Session one.
The room is dark with the only exception as a strain of light peeking between the heavy curtains. On the plain, tan wall strings multiple framed diplomas and awards.”Stanford University Diploma for Master’s Degree in Psychology” “Florence Halpern Award for Distinguished Professional Contributions to Clinical Psychology” etc. Across the room, is a long couch and on it sits a girl about 17, uncomfortably twiddling at her fingers with her head hanging low. In front of her, on an armoire, sits a punctilious woman with a clipboard laid anxiously on her lap.
Woman.It’s our 27th session, Mary. Now, please, if you really want to get better we need to cooperate. You and me.
Mary.[Quietly murmurs]
Woman.Mary, this is hard. I know. Why don’t we talk about your family?...Maybe about your
twin... Jane perhaps?...
Mary.[Gradually looks up.]She’s a bitch.
Woman.And why do you believe that?
Mary.[Offended]Why wouldn’t I?! All she does is yell. All she does is complain. All she does is get angry at me for almost everything I do. She can go to hell, for all I care.
Woman.Isee. [Writes diligently onto her clipboard]Can you remember maybe what you did exactly to trigger her anger at you?
Mary.[Extensively pauses]I… I don’t actually remember… I just remember her yelling at me. Something about how ugly I looked that day. God, she’s a real piece of work.
Woman writes actively. A timer goes off in the room somewhere.
Woman.Well Mary. I’d say we actually progressed today. I’d like to continue this next week if you mind, okay? See you then.
Session two.
Woman is seated as Mary tramples into the office and drops herself into the couch, face red and fists clenched.
Woman.Hello Mary. I’m very glad to see you today.
Mary flashes a sarcastic smile at her.
Woman.Did something happen today? Would you like to begin our session today by talking about it?...
Mary.Actually I would. [She looks up. Her face furious with contempt.]Remember how we talked about the demon that is my socalled sister, Jane? Well, today, she just couldn’t help, but attempt to ruin my damn life!
Woman.[Inquisitively]How so?
Mary.Apparently, she just couldn’t keep her grubby, selfish hands to herself at the department store at the mall yesterday so she decided to steal a 325 dollar blouse! Can you believe it?! [Woman frantically writing on her clipboard.]That’s not even the worse part. She comes home and the police call the home saying they have her on video and start questioning her about her grab. But, Jesus, that manipulative monster pulls her innocent, fake, and highpitched voice on them, claiming innocence and that the girl who stole the blouse was me!
Women.[Abruptly stops writing]Wait...What?
The timer goes off suddenly.
Mary.You know what, I’m gonna give Jane a little bit of her own medicine... [She stands and rushes out the door before the woman can say anything.]
Later on.
Mary charges into her house and scuffles up the stairs in quiet fury. She sees Jane standing in the bathroom and pauses. Jane’s own face is red, with a mangled smile.
Mary.[To herself.]You evil, evil person. No one is as heartless as you. Everyday, you have criticized how I look and what I do. And now, you deliberately try to ruin me? No. I will not have it.
Mary.[Fists clenched, towards her twin]JANE!
She takes a hard swing at her sister.
Mary.[Laughs maniacally]SERVES YOU RIGHT.
Mary... . [Looking at her fist. Bloodied. Stinging, Shards of Glass embedded.]
She takes a step back.
She sees shards of a mirror peculiarly scattered around her feet.
She looks up to what seems to me the remnants of a mirror on the bathroom wall and in it, her own reflection.
Her.My name is Mary Jane…
Find the shape and tell it!
Wow. Ellamae, this was amazing. When I started to read this, I thought about how a family member's emotional abuse impacts a person, until you got to the part where she stood in front of the mirror. I then realized that the "twin sister" she has, is essentially a voice that she's hearing in the back of her head telling her that she's ugly, or not good enough, etc. I thought that this piece was very relevant especially since a lot of people-primarily teenagers- experience this sort of negativity from their own conscious. You did a really awesome job with this piece Mae.
ReplyDeleteWow! i really enjoyed this story, I liked how you potrayed her "twin sister" with the details.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. This took a huge twist on me! That was amazing! I really liked the way the piece was set up. I thought the plot was really, really good. I like the twisted ending of how Mary was Jane the whole time and how (I'm assuming) she is bipolar. I haven't really read something like this and I am glad you are the first person to let me read something like this. Over all I thought this piece was very creative and out of the norm. Great job, seriously.
