Sal sat alone on the bus, staring out the window. A man
comes in at the next stop and sits next to him.
“You look upset. Bad day?”
“Just like any other day.”
“What do you do?”
“Insurance broker. And you?”
“I am a type of accountant.” He looks into Sal’s eyes.
“Don’t do it.”
“Do what?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” The bus stops. Sal walks out. The whole time he felt the stranger’s eyes on him.
Sal stood in his room crying for hours from atop a chair, holding a rope firmly in his hands.
“You look upset. Bad day?”
“Just like any other day.”
“What do you do?”
“Insurance broker. And you?”
“I am a type of accountant.” He looks into Sal’s eyes.
“Don’t do it.”
“Do what?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” The bus stops. Sal walks out. The whole time he felt the stranger’s eyes on him.
Sal stood in his room crying for hours from atop a chair, holding a rope firmly in his hands.
The next day Sal sat at a diner.
“Well Sal.. Since you’re here it’s obvious you listened to me.”
He looks up to see the accountant.
“I couldn’t do it…”
“That’s good! You changed your mind.”
“No.. I mean I actually couldn’t. The rope broke.”
The accountant begins to laugh.
Sal gives him a stare.
“What?”
“My pain is funny to you?”
“Well no. I’m just thinking about something. Were you really thinking of setting your house on fire with you in it last week? Some people might accuse you of insurance fraud you know? Could get arrested for that!” He laughs even more.
Sal begins to get annoyed.
“Who are you?! How do you know so much?”
“It doesn’t matter. The boss sends me, and I account.”
The accountant looks out the window looking for someone.
“Seeing that you’ve reached a point in your life that you are ready to take your own life, I’m going to assume you’re not happy with your life.”
“I wanted to be a doctor. But I didn’t have the smarts”
“That’s crap! You gave up. What else did you want to do?”
“Ummm.. fireman… I have lung problems”
“Fireman huh? So you wanted to save people?”
The accountant takes Sal’s coffee and has a few sips.
“In a little bit, a man will walk in here trying to rob this diner. I don’t know why of all places this guy chooses to rob a diner, but he is. One thing is going to lead to another and some of these people are going to get hurt. Now I can’t get involved in these affairs, but you can.”
The accountant looks. “Here he comes.”
Sal looks out the window and begins to sweat.
“Oh come on! You seek Death, yet when it stares you right in the face you tremble.”
The man gets closer to the diner.
“You want to save people Sal? Now is your chance. Stop him before he can hurt anyone. Get everything you want right now and then we can leave.”
Sal’s eyes begin to tear up. He looks up as if looking for an answer.
Fifteen minutes later Sal is in an ambulance being rushed to the hospital. The accountant suddenly appears in the ambulance. He smiles at Sal and extends his hand out for him. “You saved them. You did good Sal. It’s time to leave.”
Oscar, this short story was amazing!! I was initially caught off guard by the suicide attempt, but I really liked how Sal's unhappiness provided the perfect opportunity for him to be a hero. I also thought it was clever how you referred to the angel as an "accountant." Nice work!
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
Something seemed wrong with this short story. I thought I was prepared for this type of ending but I was wrong and now goosebumps have taken over my body. I like how you kept the story mysterious until the end for a big release! You also used italics for the accountant which also sets him apart from the regular font we see on the other stories we usually see here. Having the accountant being all knowing almost as if he was in third person, makes him stand out in the story and also adds to the goose bump effect. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYour story shocked me because I didn't expect it to end that way at all. I like how you used different fonts for the dialogues. The italics made the accountant seem mysterious which led me to be very interested into your story. The last sentence literally made me say "Wow" out loud because the ending was so good and such a surprise. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible story. I didn't expect that ending at all. The way the accountant was very knowledgeable about Sal's life, I thought it was his own inner conscience, but ending had him as a spirit to guide him in his life. Every good job !
ReplyDeleteWow, this was really well written! I was captivated the entire time! The organization, succinct and straightforward sentences, as well as the use of distinguishing italics made me feel as if I was watching a movie. The accountant felt like his conscious, perhaps even the archetypical shoulder angel who was that lone voice urging him to keep fighting. I find it inspiring to discover that in people's seemingly darkest moments, they rise up to the challenge and Sal definitely did. Great job Oscar!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh this piece was wonderful! That ending was so great and there was so much impact in that one short story, so much to give the reader to feel. I feel like people could read this and relate to Sal so all in all fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteRachael Rubalcava
Well dang, Oscar. This was a great story. I think Sal shows a lot of strength in choosing to do the right thing before he died. I find it interesting that the accountant decided to let Sal go ahead with what he wanted, but gave him the choice to do something more spectacular with his life than just throw it away by hanging himself. I was so glad to see that Sal at the end of the story was happy, not because he was dying, but because he had done something amazing with his life and he was at peace. It gave me chills. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story especially the aspect of the guardian angel character. I liked the ending as well. Even though it wasn't necessarily a happy ending, Sal was able to risk his life for a better cause than just ending his life because he was unhappy. The use of dialogue really enhanced your story and so did the omniscient mysterious figure of the accountant. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteOscar, this story was so touching. I loved how you called him "the Accountant," in the sense that I assume he was sent by God to account for this man's life to have meaning. They say that the only fear to fear is fear itself, and Sal really did fear everything until the Accountant came and encouraged him to fulfill his life's meaning and save the people in that diner.
