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Saturday, March 11, 2017
"Ghost" by Summer G
Tomorrow is the first day of my senior year, ahh a fresh start. I spent the whole summer at home
with my dog, my friends never asked me to hangout...but senior year will be different. I was
going to go to target to get my school supplies, but I know I can’t afford that so I walk to
walmart. I get all my supplies then I stop at rite aid for some ice cream on my way home I get
my favorite, rocky road. As I am walking home I spill it all over myself, what a loser. Suddenly,
I see a car speeding and ends up swerving and getting out of control. The car ends up hitting a
kid that had been walking a few blocks ahead of me. The kid flies in the air and the car finally
stops moving. I quickly approach the scene. I am in shock and I quickly grab my phone to dial
911, but of course I couldn't get my phone to work. I guess someone else called them because I
see an ambulance and police cars quickly approaching. I stand there frozen, then I watch as the
coroner's take him away. He must have liked star wars to because he was wearing the same shirt
as me. I just continued on my way home. It is now the first day of school, I walk on campus and
say hi to my friends Jimmy and Warren, they walk right past me, nothing new I guess. I walk
into my first period and as I am about to sit down someone steals my seat, sounds about right. It's
the first day same routine, the teacher, Mr. Edwards introduces himself, he's a goofy man. He
tells us about his kids and such, he starts talking about what we will learn about that year and I
raise my hand to ask him a question, he ignores me, the usual. Everyone ignored me that day.
The next day I knew it would be better, I was determined to have a good day. I walk on campus,
I wave to Jimmy and Warren and again they walk right past me like I don't exist...of course. As
I'm walking through the hall I notice a flyer, the flyer was for a funeral that night and it was for
me...what type of joke?? I am going to this funeral. I walk into the service...all my family and
friends are there. I see a casket...they are really going on with this joke. I look in the casket and I
see the star wars shirt with rocky road spilled all over it……..….it's not a joke
I very much enjoyed the big plot twist at the end of the story which surprised the reader but also connected all of the pieces together given throughout the story. It was fascinating to read because of your good use of detail and ability to truly show the emotion of the narrator by using side comments. Overall, it was an interesting story that captured the reader's attention and gave enough detail to allow the reader to understand the narrator.
ReplyDeleteI have never read a blog post this fast just to get to the ending, it was very written for you kept the readers suspenseful throughout the piece through the use of those train of dots to create a pause, and also having the piece presented in a 1st person POV. And that plot twist in the end, WOW.
ReplyDeleteThis blog was amazing! The plot twist made the story so intriguing and it kept me on the edge of my seat. The simplicity and complexity of your story mixed so well together, and it helped add on to the detail you included. It was easy to understand and overall extremely well-written!
ReplyDeleteThe piece was so different, it really had me believing up until the last few sentences that this had been a random kid who died and not the main character. This was so creating and new, I really enjoyed it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of the story honestly had me in tears because I was reading the goofy parts in your voice. I love how it had a huge plot twist at the end, cause reading the end had me shook. I also loved how you used imagery when describing the car accident because I felt that I was picturing it happen in my head. Good job!
ReplyDeletethis piece was wild. It was humorous and then all the sudden a kid is hit by a car, totally caught me by surprise! I was hooked until the last line, great job!!
ReplyDeleteThis story had the biggest tone shift, from funny to hectic. It was a wild story that totally had my attention! You did good creating a fun story that was humorous and fun for the reader. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThe plot twist at the end of the story was a great touch and way to confuse the reader. Everything started connecting once I realized why everyone was ignoring you. It remained a light hearted piece even after finding out you were the kid who had unfortunately died. Besides some punctual errors, you did a nice job:)
ReplyDeleteSummer! This piece was so good! there was so much suspense and shock throughout the whole piece. I loved how you wrote the story in first person and how the narrator was telling it as if he was still there and not a ghost. The plot twist added a sense of chaos and uncertainty, and we can see the internal conflict within the character. I loved this story!
ReplyDeleteWow, such a captivating tale. I like how the story all came together in the end to pull all of the pieces together. Very creative.
