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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"I Was There" by Frederick S



We used to walk to school together. It was what I looked forward to every morning. I would wait on the park bench 5 minutes prior to her getting there. I would watch the trees sway and the birds chirp and then I would see Her walk up to me; gracious in every step just as the world slowed down around her. Her glowing blue eyes and wavy black hair would bring everything back as if the atmosphere was holding its breath and released it in that moment. We would talk about everything; from food to Chemistry and from the future to our favorite books. Anything seemed to be easy to talk about with Her. I would listen to Her talk about the deepest aspects of her life, even Her relationships but I would always wonder if She noticed.
                                                
After high school, we still kept in touch; chatting as much as we could about our college life a couple times a month. She told me of the guy that She started hanging out with and when I said I wasn’t seeing anyone she would say, “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone.” I would sigh and change the subject because I was starting to doubt if she would ever notice. I stood beside Her when her father died and cared for her while she mourned for the year.

She asked me to walk Her down the aisle on her wedding day; hand Her off to the same guy who she met in college. Then I let her cry on my shoulder after he left because she miscarried three times. I supported her when she took him back after he apologized for leaving her, and beating her, and cheating on her. But I was almost sure she hadn’t noticed. I was there for Her when the kids that She adopted had graduated college and was even there for both of their weddings. I stayed with her after He passed away.

It was a good year when She asked me to travel the world with her. We saw all 196 wonders of the world and then spent a day observing penguins. We did all the classics; the Eiffel, the Great Wall of China, Tower of Pisa, then the Opera House. Who knew opera could be so moving and weird at the same time? By the time we made it back it was just in time for her to see the birth of Her grandchild. Those years I remember the most. She was always smiling then; as if the world made sense again. I can still see the last time I saw her smile. I always wanted to ask her then if she noticed. But at Her funeral, I still couldn’t find the strength to do it. Now I still wait on that bench and watch the birds whistle and the trees creak and wait for Her to walk down the sidewalk again but wonder; ‘Did she notice? Did she notice we were in love?’

53 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness! I love this story, it made me tear up a lot.This story was so beautiful and tragic at the same time. I wish one of them would have said something before she died. This kind of shows that if you feel something you should say it before it's too late.

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  2. Like literally this makes we want to play a Drake, the Weekend, or Jhene Akio song because I am all into my emotions. I feel so bad not only for the guys who is obviously in love with the girl that he is too scared to tell her how he really feels but, also the women. She is oblivious to the guy's emotion and even though, he is with through all the difficult parts of her life she still does not see him as the love of her life. I like the way to story was told from the man's point of view which allows a more personal connection than just an omnipresent narrator. You take us on a journey of their lives and how their relationship develops even though, they he does not tell her how he really feels.
    Kayla Fulton
    Period 5

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  3. Wow!!! Frederick this was amazing very well written. The last line gave me chills, "Did she ever notice we were in love?" wow great imagery, great structure. Starting it off at high school and then leading into college,life, travel and death. The structure and the narration really gives insight to how much he loves her, the the repetitive question, "did she notice?" evoked this hopeful nervous feeling. I hoped she would notice but was nervous if she didn't because time was running out.
    Milani Thomas Per. 1

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  4. I really enjoyed your piece, it was very relatable. I especially liked the word choice, it evoked intense emotion. The writing seemed real and sincerely thought out. The story line was romantic and beautiful, and kept me wanting more after each sentence. The characters were realistic which made it easy to sympathize with each and the situation. All in all, great job!
    Merosa Uiagalelei
    Period. 5

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  5. Wow, just amazing. This story truly pricked at my emotions. I had to fight back my emotions a bit because this story was so sad. The descriptions of how she is, in the narrator's eyes, perfection, and how the world seemed to stop every time she walked got to me. I really felt bad for the guy due to the fact he never mustered the courage to tell the woman that he was in love with her. If he did have the courage, then maybe they would have ended up happily married and she wouldn't have been abused; rather she would be loved due to the fact she would have married someone who would have treated her like a queen. It's sad how she didn't realize that the guy was the one who stood through her difficult and happy times. I like how the story was organized due to the fact it led up from early life to death, and it shows how life progressed, but she never noticed probably. Great job! :)
    Simran Bajwa
    Period 1

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  6. Wow. This story was deep. The feelings of love the guy had for the girl, and how the girl was oblivious, and ended up with another man, who abused and betrayed her multiple times. Strange thing, female minds. Anyway, just how he wasn't able to work up the courage to tell her how he felt about her is quite saddening. This was a tragically beautiful story. Good job.
    Cristina Sanchez
    Period 2

