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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"Sad Satire" by Jacob H

     There exists, within a tiny corner of the spacetime continuum, a small hypothetical universe. Within this hypothetical universe there lies a hypothetical galaxy housing a hypothetical solar system in which resides a hypothetical plant which will hereby be referred to as Fake Planet XI. On Fake Planet XI there lives a hypothetical boy, residing in a hypothetical house on a hypothetical street contained within several other hypothetical sublevels of organization whose importance is trivial and thus they will be excluded. This is the story of that boy.

     He awoke with a start in response to the violent assault on his ear drums. Recognizing his alarm, he peeled himself off of his sheets like the price tag from a regifted Christmas present. Dragging himself to the bathroom, he stared into the mirror as if hoping to see anything but his own reflection staring back at him. He hated seeing himself, it was a constant reminder of the infuriating mediocrity of his life. He was intelligent, well fed, blessed with a stable household in the middle class and yet something made it all seem so intolerable. After attempting to wash away a lifetime of sin with a scalding shower, the hypothetical boy eventually accepted his life and moved to dress himself for the six hour purgatory called “school.” He knew, however, as he plopped himself down into his office chair that he hated himself, he hated the fact that he was intelligent enough to see that the world around him had gone to hell in a handbasket but not intelligent enough to do a damn thing about it, he hated the fact that he was surrounded by so much stupidity and worthlessness that he was forced to reevaluate his own self worth to be just high enough to keep suicide out of the question. It was at this point that he stopped, stopped and thought for a moment about his situation. He realized that Fake Planet XI was a world where inconsistent outpourings of emotions were not enough. A world where anything not intentionally, explicitly, and overbearingly shoved down the throats of humanity was simply swallowed by the infinite stupidity of the world in which the hypothetical boy lived. In a fit of passion he swiveled dramatically in his chair and, fingers flying on his keyboard, typed out four words in, of course, Comic Sans (the most refined of fonts) size 50. He rolled away from his desk, pointing his eyes to the sky as though waiting for the judgment of some hundreds of gods. Four simple words which meant very little to the hypothetical boy in his hypothetical universe, but not because they were insignificant, but because after these four words were written, nothing was quite so hypothetical. He looked sadly onward, unsure if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, or if it had simply crushed him into nothingness, and repeated to himself shakily the four words which forever changed the course of his life “I am Jacob Horne.”

33 comments:

  1. I like the way you introduced this piece. It reminded me of The Twilight Zone. You did a very good job at describing the highschool experience. Days are often rough for no good reason, there is really no better way to say it than the way you did. Great Job!
    Nehemiah Barnett
    Period 4

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  2. I honestly believe it is near to impossible to sympathize with another person completely; bearing in mind the fact that our human experience is so vastly different. I also believe that truly talented writers bring just enough of themselves to make a piece unique but also leave enough room to allow the reader to share in the emotion of the narrator or characters. Interestingly enough, your piece was wholly original, neither removed from you, nor an assumption of the way I see life. The personal narrative style, whether you see yourself as the speaker or not, drew me in as well as your jaded tone. I sympathize with the speaker, as I too question if coming to terms with one's self is a gift or a tragedy. Thank you for the piece, I enjoyed reading.

    Adan Chavez p.4

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  3. I honestly believe it is near to impossible to sympathize with another person completely; bearing in mind the fact that our human experience is so vastly different. I also believe that truly talented writers bring just enough of themselves to make a piece unique but also leave enough room to allow the reader to share in the emotion of the narrator or characters. Interestingly enough, your piece was wholly original, neither removed from you, nor an assumption of the way I see life. The personal narrative style, whether you see yourself as the speaker or not, drew me in as well as your jaded tone. I sympathize with the speaker, as I too question if coming to terms with one's self is a gift or a tragedy. Thank you for the piece, I enjoyed reading.

    Adan Chavez p.4

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  4. Awhh! Jacob! This piece was a really well written and being the reader, makes me kind of see into your world. First off, never think of yourself as negativity as you lead on to be here.You are intelligent and blessed and one day it will all make sense, okay? Anyway, your tone through this piece was really depressing. But the way you strung your words together made it with such easy flow that I just read it with a perfect understanding of what you are trying to convey. Even though you, Jacob Horne, believe you don't fit in, just know, that you actually do and I hope one day you see that! You're a great kid! AGAIN, Amazing piece! I really enjoyed reading it!

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  5. Hello Jacob!

    Haha! I'm not entirely sure why I found this piece so hilarious, but it definitely did arouse a chuckle or two. However, for being incredibly comical, this piece is extremely well-written, and portrays the ethos of the writer as legit and intelligent, albeit quite cynical. I enjoyed your deft use of of repetition, irony, and the parallel between "Planet XI" and earth. In particular, I loved the narrators view on the impending doom of existence- definitely a nice nod to the the insignificance of our daily lives. Congratulations on a very witty piece.

