Impossible. How is this happening? How did I get here? Standing in the middle of a dark
and gloomy forest with a horrendous stench of rotten eggs; I look down and see my battered clothes and my socks missing. I shut my eyes tight as if I am watching a scary movie and try to remember the last thing I was doing. Lightning strikes nearby causing me to get startled and lose my concentration. Almost simultaneously, as the lightning strikes, a pack of dogs can be heard in the distance constantly barking, as if they are hunting for something. Instinctively, my legs begin moving in the opposite direction, the dried leaves under my feet crunching as I sprint over them. As I am running for what seems to be an eternity, I notice something... I’ve been going in a circle. This doesn’t make any sense, I was running in a straight line; to what I could make out as straight in the dark forest. Suddenly, the disgusting smell of rotten eggs gets incredibly strong and a thick mist appears all around me, as if it was placed there. The mist begins to thicken and I don’t know where I am at and which direction to run in; I can hear the dogs barking all around me. Terrified at the situation in hand, a million thoughts rushing through my head. What is going on? Am I dream... before I can even finish thinking about my second question I feel my leg getting pulled from below, before I can react I get pulled through the ground and in an instant, everything around me is altered. All I see around me is abyss, just a lot of nothingness. For the
first time in my life, I was surrounded by complete silence; all I can hear is the sound of my heart
thumping as fast as a solo drummist finishing his piece. All I feel is sweat dripping from the top
of my forehead. As I am standing on what seems to be quite literally nothing, I can still smell the
rotten egg. All of a sudden, just as quick as I fell, almost like a light switch flipped on,
everything that was once black now turns white and I feel myself losing consciousness to what
seems to be a made up reality. I wake up with everything except a shirt on, stand up straight, in
what seems to be a cabin that has a eerie ambience. Outside, I could hear a thunderous storm
brewing. I see an open chair right next to me so I take a seat in hopes of making sense of
everything that occurred. As I sit down, I hear footsteps behind me, someone is running up trying
to sneak up on me, not knowing what to do I stand up abruptly and turn around to face what I
thought to be as a predator mistaking me for prey. No one is there. The hairs on my neck shoot
up. Did I just imagine something there? Where am I? What is going on? I look out the window to
see that I am on the second story of a cabin that is surrounded by a cemetery on barren land.
Immediately, I turn around in hopes of running downstairs as quick as possible so that I can get
out of this horror scene. As I run through this creaky hallway the stairs seem to get farther away
the closer I get. I try running faster to catch up to this illusion but it doesn’t work. I stop moving,
attempting to catch my breath, and I begin to scream with frustration. Out of nowhere, I hear a
loud screech and footsteps behind me again. This time the footsteps are moving incredibly fast.
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Almost as though the intent of this person is to hurt me. Quickly, I
turn around but as I turn around the footsteps follow. They are behind me once again...
Frantically, I rotate my body once more in hopes of making contact with what I concocted in my
head to be a malevolent force. Once again, it's rotates with me, now being behind me. Before I
make my next move, I am pushed with such a great strength I've never felt before; causing me to
fall face down at such a speed that I could be mistaken for an anvil dropping from the top of a
table and hitting the ground. Just before I fall I notice one peculiar detail, when I was pushed
from the back a weird residue was left on my back. It was egg yolk. In tune with the impact of
my body hitting the cabin floor; I wake up on a table. There are five people around me all
wearing green costumes and face masks to conceal their identity. I see a sign in the distance
“Identity Removal Simulation.” The surgeon wearing glasses on top of their face mask yells in a
raspy voice “HE’S REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS BRING MORE ROTTEN EGG YOLK!”
Attempting to get away, I try to pull myself up but I can't, I'm restrained with metal bars wrapped
around my body. I try screaming and learn that my mouth has been taped shut. Despite knowing
it's no use, I continue to scream and squirm. Another person rushes in the room, holding syringes
full of some yellow ingredient. As the surgeon with glasses injects this yellow serum that smells
like egg yolk into my body he takes off his mask. My heart drops, it was my father-in-law.
Instilled with terror and confusion I attempt to try to scream louder. My father-in-law looks at
me with a smirk, chuckles, and says “it's over.” A sharp and piercing pain starts from the
injection point of the serum and travels upwards. Uncontrollably, my body begins to spasm.
Even I know, it's over.
Wow! This story had me hooked from the beginning. Your post was so easy to follow and hard to stop reading. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece, especially the plot twists, and the strange ending. Overall man, great job writing this!
ReplyDeleteWow ikwaak this was so crazy. I was on my toes the whole entire time it was actually so suspensful and filled with action. Great job
ReplyDeleteThroughout this piece I had been 100% interested in your piece. The amount of details and just the tone it brings along with it makes it 100% amazing and easy to follow all the way to the end. Great work bro!
