"Blended " by Savannah F

 

            I don't remember the exact moment when it happened. I don't remember how I felt in the moment. I don't remember how I responded. What I do remember, was the lasting effect it had on my life from that point on. At the time of my parents divorce, I was four years old. It was right before I started kindergarten. Because I was so young, I did not understand the situation. But as I got older, the challenges evolved from my parents getting divorced, to gaining two new parents and a sister. Through this journey, I have learned how to successfully integrate families.

            All four of my parents put aside their issues with each other to raise me. I know that this does not happen in every blended family. One thing I have learned throughout the process, is that my parents always put me first and that the child should be the main concern when going through a divorce and remarriage. The actions of parents weigh both positively and negatively on the children. There are many different books out on how to successfully blend a family, but none of them come from a child’s perspective. I want to share the steps to take to blend a family.

The most important steps when trying to integrate families are acceptance and communication. Acceptance is the most important step because it makes way for personal growth and open-mindedness. I believe that acceptance is the base of all successfully blended families. Without it, we would constantly be held back by the past instead of looking toward the future. At the time that my dad introduced me to my step-mom, I truly believed I had accepted the fate of my family. That being said, I thought that my family was going to be the same, except my parents didn't live together anymore.  As time went on, my step-mom became a bigger part of my life, and I soon realized that I had not yet fully accepted what my family was going to become. I did not want someone else in my life to act as a mother figure when I already had one. Through countless arguments and a lifetime full of great memories, I learned to accept her and the love she has for me. Looking back, I now realize that once we all accepted the fate of our family, we experienced the most growth.

Communication also plays such a significant role in the process of blending families. It allows for family members to express their emotions and for others to respond accordingly. We cannot know truly how someone feels without asking them. We also cannot expect for people to treat us the way we wish to be treated, when we do not tell them how. With that being said, we have to understand that talking is not the only piece of communication. To be effective communicators we also have to listen. Messages and emotions can easily be misinterpreted when we are not actively attempting to understand one another.

Accepting that my step-mom was going to be a part of my life taught me that there's no harm in having more people to love you unconditionally. Communication allowed us to gain an understanding for each other and build a strong connection. When I was younger,  I did not want to be the girl at school with the divorced parents. Looking back on that, I now know that I am loved more than I could ever imagine. My step-mom and step-dad’s family welcomed me with open arms. I learned that although my parents getting divorced wasn't ideal, my new family is what is best for me. I no longer judge a situation based on how it is in the moment, but how it will shape me into the person I am meant to be in the future.