"It's Not My Fault" by Charmaine L

This topic may be triggering for some readers. No one deserves to face such an experience and I hope anyone who has encountered a similar situation has mentally and/or physically healed.

 

Sexual harassment is characterized as “‘unwanted and unwelcome sexual behavior,’ ranging from sexual comments, jokes, gestures, or looks to forced physical activity.” In 1993, the American Association of University Women (AAUW) reported that 76% of all boys and 85% of all girls in grades 8-11 say that they had been sexually harassed in some manner in school. In their recent study (2006) on colleges and universities, it was reported that 62% of female students and 61% of male students have experienced sexual harassment on campus.

 

Sexual harassment is one of the many forms of harassment that occurs so often in many different settings. It is a topic that should not be avoided, and no one should have to feel afraid to share their story. You never expect to be in a situation until you find yourself in it. I did in May 2019.

 

I’ve always been pretty cautious of my surroundings and made myself aware of the things I would or could be getting myself into. However, I didn’t realize how fast these things can occur. Suddenly it happened one day after school while I was waiting for my ride. My friend thought it was the right moment and did what he had done, and I was shocked. I felt like I had forgotten how to breathe. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, I just froze.

 

I didn’t say yes, I didn’t say no. I went home feeling horrible, beating myself up believing that it was my fault. Why didn’t I say something? Why couldn’t I have easily just told him to stop? Why am I so bothered even though it could’ve been way worse? These questions filled my head. I kept asking myself why should I feel bad about it when other girls have gone through something more horrible.

 

I thought that when I woke up the next morning I would forget that memory I had, but it became the first thought of the day and would continue to linger. I didn’t feel unsafe at school because I knew my friends had my back but the last couple of days were difficult. I couldn’t focus anymore, I was sleeping during class, and all I was looking forward to was summer break. With time, I did get the situation cleared up and I eventually did start to get over it with the process of changing the route to go to my next class, surrounding myself with friends and family who have helped me become happier, and overall just picking myself back up and improving my mental health.

 

At the time I never really educated myself or was informed too much about the topic of sexual harassment. I had trouble identifying what sexual harassment looked like and I have learned so much along the way now with social media spreading awareness about the subject. I’ve read various stories of women AND men who shared their experiences and I thought I could also share some ways to tell if someone is uncomfortable. If anyone is ever in a situation that you don’t feel 1000% comfortable in, trust your gut and walk away from it.

 

Consent is strictly important because some people don’t know how to say no. Silence means no until someone gives a solid yes. Body language can also show whether someone is agreeing or not. If someone is unenthusiastic, any sexual advances should be stopped immediately. “Sure,” “it’s up to you,” and “wait, hold on” are common excuses that men and women use to avoid a situation. Follow-up questions for those phrases can be asked to ensure that consent is given, but it should be recognized when someone is hesitant about it. Sexual harassment can also occur in relationships. Just because two people are dating does not give an automatic yes to do something with the partner. No one should feel guilty for having to act comfortable, because fear can build up in a situation like this. Consent must always be given.

 

To those who are reading this, you are loved and cared for! Please reach out to a friend or a trusted adult if you experience or see anyone being harassed.

 

 

other ways to say no by @abbi_pennies on twitter:

-       “i’m uncomfortable”

-       “maybe another time”

-       “i don’t want to”

-       “this doesn’t feel right”

-       “i don’t feel like it”

-       “maybe we should wait”

-       “i’m unsure”

-       “i don’t want to do this anymore”

-       “i don’t think so”

-       “i want to leave”

-       “not right now”

-       “stop”

 

Works Cited:

Husky, Linda. "Sexual Harassment (1990s)." American Decades: 1990-1999, edited by Tandy McConnell, Gale, 2001. Gale In Context: High School, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ2346200837/SUIC?u=etiwanda_hsl&sid=SUIC&xid=819c4cd0. Accessed 21 Oct. 2020.