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  7. This story was really well written. I think it sends a strong message saying that it is better to get rejected then to always have to wonder "what if". The first person style lets the reader feel like they are in the man's shoes, and it brings sorrow to the reader when they have to feel the pain of always being around the love of their life without any feelings (besides friendship) being reciprocated. This story was great!
    The eternal struggle of THE FRIENDZONE.
    Nehemiah Barnett
    Period 4

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  8. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS IS ME! I AM ABOUT TO CRY! This was a really well throughout flash fiction story, it could even make a great movie. I enjoyed that the story was written in first person, it helped with imagining someone was telling me there life story themselves. I also though the way you didn't talk about the main character's life was significant because it allowed the attention to remain on the female character. Beautifully done!
    Evelin Conde.
    3/3/2015
    Period.5

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  9. I loved this story Fredrick. I could really connect to it because this reminds me of how life is right now. its our senior year of high school; its the end of life as we know it and the beginning of us shaping our own world. There is no time for "if only I did this" or "man I wish I would of told him/her that". We only have the here and now. and that's what this story talks about which I love. Well done Fredrick!

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  10. Christian Black
    3/3/15
    Period 1

    Well done Fredrick. I love the narration in this piece it really gives an effect that lets the reader know how the speaker feels. This piece really hit me because t reminded me of how things right now; were seniors now; we have no time for "I wish I did this instead of that" or "man I should of told him/her how I felt before it was over". This piece was an example of that which is what makes it great!


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  11. Oh my goodness Fredrick, you almost made me cry. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. But with that said you did and absolutely amazing job. I absolutely loved it. You could definitely feel the pain of the narrator, how he wondered all those years if she ever noticed. And how he stayed by her side all that time made it even more heart-breaking. Beautiful Job!

    ~Kimberly Tsuyuki
    Period 6

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  12. I loved this story!! It made me so emotional and angry because I wondered if she really knew he loved her and she didn't love him back. The way his love for her went unnoticed by her for so many years and she never realised it. He went through everything she went through because he was always there to pick her back up. This was an amazing story I loved it.

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  13. This short story is really great! I really enjoyed reading it. Great use of imagery when you said you guys were traveling the world and how you would always go to the park to wait for her. I WISH HE WOULD OF TOLD HER THAT HE LOVED HER! This story was so cute. I also like the use of repetion of If she noticed? Great job please keep writing!

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  14. Great story, man there were some times where I was just screaming, telling him to tell her he liked her.
    -Anthony Absher
    Period 6

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  15. This story was so amazing and original. Anyone who would help and stay with you through so much for so long truly loves. Th is was a great story with excellent details. You deserve an A.

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  16. What a great story. I really liked how the narrator went though so much for this girl. It really relatable and it shows so much emotion that it really completes it. You did an amazing job Frederick. Keep up the good work.

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  17. I loved this story !!! it made me think if theres anyone who actually does this. good job !
    period 6
    3.6.15
    izabel linn

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  18. I absolutely LOVED your story !! Had me feeling diffrent types of ways !

    imalla ramirez
    period 6

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  19. Omg i love this story so much congratulations on your master piece! It is very heart felt n it made me tear up ! Excellent job
    Period 2

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  20. Awww... Frederick. :(
    You break my heart. That was so moving. You represented her character with absolute perfection, and I honestly don't think anyone could have written it better. I loved how you capitalized Her and She; It gave her character a rather godly, almost immortal feel. Your structure was flawless and I'm at a complete loss for words. I really just wish he would have said something.
    Is it weird I thought of a sort of Giving Tree/ Up montage?
    Anyways. Thank you for giving us such an amazing piece! I sincerely hope there's more to come. *wink wink*

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  21. This is a very moving very poetic story. Every word is written so beautifully and every detail so delicate. The way the story was written on how his feelings of love towards the girl is being neglected until he missed his chance to tell her. Its relatable to anybody who has trouble expressing their inner emotions. I really enjoyed reading this story keep it up good job.

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  22. I really love this story. It is such a sad, yet beautiful story. The first person perspective really let me connect to the speaker and experience everything from his perspective, especially the sad ending. It is so sad that even at the end she still didn't realize they were in love and even when she was gone he was still torn over her. Great job Fredrick!