ReplyDeleteWowwww, plot twist! I was not expecting that at all. I loved the way you described how the ghost felt and everything the ghost was seeing. This piece left me in complete shock and confusion. It was really well written and had a mind blowing ending. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteWow this piece had so many plot twists! It caught me off guard and did not expect it to happen which put me in a bit of a confusion. Overall great piece!
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that ending, and I found it interesting how you wrote about an "out of body" experience. Your control of tone throughout the piece made the plot twist that much more unbelievable! This was an interesting read, great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, that ending was a twist. It really surprised me and left me in shock. I will say you did a great job with your piece, especially like I said how the ending was a plot twist, also I like how the title gave a little foreshadowing of what the story was gonna be like. Your writing really got me. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWow, this was such a unique point of view! Your out of body experience in compliance with your immense detail (down to the Star Wars shirt) really aided in the level of interest you instilled in the audience. The inversion of expectations was the highlight of your writing, great job!
ReplyDeleteWhat a suspenseful piece! I loved how you incorporated the plot twist at the end. It was well executed and it really affected the whole dynamic of the piece in a positive way.
ReplyDeleteWow that was so intriguing. I like how you used your point of view in the story as it made your piece more suspenseful to find out that you were actually that kid that got hit. This kind of reminds me of the movie "The Sixth Sense". That's one of my favorite movies. Great plot twist at the end and description to gradually ease your climax into the story. I enjoyed it. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteWow great story Summer! As I began reading your story, I was very interested in reading it because you started it off about the day before the first day of senior year and for me I was very nervous and excited, but the plot twist intrigued me to keep reading until end and wow, I was very impressed. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour piece had me in shock! I did not expect the ending to be about the main character being the one that died! The way that you described your story made me entertained in the whole time. I really enjoyed how you related the absence of the person to a normal first day back from summer. It really takes away the idea of you actually being the ghost and not just being ignored. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece and the plot twist. It was interesting to reread and see he little hints that gave off little tips to the plot twist. It is as well an interesting concept for a story that I very much appreciate.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece and it was really interesting! I love how it started off as a normal story about a person who ends up actually seeing their death and is a ghost throughout the whole story. The plot twist at the end ties it all together and readers have an "ohhhh" moment! Great job!
ReplyDeleteyea this story was very intriguing as it progressed from beginning towards the middle. agreeing with the previous comment the plot twist also was very surprising and wasn't expected at all, but can be shown through the title of your piece when the person actually was experiencing there own death. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting piece. I enjoyed the story as well as the ending sentence. It left me with goosebumps because I was not expecting that big of a twist. At the beginning, when reading the title I did not know what it meant and it was a really good choice for a title. I really enjoyed this and well done.
ReplyDeleteAt first glance, your piece seemed to be a simple narrative of your summer and the beginning of senior year, but then the huge switch at the end changed everything I was reading. I also really loved how you incorporated such small details such as the Star Wars shirt to apply some shock value to the seemingly simplistic story. It was very clever of you as a writer to tie up all of the events like that and amazingly you were able to make everything make sense in it. Nice Job!
ReplyDeleteThe twist at the end of the story shocked me. I felt bad for the speaker because all of his friends ignored him at school. It made the piece really suspenseful and got me thinking why? I loved the layout and timeline of events, it was very creative. I'm now wondering if there are really ghosts who have to discover themselves why no one is seeing them any longer. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI was intrigued by this piece from start to finish. I love the way you used the point of view to build suspense! This story was beautifully executed in such a simplistic way and put contrast to good use. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteThis was such an intriguing and suspenseful piece. The ending really surprised me because I was not expecting you were the person who died. You did a great job foreshadowing the ending by stating how the kid was wearing the same shirt as you and how everyone was ignoring you. Overall, this was a well-written piece that really catches the reader's attention.
