“MOM! Look what I drew! My teacher said I have an artistic mind.” I said with confidence. Without even a small glance, she replied, “That’s great, but have you seen your brother’s drawings? You should learn from him.” She was right he was the artistic one.
Sixth Grade
“MOM! Guess who got student of the month?” I said with my head held high. “OH, your brother got Student of the Month? That's great!” she said with enthusiasm. She looked at me and added, “You should follow what your brother is doing, maybe you’ll get it one day.” She left before I could respond, but I just shrugged it off. She was right, he’s the good student.
Freshman year
“MOM! Report Cards came in! I got a 4.0 GPA!” I said with great excitement. With a slight look of disappointment, she stated, “Good. Your brother’s been getting C’s, but I can see his drive. You should imitate that and be more like him.” She was right, he’s a hard worker.
Senior Year
I sit frozen in shock. Hospitals are colder than I would have thought. My brother is lying in bed in a coma. Overdosed and in a bad condition. I can’t shake the feeling of envy, to be able to stay there and have so many worry about you. Three days later I’m dressed in all black. To lighten the mood I tell my Mom, “I was accepted into Harvard.” She turns to me and says, “Your brother would have gone a lot farther.” At this point, I understood what my mother wanted me to do. So, I slowly stood up and left.
The Next Day
I walked into my brother’s old room. Sometimes, I feel like he’s still here with us. I look around and find his stash. Before I do anything further, I write a short note. I lay on my brothers bed and just take it all in. Then it’s all black.
“Be more like him,” just like you told me to.
This made me sad, haha but seriously I loved the layout. How each year represented a time where she wasn't considered good enough. But I loved how you tied that theme back to the end, that was beautifully done. But I liked the ending, how she couldn't believe it and how she had to take a moment to take it all in. Overall, amazing story
ReplyDelete-Kimberly Tsuyuki
Period 6
It was a little sad but it was a good piece
ReplyDeleteXavier Delgado
Period 2
This story was one of my favorites. It had wanting to keep reading and not stop.Well done.
ReplyDelete~Mia Tolliver
period 2
Hey Gracie! I loved this piece, even though it was depressing. I understand how you feel though because my parents also compare me a lot to my sister and how I should be more like her. It is sad because your mom neglects you and assume that all the good things happen to your brother. I liked how you organized this piece from when your were a kid to now and how your mom still compares you to your brother.
ReplyDeleteI like this story I agree with the others this story is a little sad but it get better in the middle but this story is very good grate job!!
ReplyDelete-Adrian Jones
-Per .6
Grace, this was a powerful post. Many people don’t realize the power they hold when they communicate to each other, and this is especially common in families. I enjoyed the format you used in the story, it gave insight to how long of a struggle the protagonist had and how this lead to the conclusion. I especially liked how you wrote how the protagonist reacted to always being second best, they never once hated their brother, they always wanted to improve themselves instead. Great job!
ReplyDeleteIsabelle Huynh
Per.1
Wow, this was such a good message about how comparing people can actually be a bad thing. Even when ones intentions aren't wrong it could cause someone else to take the comparison in a negative way. I like the way you structured your short story, showing us different parts of this kids life and how it all lead up to his death. Although there was a sad ending, a lot of people can learn from this. Good job Grace !
ReplyDelete-Evelin Conde
p.5
4/25/15
This was a really sad piece but I feel like all siblings feel like that at some time or another. I liked how you saw the progress over the years. I enjoyed reading this peice, good job.
ReplyDeleteHey Grace. This was a really good piece. The message that you exhibited in it was something many could relate to which is really unfortunate. The organization of your piece really helps to further emphasize what you really wish to display. I think it's really sad that many young people aren't nearly as encouraged as much as they should be because they are constantly being compared to another. The fact that your character felt the need to be like her brother to that extent is really sad and even more so when you realize that doing so would probably be the only way for the mother to finally get the message. Honestly, good job.