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  23. Frederick I really enjoyed your piece. It was extremely well-written and very emotional. I just want to say I'm very impressed and would like to read more of your works. Great job man, keep up the great work.
    -Philip Ahn
    Period 4

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  24. WOW . . this is extremely depressing. . by depressing i mean great. and by great I mean that it was very relatable! I really loved the story and how you ended it like you began. You know how to get into a persons heart and rip it out and place it gently back in to remind your readers how well you can transcribe emotions so perfectly into words. You did an extremely great job writing this piece. i only have one question, did you notice my tears flowing down my cheek as i finished reading your piece?

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  25. I love your story! I think anyone can relate to it. It was sad but amazing.

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  26. I love your story! I think anyone can relate to it. It was sad but amazing.

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  27. Dang Fred! My throat is starting to close up, and my eyes are all watery. That was a great story. It was so sweet but depressing at the same time. Honestly the whole time I was reading it I thought I was going to break down in tears. It was a story I bet anybody could relate to. I love all the vivid imagery you used all throughout the story. Great Job!

    Elisabeth Domond
    Period 5

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  28. It's a sad yet beautiful story. Unnoticed love is a truly painful thing and the experience of it is even worse. The writing of it, with the use of the capitalization of Her and She showing how much she is worth to him and the end of the story shows a really depressing lifetime of longing.

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  29. Good Frederick,
    You know how to write a love story. I understand and appreciate how you presented this in first person. The friend zone can be such a painful place, but yet the narrator’s agonizing pleasure (haha, Brave New World reference) kept him going strong to continue in loving this woman. But the problem of it all was that he lacked the heart to ask “if She noticed.” This speaks to me on how communication is a vital organ to a healthy relationship. Also, this highlights one of my biggest of fears which is having regrets when everything is far too late to turn back.
    Thank you,
    Gian Velasquez

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  30. This is officially my most favorite blog post ever! You had me sucked in the entire time, invested in their story. Great use of imagery. Your beautiful descriptions really sold the idea of him being so in love with her. The structure was smart, putting the story in a chronological order that portrayed that he was either remembering it or sharing it with someone else. Also, not explicitly stating her name made the story potentially more relatable. Great job!

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  31. Omg! I loved your story. It was so touching. It mad me so sad that she died at the end.I just couldn't believe that he never told her about his feelings. You wrote an amazing story.
    Jocelyn Rangel
    P.2

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  32. Awww Frederick this story was so adorable! You took us through a romance that was kind of there, but not at the same time. The dramatic irony in this piece leads us to feel a lot of sympathy for the character who wanted to be noticed. I feel like all of us have been there at some point in our lives and can relate to this. Very well done.

    Melany M
    Period 1

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  33. Frederick, this is the most depressing friend zone story of all time, but in the best way possible. This piece genuinely resonated with me and provoked many emotions. It was so eloquently written and your imagery perfectly described the events of their relationship. I was anticipating the main character confessing his love for Her the whole time and I was heartbroken by the way it ended. You are such a talented writer and I loved your story. This is honestly my favorite piece of the year.

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  34. Great story! the descriptions of his love for her are what made the story, and what caused me to continue reading. I felt so much sympathy for the main character, but at the same time happy for him because he witnessed true love, even if she didn't see it, I'm sure she felt something to.
    -Katelynn Gutierrez p.4

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  35. I definitely thought he was going to confess his love for her after her husband left. But when he didn't, it enticed me to keep reading and reading, until I reached a dead end, literally. Although I was hoping for a happier ending, I'm actually happy with how you ended your piece. It leaves a strong message to the readers to seize the days so that there will not be any regrets in the future. Although he had a very exciting life, he still has regrets, and I'm glad you made that message clear.

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  36. I found this story to be heartwarming, I can honestly say I was very interested in this story. Good job.

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  37. Okay, honestly, I thought this was going to be another sad sap story about being stuck in the "friend-zone" and was only going to read this because you are my friend. But, MAN, Fred! This made me tear up. I loved everything about your piece. I especially liked your use of imagery in describing how the girl looked because I felt like I could actually picture her walking towards me as I was reading it. Ahhh! I'm still all teary from that last paragraph. Good job, Fred!

