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Tuesday, December 20, 2016
"Thoughts" by Lauren J
I knew that I wasn’t normal. I knew this world, where I lived it was not who I am. Who am I
exactly? Well, my niece once said to me, “All I know is that you’re my Auntie and you’re a
weirdo.”
“Am I? Maybe that’s who I am, is that all I’m destined to be? No. I want to be great, I want to
know who I am, just what I’m living for.”
I think to myself, “How will I achieve these goals of mine, they seem so simple. All I have to do is
just be myself and everything will turn out just how it’s supposed to. I think… Wait how is it
supposed to turn out? Who am I?”
My mind starts to reminisce on the times I would take the train down to the city just to stroll past
various boutiques and shops. I love it there, I love being surrounded by tall buildings with
everyone in their best attire no matter what their day entailed. I felt like I knew who I was that
day, my mind stopped racing, my mind stopped circling back and forth. I felt calm, I felt like me.
That day I further understood, I understood what I had to do, who I was. But, I returned back to
my home. There were no tall buildings, no glamourous storefronts, the pace slowed down and
my mind sped up.
“Okay. I am here, I want to be there oh how I do; I felt at ease. What a feeling, I want to feel that
feeling. What do I have to do to feel that feeling. Nothing here, where I’m at right now, none of
my depressing daily routines give me that feeling. What was that feeling? I felt like me, I still
don’t know who that is yet. Am i just weird, am I already who I am and I don't even know it. I
would know, I will know when I feel that feeling… oh what a feeling.”
“My parents are worried. I reside in my room with the same solemn face. My friends are worried
too. I’m never really hungry, I’m never really happy. I feel like I’m fading. My heart doesn’t feel
as it should. At least how i think it should feel. My mind never stops, maybe I’m going crazy. I
want to be me. I hope this isn’t me. Who am I… I don’t feel good.”
The only escape I receive is in my art, well I love clothes they give me ‘that feeling’. It’s crazy
how fabrics stitched together by a thin piece of thread give me ‘that feeling’.
I spend my days working on who I am, or as others may view it sketching my very own line,
placing my creative ideas down on paper with charcoal. I’ve decided I will be great, I will be who
I’m destined to be, I will be the girl who felt whole as she explored downtown. That is me,
fashion made me so happy. Hey, I guess you could say I figured out what happiness is too.
‘That feeling’ made me happy.
That was spoken from the heart 💯. On a personal level, the only escape I have in life is through prayer and visiting the mosque and graveyards from time to time, this world is only temporary and sometimes we get too caught up in life to remember what our purpose in life is, I believe that my own purpose in life is to worship and please God and God alone. At the end of the day other people and material things don't bring you happiness because people can betray you 😤 and material things like wealth and objects won't carry over to your grave or help you in the afterlife. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWell spoken. Finding out who you are and what makes you happy is truly the best thing ever. I can relate to your story and not knowing who I was as a person and one day it hitting me. What makes me happy is traveling and seeing all the beautiful places and things that the world has to offer.
ReplyDeleteThe way this piece starts off is great. I also appreciate the details when it came to describing the emotions you were feeling and the setting. It is crazy how our minds wander and we question a lot about ourselves and our journey through life and this piece really captures that.
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel a relevance to your writing. I've always felt like an outsider who loves clothing and being in the city, it just gives you a feeling of belonging. Your syntax and structure is great, so is the imagery that made me picture as if I was there myself strolling the city walking passed those specials shops.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Lauren. It was very descriptive and real...I felt like it actually came from a good train of thought.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so relatable, especially for us seniors as we are deciding on what careers we look to do. lately I have been researching things that interest me, but I haven't yet found what makes me truly happy. This piece was so inspiring and I know that I will find that "feeling", I just have to keep searching for it. I loved how you were talking to yourself throughout the piece, and that we could understand where this person's head is at. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI like how there is a conflict within the character in this story because I think that it is important to have conflict within you in order to discover yourself. This is extremely relatable and I felt that stress relief towards the end of your piece when the character finally found herself and reached that point of genuine happiness and belonging. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteI love the structure of this piece as it is written in a way that resembles a person's actual thoughts. I love the ending where you know exactly what you want to be and want to do and that it makes you happy. It makes me a bit envious to see how you already have your goals in mind and that you have a passion for what you want to do in the future, but the conflict in the start of the story reminds the reader that you may have to wander a bit before finding your true passion. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you found that fashion is your outlet for happiness. Your piece was really insightful to the kind of person you are internally and it really showed the out the box thinking you do when you aren't just planning outfits and finding your "destiny." I love that you were able to share this, Lauren.
