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Monday, October 21, 2013

"Paper Thin" by Chelsea G.


I slept comfortably on my bed; suddenly I hear the alarm clock go off. What seemed weird is that it was much louder than usual. I open my eyes and I see everything bigger than me! I think to myself “What’s happening why is everything so big”. I stood up desperately from my bed in search for my mom, that’s when I realized that the distance of my bed and the floor was like a 10 story building. How do I get off? I looked at my blanket and under it there were sheets; I grabbed them and started climbing down once I was low enough I jumped off the bed like in the movies until I finally reached the floor. I was so desperate to get off I just jumped I didn’t pay attention to the height. I ran from my bed to the door what used to be a couple inches now felt like a yard. I got to the door I was small enough that I could crawl under the door ; once I was out of my room I realized I had to go down the stairs to get to the kitchen where I could hear my mom cooking. I felt it was impossible to climb down those stairs I was almost halfway down when I heard footsteps. My brother was on his way down to his room down stairs I tried getting his attention but he didn’t see or hear me. I saw that he was going downstairs so I hopped on his shoe. I was in the kitchen now and I could see what my mom always yelled at me about, the kitchen floor was filthy. Thank god we had Chinese food a week ago there was still peas on the from it. I decided to try to get my mom’s attention by kicking the peas near her so she can see something move and see me. I didn’t get to move the peas because she had already lifted me off the ground and puts me in her purse!!?? I’m in her purse during the car ride (confused, screaming hoping she’ll hear and it’s dark).After spending about an hour in silence, I hear the sound of a zipper opening to find myself blinded by a celestial ray of light. I could only see a peach blob coming at me at full speed and then I felt an asphyxiating pinch. As my vision cleared she carried me through the air and I found myself in someone else’s palm. Soon enough I was once again being dragged across the air, but this time I caught a glimpse of her name tag. Courtney. She then stuffed me in a metallic prison. “cha-ching” I then realized what that sound meant. IM A DOLLAR!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHH .

10 comments:

  1. Wow... i knew she was something like a dollar.
    Man that sucks, wonder what happens to her next.

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  2. Oh my goodness, the ending caught me completely off guard! I initially pictured the narrator as a tiny person similar to the Indian in the Cupboard. But once the mother placed her within her purse, I was utterly puzzled. The story was extremely entertaining; it kind of had a Freaky Friday vibe to it. I was so into the plotline that I found myself growing nervous when the narrator failed to get her brother's attention. Nice work!

    -Christina Tapia

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  3. Wow your story actually made me laugh at the end. I would not have guessed that you were a dollar. I'm glad you didn't reveal that until the end. Good job describing how large things were and helping me visualize just how small you were. Creative story and the title definitely makes sense now. :)

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  4. What a twist. Creative idea. Perhaps try organizing it into paragraphs to help it flow better, but other than that, it was an interesting read.
    -Kevin McCondichie

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  5. The fact that you turned out to be a dollar really surprised me. I wasn't expecting that at all. I found the story very intriguing and the ending funny. Great Job.

    Jose Mancillas

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  6. Wow! Nice job! A captivating first sentence and an unexpected last sentence! I honestly would have never guessed she was a dollar, I thought it was like an Alice in Wonderland kind of thing!
    Taylor Robes

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  7. I did not expect that little twist at the end. I was confused about why your mom would pick you up and put you in her purse. It all made since once the twist was revealed. Great job, very creative.

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  8. Chelsea! This short story of yours is very humorous. It really did get me laughing in the end. From this piece of writing I could tell that you are a wonderful and creative writer and you should continue writing more stories! The use of imagery in your story made it easier for me to visualize everything. You should totally continue writing the story! I wonder what happened to her. Did she turn back into a human? Did her mom realize that she was missing? I liked your story very much and continue the great work!
    - Tia Basa

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  9. Wow great job in the beginning to really describe what was happening and to really set the reader up for the final BOOM!! I really liked how you ended your piece, with a nice strong finish to really ice the cake! :) -Hizkia Mambo

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  10. Very nice writing I really like the story nice job and great finish great job -Daniel Gutierrez

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