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Monday, November 18, 2013

"The Good Life" by Jocelyn L.


According to the United Nations Children's Fund, more than 70 percent of almost 11 million child deaths every year are attributable to six causes: diarrhea, malaria, neonatal infection, pneumonia, preterm delivery, or lack of oxygen at birth. Some of the deaths occur from illnesses like measles, malaria or tetanus. Others result indirectly from marginalization, conflict and HIV/AIDS.  Malnutrition and the lack of safe water and sanitation contribute to half of all these children’s deaths. But disease isn’t inevitable, nor do children with these diseases need to die. We can be the change by donating to organizations such as the United Children’s Fund to stop these deaths from occurring.                                          
She was a pretty little girl six years of age who lived a good life.  She had an emaciated face that consisted of sunken cheeks and bulging eyes popping out of her head.  Her brittle unnourished bones showed through the folds of her skin. Her black hair was very thin from her untreated lice. She had a great tan; her skin tone two shades darker from the residue of dirt on her body. She had a beautiful smile only missing the top row of her teeth from the rotting cavities. She lived a good life.
She had wonderful pets: mosquitos and spiders. Sometimes she witnessed an appearance from a diseased rodent. She liked to play with her little girl toys: a broken beer bottle and a rusted razor blade knife.  If she was not playing with her toys, she often went and ran outside. The piercing rocks on the bottom of her feet made her run faster and afterwards only some bleeding.  She lived a good life.
Dinnertime was the best part of the day, a game. The game was called “will I eat today.” She went to the junkyard and found dried bone marrow or maggot infested apples. She usually wipes the maggots off the apple.  After all, maggots don’t really affect the taste. Many days there will be nothing to eat. Most cases she concludes she did not need anything. She then goes to the puddles of water left after the rain, and drinks bacterial water. To her, the water had a wonderful taste. She lived a good life.
She wore fashionable designer clothes. Her shirts were tattered with moth eaten holes and so were her pants, now shorts. During the wintertime she endured the harsh cold with only a dim fire to keep her warm.  Her shoes were open toed and open sole it felt as if she didn’t have any on at all. Her undergarments were the finest rags or old shirts found in the junk yard. She lived a good life.
She was fatherless and told that her father took a trip and would never return home. Her mother was pregnant for quite some time and finally bore her second daughter into the world. The baby was abnormally small and weak, but a pleasant sight to all. The little girl was elated she had a sister and was no longer alone. She had someone to play with now. She lived a good life.
 Two days later the little girl died in the afternoon of Malaria. She lived a good life. Now her sister will too. The cycle continues.

50 comments:

  1. This was such a moving story. The life of the six year old girl you wrote up about it is very realistic and tragic. The description you used in your story was so vivid I was able to form images in my head. I don't know if by repeating the line "She lived a good life" was meant to be ironic or to emphasize the fact that due to the circumstances that was the best life she was capable of having. Either way that line really implemented the things this little girl had to go through on a daily basis. It also allowed me to be even more grateful for the life I have. Your story also serves as great form of awareness of the efforts of the Untied Nations Children's Fund.
    Good job.

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  2. Oh my gosh Jocelyn, this story nearly brought tears to my eyes. I am sincerely grateful to you for taking the time to acknowledge the abject poverty which faces so many millions of children around the world. I think too often we can allow ourselves to dismiss the anguish of other people as irrelevant to our own lives. But through your story, you put a face to poverty, making it personal rather than distant. Poverty is not an unfortunate condition, it is a devastating lifestyle that plagues fellow humans and we need to be reminded of that. I adore this piece. It is genuine, heartfelt, honest, and direct. Thank you for writing it.

    -Christina Tapia

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  3. Jocelyn, this piece left me thinking how blessed I am with my life right now. I always think about problems I believe to be stressful, but this piece made me remember that there are a lot of unfortunate kids out there with more problems than I can imagine. What I thought was amazing about his story was that you made the young girl think happy thoughts instead of negative thoughts. She thought of everything around her a good thing and she felt satisfied. The details of her appearance and surroundings were vivid in my head. You did an amazing job!

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  4. Wow! Fortunately, the facts from the United Nation's Children's Fund states that these are preventable conditions and death, but your story reminds us that are not being prevented at a fast enough rate. The clever and prevalent irony breaks my heart. You managed to depict the innocence of a precious girl, yet also illustrate the wretched conditions that she must endure. The effective repetition of the phrase "She lived a good life" painfully screams out irony to me and the fact that many of us are living a "good life"— at least a much better one than hers. Nonetheless, she is a fictional representation of the many and real children living this way. Sometimes we not only need a reminder of how truly blessed we are, but also a call to action to aid those who are not. I want to thank you for such a thought provoking piece!

