“BFF” by Kevin W

“BFF.” This term’s heard everywhere and has become so common that what it’s an initialism for is automatically understood by a randomly selected person. According to Oxford Languages, a best friend is “a person’s closest friend.” Then, I looked up what closest means, and the result I got is: “to seem to be gathering in on all sides” (thefreedictionary), but in this context, it means one who is readily available to catch you from falling apart. I’m sure many of you have “best friends,” but I want you to question whether they will help you in your hardest times. For example, your startup company is in a $50,000 debt and you ask your friend to lend you $20,000. Will he/she help you despite knowing that they may never get there money back? If they do, this clearly indicates that he/she values his/her relationship with you more than the money. My point isn’t to tear you apart from your best friend or contradict what a best friend really entails. Instead, I want to share my view of how to spot a genuine best friend.

I grew up in a small community in Los Angeles, where I, like all of the other kids in my elementary school, formed close groups of friends. Long story short, I became best friends with a person, whose name will be replaced with Bob for confidentiality reasons. We hung out on the weekends and during recess, shared similar interests in gaming and basketball, and always saw each other as best friends. That’s what I believed until the beginning of middle school, when he decided to break ties with me when I didn’t participate in one of his games. I became infuriated and lonely, not knowing why he didn’t really value what I believed to be a close friendship. He hadn’t even offered me a chance to speak nor had he tried to talk to me. That’s the moment in which I began to contemplate the true meaning of friendship and I’m still reforming my principles of what a life-long friend is.

I’ve seen on social media where people would express their concerns of how when they put in their best effort and care to show the gratitude and loyalty they have towards their best friends, they didn’t receive the same level of treatment back. According to hellogiggles, “a 2009 Dutch study found that a large majority of friendships only last about seven years.” 7 years really isn’t the length of a friendship with a close friend. A close friendship is expected to last a lifetime.

I advise people to view friendships as investments. Investing your all towards another is very risky as you would end up damaging your own self-esteem if that person does not acknowledge your care. It could also build up social anxiety, preventing one from reaching out to form bonds with strangers (speaking from personal experience). This would take a toll of your social health, a vital component, besides psychological and physical well-being, to your overall health. However, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t invest at all into friendships. Instead, invest moderately in all bonds as that would not only prevent you from being harmed in the long run, but it would also allow the other side to see your qualities and reveal their own character and willingness to develop the relationship. In that case, you can gradually increase your investments into those people that express the qualities of being humble, kind, supportive, loyal, and considerate towards you (urban dictionary), and are also willing to invest in furthering the connections. They would remain that way even if you encounter traumatic events such as losing your house or getting into a car accident. Keep this in mind if you don’t have a best friend or are looking for one. But if you do have one, be open towards your other close friends that may embody the traits mentioned above because you wouldn’t want to lose the opportunity to create more life-long friendships.