"How Kicking a Ball Changed My Life" by Madeline M

 

Everyone's life is full of trials and tribulations that help carve out the person they become over the years. With high school coming to an end, that also means my soccer career is only a few games from being nothing but a memory. So I’d like to reflect on the past 10 years that have cost my family so much money, time and effort. Which has also cost me so many tears, so much sweat and blood.

            Soccer has been a major influence in my life since I was born due to the fact my sister, who’s 10 years older than me, played and has always done very well on the field. When I was young, I hated going to my sister’s games but once I reached around the age of 8, my sister had graduated and I had started playing. I enjoyed the game at first when it was all just childish fun that had been inspired by my sister and dad. My dad always pushed my sister and I to play and try our hardest when on that field. My first few seasons were played at AYSO and I had started improving to where it led to my first real experience that had inspired something in me.

            When I was in 6th grade I was selected to play on Flames which is the first competitive team I had ever played for. This season had left me to grow as a player and form many friendships that I still have till this day. Though, by entering the world of competitive soccer, many obstacles have shown me many things. Soccer has created family issues, self confidence problems, and physical challenges that have caused me so much pain over the years. Everything started when my sister had quit college soccer her sophomore year and that led to my dad trying to kick her out and so many nights of fighting. That time in my life had lit a fire in me to push myself to never disappoint my dad.

            My following season was full of training and moving to the next level. This next level is what my time on Flames had prepared me for. I had learned basic leadership skills and what it truly meant to have teammates by your side. Starting  club soccer has shown me discipline and determination. Playing at a competitive level where I had to devote myself had started experiencing some real issues that still linger till this day. I have grown a sense of passion and a connection to the sport, but I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to say I love it. Writing this right now, during my senior year, I don’t think I ever truly fell in love with soccer the way I wish I did.

            My first club season was a walk in the park because of how low level the club was, but my second season where I had moved to a higher tier because I was convincing myself I wanted to just so that I could make my dad proud had introduced me to the harshness of coaches. I was tired of running laps constantly and doing sit ups and push ups every time I wanted water. I was tired of my coach always yelling at me and all my teammates who I had grown to love so much. I was tired of being only told the negative in everything I did on that field because I had started to only see the negative in myself and everything I did off the field too.

            Trying to quit when I was 13 was a decision that had caused some tension with my dad, by that I mean he didn’t look at me for 3 days and ignored my existence. But that had gone against my biggest goal in life, not disappointing him. So I had started training myself to prove to him I wanted this, when in reality this was the beginning of a descent into depression that I had barely been able to claw myself out of by my junior year. My relationship with soccer was built on a shaky foundation of fear instead of a sturdy one of passion like most players. But I will say there has always been a form of passion for the sport buried inside me, I will always have some form of love for the sport, even though it has been the stem of so many negatives in my life.

 My injuries to my knee have taught me what it means to be committed and how to push through the tough times. I had partially dislocated my knee cap and strained my ACL in November of my 8th grade year, this had me out for roughly 6-7 months. I had worked and rehabbed and got back out there, I moved to the club my sister had played for because she was always my inspiration in so much I did. There I met amazing coaches and made some amazing friends. I had bounced around and played games with many different teams within that club. I am currently still playing with this club, which is called Legends FC in case anyone has heard of it.  I have received so much love and support from people within this Legends family that I had thought I started really loving the sport because for once I was truly performing and  had a newly lit fire under me to drive harder.

But, all good things came to an end when my second knee injury happened. Right before my sophomore year, a full knee cap dislocation that had torn my soft tissue and cartilage in my knee. This one was much more painful and very rough on me both mentally and physically. Yet, once again I worked and I came back after months of rehab and MRI scans. Though this injury did really screw me over for my high school season, it landed me another year on JV, which I had hated because I felt so worthless seeing everyone else make Varsity. I felt as if I could do nothing right and that I was simply a waste of space, time, and money.

Over the course of high school I had plenty of ups and downs socially, mentally and physically, but I always did have soccer and I am eternally grateful to the sport for showing me how to push through the hard things and teaching me so many lessons along the way. As I write this, my leg is propped up and being iced because I have dislocated my kneecap once again, November 16th, 2023, marking the possible date of the official end of my career. I currently have no idea if I will be able to play my senior season at Etiwanda and I am unsure if my Legends team is playing after the high school season. So for this last little section I just want to say, thank you to soccer and thank you to whoever has read this entire piece. I wish I could’ve found it in myself to truly fall in love with soccer and continue my journey into college with it as my form of stabilization. But there is nothing I can do now, I will be hanging up my cleats very soon and will always thank this sport for being a very prominent influence in creating who I am. Thank you for the last 10 years, I’ll miss you sometimes and other times I’ll be overjoyed that you’re no longer in my life. Now my career is nothing but a memory.