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  5. Right from the beginning, I knew this wasn't going to be a happy story. Your piece reminded me of those advertisements on television where they have video clips of young children and adults looking for food and other essentials in waste dump sites. The repetition of the phrase "She lived a good life" repetitively made me reflect upon my life and think how great mine was compared to hers. This piece to me serves as a reminder for us fortunate ones to not take the things we own for granted and really be thankful for what we are able to have.

    -Ben Chang

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  6. That was deep. I really liked how you started off with a statistic and then made a story about a young girl illustrating her life and how her circumstances affected her. I also liked how you started off every paragraph in an optimistic way and then later contradicted it. Every paragraph was powerful with the ending " She lived a good life." This was definitely one of my favorites. Good job.

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  7. Jocelyn, this story is so riveting to me. It's interesting how you chose to write in a way to underestimate the severity of such a saddening and tragic issue, which unfortunately happens in reality.

    The irony of the sentence "She lived a good life" is chilling to the bone.

    Your education on such a topic shows just how much of a humbled person you are, and I liked your preceding context of information, and how you used that as a "call to action."

    Maybe you should be a UNICEF ambassador in the future (;

    Great job, Jocelyn. I hope you continue to use your writing skills to your advantage like this. You have a knack for it.

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  8. Jocelynnnnn. Why do you make such sad story? Very good repetition. Helped the story stay focused.
    -Kevin McCondichie

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  9. Jocelyn, this story was amazing! I found it to be verymoving and it touched me deeply. It had me thinking about how nowadays, in our community, people can make such a fuss over the most trivial things such as not getting the latest iphone or designer shoes that they desie. It helped bring back to life the deadly problems third-world countries face and the unfair conditions which small children have to face instead of living out a healthy childhood. You did a really great job and your use of irony elevated the story to another level such that it showed readers how they should not take the good conditions they live in lightly.

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  10. This story reminds me of how fortunate I am to be living in my home. It makes me sad and appreciate the things I have at the same time. Great use of imagery and repetition.

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  11. The contradiction between what the girl considers a good life and the actual reality is genius. The repetition of "She lived a good life" puts into perspective what truly is important in life.

    -Sabrina Rondero

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  12. Jocelyn this story was really well written. The contrasting ideas and understatement that you used really made the story even more powerful and showed me how blessed I am to live where I do. Good Job!

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  13. Jocelyn I really loved your story! I loved how you used repetition at the end of each paragraph so the reader could get the whole picture of the story. Your use of irony really helped develop what you were trying to say about how many children go through these same situations much like this little girl. You did a very good job.

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  14. Personally, I love reading blog entries but I've never been so INTO IT until I read this. I love everything from the beginning to the end- from the UNICEF excerpt to the poignant repetition of 'she had a good life' to the birth of the second daughter to the 'cycle repeats.' This piece was a smack in the face because I realized that all my life I've known about third world country circumstances yet I have done absolutely nothing to make a difference. Your story is moving, engaging, and brutally realistic. Your great writing skills made the story come alive. This is definitely one of my favorite pieces. GREAT JOB JOCELYN!:)

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  15. Woow. That was very informing and teaches a life lesson also . It's sad that children die , especially at a young age . Its just not good regardless but i liked your piece, made a lot of sense. Makes me think that we should be making a change of that

    -Funmi Sule

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  16. Woow. That was very informing and teaches a life lesson also . It's sad that children die , especially at a young age . Its just not good regardless but i liked your piece, made a lot of sense. Makes me think that we should be making a change of that

    -Funmi Sule

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  17. Oh it's so sad! I love how even though the girl had a life all of us would hate...she looked at the bright sides. Most of us take for granted what we have. Reading this made me extra thankful for my beautiful life. How perfect to have it posted for thanksgiving too! Great creativity! and the statistic above is great too because it supports your story.
    - Hannah Mueller (12) per.5

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  18. Jocelyn, I really liked the way that you organized this story. You prepared the reader for the seriousness of the piece from the beginning and made your point clear. Repeating the phrase, "She lived a good life" was a good idea because it created irony in your piece and as I read more and more about her hardships, and then read that sentence over and over again I felt increasingly frustrated at the fact that this story is a reality for so many children. In choosing to end with the girl's death and the birth of her sister to continue the cycle you really emphasized the fact that we should continue to help organizations like UNICEF because there are still so many children in situations like these and made the reader want to do something about the situation for themselves. Great Job!

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  19. This was an amazing story, Jocelyn. It completely went along with the quote who claimed above the story and you described how harmful all the activities the little girl did as a normal day, as oppose to our country, a dreadful life. I adore how you used repetition with the phrase "she lived a good life." Amazing imagery.