ReplyDeleteI love how this piece focused on finding yourself, especially with graduation approaching it can be a confusing time for many people as we all struggle to find out who really are. I also really enjoyed how this piece is relatable to many people, and i liked how you not only talked about being confused, but eventually finding yourself in the end.
ReplyDeleteI found this piece to be very cool because you found your passion and your drive and it is your passion and you are going to follow it no matter what. It is something to be proud of that you have found something you feel so strongly about. I applaud you.
ReplyDeleteI love how you went in a while circle. You explained how you found yourself and how you became happy very intrinsically and detailed. I like how you included the part where your lost yourself because many people do this in order to find where they should be. I am glad you found what makes you happy, good job!
ReplyDeleteI love that you finally found yorself. Many people at our age are having identity crisises and you came out lucky knowing exactly who you are, what makes you happy, and what you want to become. I agree that it's difficult to find out who you are but of course the wait to discovery is always worth it because you know deep down in your heart that your found pure joy. Thanks for sharing with us!
ReplyDeleteThis was really well written Lauren. I loved that it showed everything you were thinking and that in the end you were able to find something that helped you find out who you are. Amazing job:)
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone knows who they are and what they're destined to be. I think we all search for happiness in many different things and it is a great feeling when we encounter it. I'm glad you found a passion through fashion and I hope that you will continue to strive to pursue your dreams. As I read this piece, I enjoyed the narration that you used because it helped set the emotion that you are feeling. Good job and good luck Lauren, you're destined to do great things!(:
ReplyDeleteThis couldn't have been said any better than it was, the way you clearly stated your love for clothing and fashion. It brought a smile to my face when you said, "The only escape I receive is in my art..." this shows how dedicated and passionate you are !!
ReplyDeleteThis piece is pretty deep. It shows a perspective of someone who struggles with self Identity. Many high school students can relate to this especially senior because we're at that point where we have to decide what we want to do with our lives and what makes us truly happy instead of conforming to ideas of what we are expected to believe in.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I could not have said this any better. It is difficult finding who we are and what we are destined to be, and you are one of the very few of us who is fortunate enough to already realize it! I am really glad that you have found happiness and are content with your destiny! Overall, great piece!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great piece. Its very easy to relate to and captures that realness inside our brains that most of us think. The use of imagery was quite something. Overall, Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this piece I understood how thoughts pop in, one after another, not making any sense and confusing us all the more. That happens often, we get caught up in all of the ideas and end up feeling overwhelmed. I like that you were able to define what made you happy in the end. You are not the only one struggling to find their true self, so stay up & continue to find happiness :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your piece so much Lauren. Growing up in the city, it was hard for me to move to the Inland Empire and I often found myself feeling out of place and lost here. I too get that same feeling of happiness when I'm back in Downtown LA, admiring the buildings and the people there. All things come with time I suppose, so I'm sure we'll both end up there when the time is right. Your writing truly did touch me though because I often find myself in the same situation you described.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is great very well told on finding ourselves and I can relate to it. I am glad that you embraced the gift that you found who you are, what you want to do in life(to do fashion) and the "feeling"(clothing) that makes you happy in the middle of nowhere in the city you go to. Your use of first person helped us as readers to connect and feel what your emotion is while you are narrating it. Overall, the message of this piece is very well told that finding yourself is the same as finding happiness.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this story and i am very happy on how you came upon this situation. Being able to discover yourself and being happy about is a lesson we should be learning everyday. Well done
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