Long ago there once was this magic goat that who ever possess it all
their wishes will come true. A lot have heard about this goat and a lot
have tried, but all have failed except for this one man that was smarter
than the other men. If you wanna find the goat first you go to mystery
forest, their in the middle of the forest you will see this door. This
door will lead you to this magical mountain. There you will have to
climb the mountain, but be warned because on top of the mountain there
lies the magic goat, guarded by trolles and sneaky elves which feast on
human flesh. Well the tale goes on about this one man named Tom
Witherspoon. Mr. Witherspoon decided not to take the goat because he
didn't want it falling into the wrong hands.
His story begins when he
was about the age of 25. He wanted an adventure that will be memorable.
He heard about this magical goat that grants wishes so he set out to
find this goat. So he went into mystery woods where a magical door will
be in the middle of the woods. It took him about a day finding this
magical door. Once he found he it opened it, finding this gigantic
mountain. He stepped inside the door and began his journey climbing this
tall mountain. It took about a week before reaching the top. Once he
reached the top he found the trolls with armor suits and elves with
swords bigger than their bodies. The creatures smelt the human flesh on
Mr. Witherspoon and began running toward him. But Mr. Witherspoon was
prepared he grabbed this huge chunk of meat, that he ripped of from a
dead cow and he threw it of the mountain. Stupid the creatures were and
they followed that meat only to find themselves falling to their own
death. Proud Mr. Witherspoon was he opened huge doors and inside he
found this magic talking got grazing on pure green grass. The goat said "
If you solve my riddle you can keep me and I will grant all your
wishes." Mr. Witherspoon nodded. The goat said " what is 2+2." He was
confuse and thought in his head " why would this goat ask a silly
question," but he thought long and hard and his answer was "4".
"Correct" said the goat you shall keep me forever. But Mr. Witherspoon
said "no, I only wanted and adventure and you my fellow goat are to
dangerous to be kept at my house because fallen into the wrong hands
this world could go to hell". The goat agreed. Mr. Witherspoon left and
went back to his home, relaxing and having a nice cup of coffee. And
that's the story of Tom Witherspoon and the magic goat.
Find the shape and tell it!
I really enjoyed the story, it was very cute! Just as a tip, look out for grammar errors such as, the difference between "their" and "there" and "to" and "too". Also, remember when you are quoting, the first word in the quotation needs to be capitalized. One last major tip, try to avoid using "you", the story should not be directed towards the reader unless it is for persuasion or intended to talk directly to the reader. Overall it was a great story, If I could recommend one thing to take your writing to the next level, just work on sentence phrasing. Some sentences such as, "Proud Mr. Witherspoon was he...." had a little bit of awkward phrasing. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a very good story, but i think that it would have been better if you made the story longer. I also thought that if you would have phrased the sentences better it would have mad the story excell even more. But all in all i thought you did a great job :D.
ReplyDelete- Alexandra Urena
I really like your story!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you wrote the story as if it were being told aloud. The anticlimactic conclusion to the piece was interesting in that it worked to make Mr. Witherspoon's journey comical, rather than adventurous. My only criticism would be that in the future you devote more attention to punctuation. The appropriate use of commas and periods can significantly enhance the clarity of your writing.
ReplyDelete-Christina Tapia
I really liked the story and the way it ended how he thought how the world will be like it the goat got into the wrong hands. I also really like how Mr. Witherspoon was not a selfish person and took the goat just to wish for what he wants. Really good story.
ReplyDeleteI would choose the rewind button to rewind mistakes that you regret doing. -Anthony Navarrete
ReplyDeletei really enjoy all these fantasy tales and i liked this one because the man was smart and the ending was a bit anticlimatic causing the reader some amount of dissatisfaction and making them want more. nicely done ;)
ReplyDelete- Justin M.
The story was intriguing! The imagery presented in Mr. Witherspoon's quest was quite vivid. However, I do wish the story had been longer! Why did Mr. Witherspoon go on the adventure in the first place? Great work!
ReplyDeleteAt some points, this story wasn't all that clear, most likely due to punctuation and grammar errors and just no clarification of what is being addressed or talked about at certain points of the story. I did enjoy how this story was told though. It's almost as if someone older and wiser is retelling a fanciful tale with a moral behind it to a child. I also liked how imagery was used here to allow the reader to follow Mr. Witherspoon on his adventure.