ReplyDeleteThis was so amazing! I didn't see that coming at all, but it shows how quickly and how easily things can change without any notice. It was really relatable though, it shows how so many people feel like ghosts and how so many people ignore and mistreat the people in their lives. This was really impressive and sparked a lot of thoughts and questions. I thoroughly enjoyed this, you did such an amazing job at describing everything and the way you used imagery really created such a vivid picture. Good job, I really loved this!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was so creative and unlike any other I've read, you had me convinced that the story was about some random kid this whole time until you gave it a nice plot twist at the end, leaving me wanting to hear more. Your use of imagery and incorporation of a confused character really sold this piece. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYou did well not only foreshadowing but perceiving the character's genuine point of view with almost double-speak. It created a unique effect of suspense and mystery. As a reader I couldn't stop reading until I found out why things seemed out of place. The ultimate reveal gives that satisfying yet shocking resolution.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting piece that made me want to continue reading to see what happened in the end. I love your great use of foreshadowing throughout this piece as we read it not knowing who this "ghost" is. I really enjoyed this piece and the great unexpected twist at the end of your writing. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was intriguing from start to end. The suspense was kept high and had me guessing. Towards the end as I realized what was going on, I got goose bumps and chills. It was unexpected and undeserving. Your use of detail really helped me to imagine everything that was going on. It is amazing that you fit such a wonderful and haunting story in a short story. It was well organized and flowed with ease. I really enjoyed this. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWow! I did not expect that twist at the end. I really enjoyed this short story especially because you did a great job of building up the suspense of the plot. I also liked the humor aspect of the story in the beginning which made me want to continue reading. Interesting story and great sentence structure!
ReplyDeletei loved that you made this piece so casual up until the very end. it was so simple and well written that unless you read all the way to the end, you would not catch the plot twist and witness the true event that occurred.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great piece. I liked the way you portrayed the character attempting to socialize and upon being ignored, his brushing it off as something quite common. The casual, yet almost sarcastic tone in response to these events helps provide a bit of humor to the story.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great piece of writing. It was such a mellow and easy read and it allowed me to understand fully. The ending really spiced it up though and caught me off guard in a way. The story was very suspenseful and it really builds the anticipation and then the audience gets slammed right at the end. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteWow, you had me until the end. That was an unexpected twist because you wrote it like the character had the worst luck in the world and was an outcast, so the events were normal until it turned out they had actually died. When you realize what happens, its a bit sad how the restless spirit is wandering around without a clue they have passed on. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece and the way that you expressed the way you felt ignored. It kind of almost felt as if I was there seeing you being ignored and being a part of your story. I also thought it was crazy how you witnessed a kid get ran over and next thing you know it was you in a casket. Great read!
ReplyDeleteWow what an unexpected ending! Your story flowed very smoothly making it an easy read with an amazing plot twist. Your descriptive imagery and details really make the story come together. This was a great piece. Nice job!
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ReplyDeleteI liked this story as it brought some thoughts up in my head. Those thoughts are mostly about if someone we ignored or never paid attention to were to die and we failed to take notice, that would really show how disconnected we are as a society. I really liked how unexpected the ending was, it showed in a sense that we're disconnected from ourselves to an extent, we never know when we'll die but I hope that it's not in this manner. Great job!
As I read the last sentence of your piece, I suddenly got the chills. I was unsure who the victim was, but figured it might've been a good friend of the narrator. Your story had an extreme plot twist that created a strong ending. Not once did this bore me, had just the right amount of details and wasn't too long either. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was really fascinating. I liked how you tied all the questions the character had throughout the story in the end, such as why everyone was ignoring her and why even the teacher didn't call on her. And in the end, when you explained how the person in the casket was actually the main character, it shocked me, but at the same time connected all the points for me.
ReplyDeleteOoh, this story gave me the chills, it was was really good. At first I thought that the girl was going to see the kid that got hit at school, I wouldn't have guessed that the kid was the girl that saw the accident. It was a really well developed and descriptive that I could imagine it all happening in my head.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story, especially that plot twist at the end that really tied up the story and ultimately explained why it seemed that everyone was ignoring the narrator. I had guess that the narrator just wasn't liked or something like that, but never that she had died! The details and imagery from the crash also made the story seem very realistic which just added to the punch of the plot twist. It was a great short story that got to the point and left the reader more than satisfied. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was short but very entertaining to read. I was confused at first as to where the story was going until I kept reading and it started to connect. It was a cool twist at the end. Overall good job as it was really enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteI liked how the Story had the very subtle plot twist at the end, as an initial reader I was not expecting the plot twist but, once I read it over a couple more times, it all makes more sense and I realized how amazing the Plot twist really played out.