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  20. Jocelyn, this piece was so chillingly good... The irony that was repeated so many times of "She lived a good life" just completes the piece and forces us as readers to make our own judgements. You didn't need to be overly sad or use excessive pathos to allow us to see how horrible the conditions were for this girl, and for so many others. Just the irony of the whole piece, her daily life compared to the whims of our lives, opened up my eyes. This piece could not have come at a better time; it's so easy for us to get lost in all this "getting" during the holidays, that we need to also remember to "give!"

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  21. Oh my lanta, this story was absolutely amazing! Your storyline was strong throughout the piece and I loved how you repeated "she lived a good life." I also really like how you made a story out of a statistic, but didn't make it about her dying, but how she enjoyed her life. I wish in a lot of ways, more fortunate people were like the girl you made up in your story! Great job.
    Taylor Robles

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  22. Wow, I absolutely love how you started your piece with a fact. It was a huge eye-opener to me, and probably many others as well. Reading the last line of your story broke my heart. It made me realize how serious malaria actually is. I don't think enough people are aware of the poor children and adults affected with such a disease. Pieces like this make me appreciate life 100 times more. Thanks for sharing this story as it reminds us all how precious life really is.

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  23. Great job on your writing i like how you included a fact from the United States Childrens Funds keep up the great work

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  24. The verbal irony in this story makes it really heartbreaking. Seeing this little girl do all the normal things we do here in the U.S. makes the differences between a first-world country and a third-world country all the more apparent. The repetition emphasizes the point that this cycle goes on endlessly and the entire piece is a great social commentary.

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  25. Wow, this was amazing. It reminded me of the video we watched in class earlier in the semester, where the average girl's 'horrible problems' were ridiculed by images of starving children in the midst of poverty. You, like the video, made great use of irony to get the point across. Everytime you ended a paragraph with "She lived a good life", it was like a slap to the face, almost like punishment for whining about not having materialistic items when some people don't even have necessities. What I love most about this piece is the lasting impact it has on its readers, at least in my case. I know I'll think twice before ever complaining about something insignificant. Great job :)

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  26. Wow. Its funny how easy it is to forget everything we have. As I'm staring at my fancy computer screen, commenting on this fancy internet blog, I feel so ashamed and blessed. Ashamed because I am capable of forgetting suffering and blessed because I am secure enough to do so. Thank you for posting this. Truthfully, it isn't changing my life and it isn't going to save the suffering masses in less developed countries. However, if only for a few days, I'm aware and thinking about the problems that exist outside of my little bubble. Thank you for that and for writing this really sad, really true story.

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  27. This story really touched and broke my heart. Now we take advantage of everything arouns us and never realize how lucky and grateful we should all be. If the little girl in this story is still able to think that she is living a good life, then it is like we are all millionaires. At times, it is much easier to neglect other people's problem and pretend we live in an equal world, but that it not reality and your story it a reminder that many people are suffering in other parts of the world. It was a good thing to read your story in the midst of eveything going on as a reality check to all of us- to remind us to be thankful for what we have and remember there are always people worse off than we are. Great job!!!

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  28. Hey girl, your story broke my heart as I continued reading. Thank you for sharing such a tragic lifestyle that really does exist today, all over the world. You opened my eyes, and made me appreciate everything I have. Great job!

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  29. Jocelyn, this story, is really true, and is really sad. I liked the way you had facts about the children getting the many different diseases.

    -Justin Hoffman

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  30. Jocelyn, I loved your story it was so amazing very detailed. it touched me really deep about what you said. it is true that people are complaining they don't have those things when they don't enjoy life. your story was so good loved the way you explained it and in very large detail excellent job........


    -Laura tormos P.2

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  31. Jocelyn, this story was very good and serves as a reminder that sometimes when we feel like we have it bad it really is not and that we take our lifestyle for granted at times. I liked how you used repetition of the line "She lived a good life" to show how good our own lives truly are. Overall great job!
    -Cody Molla

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  32. This story made me feel bad for all the complaining I have ever done. This story is a major eye opener. I did like how you had the paradox flow throughout your story. Great job.

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  33. Jocelyn, wow. I am almost at a loss for words because of how amazing this story is. You made me open my eyes so much and realize the privileged life I am able to live. This was truly amazing. Great job.

    -Alexis Santiago

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  34. This was a very touching piece. It hurt to read it. I don't think most of us realize how good we actually have it. The repetition of "she lived a good life" was very powerful and aided in making your purpose very clear. Great job.

