"The Athlete" by Allysia T

     I picked my month for the blog entry for a specific reason, and that reason was because I made January my goal. Everyone that knows me knows that I play softball, but know one knows what goes on “behind doors”. As you get older it gets harder and harder to fully enjoy your sport or it was for me and two of my closests friends. It becomes a job. We bust our butt trying to sculpt ourselves to be the best athlete we can be in order to get a scholarship and we lose sight of having “fun”, which is the ultimate goal. My parents signed me up for softball when I was four years old and i’ve played it ever sense. When I was 12 years old, that was when I started travel ball, and that's when everything would change. I stopped going to birthday parties, concerts, beach trips, vacations to the river or to the desert and Sunday gatherings that my family and I used to have every Sunday after church. But you get used to it, you get used to the fact that friends and family stop inviting you places because you have practice or a tournament. You start to live and breathe softball. You become a robot doing the same thing almost everyday eat, sleep, school, homework, softball. But like I said before, you become accustomed to it and you enjoy all the friends you meet that become family and that feeling of making a great play or hitting a homerun, you begin to enjoy every minute of it. Until I got on a team where I could not even make friends because the girls are rude and annoying and my coaches were total jerks all the while trying to be at the top of my game not only trying to win a starting spot but also so I can be seen by colleges. Causing me to not be able to find the energy to get out of bed in the morning knowing that I have to surround myself with people that I hate and tons of stress. I began to hate everything about the sport and saw all the negatives, but then a couple months later I got back onto a team who was not as bad. At first I was a little intimidate because the last team I was on all the girls were nasty, so I dipped my toes in the water and before I knew it I was surrounded by a team who is literally my family, and we have just won the championship game to go to Nationals. This team was not all that great but we had chemistry and although that took us to nationals it did not get us through it and we were eliminated early in the tournament. However we were a young team and we were excited because we knew we would be with each other the following year. There was a turn of events just before our next season started, our coach who was like our Dad at this point had gotten fired for something foolish. At first we all stayed since we were like family, but this new coach and his daughter (also a coach) were just awful and cruel. And now we are back to where we started, hating everything about the sport that you can not even find the energy to get up in the morning. The only thing that kept me from quitting  and allowing me to get up in the morning were my two best friends, Jayda and Maddie. We stuck it out but every time I was driving to practice or games I got sick to my stomach and did not want to go. All three of us left and went to another team which ended up being 20x worse. We split up and this year found teams that suit us and that we are able to enjoy. However it is hard to find enjoyment in the sport itself because all of the stress that I have endured throughout my career and I have totally lost sight on why I even play. More recently I was asked this question, knowing that I was on a team that truly cares about each other and getting far in our season and could not say what first came to my mind, which was “to earn a scholarship”. I could not say that because to them and deep down to myself meant way more than that so I said “I play because it is home. In a home there is fights, arguments, and sometimes you can’t even bare to look at the people who live with you and you just want to leave but at the end of the day it's home and you can’t wait to go back.” I am still searching to try and have fun and it is hard because it is still a job. My goal for January was to be committed to a school with a scholarship, but my goal was a month too early for me reach. At the end of this month I am going on 3 visits to colleges and hopefully I will be committed in February and I can finally focus on enjoying my sport and having fun.