ReplyDeleteSarah Skibby
Per. 6
This piece was great. I really enjoyed your work, the piece was well detailed and descriptive. The dramatic diction provided amazing intensity which kept the whole thing interesting from beginning to end. The piece was intriguing and creepy, I especially loved the twist involving Mary's "twin sister". All in all, amazing job!
ReplyDelete- Merosa Uiagalelei
Per.5
I really enjoyed your piece. The plot twist at the end totally blew my mind. At the beginning I was wondering why Mary was in counseling but then the end cleared it up. I really enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece. The plot twist at the end totally blew my mind. At the beginning I was wondering why Mary was in counseling but then the end cleared it up. I really enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteThe way you wrote your piece with immense detail, imagery, and emotion allowed me to sense the anger she was feeling inside and the why she actually needed help from the woman. I think a lot of people deal with this issue of putting thoughts into their own head, telling themselves that they are not good enough or they are ugly or hated and I think you captured those feelings really well especially with the twist at the end to reveal that is really was her own thoughts. You did a great job!
ReplyDeleteMadison Pierce
period 4
wow this story was so shocking and good. I was so shocked by the plot change. I couldn't believe she thought she had a twin when in reality it was herself the whole time. I am curious as to why she believed that she had a twin. This was a great piece well done.
ReplyDeleteAt first I was really confused to be honest, but I really liked your sudden plot twist at the end! Your piece is definitely unique and different from the rest of the writings. Great work! :)
ReplyDeleteEllamae, awesome story! I very much enjoyed the layout of the piece and how it resembled a play’s script. It gave a lot more insight and attention to the physicality of the world you created for Mary Jane. This created a sort of balance and relationship between the madness that’s going on in Mary Jane’s head and the chaos on the outside where she tries to control it. Overall, it was an awesome piece and I’m definitely going to have a second read!
ReplyDeleteIsabelle Huynh
Per.1
The story is very cool with the sisters and the women telling her about her sister
ReplyDelete-Adrian Jones
Per.6
I really enjoyed the storyline you came up with, the ending was very interesting; I didn't expect that plot twist at all and you structured it very well. I also appreciated how well you described Mary Jane, her mental illness and disillusionment came through very strong.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a story. It had such a great plot and was put together very well. I never would have guessed the ending. I really liked how you portrayed Mary Jane as "twins" to describe her mental illness and how it really affected her. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI liked this story, it was well written and descriptive. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Sukhmeen
Period 2
This story was really good! You did an amazing job. The plot twist was so good. I never saw it coming.
ReplyDeleteJocelyn Rangel
P.2
I really enjoyed the story, partly because of the plot and partly because of the structure. I think your piece stood out because you wrote it like a dramatic play. It was nice to have a different structured story for once. Also, your use of diction made Mary's problem seem more complex, and it definitely was. However, I was a little confused because the first line says "Session one" but later on the therapist mentions it's the 27th session. It wasn't a major problem though, just an inconsistency. Other than that, great story!
ReplyDeleteThis story was immense fun to read leaving you in awe and entranced till the very last sentence. The plot had progressed quite quickly which made the story so entrancing. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteDean Garcia Period 6
Damn, blown away by this story it was a thriller and sort of a psychological short story. I loved the twist the ending it gave me chills i also enjoyed the use of imagery when the glass scene was being laid out i could actually see the hand and the broken mirror as Mary looked at her own reflection. Really good job i liked how the story unfolded in such a few sentences i also liked that you used sort of a multiple personality disorder as the main focus and how it was in the perspective of the patient. Great job Ellamae again blown away by your story cant wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteEllabaeee! This story is absolutely spectacular! I love how their was such an intriguing way of incorporating a plot twist. This story had great imagery and the tone is rather intense! I loved the idea of this because I feel like there aren't enough stories or plot lines as well executed as I saw this one. When I read this, I legit felt like I was reading a real novel and when I read the end I screamed a great big, "NOOOOOO!" lool. Just kidding, but I loved it so fantastic job! The plot acceleration brought out more of an emotional connection. I love it. Amazing job girl! <3
ReplyDeleteEllamae, gosh darn it, I was not expecting that major plot twist at all. The story was perfectly formatted in a play type organization, which helps the reader see the events that were going on throughout the story. When I was reading the story, I was intrigued throughout the whole duration of the story, and I really thought that Jane was going to turn out to be a real twin. But I didn't think too deeply before I started to read this story, because the story starts off with Mary at a therapy session, so it kind of foreshadowed how there would be something wrong with the girl mentally. I like the message of this story which shows how ones own self can consume itself to the point where insanity and crazed actions occur. This is by far one the best stories I've read on this blog, and I'm not being superficial about this at all. The tone, the vivid imagery, were exceptionally used throughout the story. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteSimran Bajwa
Period 1
This piece's imagery makes for a very enjoyable read. I love that you chose to reveal Mary Jane's fragile state of mind as she is in her therapy session. As she recalls what Jane has done to her to her therapist, she possesses a very angry tone and the reader can quite clearly feel her her hate for her sister. I even begun to dislike Jane because she made Mary miserable and was a negative force in her life. However, the twist in the end that reveals Mary Jane is a single person and is merely two separate personalities is what made the most impact with me. The reveal makes everything in the novel a bit ironic as Mary loathes Jane for she is evil and a bad person, when in fact, she is speaking of herself. Furthermore, this reveals Mary Jane's inner conflict. Mary knows what it is that she is doing wrong, however, her second personality continues to do do bad things, which in the end destroys her sanity. Throughout all this, the dialogue that you present from Mary is a vivid and accurate depiction of the events as it is coming straight from the character herself, and makes the whole story even more tragic as the readers know that she cannot merely rid herself of the problem because her problem is herself.
