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Monday, January 26, 2015
"The Inevitable" by Gian V.
"We're losing him!"
The hunkering junk car swings a hard left and the tires give the loudest banshee scream they've ever heard before.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God!" The two silhouettes clamor and hold together what seems to be a man that's falling apart, passing in and out of consciousness.
"Today of all days, and this happens!" Tears and hysteria floods the heart to one of the figures of the dark. The other remains silent, still in shock to see such a mess but able to physically function better.
"Is he breathing still? Check his pulse damn it! We're getting closer but there lays obstacles we will have to manuever through. I'll have to do some things to I thought I'd never have to do for even the slightest chance to save him. Hang on!"
The clattering car runs through a grassy field past a towering fence. The fall of the fence continues to ring in their ears. Families move out of the way, but their toys and barbecue grills become casualties. Considering the situation, the driver would've felt like a superhuman out of an action movie had this person in the car not been dying. The adrenaline rushing through the driver's body could easily generate a steady power plant for a week.
"He's not breathing and there's blood everywhere. I think he's choking. We gotta clear his airways."
One attempts. But the man that's falling apart isn't responding. He finally flinches a little and wheeze very heavily. His owl eyes widen and he howls to the wolves of his presence. That situation seems to diffuse a little, but another problem arises.
"I'm falling apart," he violently coughs. "I don't know if I'm going to make it. But if I don't, just know that it's okay."
They wondered at amazement to how he was able to speak considering he stopped breathing moments ago. All of a sudden, he's now conscious and trying to speak before what may be the inevitable. No one knew how to respond or if they should make calm him, but they continued to listen because this might be it.
"Don't put me in tubes and machines if I can't get out of this being who I once was. I don't want to baptized by the doctors to come out a pathetic patient kept to a leash of Medicine to mark time on the wall rather than live. I'd already be dead by then. I've lived a good life. Most don't have a say before the curtains close, but I'm lucky that I do. I know what's waiting for me when I go, but you should all know that this is all inevitable. How we go just depends. I'm dying again today, as I just died earlier. But I'm not staying here."
The car hits a curb and the trunk swings wide open. Hard work and time fly out in the end. A blizzard of papers and a clock leave a trail on the road.
"Don't panic! Just hold on, we are nearly there."
"Yes. I am. But none of you are. Live your lives to the fullest. Leave no regrets and bring happiness to others. Love truly, learn the truth, and honestly travel the world. My journey is at its end today. But yours have barely begun. Before you go, pass these simple and yet ignored sentiments I bestow upon you. Revise them if you want, so long as knowledge born through experience is shared to the next generation. You take care of each other. Don't forget what is most important when you do menial tasks."
They pull up to the building, nearly flipping the car over.
"Help! Help! He's dying. We need help!"
Three blues and a white come over with a gurney seconds after and rush to them. They begin to place him on the rolling flatbed coffin.
"I love you all and forgive anything that you may have done against me. Don't let guilt eat you when I die. Remember to live. If there's one wish I have, it's for you all to live."
He holds his trembling hand out as he said the last sentence. They take him away leaving the three others with each other and thoughts.
Everyday he saw everything he did as a task. Do this. Do that. But he changed his ways and took the challenge to explore and carry on adventures where he learned so much and built relationships that lasted his lifetime. He did good for others, even at times when they didn't deserve it. But he did it anyway and taught them the valuable lesson of generosity. He left behind a trail for us to observe, but to really honor his wishes is to make our own paths and see what we find because we are all unique. Remember to live when you find yourself drowning. Go live.
Hey Gian! I really liked the theme of your story. It was great to have another piece that talked about living on with life. The motif of time played a big role too, and your use of the clock to describe it enhanced the pace of your story. Your use of dialogue conveyed feelings that are common to people, providing a strong connection to your audience. It helped me understand your piece more, and it also shows what kind of a person you are since I know you personally. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteChristian Black
ReplyDelete2/5/15
Period 1
I really enjoyed this piece Gian. The imagery that you provided was great; I could imagine the speakers face and his physical condition and how much of mess he looked like. But this piece shows the reader how messy life can be; how anything can happen when your drowning in your own self - conscious; only to realize that you haven't been paying attention to what's right in front of you. By the time most people realize that it's too late.
Really Great piece Gian. It was really motivating. At first I was lost and i just say the scene playing out. Eventually I put everything together and wow. It was great Gian. I liked the lesson you put in the end. The way you not only told a story, but also said some wise words was amazing. Great Piece.
ReplyDeleteAngel Ramirez
p. 1
The attention to detail that you exhibited in this piece was both mature and refreshing. I very much enjoyed how you put this "seemingly" poor man in the middle of chaos, intensity, and turmoil, and then you had him speak words in a calm and precise manner, as if he was in his own bed at his house. This allowed his "sermon" of sorts to have an even greater effect, seeing as he was preaching love and happiness in the midst of a hellish situation.
ReplyDeleteWow what a transition, I just finished reading Katrina's story about a coma and the element of death involved. However Gian in yours I notice of sort of happy moral ending. Despite the life of the character nearing towards the end, he leaves a positive note of having lived a good life and that he has enjoyed it to the fullest up to this point. I like how he clears the conscience of the people trying to save him. It shows you a more universal meaning to live your life to the fullest so that when it comes to an end at any given moment, there is no regrets. This takes a different outlook and perspective on death, and I fully respect the way you wrote this story Gian. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteTedman Nguyen
P: 1