ReplyDeleteI always love stories that end with the unexpected, especially when the main character dies. Call me morbid, but I think those stories are always the best kind because they make the reader think. Your use of dialogue really helped the reader see the plot in a new perspective, especially when Death is so witty ans sarcastic. The fact that Death is also described as being an accountant also adds to the humor and irony of the story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLike many people I really liked that accountant detail, it really makes a lot of sense to have death say it's an accountant. I thought this story was great although a little dark. But overall incredibly interesting and original. I like how you had "the accountant"s lines in italics because it set them aside from the rest of the text and really the lines stand out.
ReplyDeleteThat was an amazing story! I really like how you used dialogue to tell pretty much the entire story. The whole story was brilliant and moving. Fantastic work!
ReplyDeleteI was intrigued and anticipating what was next to come the entire time. This kind of had a dark feel to it but nevertheless it was interesting and well written. Great job Oscar!
ReplyDelete-Danieh Abu Alrub
Wow Oscar! I really like this story, it was very touching and gave out a good message! Nice idea and good concept. Good job Oscar!!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteOscar. What in the world. THIS WAS GREAT. For one, I think it's ironic, and quite funny, that this broker is trying to commit suicide because generally anyone in that field has a high suicide rate. Now that I think of it, it's kind of morbid of me to find that funny.. Awkward. ANYWAYS! I love the ending. It's reassuring that we're capable of anything and that there are genuinely good people out there. You're a good person.
ReplyDeleteI loved how mysterious this story was, how we only get a slight glimpse of who the accountant may be. Also how you made the issue of suicide kind of comical in stating that you never know if there may be opportunities and reasons to live for. Great job! - Haley Brown
ReplyDeleteOscar this is incredible ! I love it! At first I was a little confused but then everything just came into place and clicked! I loved the angel says that he is "a type of accountant" because he is an angel that works to account for the people on Earth. But it also made the best contrast against Sal who seemed very dark. I loved how they were able to help each other and how the accounant was able to help Sal escape from his suicide attempt but die as a hero.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. I liked how you used complex details to contrast the character and the accountant. It was also very unique how you structured the stanzas. I like how the dialogue continued throughout the story until the very end, when his life came to an end. Great job :)
ReplyDeleteOscar!!! I knew you were one of those cool silent types, but I didn't now you could write too. This is such a great concept for a story. You developed it very well and I would really like to read more of this.
ReplyDelete-Lauren Williams
Oh My Gosh. Wow this story like blew me away. Its amazing oh how well you did this. This is my favorite story! It proves that someone is watching over you not matter what pain or sacriffies you have to make.-Ashleigh Perez
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story, Oscar! I liked how you've made the "accountant" seem like an angel trying to help Sal, but it turned out that isn't necessary the case. The "accountant" was actually there to direct Sal's life to end with a purpose, instead of dying for nothing. Great idea! It was an enjoyable read. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Hsing Chang
A lot of time and effort put into this to make it the way it is. Good job. You have good writing skills Oscar. You went into great details about the characters and everything overall.
ReplyDeleteWow, I actually thought he would live. I liked it! I kind of like that his first attempt at suicide failed because it allowed him to save people as he gets himself killed the second time, y'know? I thought it was funny how the accountant laughed at Sal's first attempt at suicide... "the rope broke". I like how you used dialogue throughout the story and the characterization was good, too. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWOW
ReplyDeleteThis caught me off guard. The way that you used the characters' conversations to move along the plot line was masterful. The plot was really insightful as to what we can do to help someone that is feeling down and help them to get back into the swing of things. This was really really good!
As soon as he said "an accountant of sorts," I guessed he was an accountant of deeds. Lo and behold, I guessed right. That unexpected usage of angel was beautiful, and I love that he got his wish by being a hero in the eyes of society, instead of what society would view as a coward, even if it is sad that he had to go. The details were absolutely great, I loved the story.
ReplyDelete