ReplyDeleteDanielle Delgado
Period 1
4/2/2015
I did not expect the plot twist at all! It was amazing how you wrote this piece as if Jane was a real person when it was actually Mary herself. Great job!
ReplyDeleteChiquitita Annisa
Period 2
This is a great piece! I really enjoyed reading it and reaching the twist at the end, which made it clear why some of her statements were odd. I also like how you structured the story and developed the dialogue between Mary and her psychiatrist, as well Mary's struggle at the end, showing the internal problems she has to deal with. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow. I wasn't expecting that ending at all. I thought that Mary's plan was to kill Jane, but once reading the last line, Jane wasn't even a real person, but it was Mary herself. I like the way you used imagery such as "shards of a mirror peculiarly scattered around her feet" because it really emphasized the situation versus "the mirror broke around her". I also liked how the story was very unpredictable. The story was short and to the point, it was also effective in an emotional way. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteWoah. loved the plot twist! loved your story!
ReplyDeleteimalla ramirez
period 6
Wow I would have never believed that a highschool student wrote this well detailed story great job especially with the plot twist at the end
ReplyDeleteValerie perez
period6
Oh my gosh Ellamae! Your story was amazing! I loved how you differentiated between what Mary was saying and what the woman was saying. I feel that the way you structured their diction made the story all the more intense because it was as if I was reading a play or movie. The imagery you were able to use to captivate to the reader made the story come to life. I loved how you made the plost twist at the end so unpredictable. Overall, great job and great story!
ReplyDelete-Sophia Bobadilla P.1
Ellamae, this was a great piece with such detailed imagery it felt as if I was there. I was intrigued as to why Mary hated her sister so much but then the plot twist made everything come together. It was creative of you to portray her critical and crazy tendencies as her twin sister. This was a very interesting and enjoyable read!
ReplyDeleteThis piece with filled with such great imagery and detail that it was very entertaining. The sudden change at the end made the story all the more enjoyable
ReplyDeleteThis story was intense! I couldn't stop scrolling. It all connected in the end, and it was interesting going back and reading the part where she said that her sister yelled at her for how ugly she looked that day, only to be looking at her own reflection in the mirror. I really enoyed your story, good job! (My sister's name is Jane and yeah, she's a piece of work.)
ReplyDeleteDannnnnnng that was a Shonda Rhymes twist. I didn't see that coming! To me, what made this piece was the overall structure. I enjoyed how you set up the sessions in order to get a backstory and feel for who this girl was. And the spaces in between those last few lines were a real nice touch. It added to the tension and release factor of the story. Really well done.
ReplyDeleteAndy Reinschmidt Period 5
This story was intense! I couldn't stop scrolling. It all connected in the end, and it was interesting going back and reading the part where she said that her sister yelled at her for how ugly she looked that day, only to be looking at her own reflection in the mirror. I really enoyed your story, good job! (My sister's name is Jane and yeah, she's a piece of work.)
ReplyDeleteAnthony Hurd
Period 4
I forgot my name the first time...
Alright Mae. I see what you did there. It was an amazing twist at the end. You started off the piece talking about psychology awards for the Woman. That alone creates a powerful, distinct setting for the piece to occur. When the Mary describes her twin sister, I just assumed it was a typical argument, but I found it odd that the other twin wasn't there. The ending of this piece, however, wraps everything up nicely and the entire piece falls into place.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is very effective in your creation of theatrics through the use of very dramatic and descriptive diction. The situational irony added to the story with the plot twist of Mary's twin sister created shock that intrigued me. Well done!
