The night was cold as I walked down the long dark road in a panic.
Crunch...crunch...snap... I looked behind me and no one was there yet I feel their presence all of theirs. The leaves crunching beneath their feet as loud as sirens on a cop car. In a frantic state, I constantly kept looking over my shoulder as I walked faster and faster losing my breath, making it harder to breathe. The next thing I know I saw someone jump out at me and then I blacked out. April 5, 1989, was the day my whole life changed.
12 hours earlier...
Ring...ring...ring my phone went off and as I answered I just heard hard breathing as if someone had just ran a mile. “Hello?” I asked no answer “Hello?” no answer again. So I hung up. Every two hours on the dot I got the same call so I just blocked the number. But that couldn’t stop it... that couldn’t stop them. They called again and again from different numbers to the point I just shut my phone off. I didn’t know this was the start to my end. The next couple hours everything escalated I heard footsteps outside my house and saw things and felt so uncomfortable as if someone was constantly watching me. They were everywhere and I had no clue until I went to sleep. I woke up from a nightmare about 4:30 am and as I looked around my room my eyes focused on a blurry reflection of a figure in my mirror. As my eyes finally adjusted there wasn’t anything there. So I went back to sleep after playing Candy Crush for about thirty minutes. Then I woke up again about an hour and a half later. Now making it 6 to the breaking of glass. This is where my life changed, rapidly I got out of bed and walked out of my room to see if my cat had gotten on the table and knocked something off. It wasn’t him.... I saw a tall dark figure staring back at me with piercing blue eyes followed with two other men standing behind him. I quickly went for the door and ran out of my house as quickly as possible. So scared that my voice had been stolen from me so I ran and I ran and I ran until I couldn’t breathe anymore. They were close I heard the crunching of the orange leaves beneath their feet. So I ran even harder and faster and then I blacked out. They got me. “Where the hell am I?” I thought to myself as my eyes finally opened and began to adjust. Then I noticed I was in the trunk I of a car. But the car wasn’t moving it was still and off. I heard mumbling outside of the car as I whimpered as quietly as I can. Scared they were all going to hear me. “ We have the girl what do you want us to do now boss?” One of them said in what sounded to be a British accent. A long pause occurred so I held my breath to make it seem as if I was still out. My mind was racing with thoughts at this point and my shirt was soaked in tears. I frantically began to look for my phone seeing if they had taken it and they didn’t. So I reached down for it as it was by my heels the trunk clicked open and my mind went blank. The next thing I knew I was out of the trunk and running screaming now as my life depended on it...it did. But before I could even get 10 ft away from the gray charger they got me. “ LET ME GO PLEASE I WON’T TELL ANYONE!” I said screaming and sobbing at the same time. They simply replied with “it’s not time for you to leave not yet he needs you” then a white rag was brought to my face and I was out. I woke up in a chapel tied up so tight it was cutting my wrist and ankles. I looked up and I saw him the man with the bright blue eyes. “What do you want from me,, ” I asked “I’ll give you anything you want” he replied in the most desensitized of tones “ to simply kill” and he walked away. I was sobbing
so hard I couldn’t breathe and my vision began to blur with all the hot steaming tears pouring
out and staining my face. As I looked around I noticed I wasn’t the only one there. I counted five.
My eyes had skimmed over a familiar face it was my daughter Adaline. “ADALINE?!” I screamed
out. “MOM?! Is that you” she said sobbing. I looked at her again and her eyes were gone. What
have they done to my little girl why I thought to myself sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe and I
began to choke. BANG... Within a blink of the eye my sweet daughter was gone I broke down
screaming and crying “WHY” they then taped my mouth shut to keep me quiet. The bright
blue-eyed man now with a dark gleam of death filtered his eyes as if he was Satan himself. He
looked at me with the look of death and simply chuckled “ This is what hell looks like and you
afflicted this onto yourself when you killed my billy”. I soon realized it was him the father who
was drunk driving and crashed into me two years ago. He blamed me for his son's death and it
wasn’t even my fault. He slowly killed the old lady, the middle-aged man, my daughter, and the
other two people. Next was me. Crying and pleading he pulled out the gun and BANG! I woke
up in a frantic panic and realized I was simply dreaming and I ran to Adaline's room and she
was sleeping peacefully. Then I fell back asleep.