ReplyDeleteEllamae Armado
P. 1
Grace... I really have no words, that was a really depressing, yet beautifully constructed piece. I loved the structure of this piece because it was simply constructed and the reader can see the progression of how the sibling's insecurities were slowly being activated. It's sad how this actually does happen in our society. Parents compare us to the "better" sibling, even though we are trying our best. And this piece shows how the constant comparing led up to the sibling becoming just like the brother... dead. I feel as if the message you are trying to send is that parents should be happy for what we accomplish, despite the fact our sibling may or may not be better than us. Every effort someone takes should be rewarded, otherwise there are consequences. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteSimran Bajwa
Period 1
Omg! This story was so sad. I can't believe she did that. You did an amazing job.
ReplyDeleteJocelyn Rangel
P.2
Grace, this story was very depressing, but I could see the point behind it and I very much enjoyed it. I liked how you made the order of the story and separated in time frames. I also liked how your blog entry was short and simple, but moving and emotional. In each story you began with writing with the speaker addressing their mother, but ending it with the brother and their mother's expectations. Similarly, my life is sort of like that especially with an older brother who is successful, and a twin sister. Parents often neglect their kids and favor the other, but it's important to understand that no matter what you are great too and should not compare yourself. Overall, a great story:)
ReplyDeleteWow. I loved this. Definitely had me thinking, I could almost here my mom and dad's voices saying the same things to me over again in the back of my head as I kept reading. Great use of the time frames and imagery. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI love how you describe the mothers feelings when she always say," your brother is the better one." that was like me when I was a child then progressing into a teenager. great story.
ReplyDelete-Isaac Garcia
per 6
I love your piece grace. Although it was a sad and ironic ending, it was my favorite part. Great Job :)
ReplyDeleteMegan G
per 1
Woooaah Grace, to first start this off I thought this would involve some type of romantic affiliation but, I was very, very wrong haha. But no, the whole story line of your piece is truly heart felt. For one, the ignorance and envy felt by the evolution of the main character is a highly repeatable topic, for our whole lives there's always going to be someone who is better, smarter, and all that good stuff. When taking inconsideration her unending desire to want to live up to her brother's throne, in the end of the piece although it was tragic there was some light shed upon this character, which can be an influence we lack now a days. I really loved this, good job!
ReplyDeleteMadison Pierce
ReplyDeleteperiod 4
I really loved the elements you incorporated in your piece and how you organized it all. You wrote to shine a light on the subject of the constant comparison once may face with another sibling. It made me realize more than I even do now, the hurt that one can be experiencing but doesn't share it with anyone leading to a permanent solution to their problem when they were loved and didn't share their feelings. You wrote in simple wording yet it was constructed and consistent throughout the entire entry. The way you said that the brother was lacking in his grades was a good foreshadowing of the ending. good job!
Wow Grace! I didn't know what to expect from reading the title but I knew it was going to be interesting. I liked how you structured the story in significant years corresponding to school. It definitely showed me the importance behind education and the relationship with the mom and the brother. The way you expressed the events within each specific grade level really struck me. You did a great job in giving the readers something to possibly relate to and the message behind this piece is beautiful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGrace this piece was great, all though the ending had me feeling all sad. I think younger siblings can relate to this, I know I can. I know my parents always wish I turned out more like my sister and even when she was unemployed for a while they still thought she was doing so much better than I was. This piece really hit home and it couldn't have been any better. Great Job Grace.
ReplyDeleteAngel Ramirez
P. 4
Wow! I'm still in shock, that was so sad and totally brought my mood down, but in a good way, if that makes since. It literally made me rethink my life for a second after reading this. I like how you discussed this idea of being compared to another. Some people think that comparing you to others is a good thing and can only help the person, but it can be just as destructive as helpful. The format of the story was amazing also. This really was a beautiful piece!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!
Elisabeth Domond
Period 5
This was great but what happened at the end. I got confused. I do think its sad that parents neglect their children but I feel like you did an amazing job.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a good story. I love how i was broken down by years and it was easy to relate to.
