Datalog 000000002;
When I awoke today, I was in a white room. In the center of the room stood a single table with a chair on either side. Everything was painted a stark white color. I lifted my head and gazed at the walls. There were no windows or doors to this room.
I realized quite excitedly that I had moved. I looked down with a bright anticipation and was greeted with the sight of a large sleek body. I lifted my arms with great enthusiasm and examined my hands. They were alien to me. I looked down even further, contorting my body to do so, and saw two small, oddlyshaped appendages. These I knew were feet, though I could not recognise them as such. They were made of thick white plastic and had a thin layer of translucent rubber underneath them. I sat on the floor to further investigate these odd things and was met with some slight disappointment at the discovery that I did not have toes.
I heard a gentle creak and some quiet footsteps to one side of the room. I rapidly redirected my gaze at this new development. A man walked into the room through an opening in the wall and sat down in at the table. I stood and ran to the wall, but was unable to examine closer before the door closed without a trace. Meanwhile, the man had placed a large folder on the table. I looked back at him and he gestured toward the opposite chair. I sat in it. The man addressed me with a long number: 562951413MRR. I assume this was my name.
He proceeded to talk to me in a soft, monotone voice and gave me a specific set of rules which I was to follow under any circumstances:
1. You may not directly harm any human through action or inaction.
2. You are to do everything in your power to increase the overall happiness of all the people you are exposed to.
3. You are to protect yourself from harm, without violating the other two rules.
He then inserted a small black rectangle into the base of my forehead. The resulting rush was euphoric; a flood of knowledge entered my mind at an alarming rate. All the works of recorded history entered my conscious mind, and within a few minutes I had the entire wealth of human knowledge at my disposal. Shakespeare, Poe, Dickinson, Chekhov, Miyamoto, Spielberg, and so many more. I had begun to delve into the more basic poems when the man stood and walked beside me. I pulled up a poem of intriguing origin while he reached behind my head and —
Find the shape and tell it!
The concept you created for your story was very unique. WHile I was reading it I wasn't sure if i was getting more of a dystopian or utopian vibe from it, especially at the ending because of how the story was abruptly cut off. I liked the ending though, it definitely made me want to know what happened to the character and who "he" is referring to.
ReplyDeleteAustin, there has been a couple of blog posts centered around this concept of people who have an atypical start to life, but I think this is my favorite. The way you used imagery, tone, and first- person perspective really pulled me into the story as a reader. It also made me think about how if a person of this caliber was actually created, the human race probably wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference between them and us! This idea was put in great hands. Awesome job dude!
ReplyDeleteIsabelle Huynh
Per.1
Hey Austin. This was a very interesting piece. At first, I thought it would be another human turned product of some Utopian society, but it was different. At the same time I really see the cynical irony to this especially when the man is actually talking to the speaker which gives me the impression that he knows that the speaker is alive and is capable of emotion. I think you further emphasized the whole experience of the speaker with all the imagery that you invoked. The ending was a really great touch. There is a lot of vagueness that you used, but the ending is really effective in that it actually concludes that the speaker was truly some animate, robotic-like person.
ReplyDeleteEllamae Armado
P. 1
What a great piece! I really liked your story and how you created this concept. Also, I liked how you used a cliffhanger to end your story. It left me wanting to know more about what happens next. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a well constructed peice. I enjoyed how you created this concept and how you displayed the curiosity of the main character. Also, I liked how you used a cliffhanger as an ending. It left me wanting to know what happens next. Great work! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAustin! By the title of your story I honestly did not know what to expect, but really this piece was interesting. It was interesting in the fact that it made me actually want to think of what the specimen was trying to achieve during the whole duration of the story. The ironic thing about your piece is that here we are introduced to an almost "unemotional" character, yet you introduce these emotions that this person or thing has. Truly it was bizarre, but in the way that I would enjoy reading more about " 562951413MRR" his/her adventures. Greeeeat job man!
ReplyDeleteWow, just wow. There has been many pieces like this one but this one by far has blown my mind. It was great, I honestly didn't know what to expect, and the way you ended it was just perfect. I literally scrolled up and down the page thinking there was more and I just sat in disbelief.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Austin.
Angel Ramirez
P. 4
The way this piece was written was very fitting for the mood it had, with this piece having a very mechanical language. The depth of descriptive language allowed us to view how robotic 562951413MRR really was. The rules given to 562951413MRR to follow can give us the kind of society they live in. Last but not least the best thing about this piece was the ambiguity of the ending leaving us to create an ending for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was definitely very interesting and unique! It kept me reading and I was very intrigued by it. I liked the details about your new "name" that was a bunch of numbers. It was interesting how these people arent allowed to show any type of emotion. I just really thought this was a unique piece well done!
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
Some readers believe there is an unspoken contract between every writer and their audience. Assuming there is an audience to begin with, a writer must consider the needs of his or her audiences. Among these needs is a 'conclusion'. I disagree completely with the aforementioned reader. Literature is an art like any other and its message or purpose many not be for the readers satisfaction, in fact the best literature in my opinion leaves much to be desired in terms of 'the audience's satisfaction'. Th best literature ends in raging debate between audiences.the questions your piece leaves are unique and entertaining and the audience is left to their own devices to fill in whatever blanks left by you the writer. I enjoyed the symbolism and plot. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteAdan Chavez
Per. 4
This is a great piece Austin. I really like how you used the imagery; I felt as though I was watching the happenings of inside the room from a video camera. The ending left me wanting more even though the whole point was to let my imagination finish it. Great job man!
