When I got home used a key to get
into my still house. I then locked the door behind me hoping brigands can’t get
inside. I then decide to watch TV and heat up a can of soup from a long day of
school. When I was watching my favorite TV show, the ground started to suddenly
start shaking violently and was so strong it knocked me off my feet. The ground
was spasmodic for about three minutes and debris was everywhere. I had gotten
out in time but my house was nothing but rumble and I was cumbersome and
started to feel sick just trying to stay still outside. The damage was so
diffuse that the whole town was rumble for miles. I was shocked and stood still
for a while and thought what to do next surviving a big earthquake. Since my
parents weren’t home they either died or got stuck in traffic so I decided to
go to my aunt’s house for shelter. When I was running to my aunt’s house I saw
many cars and buildings destroyed and people in the streets. When I finally got
to my aunt’s house after walking many blocks I used a key get inside but
everything was destroyed but an old radio. I took a while figure out how to use
it because no one really uses a radio from home. I then heard news from
broadcast and was speechless because I have survived a 9.3 magnitude
earthquake! It was the strongest earthquake that hit the United States and said
they were sending troops for help. The amounts of casualties were so great that
there aren’t of people to count the bodies. The news hit me so hard that I just
waited for someone to find me.
Find the shape and tell it!
With all of the earthquakes we have been having lately, this piece seemed very fitting for the times. I liked the way you contrasted the normality of the narrator's situation prior to the earthquake, with the chaos which followed it. My only criticism is that some words were used improperly. Whenever using new words, be sure to have a firm understanding of their meaning before trying to include them in a written piece.
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
Your story seemed so realistic as if i were the main character in your story. Its probably because we've been having many earthquakes lately. Its scary that you as the character had to experience a earthquake or a disaster so big when your parents are not home . I know for a fact i would've been worry and panicking if such thing happened. Overall nice piece. :)
ReplyDelete~Funmi Sule
Per.2/ 3:30
4/22/14
Your story obtained such a realistic vibe; you had well imagery and I admire how brave you are. For me, by the time the earthquake is over I realize there actually was one so I could imagine what the feeling is for a bigger earthquake You are very lucky to of survived such a big earthquake. And with your parents gone? I'm proud of you, Anthony!
ReplyDeleteGood story! California is known to have earthquakes and some pretty big ones have been happening lately. I'm glad yoru chracter survived the earthquake but, I was sad to read about the casualties and the possibility of you being alone. I like how you explained your feelings when the earthquake was happening and how everything was being destroyed.
ReplyDeleteyour story seemed so realistic! I think its amazing how you used your imagination the survive a 9.3 earthquake! hopefully we don't have one here in the U.S. but we never will know. overall you did a great job but did you parents survive? did you ever find them? did the troops find you? I think you could have made the story even more realistic if you had that in it. but good job!
ReplyDeleteCreative story. Perhaps try mixing up the beginning of sentences so it isn't always "I went" or "I took" so it doesn't get repetitive in that way, but other than that, good story.
ReplyDelete-Kevin McCondichie
I thought it was quite suspenseful when the ground started to shake, and it knocked him down, so I was very surprised and intrigued when all of the buildings collapsed and everything was going wrong. That's why it was cool when he survived such a massive earthquake
ReplyDeleteI can feel your pain and suspense from the way you wrote this work. It was great over-all and the way it was written put a good description of the wreckage in my head!
ReplyDeleteThis story was so cool. I hope that a 9.3 earthquake won't happen here in California. i love the suspense in this story! I really enjoyed your piece. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGood story, I would also be shocked if I survived a 9.3 earthquake like that.
ReplyDeleteI really like the subject you chose to right about because it is one I think we have all thought about considering the drills we have at school and all the talk about the big earthquake we hear on the news. You really did a great job of describing the setting and allowed the reader to understand how the city would look if a huge earthquake really hit. In addition, the diction you used really allowed the main character's panic to come across and made the story suspenseful and quite tragic, especially when we are told that ha has no way of knowing if his parents are okay. Nice Job!
ReplyDeletethis story was awesome 9.3 earthquake thats crazy but good job
ReplyDelete-Eli Cabrera
Very supensful story loved that it started out just a regular day then turned into a very dramatic setting. very detailed and great ending Good Job!-Haley Brown
ReplyDeleteEarthquakes are a scary thing, and living in Southern California, it is tyipcal to experience earthquakes. Your story proves that we must be cautious and be prepared for such an earthquake to occur. The dangers of an 9.3 magnitude earthquake was seen rather clealy with your choice of diction and detailed imagery. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing suspenseful story. The transition from a normal day to something dramatic was amazing!
ReplyDeleteVery realistic. I can't imagine ever surviving through that - honestly, I freaked out about the one from a few weeks ago (that being my first one). I like how you made the main character extremely calm and resourceful in the face of an emergency. The story had an abrupt ending, but I feel like it was used well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis storyline was interesting and unexpected. As soon as I realized that it was about a massive earthquake, I immediately thought of the earthquakes out in California. The imagery was used appropriately; however, there were a few grammatical errors, such as “starting to suddenly start shaking.” They don’t get in the reader’s way of losing the dramatic effect from the plot, but these few mistakes can momentarily make the readers confused. With the exception of the few minor grammatical mistakes, this story is good(:
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think of the big earthquake that is suppose to happen soon or the one that they have been saying we are going to have. It also kind of reminds me of a movie because they are so amazed and happy they survived this earthquake! when you were talking about all the buildings destroyed i could see these images in my head. Great story! Very short but to the point good job.:)
ReplyDelete