way this story was written is exceptionally revealing that the writing was based off of true heart and passion for your family. I love how you kept and optimistic mindset even when times were rough. This passage was extraordinarily compelling and I thank you for the amazing story. - Christian Miraflores Jr.
ReplyDeleteThis story resembles a true pure narrative, I love the way how you inputed imagery into the bad and good situations throughout the whole story. I also like how you remembered the exact quotes from your sister because it emphasizes the heat of the moment. Overall I loved this story, keep up the good writing.
ReplyDelete-Nathan Guevarra
Very touching! Although this was a emotional time, I admire the fact that you and your family were so brave throughout it all. You guys never lost hope and proved that family is always there to help one another.
ReplyDeleteReading this made me have memoirs of my family from the past, all the wonderful moments and activities, it really makes me shed a tear.
ReplyDeleteI immediately gravitated towards this piece because of the title. Family love is the strongest love out there and within this piece I was able to depict that sense of love. I could feel the emotional connection you have for your sister. All in all great work.-Kerin Bynum
ReplyDeleteTo start off, this piece was incredibly powerful and touching. It reminds me of the struggles that many women, including my own mother, have had to go through in order to have a family of their own. Your use of figurative language really amplified the meaning behind your words. In addition to that, the suspense that you created with your narration, throughout the entirety of this piece, specifically when you found out that your sister was pregnant, made it very enjoyable to read. - Joshua L.
ReplyDeleteTo start off, this piece was incredibly powerful and touching. It reminds me of the struggles that many women, including my own mother, have had to go through in order to have a family of their own. Your use of figurative language really amplified the meaning behind your words. In addition to that, the suspense that you created with your narration, throughout the entirety of this piece, specifically when you found out that your sister was pregnant, made it very enjoyable to read. - Joshua L.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was great for start to end. I really liked the imagery and descriptions you used to really transport readers to the time that this event occurred and to feel the same emotions you and your family were feeling. It was a very touching and emotional story and is amazing how you and your family stayed so strong through that difficult time.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was great for start to end. I really liked the imagery and descriptions you used to really transport readers to the time that this event occurred and to feel the same emotions you and your family were feeling. It was a very touching and emotional story and is amazing how you and your family stayed so strong through that difficult time.
ReplyDeleteAngiolina Seminario
Great story! My uncle had lots of complications at birth. Lots of ups and downs for such a short piece, great writing. - Tyler Denton
ReplyDelete