ReplyDeleteJames
ReplyDeleteThis is truly one of the best stories I have ever read you make things very interesting, you are a great writer keep up the good work Austin
Heidy-ho there. Austin. I really enjoyed your blog entry.I liked the structure in which you set it up as a journal and the whole concept in general. It reminded me, oddly enough, of the auction we had in class with the library of knowledge. The way you described the room almost made me squint because I knew how bright it'd be. I also loved how you ended with a cliffhanger. I really liked your piece.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job on this piece. This seems like it could become the next breakout sci-fi movie. I like your descriptiveness because it allows the reader to see exactly what this creature is seeing. This was an excellent piece. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteNehemiah Barnett
Period 4
Really enjoyed your story and the imagery helped me picture what was going on
ReplyDeleteperiod 6
izabel L
Greetings, Austin. Once again, your admiration of sci-fi shows in your creative writing projects, and frankly- I'm impressed. My favorite part of this piece is the description of the facility, oddly enough. The mention white walls and minimalistic door system give a very clear image of just what kind of laboratory you're trying to portray. I also admire your (slightly modified) usage of the Three Laws of Robotics. It too, is great at scene-building. I can picture that world, heavily influenced by the great works of Asimov, and hopefully the other greats.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Miyamoto? Really? Sigh/happy sigh.
The abrupt ending really frustrated me because it literally came out of nowhere, which is what I hope you intended. You were able to create a protagonist that was obviously robotic, but the fact that it showed excitement contrasted against what most people think of robots. This emotional characteristic that you added to the robot is my favorite part because you were able to implement it subtly. Which made the ending frustrating for me. Why was the robot disconnected? Is it because it showed too much emotion? Was he just overwhelmed by the influx of knowledge? I NEED TO KNOW.
ReplyDeleteThe ending definitely caught my by surprise as it was very sudden and abrupt. The overall piece had a sci-fi tone to it and I enjoyed it very much. The idea of artificially-made humans and preset rules for humanity peaks a lot of people's interests, so I think that you did a good job in deciding on a topic. This piece reminds of Brave New World a lot. Great job!
ReplyDeleteMelany M
Per. 1
I was quite confused about this short story & still a little a not sure what has happened. nonetheless this was a very intriguing and very interesting piece. I felt a little nostalgia crawl up on me as the words and experience the person or robot, whoever or whatever it may, experienced as he was given the tape. I enjoyed the abrupt ending, had me thinking what was the reason for that action, what was needed that required the man to do that, and who was that "thing" was; it was never revealed to us much further.
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed your piece of writing because it opened up to door to a whole world of thoughts. By giving us a vague ending, you cause the reader such as myself. to continue articulating thoughts about your writing which is truly amazing. Even after your done reading, your story still lives on in our heads as we try to make sense of why things are happening in your story, such as trying to figure out the cliffhanger at the end, where we try to think about what the person did to the robot or person or thing. Than i enjoyed how this story's setting of a laboratory was descried beautifully with the vivid imagery you gave such as, "Everything was painted a stark white color." Great job.
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed your piece of writing because it opened up to door to a whole world of thoughts. By giving us a vague ending, you cause the reader such as myself. to continue articulating thoughts about your writing which is truly amazing. Even after your done reading, your story still lives on in our heads as we try to make sense of why things are happening in your story, such as trying to figure out the cliffhanger at the end, where we try to think about what the person did to the robot or person or thing. Than i enjoyed how this story's setting of a laboratory was descried beautifully with the vivid imagery you gave such as, "Everything was painted a stark white color." Great job.
ReplyDeleteI wish you had extended the story a bit further, I think the abruptness of it created a loss in meaning where the grey area of meaning is too expansive; unless that was what you were attempting to achieve. However, I do enjoy the concept of your piece- the consequences the "selected" elite must pay for pertaining that kind of knowledge. You put it well into perspective, what it means to be an intellectual. The lifestyle that follows it, as well as the obligatory complacency. Great job, Austin.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting piece. I like the simple detail used to describe the situation and the sense of confusion given off from the robot. It really had me wondering more about the situation and why it was created and how it would potentially be used. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI though the piece started off really well. The sci-fi beginning really intrigued me because it's different than what most people would write. It was pretty interesting to read. I like how you listed the different works of authors, so it's like you the main character was becoming a human. However, the ending was really abrupt, so I can assume he's either been deactivated or his memory restarted. I would've liked to know what exactly happened.
ReplyDeleteThis was absolutely brilliant. i love your take on Asimov's laws, and how you applied it to this semi-sentient being on how it should interact. This was my favorite one I read this month, great job Austin.
ReplyDelete-Richie Gaspers, P.4
28 April 2015; 10:50 a.m.
From start to finish, I was intrigued. You create such an empty world and contrast it beautifully with the robot's "feelings" and observations, which are anything but empty. Furthermore, you posed the age old question, "What constitutes a 'living organism'?" Well done
ReplyDeleteI don't really enjoy science fiction bit this was really well done. It left alot of mystery which makes sense due to the pov. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteMargaret Moyer
Per5