ReplyDeleteGood job on your story i like it the way the story is about this magical wishing goat. Good job
ReplyDeleteI really liked the story ! The storyline you wrote was very creative and unique. And the introductory paragraph was a nice touch to give a little background information about the magical goat before actually telling his story. But, in the future just make sure to proofread and make your writing even more "MAGICAL" (: by fixing any grammar, syntax, and punctuation issues.
ReplyDeleteReading this was very entertaining, great job on the randomness and originality. The twist of events in the end really gave me a good laugh. There were several spelling and punctuation errors that you may want to take notice of for the next time you write a piece, but nonetheless good job and keep up the imaginative and out of this world thinking :)
ReplyDeleteYour little short story was very intertaining to read! You had a great use of dialogue thorughout and the atomosephere of your story was very light-hearted and humorous when describing Mr. Witherspoon's journey. I loved that you chose a goat as one of your main characters, it made your story quite unique. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the story and how you added life to Witherspoon's journey by using description and imagery. Describing the creatures by stating that they "feast on human flesh" made me as a reader feel the danger that the quest involves. It made the obstacles that Witherspoon faces seem very life threatening. Also, the "trolls with armor suits" and "elves with swords bigger than their bodies" added to the danger. Through the use of descriptions and imager, they added a sense of adventure to Witherspoon's journey. I would suggest that you check your grammar. Other than that, your story demonstrated your attention to detail. Great story!
ReplyDeleteGood story! I like how after all he has done, he just goes home and drinks a cup of coffee.
ReplyDeleteReally good essay, I liked how the essay went.
ReplyDelete-Justin Hoffman
The topic of the story was a very unique and attention grabbing. The piece was very well written for the restriction on the length that you had. In all honesty, I think this piece could be expanded and made into a novel or longer short story that would be pretty enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteFirst things first, I have to say next time please proofread to fix the syntax errors. Despite these, the story was entertaining. Even though I didn't know why Mr. Witherspoon went on his journey until the end, I felt his motivation was just the adventure due to the trolls and elves, despite not being a typical fantasy setting. Very good.
ReplyDeletethat was a really good story but i noticed a few grammatical errors here and there but nothing to serious; the story was very imaginative and creative, it was a really cool story.
ReplyDeletethis was entertaining to me. good job- jakob cadena
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of the story it seams that it will be like any other story and Mr.Witherspoon will wish for anything and everything he can when he finds the goat.At the end Mr.Witherspoon just goes home and relaxes that caught me off guard but I liked how you did that.Great story.
ReplyDelete-Chelsea Gonzales
I enjoyed the idea of your story; mythical stories like these always make me smile! I like the ethos within the story - Mr. Witherspoon knew it was right to keep him in the cave. I also thought the hint of gore at the scene with the trolls was an excellent addition to the piece.
ReplyDeleteI am noticing a common goat theme. The ending made me laugh. Mr. Witherspoon just decides to drink a cup of coffee, like no adventure in happened. it was a good ending to a good story.
ReplyDeleteNice fantasy story, it's pretty adventurous haha. Keep an eye out for grammar errors other than that I enjoyed it!(:
ReplyDeleteThis short story was great, and my favorite part is the ending when the goat asks what is 2+2. Also, when even though Mr.Witherspoon went through all that trouble, he just goes home, drinks a cup of coffee and acts as if nothing ever happened
ReplyDelete-Hewie Vargas
Gerardo! You have a very creative imagination. I really found your story to be entertaining, touching and very humorous. I laughed a couple times throughout this short story, especially at the riddle that Mr. Witherspoon had to answer. I felt that the riddle was ironic because you would have expected that the riddle was going to be difficult. Good job using irony!(: I was very touched by the fact that Mr. Witherspoon was not selfish and did not take the goat. Overall, your story was fairly wonderful. The only critique I have is that you proofread your future essays so that you could fix any punctuation or grammar mistakes. Great Job Gerardo!
ReplyDelete- Tia Basa <3
I enjoyed that the story was told as if it was like a fairy tale. It reminds of the kinds of stories my dad and mom use to tell me before I fell asleep as a kid. The story was very well written and I also like Mr. Witherspoon's whole adventure and life. -Jose Mancillas
ReplyDeletei like the twist at the ending where the man didnt want the goat and only the advanture. its really shocking and surprising.
ReplyDeleteGood story I like how you did it in a goat.
ReplyDelete