-The End :)
-The End :)
Wow, this was a rollercoaster and I loved it every step of the way. I liked how the title makes the story seem light hearted and happy, but in the end it’s a story about pain and heartache. The villain's motivation to harm the main character was really surprising to me because it REALLY wasn’t her fault that he lost his son. However, my favorite part was the smile at the end of the story because it just makes your piece 100 percent better.
ReplyDeleteWow this was great! The suspense and how descriptive you were in this piece kept me as a reader on my toes and wanting to know what would happen next . I also really liked the twist at the ending, how it ended it up being a dream instead of a horrible kidnapping event.
ReplyDeleteWow! I love how the title foreshadows the ending. Even though the whole story is very dramatic and makes the reader believe that everything is real and the title has nothing to do with the story, the ending is a twist and it ties the whole piece together. I also like your use of onomatopoeia, it gives even more of a dramatic feel to the story.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery and the great descriptions crontributed greatly to the story and really kept the story intruiging. I especially loved the way you described "my vision began to blur with all the hot steaming tears pouring out and staining my face" The quote had added so much texture to how the main charater was feeling. The story in general was so vivid and made me to feel as if I was in the moment with the main character. Truly a wonderful job.
ReplyDeleteSoraya, this was such a great story. The details made me feel as if I was in the story myself. The beginning had me a little confused but great story overall. I love the twist ending. -Paul Aureus
ReplyDeleteThis is the perfect description of a lifelike nightmare! This piece was written so well and the entire time I was reading, I was lead to believe that the main character was going to end up dead which is what made that plot twist at the end so effective. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteSuperb is what I have to say. I could feel the intensity of the situation throughout the story all the way! Well done!
ReplyDeletei like the reusing of crunch. the first use of crunch was to set the setting which i believe was wonderful. then as you changed the use of crunch from setting to suspense. it was a good story and a good use of a word to evolve the story. alejandro marquez
ReplyDeleteI loved the imagery used in this piece. I found that it painted a vivid and chilling environment. I felt like I was able to clearly picture what the main character was dreaming about before waking up. The ending was quite the comedic relief. This was a great piece.
ReplyDeleteSoraya, I really loved the way you developed the plot of the story. Starting off in the future created suspense of the story and you had great imagery in which I could picture what the main character was seeing and where they were. Great story!
ReplyDelete-Amber Rich
I was on the edge of my seat throughout the entire story! Amazing job! :) You utilized vivid imagery and conveyed feelings of fear and suspense to the reader, which helped to envision each and ever scene within this story. My favorite part was all the sus[enseful details leading up to when she was kidnapped. I loved it all, great job! - Sandra Mae Samin (per. 1)
ReplyDeleteEven since the beginning this story kept me on my toes. There was so much suspense from the beginning to the end I just wanted to get to the end of the story just so I could know how this great story ended. The end was great because it was a great relieve to the whole suspense of the story, and it was also great to have a happy ending.
ReplyDelete-Ivan Mejia (Per.5)
This story was very suspenseful. You did a really good job in telling this as if was real but in the end it was dream. You have depicted the worst nightmare of a mom and her kids. I think it was spot on, good job.
ReplyDeleteI was internally freaking out while reading this. The imagery your provided throughout the story gave so much life to it. For a moment, I started thinking that I was part of the story too. I like how the introduction shows a little scenario of what will happen, which captures the audience's attention and makes them start questioning. The plot twist that you provided was definitely another part I would never expect to happen. Little would I know that the title "The Dreamer" is a foreshadow of the story's outcome. Overall, this is a phenomenal writing piece. Nicely done!
ReplyDelete- Charlene Sangalang
Soraya, this post was so entertaining! Throughout the novel I stayed captivated and you captured my attention. I enjoyed the storytelling aspect of it all as well as the details and everything that added to it. All the descriptive details you incorporated put the reader in the shoes of the main character which was a pretty fun journey because none of us- even the main character really knew what was going on until the end. Overall, I enjoyed reading this story-like blog and I believe you are a very strong writer.
ReplyDelete- Chimi Nebedum