ReplyDeleteKenzie McEwan
period 2
I enjoyed how this piece was separated into stages of life and gives us as readers the inside look of the progression of scholar accomplishments but there continues to be a comparison to the brother. This piece can be a very powerful statement on how the words of people can really affect the lives of others and how we should not compare the lives of those to others.
ReplyDeleteYour story showed the importance of how you should not compare one person to the other. Also you never know what someone is going through. Great story. -Sophia Rivas Period 5
ReplyDeleteThis story took a turn for the worst really fast. But I liked the constant comparison and the gradual buildup of tension before the main character just couldn't handle it anymore. I was hooked. and by the way, he was a really well spoken first grader, but besides that great story!
ReplyDeleteKatelynn Gutierrez p.4
I can really relate to this piece on so many levels!! This piece reminds me a lot of mine and I absolutely love knowing that there are others who have felt this similar envy I felt. I liked how you structured the piece very nice! Keep your head up high though, from experience, the more we try fighting it and let it get to us, the more we are affected emotionally! Again, awesome job Grace!!
ReplyDeleteHOLY CRAP that was deep. At first i was thinking "hmm ok ok ok" then i read the ending when everyone died basically and just like WOW that hit me hard. Anyway good job!
ReplyDeleteAndrew Hernandez
period 2
Omg.... that may have been one of the saddest things I ever read. It really just made me want to slap that mother so bad because ever since the FIRST FREAKIN GRADE she belittled him and gave the brother a compliment. That to me was not right, at all, this i feel is the reason we don’t have a favorite child because it just hurts the other kids. And honestly that shouldn’t be happening. The story angered me because it is what happens in real life . And i think basically happens to everyone. Yea our mom probably isn’t the one doing it but it may also be your own self. Everyone I think has done it at lest once, compare yourself to your brother, friend, or even someone irrelevant. Sorry i started rambling on. But it is a really moving story and deserves a bit of ramble lol.
ReplyDeletemariah rhodes
period 6
Grace, whoa. That was honestly such an amazing piece, it was short and the way you set up the time frames made it simple but it was so powerful. Being over looked can have a huge affect on anyone and you made it so we could get what you were trying to convey. Great job!
ReplyDeleteperiod 1
sara arredondo
This was absolutely amazing! I loved the way you set up this piece by putting it in chronological order, it really put things in perspective for the reader about how no matter what he did it was never good enough. Even when he did much better than his brother, the mother still wanted him to be like the brother. I can only imagine how difficult that would be to deal with, especially when you are the one on the path to success. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteNehemiah Barnett
Period 4
Marian Holllinquest
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
Your piece highlights very well the feeling that you get when your parents make you feel like you are second place to your own brother or sister. What should have been a very sad and mournful moment when one brother enters his deceased brother's room turned and ended into a bitter revengeful act with depression and sadness being the catalyst for his death/suicide. Parents just don't know the affect of their words.
Great Job!
This piece was very short and to the point. Your message was clear and it reminded me how lucky I am to have parent that treat me with respect. Parental influence is obviously so very important to a developing mind and you capture this perfectly by giving the audience a checkup on the character throughout their life. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteAdan Chavez
Per. 4
This story is very good. this can be relatable because a lot of kid have siblings. Also really liked the stoy because it has a timeline. Great story.
ReplyDeleteJesse Jauregui
Great Job! This piece definitely put some feelings out there for me and was very relatable. As a person who grew up under the pressure to be like my older sibling I understand what it can do to the human psyche. I love your imagery and attention to change and time definitely made it more relatable.
ReplyDeleteHoly smokes! Grace this piece was amazing! I'm an only child so I can't image what it's like having a sibling. The imagery you used was on fleek. Anyways, keep up the great work!
ReplyDelete-Philip Ahn
4th
Grace you did an amazing job on your piece this piece actually put some feeling out there for me and was very relatable your piece was short and was to the point. your message was clear your piece also showed that you cant always compare one person to another because they can be different and do different things.