ReplyDeleteThis was wild!!! You had me hooked from the beginning, I wish there was more! You’re images were so vivid and the detail was great. You’re sentences flowed really well too.
ReplyDeleteI wasn’t expecting the ending at all and the entire piece had me wanting to read more. It wasn’t hard to follow either with good description of what exactly the speaker was going through. Good job
ReplyDeleteIf im being 100% completely honest this had to be one of the best written short stories I have ever read in my entire life. The fact that you were able to induce that sort of confusion, excitement, and hundreds of other emotions i didn't even know i had is simply astounding. I think that you should submit this into a professional passage contest it was that good. Great Job Ikwaak. You have simply outdone yourself this time.
ReplyDeleteGreat job ikwaak! it was so suspenseful and the plot was very interesting. I really enjoyed reading this because I was instantly hooked from the start. I really enjoyed the plot twists and they kept me interested!
ReplyDeleteFrom the first couple lines I was already really interested. The amount of imagery you provided and the amount of detail to explain the sights and surroundings created an eerie scene in my mind. This was such a crazy and eerie short story, one of the best I have read.
ReplyDeleteGreat story ikwaak. Lots of imagery and a thrilling plot made this a really interesting read for me. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow Ikwaak! I am pleasantly surprised with your ability to tell a story in such a way that keeps a reader intrigued from beginning to end. I enjoyed your suspenseful plot line and your inclusion of slight humor.
ReplyDeleteIkwaak this was so good! You kept the story so interesting and full of suspense. The title got me to read it and I was hooked once I started reading! I enjoyed reading this very much.
ReplyDeleteIkwaak this was an amazing blog passage that keeps the reader captivated throughout. I have not read something this compelling in a while and I felt your use of imagery was the reason why it was compelling. Thank you for sharing this extraordinary story! AMAZING JOB!
ReplyDeleteIkwaak, I never you were such a talented writer! The story had me hooked from the beginning all the way to the suspenseful end. Great work! I hope you keep writing stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteWOAH! I absolutely did not see that ending coming! I really enjoyed all the different types of emotions you put into your piece but the ones I found most intriguing were the confusion, fear and hope that drove your characters actions. I also really like the amount of imagery that you included, my favorite line was "I turn around in hopes of running downstairs as quick as possible so that I can get out of this horror scene. As I run through this creaky hallway the stairs seem to get farther away the closer I get. I try running faster to catch up to this illusion but it doesn’t work," because I can relate to having that feeling whenever I have a bad dream and I feel like I cant get away from whatever is chasing me. (Jalynne Reyerse Period 2)
ReplyDeleteThis gave me goosebumps further and further throughout the story. Nice work on your use of imagery and description. Great Job Ikwaak!
ReplyDeleteWow this story is amazing! I loved the thrill and suspense that brought out the visuals being told. One thing after the other made me clueless as to what will happen next but one thing is for sure, I was continuously reading to find out how it this mystery would end.
ReplyDeleteWOAH! I absolutely did not see that ending coming! I really enjoyed all the different types of emotions you put into your piece but the ones I found most intriguing were the confusion, fear and hope that drove your characters actions. I also really like the amount of imagery that you included, my favorite line was "I turn around in hopes of running downstairs as quick as possible so that I can get out of this horror scene. As I run through this creaky hallway the stairs seem to get farther away the closer I get. I try running faster to catch up to this illusion but it doesn’t work," because I can relate to having that feeling whenever I have a bad dream and I feel like I cant get away from whatever is chasing me. (Jalynne Reyerse Period 2)
ReplyDeleteWow, Ikwaak! This was such an interesting and enchanting story from the beginning to the very ending. I love the overall descriptive imagery and sense of detail that you used to describe the situation occurring to the speaker. It just gave me goosebumps and kept me on the edge wanting more! Amazing piece!!
ReplyDeleteIkwaak, I both hated and loved your entry. I hated it because it was literally just pieces from all of my nightmares mixed into one big story and the more I read the more I had scary flashbacks. But other than that, it was amazing! It definitely gave me a sort of Black Mirror feel, and that made me love it even more. Thanks for this super cool share.
ReplyDeleteIkwaak this had me hooked from the very first second I started reading. This short story was filled with so much suspense that I couldn't stop reading. The plot twist at the end was incredible, I never imagined it would end like that. Great job Ikwaak.
ReplyDelete-Steve Martinez Period 1
You play with a very interesting topic Ikwaak (I love anything that has a slight dystopian feel). The idea is genuine and functions as a great source of nightmare fuel for people who read it. I suggest possibly going back and examining the imagery you use, as I recall one or two of them as a bit wonky. Overall, great job!
ReplyDelete