    Chloë A. Miller P5

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  6. This piece is honestly the first one that made me feel something. It shows the reader how you perceive the world and the people around you. I loved the ending the most because you used a lot of diction and imagery to describe that the person in the story in actually you. I like how even though this is a sad piece, there was some humor in it, like how you talked about your favorite font, haha. Anyways, great piece! I know you'll do big things in the future:)

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  7. This piece was really, truly amazing and I loved it. I thought it was funny in a way and deep in another. I think that I can really relate to this and many others might too. I ,overall, enjoyed reading your piece and really thought there was a lot of meaning in it.

    Sarah Skibby
    Period 6

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  8. I really enjoyed this piece. It was filled with detail helping the vivid imagery portrayed. The piece was clever and creative which kept me wanting more after each word. I also found the humor within the piece amusing. This piece was very well written, great work!

    Merosa Uiagalelei
    Period 5

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  9. This story made me emtional. It also had alot of detail that i felt apart of the story. Good job !!!!
    period6
    izabel linn

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  10. Loved the detail and your way of writing ! good job!!

    imalla ramirez
    period 6

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  11. You had almost 5 butt loads of detail in your piece dude aha. That's a good thing though. It shows that you are intelligent and that you have big potential in writing. Great job!

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  12. Wow Jacob! I really enjoyed your piece. Your use of imagery was just flawless. Keep up the great work.
    -Philip Ahn
    Period 4

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  13. I totally had a Twilight Zone moment.
    To start, your metaphors are absolute perfection. "he peeled himself off of his sheets like the price tag from a regifted Christmas present". *insert chef kiss thingy*. Beautiful.
    Second...
    Okay. This list thing isn't gonna work. I'm just going to end up quoting your entire piece back to you, and that just doesn't do it justice.
    I mean, I'm absolutely speechless. The description of your piece is beyond breathtaking; It's refined, and yet it holds such a brilliance behind it. and along with that, your story was beyond moving. It was tender. and brave and courageous and now I really wish I could type this in Comic Sans for some horrible reason. I'm amazed at what you could put into words with just the end of your fingertips, and I pray to be blessed with the same genius. I know I'm gonna be thinking about this for days, and all I have left to say is that I hope there's more to come.
    Congrats on a truly groundbreaking piece. :)

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  14. Its ironic because you literally just condemned the entirety of our human population which masked your obvious feelings by deprecating yourself AND NONE OF YOU WHOM COMMENTED ON THIS ARE EXCLUDED FROM THIS PIECE'S COMMENTARY- I HOPE YOU REALIZE. WE ARE ALL FACTORS OF THIS PREDISPOSED STEREOTYPE. Perhaps I'm also rather bitter as of current, and this is essentially a rogue response, HOWEVER- I do find your reasoning logical if you're considering the mass of "civilized" cultures (first world countries and the sorts). You're obviously ignorant to other societies and when any of us reference civilization, the first thing that comes to mind is Americans. Especially you, in your own aloof world, are primarily invested and influenced by our punitive and rather irrelevant concentration of coteries, and (as mentioned) with your lack of greater passion, are forced to otherwise extensively observe the masses. Forced, by yourself. Yet, its quite contradictory- you're intensive purpose of consciously or subconsciously selecting this specific subject to discuss, as it is not at all progressive to sit and revel about the idiocy and characterized detriment of our current society, but quite the opposite. If anything, this continued, and I do say extremely supremacist, notion simply contributes to the worsening of our society. But you are already aware of that, aren't you? I suppose I'll talk to you in person sometime again, Jacob. This is by no means a criticism, as it is a reevaluation on my part. I find your mentality quite intriguing to digest. Great efforts overall.

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  15. Sir Jacob,
    You have both moxie and spunk. I loved the repetition of the word “hypothetical” being carefully placed within every few words or so in the introduction of your piece. You beat around the bush so hard that you whacked the the plant out with the roots intact. The baptism you gave yourself was a nice touch of imagery and I laughed especially when you mentioned school as purgatory. But, as the title mentions, there lies a darkness of thoughts when as we live in a world that still accepts caustic tradition over beneficial progress, for example. It’s even worse that we cannot revamp everything overnight.
    Take care,
    Gian Velasquez

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  16. Jacob, this was like tugging at the heart strings I've felt like that many times and you couldn't have described it better. I liked how you used third person too convey the mindset of the hypothetical boy. This actually has me thinking and reevaluating my life and the choices I've made again great job looking forward to reading more in the future.

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  17. This story shows a personal side of your life and is very well thought of. Very glad you were able to express yourself in this passage.