ReplyDeletePeriod 4
Amazing. I felt compelled to read this over twice just to get all of the clever false leads you were providing. The audience was forced to believe that her twin sister was real and to question why "Mary" was in the psychologist's office at all. The fact that there was no physical description of the characters, but a one sided distinction of their person should have given me a hint. But you were too smart for me. Wonderfully written piece and I can whole heartily say I loved this entry.
ReplyDeleteYo Ellamae! You're story was poppin! The way you formatted the story into a play like structure made the plot and the story in general more dramatic. Not even the therapist would have imagined what occured. Great job Mae!
ReplyDeleteI love the plot twist at the end of this! It completely caught me off guard and made me want to read more! The amount of imagery, detail, and emotion you used within the story was fantastic. The fact that at the beginning you introduced Jane as Mary's twin to later find out that Jane was actually Mary's reflection and that her name was Mary Jane was just brilliant! Great job with this piece!
ReplyDeleteIdalys Martinez
Period 1
I very much enjoyed how you were able to keep the tension high throughout the whole story. Her rage expressed to her ‘sister’ was exhilarating and had an interesting symbolism attached when considering the ending. I think we all end up like this at some point hating others with a violent passion when, in reality the person we really hate is ourselves. Just amazing. -Austin Royster
ReplyDeleteWoah! Ellamae! I loved your piece. Your imagery made me feel like I was truly there seeing Mary(Jane) doing this! I enjoyed the idea of twins but, MAN, that twist was amazing. I liked the structure of your story a lot as well because your syntax and diction was short and the point. I also liked how you kept us hanging with the large spaces. Great work, girl!!!
ReplyDeleteWOW! I really liked this piece!!! I actually started to pick up on a few things and pieced together that Mary was Jane before the therapist did and I was actually quite upset that the therapist is supposed to be helping her but didn't pick up on the fact that they were the same person. Thanks for pulling me in.
ReplyDeleteLeasia Spicer
period 4
This is so great! I loved your use of imagery which helped keep up the tension throughout. I really like how I was completely surprised by the ending and I would have never guessed it. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHaylie D Period 4
Dang Mae! This story was crazy! You really have a talent in writing stories, you should be in yearbook;) Lol jk you already are, Miss Editor in Chief:) I loved how you carried the story and the sequence of events that lead to the end. To be honest, I kind of predicted the ending, but I didn't think her name would be both Mary Jane. I thought it was funny to read because I'm a twin(you know this) and I couldn't help but be grateful for not having a crazy sister like Jane(but technically Mary). Overall, a well written piece! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh that was a BIG surprise I mean BIG! the build up to the realization of who the main character is, and her hatred for her sister, when really it is self hatred and self loathing. Man, that was a powerful message! this entire story had me searching for closure because you created characters who are not trust worthy, which helped your plot, but also kept me entertained! great story all around!!
ReplyDeleteKatelynn Gutierrez period 4
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI am speechless. I wish I could go back in time so I can re read this over again, and again, and again. The imagery portrayed definitely caught the emotion and seriousness of the piece. The plot twist at the end is what got to me, especially because everyone experiences this battle between insecurity and anger towards ourselves. Great work!
ReplyDeleteDang Mae. This story was great to read and interesting. At first I was thinking how cliché, a psychology story, but when we find out the major plot twist at the end, I was truly in shock. This story takes a great new twist on self esteem. Kudos to you.
ReplyDeleteJacob Valdez
Period 4
Omg I did not expect the ending at all! I absolutely loved it! I loved how you told the story and used so much detail to portray what was happening in a scene of events. I loved how I could emotionally react to this story and how it kind of relates to us as teenagers as a whole. I think we're all ashamed of who we are at some point and we try to blame others for it but it's really ourselves to blame. To have this girl constantly make herself the victim and using herself also as he bad guy contrasts and related to every one of us as a whole and I loved and appreciated this so much. Great job! I loved it!
ReplyDelete-Period 5
Mae, this was very well written! Great use of foreshadowing throughout the story all while keeping the ending so unexpected. Your portrayal of Mary Jane and her therapist were captivating and I felt as though the characters were believable to how people really think and act. I felt as though it was a modern Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Great job!