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  38. Wow Freddy! This was a very well written piece. I really enjoy the fact that instead of writing a stereotypical love story, you wrote it about a friend who stuck thin and through with the girl he had fallen in love with, despite it not being mutual. In a way it shows how sometimes, people aren't meant for one another, no matter how much one wants it to happen. It is a very inspiring piece and represents how in life we cannot always get the things we want. Good job! It reminds me of you and madonna! haha :).
    Tedman Nguyen
    P: 1

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  39. This piece of writing is outstanding. Not only did you provide the story with vivid imagery to display to the reader the situations that are at hand between the the guy and the girl, but you also ended your story with a great message. I really loved the message at the end of telling your audience to act before it is too late because for that man in that story it was too late for him to say he is in love with her, since the girl had just passed away. Very good. Keep up the good work.

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  40. This piece of writing is outstanding. Not only did you provide the story with vivid imagery to display to the reader the situations that are at hand between the the guy and the girl, but you also ended your story with a great message. I really loved the message at the end of telling your audience to act before it is too late because for that man in that story it was too late for him to say he is in love with her, since the girl had just passed away. Very good. Keep up the good work.

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  41. I really enjoyed your blog entry, and was honestly hooked on it until the very end, wondering if they were going to end up together. This isn't the typical love story that has the happy ending where they ride off into the sunset together, but you made it apparent in the end that they still had this strong love your each other. I liked your description of the girl from his point of view and the way that she made him feel like the world was slwoing down. Overall, really good job!

    Anthony Hurd
    Period 4

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  42. WOW, the anticipation! This story definitely touched my heart, which made me want to continue reading. I admired how you used such vivid imagery to portray all that was happening around him and the first person perspective truly got the point across about love and to not wait until it is too late. Such a sad but heartwarming love story. Great work!

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  43. WOW, the anticipation! This story definitely touched my heart, which made me want to continue reading. I admired how you used such vivid imagery to portray all that was happening around him and the first person perspective truly got the point across about love and to not wait until it is too late. Such a sad but heartwarming love story. Great work!

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  44. This is honestly such a touching story. Its also relatable to so many people especially the people of younger age. I like the use of imagery. there was a whole movie going on through my head. its really inspiring and the last paragraph is beautiful but sad. Great job Freddy!

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  45. A very moving piece my friend. It is a tragic, but loving work. It is almost like he is her guardian angel, but she never comes around to acknowledging it or even paying attention to him. The pursuer (man or woman; I cannot tell) pretty much gives up their life for that person. The character development is very impressive in such a short story as we follow the "couple" from childhood to death. Also, I loved that last line. You did not end it on a particularly sad note, but a happy encouraging one. By saying, "'Did she notice we were in love?'" as opposed to "Did she know I loved her?" gives a sense of fulfillment to the reader to know that the protagonist was happy and satisfied. You have a knack for this. Very impressive.

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  46. Well Geez that was heart wrenching (in a good way)! The detail entailed in this story was so strong and well written. You can feel the emotion that the narrator was going through and I think that the audience could really connect with the story so much. The way he describes his feelings for and the years they spent together made it that much more emotional for me to read. It's well organized and your diction was simply remarkable. That last question really got me. Katheryn Valle P.1

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  47. Such a great piece, i enjoyed it a lot. It was very touching, and had great aspects of emotion. I also liked the structure of the piece. You also utilized the technique of imagery very well, in all this is a nice strong story!
    Kaleha Spencer
    Period: 4

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  48. Please tell me why I started tearing up when I read this! This was such a great story to read I loved every word. I really loved how you used so much detail to portray the scene of events that was happening and the timeline of the story as well. All the details you used was so amazing I felt like I was actually feeling what the speaker was feeling. I really loved this story it was really amazing! Great job!
    Period 5

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  49. I really enjoyed this story. It was very relatable and heartfelt.
    Faisal H
    Per 5

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  50. this piece is so touching! It's like an excerpt from a Nicholas Spark novels - one of those Romance teen genres. The use of imagery and anecdotes allow the readers to connect emotional with the story, even if some of us had never ha a girlfriend, or had affections toward another person. Well done.

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  51. This piece was very emotional and very touching. Your story was very and made it easy to connect to. The line "Did she even notice we were in love?" really hit me in a very emotional way. So overall great job, keep up the good work.

    Mahlon Howard
    Period: 4

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  52. I really enjoyed reading your piece. It was very touching and emotional. The last line really hit him and I loved that throughout your piece I wanted to keep reading more. I really loved the emotion that you put into your piece good job!
    Alyssa Anastasi
    P.5

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  53. I loved this story. It was so deep and real. Very emotional and and sad.
    kenzie mcewan
    period 2

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