Sometimes I wonder why I even come over sometimes because you’re always working overtime. It feels as though I only spend one day with you and during that whole 1 day, you’re always on the phone or getting irritated from everyone surrounding you. Sometimes it feels awkward to even say something to you because every time I talk to you you never pay attention to what I say because you’re always on your phone. It’s sad to hear ryan tell me or Sylvia that he just wants you to be here. I feel like that’s what we all want and I get that you have to work overtime to pay bills but everything we have are replaceable but time spent with family isn’t. You never know what can happen the next day. Besides I’d rather be poor and get to spend the time we get to spend with each other rather than not seeing each other every chance we get together because you need to work overtime. The house, shoes, cars, those are all things that are replaceable but memories with family isn’t.
One day Ryan and I are going to be all grown up, having our own families and what memories would you have of us? That’s my question to you. Would it be yelling at us in the car, yelling at ryan because he’s trying to get your attention to play with him. Wouldn’t you want more of the good memories like all of us playing catch at the beach or having dinner and laughter around the table. Those are all the good memories I can think of because it’s rare to share a good memory with you when you’re never here and I don’t mean here as in being home I mean here with no distractions like your game or your phone. I feel as though you never pay attention to any one of us not just me and Ryan but Sylvia feel this way too. You complain about the house not being clean but you don’t realize the stuff she does. She takes care of ryan most of the time without help from you, manages to pack you lunch or offers to take you lunch, she always makes sure there’s food in the house, buys your favorite snacks, and so much more. Never once have I seen you help out in the way she does.
Sometimes you take us for granted and push us to the side just like Father’s Day and how you went to spend time with your friends fishing and it hurt to see a little boy ask ryan where’s your dad at when we went to in n out. Do you know that I could’ve just stood home that day at my moms and spend Father’s Day with chuy but I didn’t because I didn’t want to be disrespectful towards you because you’re my real dad. It made me sad to see my friends and cousins spending time with their dads all over social media but all I got to share on social media was the score board from Sylvia, Ryan, and I when we were bowling. I know me and you spent time together when I was younger but all you did was take me places, buy me things then sent me to my cousins even before you met Sylvia.
Right now me ryan and sylvia all need you in our lives to just be here. We don’t want you to spend all kinds of money and call that “family time” when we can just play football in the backyard or get a basketball hoop and play basketball. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to spoil us all we want is your time of day. Last night when I was on Instagram scrolling through my search page I saw a picture of you and another little girl that you took to a father daughter dance which you’ve never done with me. Do you know how much it hurt for me to see that? That you’re able to give someone else’s kids that aren’t yours, your attention. I forgive you
but I don’t want you to do it to Ryan. I’m already getting ready to go to college but the only thing I wish for is for you to be here with all of us and not somewhere else. Look when I go to college I’ll only be coming over to visit once awhile. Ryan still has most of his life ahead of him at least be there for him and not just physically. Thank you for teaching me to be present and showing me how to care for my siblings and future children in the years to come.
Yours truly -
Lauren, your daughter
Thank you for sharing this truly heartfelt letter and message to your father and perhaps a moment of your vulnerability as well. Like you, many of us have grown up with parental conflicts and other family issues, so I am glad that you were able to communicate your own heart and possibly with your father through this way. Wishing the best and the better -- Zhenwei Gao
ReplyDeleteYour maturity and strength was strongly demonstrated through this and thank you for being so vulnerable by sharing this letter. The letter was so raw and open yet simple and showed how you are genuinely just asking for simple time with your father and I hope you receive it one day. I'm glad to see you've grown from this experience and this letter written amazingly thank you :)
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your emotions with us, I appreciate it. As someone who has a difficult relationship with my father, I can definitely relate to how you're feeling. You're not alone and you're not at fault. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
ReplyDeleteThis made me tear up I cannnnot right now. I hope you know you are loved & sharing this was so amazing of you. I felt your words and they hit pretty close to home. Youre so strong & I pray that one day he hears these words. Im speechless almost, stay strong Lauren!! Thank you for sharing something so sensitive.
ReplyDeleteThis was truly powerful. The wording was personal and casual which conveyed your point of making it a letter toy our dad. The message was strong in what you wanted and it was very strong fo you to say those things because usually people just pass them by. It's also good you have Ryan to fight for. I like how you said you forgive your dad but you still want him to change for Ryan's sake. Really good piece. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis beautifully composed letter truly shows your strength and ability to persevere through life's more challenging moments. Thank you for sharing this moment of vulnerability with us as I know many others, including myself can relate to wanting to spend just a little more time with their fathers and its comforting to see that we are not alone in this. Lauren, thank you and I wish you all the happiness in the world!
ReplyDeleteThis letter not only shows what a beautiful writer you are but it also shows how strong you are and have always been. It's not easy taking care of a sibling when the person who should be there for them emotionally isn't. It feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I love how you say I forgive you because thats a hard thing to do. I hope he changes for your brother and be the dad his son more the deserves. Thank you for your amazing piece! -Abigail Babatunde
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and your words brought me to tears. You show great strength and forgiveness given what has happened/happening. Thank you for being a role model for others. I wish the best for you.
ReplyDeleteI completely relate to this and think you wrote this piece so beautifully. Being able to open up and show vulnerability like this is so great. Relationships with father can sometimes be difficult to navigate and I think you did a goof jobs of showing how other feels the same way.
ReplyDeleteYou conveyed your feelings toward your father's treatment in such a clear, mature way. It can be really difficult to properly convey such feelings, but you seemed to do it effortlessly in your piece. You're really only asking for the bare minimum from your father, yet it seems like such a big ask. You seem like an amazing sister, and your concern and love for Ryan and your entire family shows!
ReplyDeleteAh Lauren, my heart truly goes out to you. I felt your raw emotion laced within every word you wrote. I teared up while reading this, and I just want to say thank you for sharing such a personal letter to us. Not only are you allowing others to connect to you who are going through similar situations, but you touch the hearts of those who read it. This was beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteLauren, thank you for sharing such a piece about an emotional topic. It was truly saddening to read throughout your story, for you were able to convey such sentiment. As smoothly written, it was as perfectly written. I hope all is well with you, and hope that you are soon receiving what you have longed for.
ReplyDelete- Dianna Villasenor
Lauren, this was beautiful. I was genuinely taken aback by how you ended your letter with a thank you for what he taught you through the pain he has caused you. I love that rather than let it ruin your life anymore than it already has, you're looking at the future- ryan's future, your children's future, and even your own. This letter really hit home for me because I feel the same way about my dad in that he's "there" physically but he couldn't care less about anything outside of his phone or the tv. I loved what you wrote and how you wrote it made me love it even more. I hope things get better :') -Estella Poirier
ReplyDeleteLauren, my heart aches for you. This hurt to read and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. The emotion is so raw in this that even as a reader, I am going through the feelings you are. I am so sorry and I hope things workout for you and things change one day. Stay strong love.
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