ReplyDeleteA dramatic piece the twist took me by surprise I was sure it was one thing then come to find out it was a twin situation, it is well structured keeps the readers involved and hungry for the finish of the story. the use of foreshadowing was good to build on the ending that nobody expected. Good job
ReplyDeleteEllamae,
ReplyDeleteWow, this is brilliant! It’s so cool how you brought up her name being Mary Jane, I thought that was quite ironic. I also like the format you set up in the beginning by drawing us distant from the main character. The transcript-style allowed us to see what was going on in a third person point of view and not have any preconception as to what may have been actually going on. Although, the fact that she needed a psychologist is a pretty big hint. Good job.
-Gian Velasquez
Ooooooo! I love sudden twists! so all of this time Mary was Jane. so it seems like she had two personalities stuck inside of her but realized she had two when she bashed her hand at the mirror. great story and narration.
ReplyDeleteIsaac Garcia
per 6
Ellamae, this piece was very intriguing. I think the plot twist you included in the end was so unexpected, and really explained why it is that Mary had to go through therapy. I like the concept of having two personalities that are constantly at odds with each other, especially when those personalities belong to one person. Great job on letting your voice shine through this piece.
ReplyDeleteThis was so good! The irony was used really well in this story especially the part where Jane really is Mary which would make her name also ironic Mary Jane. I loved your story and I think it could bring insight into what people actually go through! Great job Ellamae!!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, props for using "bitch" and "damn" on the school blog and just really going for the ruthless emotion straight out of the gate. You took the risk and it paid off. I have to say that my favorite line is "Mary.[To herself.]You evil, evil person. No one is as heartless as you. Everyday, you have criticized how I look and what I do. And now, you deliberately try to ruin me? No. I will not have it." because in the end, it's not an aside as she really is talking to AND about herself. You did a really good job portraying your character and making her believable and I thought that how you spaced out the lines after she hits the mirror and starts to become self aware was clever because by having so much space between lines, it causes a sense of silence and time moving slower. You go, E Llama E
ReplyDeleteI like to start off right off the bat by saying that you really got me with that surprise twist in the end. That surprise twist in the end is also what gave me a better sense for what some people go through in life. Some people tend to be struggling more than others and in this particular case that you displayed here. Mary has created a double personality to deal with her feelings at hand. I also liked how much description you put into the scene at the end where she hits the mirror because began to feel scared for Jane, I thought she was going to be really beat up.
ReplyDeleteI like to start off right off the bat by saying that you really got me with that surprise twist in the end. That surprise twist in the end is also what gave me a better sense for what some people go through in life. Some people tend to be struggling more than others and in this particular case that you displayed here. Mary has created a double personality to deal with her feelings at hand. I also liked how much description you put into the scene at the end where she hits the mirror because began to feel scared for Jane, I thought she was going to be really beat up.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading Damairis's comment and I completely agree. Many individuals general fault when attempting to use profanity in their works however your implementation actually came to help develop the character. She had this psychotic aura, not just because she was at a psychiatrist but because of the way she presented herself and the tone in her speech. Regardless, I can genuinely say I enjoyed this piece. The ending was cleverly thought out and you came about in a well constructed manner. Great job Ellamae.
ReplyDeleteWow what a piece Ellamae! At first I wasn't quite sure where this was going, but that plot twist at the end really made me realize that sometimes our worst enemies are ourselves. I also loved how you had MaryJane as the full name as it combines both of the personas and yet represents one person as a whole. Very haunting piece, I loved this! Great job :).
ReplyDeleteThe means in which you structured your story like a play is impressive because I have yet to see it happen on this blog, and I think that this heightens Mary's emotions and the intensity of the situation, and it also foreshadowed the discovery of her schizophrenia or some other type of associative personality disorder. I also enjoyed her self awareness and her acknowledgement of her problem, and I'm honestly proud to say that the moment I read Session One I was like "SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SISTER." Your story was incredibly captivating.
ReplyDeleteThat was an amazing piece.Mary's emotions and intentions make her seem on the level of a psychopath. Along with the hatred in for her sister. And the irony of her full name was such a great twist to the plot. 10/10 would read again . Loved it.
ReplyDeleteMahlon Howard Period 4
Wow talk about a plot twist!! This was such an interesting story. I was not expecting for Mary to be Jane. I loved how well you were able to express the characters emotions in this piece. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteKaleha Spencer
Period: 4
I really liked the fact that this was a dialogue so that the story would not be told slightly biased in the first person. Also, the story has a slightly cynical tone which builds suspicion in the story for the reader.
ReplyDeleteKayla Fulton
Period 5
This was a great story with a crazy plot twist in the end. You expressed their emotions very well and had lots of detail. Good work!
ReplyDeletei loved your story so much! I loved the plot twist ! keep writing !
ReplyDeleteimalla ramirez
period 6