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  35. Wow this piece is amazing and definitely an eye opener! I loved your ironic tone that use used in this piece to really implicate the horrible reality that the little girl was living. Your use of explicit description and imagery really made me imagine the terrible situation the girl was in. One of my favorite things from the piece was how you incorporated the statistic and talked about a "cycle", which really implicates how disease and sickness spreads. I really loved your piece! Great Job!

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  36. This is a very hard hitting story. Very sad but very impressive . The use of adjectives make it very realistic.
    -Hunter Randle

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  37. The way you wrote the story was amazing, but the story itself was horrid. Your description was wonderful. you could see everything described perfectly. You masterful use of irony throughout the whole piece really was amazing and made the story. Great job.

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  38. This was fantastic Jocelyn! It was really sad, but I loved how enlightening it was. My favorite thing about this piece is how you gave such a great perspective of poverty, showing how those actually living in it choose to see it. You could honestly get this published in my opinion, it was so written so well! I really loved this. Great job!

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  39. Wowwww. This was so good and so sad. I just wanted to cry while reading this, and at the end of each paragraph/line, chills ran down my spine. It made me feel selfish, greedy, and spoiled. It was so great, I want to weep. You did a fabulous job, please keep writing.
    -Lauren Williams

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  40. you did a really good job a lot of details
    Eli Cabrera
    period 6

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  41. Your story was amazing !! It was sad though in the end on how the little girl died, but your story was also very touching. You did a really great job on your story I liked it a lot! I also like how you wrote a story about a little girl with heath issues that is also based in reality. Good Job!!

    -Natalie Anguiano

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  42. Ji Eun "Jennifer" ShinDecember 3, 2013 at 9:39 PM

    This was a really touching piece; your continuous repetition of "She lived a good life." really got to me! The imagery that you used allowed me to visualize everything clearly, allowing for the impact of the emotions to be even greater. This piece truly got me reflecting upon myself about how many people go through such hard conditions everyday--it makes me wish that I had kept my mouth shut when talking about how tired I was from school; their suffering is truly incomparable to the "suffering" that some of us go through. Thank you for such an amazing piece.

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  43. Wow that was such an amazing story honestly it's on of the best stories I've read so far! I am definitely voting for you, you write amazing. That was so sad but at least she lived happy to appreciate little things she probably had ;( -Felisa Monroy

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  44. Wow, Jocelyn. This story was so different from all of the other submissions on this website. It was so real and sad; it was honestly moving. You took something that I think that those of us who come from good communities and well-off parents don't really pay attention to. I loved how you had both a satiric and ironic tone in this story; it made it even more realistic. Great job.

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  45. I was about to tear up because it's so true, it is such a harsh reality. I really loved that you wrote about this even though it was sad. It gave the audience some real world insight and it makes them think about how grateful they should be for what they have here in the United States. Your irony in it was really what gave emotion to this piece and I think you did a wonderful job of informing our readers on world issues, such as this.

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  46. Oh my God Jocelyn this is amazing! First of all, I love that you gave us as readers some information on what inspired and drives your story. I also really liked that through the use of constant paradoxes and the repetition of the phrase "she lived a good life" you made me feel for the little girl life. Even though this little girl was never given a name, just by reading her physical description and her daily routine/hobbies I was able to create an image of her that terrified me and saddened me. This story is so inspirational and encouraging because, I completely got the message, I mean as the saying goes "children are our future" and your story proves the fact that until something is done for these innocent lives the cycle will continue and that's something I'm not okay with at all! I honestly feel like your story can bring so much change. I loved it, GREAT JOB GIRL:D
    -Lucia Gonzalez

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  47. This was an amazingly visual story even though it was very sad. When you are reading it you come to the realization that millions of kids live in conditions like this. This reminds us to be great full of everything that we have and not take anything for granted.
    -Percy Starks

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  48. This was great. It showed me how grateful we all should be because of what we have. It was really deep and i liked that. I also liked the use of repetition. Good job!

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  49. This piece is great! It reminds us of what most of us want to forget: that we CAN help to alleviate suffering that is felt by others, no matter what situation they are in. You made the girl come alive by including details that can easily by overlooked. I also liked that you used short, simple sentences throughout your piece. The made the reader stop after each sentence and let what they had just read sink in. I also like the parallel structure that you used by inserting the same conclusion sentence at the end of each paragraph. Great job!

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  50. Very excellent description of her lifestyle and appearance; I seriously thought she was a zombie at first. The repetition of "She had a good life" really tied it all together, kind of like a thesis. It makes me sad that she died at the end to leave her sister alone in the world to follow the same fate. Also, I loved the contrast with "She had designer clothes" and "She had wonderful pets," only to reveal that she didn't. Very gripping. It makes me think about how it happens every day.

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