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  18. Overall your use of metaphor and detailed descriptions reflect the amount of time and thought you put into this entry. It is a great story to read with life like and mystic qualities that are relatable, but also very dreamlike. I enjoyed reading your entry. good job!
    -Katelynn Gutierrez p.4

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  19. Wow Jacob, honestly your story was amazing! Your usage of imagery was amazing, it made me feel as if I were watching a scene of a movie. I also loved the way you started off the story as well. You have a huge amount of talent, keep using it!
    -Daniel Alaniz P.4

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  20. Proposing the universe as a hypothetical one was a great choice. Going through all the levels from universe, to galaxy, and so on helped create the insignificance that is being presented. Every word seemed to have meaning in such a short piece so I guess all I can say is nice job.

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  21. Hey Jacob, I love how you started off your piece. It reminded me of one of those Russian dolls where there's always another doll inside a doll. Anyway, I loved the analogies that you used to describe the "Hypothetical boy," especially the analogy between peeling out of bed and peeling off a price tag of a re gifted Christmas present. Overall, it was a really good entry!

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  22. Jacob, your piece was a perfect blend of humor and social commentary. The way you explained the imagery of this "Fake Planet XI" in a way that was so relatable to our Real Planet I, was definitely one of the things that added to the power behind your words. Although, the message was a powerful recollection of what life may be, my favorite parts have to be the ones where you inserted those little blips of humor, such as "Comic Sans (the most refined of fonts)", it made the piece all the more enjoyable to read. Awesome job!

    Isabelle Huynh
    Per.1

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  23. I really enjoyed your story Jacob. You really drew the reader in with he beginning series of hypothetical places and scenarios. Throughout the entire story you used strong metaphors that reached into the readers imagination and see their own world in a way that at first doesn't seem like their own. At the end when you concluded the story with your name it all clicks and the reader sees they are a part of this hypothetical world filled with stereotypes and pointless thoughts. You did a super good job!!
    Eva Badal
    Period 5

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  24. First of all I love your naming sense Jacob (Fake Planet XI), it makes me feel like I'm in a cheesy 1970s type of movie. Haha that aside, I can draw some connection to this piece as in a way we are very similar Jacob. I loved your use of imagery and the fact that you brought up 50 font COMIC SANS, genius. Anyways man despite all this, I see a very bright future for you and that you will accomplish anything that you set your mind to. Don't forget our deal! Haha all jokes aside, great job my friend.
    Tedman Nguyen
    P: 1

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  25. I would just like to start this off by revealing to you my first reaction, I was very shocked at the end to find out that the four words were you because I didn't expect it. Also, with the vivid imagination that you provide the reader with in the story, the reader is able to clearly gain an understanding of your world and how you feel. You did an outstanding job in conveying your emotions about life in your piece of writing. I really enjoyed your introduction on displaying how small this hypothetical boy is as compared to the universe. Great job.

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  26. Wow Jacob, this is indeed a sad satire. I though it was very interesting that you just happened to use the satire techniques we learned in class to provide a scene that is different from our own only to shatter it with your own name. I really like your use of imagery in the same matter and feel as if the story could be related to everyone even though it has your name attached. Good Job!

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  27. Well this is.... well... I actually don't know how to feel about this. What I can say about this story is that it is incredibly well written. Each sentence is well crafted. The intro was absolutely amazing, and impressed me a lot, especially how you stressed the word hypothetical. However, I really don't know what to think of the story itself. I don't really know if I want to commend your brilliant use of satire or feel slightly perturbed by the implications of the story. Perhaps I'll just do both and leave it at that. Regardless of how I feel, this story is exceptionally well crafted and is my favorite story in the February blogs. Good job!

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  28. Jacob, I really enjoyed the voice you adopted for this piece. It was clear, concise, and definitely satirical. I like your use of foreshadowing; when you began describing the boy as "intelligent enough to see that the world around him had gone to hell," I had a hint that the boy in the story would be you, all while hoping that it was not. I thought the use of the simile, "peeled himself off of his sheets like the price tag from a regifted Christmas present," was very clever, as it conveys the unpleasantness that comes with waking up in the morning for school, adding to the humor in this piece. Great job!

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  29. Very well written and thought out piece. All the elements that you implemented fit together and complemented the story to the point where is just flowed continuously. Qualities of a great writer. Including the omniscient narrator allowed the story to begin independent of our physical world here, but at the same time allowed for you to bring it full circle to our world, your life, and everyone's experiences. I loved it.

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  30. Great use of imagery. It was very visual and well written piece. I really enjoyed it.
    Faisal H
    Per 5

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  31. Jacob this is amazing! The introduction of the hypothetical world drew me in and the omniscient narrator's commentary throughout this piece made it flawlessly cohesive. Great work!

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  32. Wow bro, this piece was pretty awesome. I can see the authenticity in your writing; I can feel and sense your struggle and emotions by your words, and that takes skill bro! Nice job!

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  33. Dear Jacob, your story is very inspiring. It almost calls for a call to action to people who see things being done that they don't agree with but won't do anything about it. I liked your use of figurative language, especially simile where you compared his getting out of bed to a the peeling of a price tag off of a regifted christmas present. I really enjoyed the story.
    Jacob Valdez
    Period 4

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