I was walking home
from work one night on the phone with my boyfriend when out of the blue he
asked me if I loved him. I honestly didn’t know if I did I mean we had only
been dating for a few months. Every time I asked why he was asking he would
talk over me and ask me over and over if I loved him. I told him that I didn’t
love him because it was too soon and suddenly the line went dead. I was so
confused why he had asked after only a couple of months… did he love me? When I
got home I was so tired I just went to bed without any thoughts of the crazy
phone call I just had. When I woke up the next morning I was startled to see
the long message I had from my boyfriend. It said “Hey baby I’m sorry for
acting so strange on the phone I just had to know if you felt the same way…
I’ve loved you since the day I laid my eyes on you. You’re my life, my world,
my everything. I understand that it’s soon but I love you and if people ask
about us I’ll tell them were fine. See you soon love.” After reading his
message I realized how blind I was and knew that I had to tell him soon that I
loved him back, so I threw on clothes as fast as I could and drove to his
house. When I got there I was instantly worried when I saw an ambulance and a
few cop cars outside. When I knocked on the door I was surprised to see his mom
crying. I asked her what was wrong but she didn’t answer she only hugged me and
cried harder while muttering incoherent words. My heart stopped when I saw her
move away for the paramedics to pull my boyfriend out of the house strapped to
a gurney. When I turned back to ask her what happened I saw her and her husband
busy with the cops so I followed the ambulance to the hospital and waited and
waited and waited until finally the doctor call me and his parents over. I
asked him if he was okay and all he said was that they tried as hard as they
could to save him. That’s when I tuned everything out and fell to the floor screaming
and crying asking the doctor for it not to be true. I jolted awake when I heard
someone yell, “ANNIE WAKE UP! WAKE UP LOVE!!” when I opened my eyes I saw my
boyfriend and I started crying happy tears knowing that I was only dreaming. I
hugged him as tight as I could and looked up at him and said “I love you, I
love you so much.” He looked at me like I was crazy but smiled, kissed my
forehead, and said “I love you too, now let’s get back to sleep.” Before I fell
asleep I whispered “never let me go babe I love you to the moon and back,
forever and always.”
Good job Maddy, your story was well written. The emotion that your character felt is realatble to others.
ReplyDeleteOmg that is just so cute, I can't even. Love the plot twist I was like oh no he died this cannot be happening but you almost got me. I was so relieved it was just a dream. And I found it so cute when this whole time they just went to sleep with each other and she woke up from her bad dream with her in his arms. I love it's so different you don't find short stories like this. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing story very heart felt. The emotion your character must have felt must have been heavy.
ReplyDeleteI like this piece based on the fact the ideal message was that you don't know what you have until it's gone. Having a nightmare about your loved one is common and this can relate to me personally. It was cute and short to the point :)
ReplyDelete-Arianna Serna
Pd. 3
awww yes great job, this really proves how much we take for granted not knowing, great job u had my heart racing the whole time ,i loved it soooo much.
ReplyDeleteAshley Garcia
per.4
This piece was very cute and interesting. It caused me to shed a tear cause I thought he really did die because of how descriptive you made the story. Honestly, I could say I've sent a message like the one the boyfriend sent and it made my girlfriend's day just like in the story. This piece is very relatable because of how the boyfriend acts and cares for the girlfriend because I see a parallel with my own relationship because I care about my girlfriend like the guy in the story. Great job and I liked how concise your piece was.
ReplyDelete-Miren Cancio Period 5
This story was very well written, so much so that I would rate very highly if I was a critic. Anyway, this story teaches us that we don't really know what we have until it is gone. Again, very good story. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteI loved how short and sweet this was. You wrote just enough to get your point across. I was thankful for it to only be a dream because that would have been very sad. There was a lot of detail used, which made it very easy to visualize the story.
ReplyDeleteDarian henry
Period 2
Maddy you did an amazing job and i loved how you made it into a happy twist and made it a dream and when everything was going darker it got brighter at the last moment. i loved it when e text you and yo pput so much emotion into this piece i really loved it incredible job
ReplyDeletekatlyn hall
per.1
Madison,
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the clear moral of the story that highlights the importance of expressing your feelings before it is too late. The little twists and turns you add into the story adds to its intrigue as your readers are brought to new and different destinations. The main character's insight within your piece embodies real human emotion of confusion, extreme despair, relief, and most importantly, love. Overall you did a wonderful job, keep it up!
Danelle Angeline Baronia
Period 2
WHAT THE EFWFEFFEWFWE!?!?! I have chills! lol this is hands down the best piece I have read EVER! Honestly I didn't expect it to be as good as it was! That was amazing .... omg I am still in shock. You're such a great writer! The whole story had me focused and in tuned to what was going on.This was just amazing haha! Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteRodrick Hill
Period 2
That was really good. That was so unexpected because I didn't know it was all a dream. I thought to myself, what's going to happen next. But, it turned out that it was just a dream. I enjoyed reading this story.
ReplyDelete- Michelle Truong
Per.1
This was such a cute story, oh my gosh! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete-Kelene H
P2
This was such a great story. I was so relieved when i found out it was just a dream. I liked how there was the plot twist about the dream. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Valarie Ly
Period 1
This was such a great story!! When the climax came, my heart dropped and I was so happy when it all turned out to be a dream. Overall, this is a very well written piece. great job!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this was such a great entry. I loved the feeling that was being portrayed. This story was very well written and I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteGood job this is a great story although it was really sad I enjoyed reading it and was able to picture everything happening.
ReplyDelete-David Rodriguez
This is a perfect example of us not knowing what we have until it is gone. Very good imagery and way to write this piece, great job!
ReplyDelete-Legend Holman
p.3
This story was very great and relatable with real life good job.
ReplyDeleteMarco Garcia~Ordaz
per.4
This piece honestly stuck some nerves. It makes you appreciate the time you have with someone because they could be gone the next moment. I think you did a very good job of capturing that theme.
ReplyDelete