In the
distant future, a totalitarian government arises from the devastation of World
War III. In order to control the population, the government bans all forms of
culture including music.
~o~
The dull
ceiling stared back at me as I laid on the cot. It was perhaps midnight,
impossible to tell without a clock. My father insisted a clock cost too many
stamps, but then again so did liquor, although that never stopped him. His
snores rumbled away across the bedroom, indifferent to my insomnia. Carefully,
I swung my legs over the edge of the cot and gingerly stepped onto the wooden
floor. The uneven boards creaked ominously beneath my feet. I apprehensively
glanced at my father, who carelessly rolled over in his sleep and continued his
slumber.
My feet
treaded lightly over the stairs, past the tiny kitchen into the adjourning
living room. Two tattered, bug-infested sofas, a nightstand and a table covered
with empty bottles and bent playing cards, decorated the room.
Together my father and I shared the
cramped apartment with several of his factory worker friends, who spent most of
their days drinking, smoking and gambling away their paychecks. Without a
mother, the apartment fell to waste. The paint peeled, the mold multiplied and
a peculiar smell proliferated the rooms.
A small,
beat-up radio sat on top of a rickety nightstand in the far corner of the room.
Turning on the dial, a boisterous propaganda speech calling for citizen support
against the rebels filled the room. Balancing the dial between stations of
continuous speeches, the radio emitted static. (For some reason white noise
helps me sleep. I find its emptiness soothing). With a casual air, I flopped onto the sofa and
closed my eyes, allowing my mind to go numb.
A strange metallic crackle caused the white
noise to cease and an unfamiliar clamor replaced the static. An indescribable
series of pitches, accelerated and flittered in a bizarre pattern. The noise
gained in volume, causing my heart to race, before suddenly hushing,
transitioning into a slower pace. Haunting and lonely, it spoke to the very
essence of my being. It was almost, beautiful.
Within my soul, a small instinct
realized that the unfamiliar noise was music. Instantly, I leapt from the sofa
and clutched the radio to my chest to stifle the forbidden thing. Vibrating
against my chest, the all too familiar cries of machine guns interrupted the
music. The sound halted abruptly as bullets tore through flesh. Shouts from
soldiers, heavy boots stomping, the scuffle of bodies being dragged and then
silence. Deafening silence.
Instinctually, tears welled up in my eyes as I clutched the radio to my
stomach rocking back and forth like a child. The music had played for no more
than thirty seconds, but I could not help mourning the loss of something so
beautiful. Deep within, the music filled a small crack that I never knew
existed. And at that moment, I realized the world was filled with silence.
Emily, please tell me you are planning on becoming a writer!! This short story was FLAWLESS!!!!!!! Reading it, I felt as if a movie was playing within my mind. I genuinely enjoyed the topic of the piece. Since music is an art treasured by people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds, the reader was able to relate to the narrator on a deep emotional level. You're crazy talented girl!!!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
This was such an interesting topic and it flowed so well all because of your tremendous writing. The amount of detail you used was great and the vocabualry you used was perfect for explaining everything going on. I think music is such a powerful thing and the way the main character reacted to it was so understandable. I could picture every sentence you wrote in my head and I was a little sad when it ended. Great work!
ReplyDeleteWow, Emily!!! Your Flash Fiction piece is awesome! The story captivated me, from start to finish. Your vivid imagery and details of the setting truly made me feel as if I were in the story! I really enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you for sharing a great message about the power of music! I know music has a special place in your heart, girl. ;) Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! Emily, this was truly amazing! The first person perspective as well as developed syntax and imagery allowed me to vicariously feel the protagonist's actions and emotions. Music seems to be a very important aspect of many people's lives. A world filled with utter chaos and no music either for escape or enjoyment seems unfathomable. I applaud you for such a beautifully written story, great job!
ReplyDeleteAmazingly written. Interesting to read and hard to stop. Ironically, I was listening to music as I read this, but couldn't hear it as I read because I was too busy focusing on the words. Good job.
ReplyDelete-Kevin McCondichie
This was a vivid, captivating depiction of a future world. Your use of senses made me feel like I was there. I like how you put a new spin on the post-war apocalyptic world. Making music the key to society's well-being was unique and very interesting. I would really be happy if you continued this story!! Overall, this was a simply amazing piece of literature that seemed to flow flawlessly from beginning to end. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteWell Emily, this is a very acceptable piece. You masterfully entwine emotion and imagery to place the reader in the character's shoes. Once again very mediocre.
ReplyDelete- Justin Myers
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this dystopian kind of story, and I think it could make a wonderfully fleshed out novel. It kinda reminds me of a very dark, Footloose.
ReplyDelete-Jack McDonald
Per.4
The one thing I noticed immediately upon reading this piece is your flawless use of imagery. Your descriptive words made it practically effortless for me to step into the shoes of the character and really experience what the character was experienced. You should really, if you're not already, consider making this piece into a full-fledged novel. I can see it being the next Divergent or Hunger Games. Amazing job.
ReplyDeleteEmily, after reading this I realize that you definitely have nice writing skills. It felt like I was reading a passage out of a best-selling novel. I love the use of imagery and descriptive language, it just flows so well! I would absolutely want to keep reading and discover what happens to this poor child. You go girl! :p
ReplyDeleteAlexandra Aguilar
period 1
Great use of imagery. I was greatly impressed by how you were able to develope the situation and setting so vivdly. the subject matter was also very intresting and i enjoyed reading it. Overall, you did an amazing job
ReplyDelete- Marcopolo Anzora
I'm certainly surprised that I don't see you writing anything because this was beautiful and fantastic! Excellent use of diction, imagery that was on point and a compelling story. I can see this being the next "The Book Thief," but instead of books, she finds CDs and records and iPods... I would live to see what happens next in her life. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGosh Emily, this was a really great perspective on the impact music has on this world! I love how you personified it, and made it so beautiful; as I couldn't agree more that music is what gives the earth it's sound. You wrote this so eloquently that I really wish there was more.This was so detailed that I could see this being a possibility should we actually have a WWIII, but let's hope that doesn't happen. Great Job!
ReplyDelete