"Growing hurts" by Carlos B

 

Loss is something we have to go through in order to value, experience and mature with it there is no other way around it. Although I can still see the teary eyes, the drowsy faces becoming drier by the day being able to show less love and affection there faces becoming like stone repeating the same words over and over again thank you, thank you, while in reality all they really wanted to do was go and hide away in there room and stay away from the all the joyness that was downstairs. I could see all of this from the back in the corner, like an owl scoping its surroundings while having to take everything in, not knowing in the moment how impactful it really was and how much it really meant to lose someone you cared dear for.

            Around 5 years ago I had to experience the death of my uncle. I remember the night it was late, maybe eleven pm and my mother got a text from her sister saying Elizabeth’s Husband is in the Hospital to go to her now. Regard you that at the moment my mother and sister were not on the best of terms but she understood that those problems were the least of our worries, so we rushed to the hospital but they did not tell me why I just heard the words “we need to go” with a sternness I have never heard before so all I could do is build a bubble of overthinking thoughts about what is going on, as we arrive to the hospital, I was left in the car and the gloomy hours made me knockout only remembering me waking up on my bed as if nothing happened almost as if I had woken up from a nightmare that was about to start. The next morning is the day we receive the news that he has passed onto the next life. The first reaction is crying from my mom and gutting feelings from my dad while my brother is still way too young to even catch a grasp of what is going on. My initial thought is pure and utter empathy towards my aunt but not a single tear dropped or even water rose to my eyelids as I could not feel what I could see everyone feeling and going through. The next day went on and once the day came to visit them and the funeral date was upon us was the day that would never escape my mind. The feeling in the air was unlike any other, the pain on my cousins and aunts faces are almost indescribable, but under all of the commotion they were still able to come through with the funeral and try to keep their composure throughout the day. Nonstop crying from everyone, the faces of regret, absolute dejection throughout the people. The ride home with complete silence, no energy or drive to do anything even hunger was not a thought.

            Now as I am older and can actually understand what occurred I now feel what the rest of my family was feeling because I am now seventeen which is the age that one of my cousins was at the time when he lost his father and I cannot fathom what I would do if this incident occurred to me, there is times at night where I am just staring at a ceiling deep in my thoughts and I try to imagine what my cousin was going through as he lost one of the most important if not the most influential person in his life. The moment I realized how big his death really was and took the bigger picture of people dying was the moment I could feel my throat start to swell as I began to feel water rise to my eyelids but the drop of tear was yet to fall. Everyday that goes on I take for granted because I cannot imagine a day without my father but everyday that passes by I realize the closer that day really is and how much more that dream can become reality. Being grateful has been something that has grown on me exponentially, enjoying each moment even if it is not the most enjoyable experience. I sit back staring into my white blank ceiling with glow in the dark stars my father put up when I was younger and I stay taking in everything he has done, isfor his children for us to live the life he didn’t have as a younger kid.