"Life is A Challenge" by Jean Andre M.

Life is a challenge for everyone and sometimes a struggle. Throughout my life, I encountered numerous challenges but managed to get through with it. However, there is one that I won’t forget. One day in August, I woke up and thinking it was just a regular day; I prepared my backpack and drove to school. Upon parking, I would walk to the J-building while listening to music.  When I came into the building and went upstairs something was different with my friends and I knew that it was not a regular day.  They were not happy but unusually sad. They told me “his gone” and instantly I said to myself “It can’t be true he won’t do that.”

Eventually, I finally knew the truth, when we were called up to the building at the end of the 1st-period calculus.  As I entered the administrative building, I heard an unexpected silence and the staff seems unusually down. As we went to one of the conference room, I saw my counsellor and a bunch of school staff.  I was thinking “why are they here and what’s happening.”  I became increasingly worried and my heart beat started to pound more and more. I then sat down at the second seat of the table closest to the window. Then I heard the detrimental news, “[he] took his life” I was shocked and could not believe and suddenly I felt like the whole world stopped. As I heard the news my sense of hearing was weakening and a sense of doubt was building. In my mind, I was I was having a sense of in denial and then suddenly a sense of anger started to building up and wanting it to release it. I kept thinking and wanting to scream “That’s not true your lying!”  However, I  did not do it because that was not me. For a moment I shut my self off from the world and I knew I need a time for myself to think. I had this time upon arriving home that day. As I went upstairs into my room all the emotions surged back. I kept saying to myself “I want him to be here and I do not want to let go.” All the memories of him helping me in making my speeches for MUN to the time we played video games came back and each one caused me more grief. I kept thinking “I don’t want to end.” The more I think the more I remember,  the more I regret. I regret not showing, the true side of me because I wear a mask. The mask was put on place to hide my true feelings and problems. I was hiding my true self and I’ve felt that my problems are insignificant compared to my friends and not be told. The mask was about to be taken off and ready to reveal, the true me. It is heartbreaking that my dear best friend did not see it.  In the subsequent days, I slowly took off the mask as I started telling my friends about my problems. My friends helped me realized that “people have different problems and no one is greater than the other.” This caused me to open more to my family and friends.

Eventually, I started to feel better with the help of the family, friends, school and faith. At some point in time, I got back in track and started to focus on academics, clubs, and college. However, I still received some moments that revives the emotions I felt that day, the sense of grief and regret, I knew I can’t move on from the pain but I know that my friends will help me. I am now more vulnerable, I tell people if I have problems and I let them help me. What happened that day caused me to finally take off my mask and be free. As I tell my narrative, I finally can slowly start the process of letting go and maybe move on. While as October is proceeding, the upcoming days I know would be a struggle but I have my friends to be there. I would never forget what my close friend said to me on the days of my grief “friends are there to help you bear your crosses and help you go through it.” I know that this struggle/challenge will always be there and it won’t go away, but I will still go through life to carry the dream of my fellow comrade.