ReplyDeleteI liked how the Story had the very subtle plot twist at the end, as an initial reader I was not expecting the plot twist but, once I read it over a couple more times, it all makes more sense and I realized how amazing the Plot twist really played out.
ReplyDeleteWow this piece of writing was very interesting! I enjoyed the plot twist that you include in this piece of work as others have mentioned . In my opinion this was very well explained had a lot of Description and how it give the audience a sense of suspension throughout the whole story. I love movies and books that are suspenseful it keeps the audience on their feet we think one thing will happen but theres always a twist and your piece had all of that! thank for sharing this with us very creative!
ReplyDeleteAs everyone else said, the plot twist at the end was a very good and subtle twist that put the whole story together. I enjoyed reading this very much and I really like the nonchalant and light hearted tone to this entry. It is a great read and everyone should definitely read it!
ReplyDeleteI loved this creative writing and especially the plot twist. I like how you foreshadowed the kid's death, along with the details you used to describe everything going on, which really show a clear picture of events as they took place.
ReplyDeleteYour story is really great! I liked the attention to detail you included to the story of your regular day with all of these unfortunate events made me not think of the possibility of a plot twist. Once the twist is told the whole story connects and gives us the truth of what really happened that day. It was a really good way of telling this story I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the twist you added to your story towards the end. You were also very descriptive about the main character's routine throughout the story which made it easier to visualize what was going on until the accident which was also supported by imagery as well. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteWow Summer, that was such a unique piece. I was intrigued by your storyline the way you described your normal routine I did not for a second see how the end of the story would play out. You showed how a regular, normal day can unfortunately end in tragedy. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour story had me on suspense the entire time I was reading it. I loved the mystery and plot twist you added at the end as well. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was full of suspense and kept me intrigued the entire time I was reading as I couldn't wait to read the ending. The plot twist at the end really did get me because I was kind of left in a minor state of confusion when the story turned from a traumatic car accident/crash to the character's casual first day of senior year. Then, it all tied back together when the character was going unnoticed and ended out seeing their funeral poster on the wall. I loved the creativity and suspense behind this piece. Great job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting way you weaved the story together and how you incorporated the twists and the turns shows just that afterall not to many mystery stories here and when their are like this one and I loved the transition from car accident and first day of senior year
ReplyDeleteYour story was definitely a great mystery piece. It had a lot of suspense. The plot twist at the end caught me totally of guard and the way that you were able to tie everything back together with the character going unnoticed showed that clearly you are a skilled writer. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love how your story pulled me in and made me want to keep reading. Now that I think back, you gave the readers clues like how everyone was ignoring you and how your phone didn't work. I definitely wasn't expecting that plot twist. I also really like the title of your story since it really fits what it's about. Good job!
ReplyDeletethis was a great twist in a short story, you were able to build it up really quickly and i did not see it coming. This story had suspense and humor, and it was very well written and fun to read great job
ReplyDeleteGreat twist. At first it already is really depressing with an innocent child dying, but the tragedy is enhanced even more when you realize that the speaker is the one who died, and is unaware of that it happened. Very sad story, but a well written one at that.
ReplyDeleteHow Suspenseful ! Your story really had me on the edge of my seat and wondering what was going to happen next. You left the story with a great twist that I was not expecting which I was pleased to read. Your use of a first person account gives the audience a sense of being there with you and thinking exactly alike. Wonderful Job !
ReplyDeletethe twist in this story left me shocked. the different times and description was really good. the fact that the character accepted ignorance was sad. I really like how this story came out. Short but great
ReplyDeleteWow this story was so fascinating and engaging. I love how you foreshadow the twist at the end by saying the victim of the car crash was wearing the same shirt. The way you showed the character's feelings and emotions were so real and relatable, it made this story feel so real.
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