ReplyDeleteOmid
Period 4
Wow Grace, I love this story so much!!! It really plays on the parents' tendency to compare a child to their siblings. It is a sad truth, and it is even more effective because most of us have heard speeches like this before, because I know that I sure do. The short simplicity of it all makes it even more straight forward and I love how there's no filler sentences in here and that they all lead up to the final blow.
ReplyDelete-Jacob Valdez
Period 4
Wow, that was a very astounding piece, I mean I was speechless after reading this, at first I had to pause & think for a while on what just had happened at the end, & then it came to me, which made it even more awesome. What you did best here was he order of events you chose to tell this narrative & the contrasting forces that was brought into the story and the third party member (the mom) emphasizing that contrast. The way how the mom favored and acknowledged the brother's acts and "potential abilities" over the daughters actual accomplishments really sets the tone straight; very melodramatic and melancholy. It was a well done piece.
ReplyDeleteThis piece gave me the chills and I love all of it! It shows how sometimes humans take their feelings out on someone who doesn't deserve it and I think we should all be more careful of that. Words have such a huge impact on those around us and we have to choose them carefully. I loved how the main characters mother favored the potential of her brother and in doing so failed to recognize all that her own daughter has accomplished. I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteHaylie D Per 4
At the end of this story, all I had to say was "Whoa." This was a really good piece, because it has so many central messages, such as the attnetion that we strive for from our parents, the dynamic of sibling relationships, and also how these things can affect our lives. I also liked the structure of the poem, and the very last line was a well done ending to the story. Good job Grace!
ReplyDeleteAnthony Hurd
Period 4
The tone was depressing and it was a very sensitive story. It was a reflection of the struggles siblings have in families of feeling neglected and less than they're older siblings. I thought it was a very good story.
ReplyDeleteMade me so sad!!! loved it so much though !
ReplyDeleteimalla ramirez
period 6
This had me tearing up because of how you showed the neglected speaker. The use of chronological order added more meaning and insight as to how long, the speaker has been overshadowed by her all important brother. The chronological order, the constant praising of the brother and no praise for the speaker, and the ending where the speaker is converted into something she shouldn't be, all added up to me tearing up. This was very descriptive and the dialogue was a perfect way to show how the speaker was put down. Than the way you ended the story, just made it more impactful as it showed what neglection leads to in the life of those that are neglected. I liked how your story was both emotional and impactful as it had a moral lesson in the end which was to not neglect people.
ReplyDeleteThis was interesting, seeing as our school has experienced a recent death of our own peer. In hindsight, we could never empathize for a single individuals true intent for such an action, and personally, I believe we should never assume anything. It may not have been for the same, and I must say, cliched, purpose we predefine suicide with. I think that with this piece, we see that ominous and purposeful intent that we are not generally exposed to- and following that, they fault of many parents along with most individuals where we forget what we have not only in times of grief, but also passively throughout our lives and thus cause the silent detriment of those out looked. I truly enjoyed the form in which you captured this in such a short yet concise piece. Fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI found this story pretty sad from the start. While reading I could feel myself being able to relate, thinking about how my parents always want me to be like my sister more. The constant neglect from her parents over the years really succeeded in making me pretty sad. However, I did not see that dark ending coming and felt that it made the situation even more heartbreaking. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved this story. I like the structure of it, I think it almost seems like diary entries and it was a good way to convey the passing of time. From the beginning we see some foreshadowing with the character believing that his/her brother is better at everything, and there is also some foreshadowing of the brother's downfall. Although the story is centered around the "inferior" sibling and the struggle to be recognized, I feel like there is also some theme coming from the death of the brother, like the pressures of always being the "perfect" one. I enjoyed this story alot, amazing job.
ReplyDeleteDiana Padilla
period 1
Wow I got chills towards the end of this story. It's so short yet so powerful! I really enjoyed this story, the message within it is very powerful. This is my favorite story on the blog for this months writers. Keep up the good work :)}
ReplyDeleteKaleha Spencer
Period:4