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Monday, December 9, 2013

"Not Forever" by David M


       One morning the old man woke up and his morning began. It was Christmas and he really hated it. He had never believed in Santa or Christmas. The old man would stay home on Christmas day and drink coffee with a picture of his wife who has cancer. One thing he wanted was his wife to come back home from the hospital cured! He knew it was impossible but part of him believed it was possible.
                  As usual he stayed home; suddenly there was a knock on the door. He looked over and knew it was the carolers. He stood up and opened the door with a slow pace hoping they would leave. When opening his cold frozen door he saw a small envelope lying on the floor. Immediately he opened the envelope to see what’s inside. In very formal paper there was nothing but “not forever”.
                  He thought it was peculiar to see this note at his door. He preserved it in an ivory box his wife used. The rest of the day he thought of the note until he was tired. He went to his bed and began to sleep. Suddenly in the cold of night he heard a loud noise that awoke him. He looked up with his heart racing and looked at his bedroom door. It seemed miles away but it was only a few feet away. He ran towards the door and opened it.  When he opened the door he looked down shaking in fear. He saw dark hole that seemed to be thousands of miles deep. He shut the door and jumped into his bed.
                  Under his sheets he trembled in fear hoping it will go away. Seconds later the door burst open and a giant human-like creature with large menacing wings entered. Its hair covered the face, the old man tried to identify it but he couldn’t. It grabbed the old man and took him over the cliff and dropped him. He yelled and closed his eyes without knowing where the hole would lead. He awoke from his slumber.
                  It was the middle of the night and he was scared. There was a knock on the door. He thought he knew what was to come. When opening the door a lady with a white dress stood there. All she said was “May I come in?” with a blank stare. The old man couldn’t tell who this was but he knew she was important. “My name is Jennifer I’m with the hospital; your wife has passed away.” The words sunk into his heart.  A single tear trickled down his cheek and off his chin. He made the women leave and he went to bed. He remembered his dream and realized something very strange. The dream was symbolic the winged creature was the women in white; the note was the message. He figured out the where the hole the “angel” tossed him into led to. It led to the bottom, sadness.

13 comments:

  1. David this was a great piece! It really hit home with me and with certain things in my own life. What I really enjoyed the most is the fact that it wasn't the typical Christmas story that one might expect. When you mentioned Christmas in the beginning I thought that perhaps in the end it was going to be this happy fairy tale, all wishes come true story but it wasn't. I mean it isn't that I don't like happy stories but I loved the raw emotion that was in this piece. Fantastic job!
    -Rachael Rubalcava

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  2. this really messed with my emotions. it was really good and had a good meaning behind it. good job(:

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  3. Oh my goodness, this story is beyond sad. I was hoping that the man's wife would recover. You did a wonderful job of drawing the reader into your piece. I felt like I was the one standing at the front door learning of the woman's passing. Nice work!!

    Christina Tapia

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  4. This story is depressing. I was hoping for a story similar to A Christmas Carol. I believe you did a good job with the imagery. For sure, I would be scared like the old man. When the monstrous creature took the old man away to a dark hole, it reminded me a bit of hell. I enjoyed how you conveyed the old man's sadness through a dark hole. It adds a depressing connotation because the dark hole emphasizes a life of eternal darkness that he is forced to live in.
    I would like to point out a few grammatical errors within the story. "He knew it was impossible but part of him believed it was possible" was awkwardly written. I think with a bit of revising this story will be a good one(:

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  5. This was a good story it had lots of feelings and it also happened at Christmas time. Good.job.

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  6. Good job I really liked your story. It had a lot of feeling in it and it also happened at Christmas time.

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  7. This story was good and well written i enjoyed the path it took as it was unlike other Christmas stories Ive read before.
    Cody Molla

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  8. This is a great essay, i really the whole story and how i was written

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  9. I love how you incorporated the dream sequence into the story. I also like how it didn't have a happy ending because it sets it apart from other pieces. good job

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  10. Good story David, too bad for the old man. I thought it would be a happy Christmas story.

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  11. Great Job. The end of the story made me sad

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  12. The story was really sad towards the end. Overall it was a good story. great job.
    -kyle baker
    period 6

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  13. The story was really sad towards the end. Overall it was a good story. great job.
    -kyle baker
    period 6

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