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Monday, April 13, 2020

"The Second Half of Senior Year" by Kori Y


     In the days leading up to March 13th, I didn’t know what to expect anymore. Emails were sent out throughout the week informing students that we should be prepared for remote learning in case of a school shutdown. At the start of the week, I was fairly certain that the school wouldn’t shut down. Why would it when all the other times I wished it would close, it wouldn’t? However, as the week progressed, I grew more and more convinced that the possibility of the school shutting down was a considerable one. Then, March 13th arrived and the announcement came that the school was closing. To many students, the shutting down of school was probably a grace they’d get to experience only once in their life. Based on the reactions I heard in the hallway of the B building after the announcement, this seemed quite true.

     I was still a little confused about how I was feeling by the time I got home that Friday as I was overwhelmed with all sorts of different emotions. To be honest, I would’ve been lying to myself if I said I felt completely and absolutely opposed to the idea of not going to school for the next few weeks. In fact, there was a part of me that was relieved that school was “out”. Maybe then, that test that was planned for Monday could be rescheduled or I wouldn’t have to turn in that assignment I hadn’t started yet. However, I was also feeling lost. There was another part of me that hated the fact that school had shut down, not because I didn’t recognize the dangers of continuing to keep school open at times such as these, but because of the time I had left in high school that would slowly be slipping away. As I went to my room, I was already considering the impacts that this school shut down would have. It hit me that the school shut down would have a different impact for seniors that the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen just couldn’t understand. For us seniors, the time that we’d spend at home was time that was originally intended for us to close out our 4 year journey. As a result of the school shutting down, we wouldn’t be able to talk to the teachers that we had grown to respect and admire throughout the years, see our friends, possibly make new ones, and make our last finishing touches on the impact we wanted to leave behind. Before I knew it, my first week of distance learning had begun and immediately, it didn’t feel right. With no incentive to get up early in the morning and no school environment, I wasn’t in the mindset to focus on doing school work. Thankfully, spring break came just as quickly as the first week of remote learning did but unfortunately, it wasn’t much better.

     I sat in my room as the days of spring break passed by. There wasn’t simply a feeling of emptiness but one of confinement. Funny enough, it was one of the most peculiar feelings of confinement ever. Although spring break was here, no one was going out to malls or theatres or to each other's houses. There was no parent keeping me from going outside because I was in trouble. Yet, there was an invisible force keeping me inside. From what I remember, every day of spring break was a beautiful one with just the right temperature and good amount of sunlight. When I went out into the backyard, the air seemed pure and cooling while the sun brought warmth like how a campfire did on a chilly night. However, that was all I could experience from within the confines of my house. I would always find myself eventually returning to my room with a whole lot of time to let my thoughts wander. The outside almost seemed to be mocking me by deciding to bring such great weather while I couldn’t go out. The days eventually all sort of blended together. It didn’t matter much whether it was Monday or Friday or whether it was a weekend or a weekday. The date of the month didn’t matter much either unless it was for a due date to turn in an assignment. However, I still knew that spring break was coming to a close and I would soon be receiving more Google classroom and Remind notifications than I ever had. 

     Eventually, our return to school got pushed from April 3rd to May 1st and then the rest of the school year although I wasn’t surprised. Although this situation brought along a lot of inconvenience, it also gave me time to think, time that I never really had before while I still went to school. Until this quarantine, it had never occurred to me just how much I actually valued time at school. Time away from my senior year made me recognize that although I wouldn’t be able to make a few more last memories from the year, I did at least make some in the beginning of the year and those are the ones I should appreciate. A year ago or maybe even half a year ago, no one would have dreamed that everyone would be stuck inside for so long. Because no one ever really knows when events such as these will occur, it is important to cherish the times where you’re free to be out in public without worry or go to school and be with friends. All the time alone in quarantine helped me understand that we never really see the value of some things until it is taken away from us.

     I hope everyone is okay during this time and thank you to everyone from doctors to nurses to scientists to even your average everyday person for their efforts to make this situation better. Whether it be from treating sick patients directly, studying the virus, or simply social distancing, it is all appreciated.

41 comments:

  1. Bro… I absolutely feel you. The struggle really is real. I pretty much felt the exact same things. In the beginning I was like nah the school isn’t gonna close down for that that long; we will be back soon. Then they extend the school closure date to May 1st, then to the end of the school year, and I just kind of felt “lost” like you said. It was really kind of like a double-edged sword. On one side, I don’t have to wake up at 8am everyday, try “as hard” as I normally due since we are in different circumstances, etc. But, it really did, like you mentioned, helped me appreciate school a lot more. Great blog post! You articulated your thoughts very well, and it was very relatable.

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  2. This was the exact way I am feeling about school. I never would of thought that we would want to come back to school. It is crazy that situations like this, really make us value the things we have. I hope the class of 2020 gets to see each other soon, and we all get to say goodbye the final time.

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  3. While reading this piece, I felt so emotional because you just described how all of us seniors feel in this time of crisis. I can feel your pain, regret, and gratefulness just by reading this, which also reflects my thoughts and feelings about the whole situation we're currently at. I was so entranced by your writing to the extent where it touched my personal emotions because I could feel the sincerity of your feelings. Overall,I love this and if not more.

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  4. This is something most if not all of us relate to. Our senior year was robbed from us and you explained what most of us are feeling almost perfectly. Good job!

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  5. Rinel-Christian AlbaniaApril 15, 2020 at 2:56 PM

    Glad we are in the same boat man! As I'm sure you already know, this is an ambivalent time for everyone and I totally agree that this was an eye-opener to the many simple things in life we take for granted, such as stepping outside and spending time with friends at school. At least all of us are "lost together" in a sense. Great work!

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  6. This will probably have the most comments assuming seniors do their comments. I feel like most seniors could definitely relate to your writing and I am assuming most can say that this is something that they went through with the announcements of school closure. Yes our year was ended early and it is sad but there is other opportunity with this and there is a positive outlook that can taken.

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  7. This whole situation has definitely be tough. I can say I can totally relate and this will reach hundreds of seniors' hearts. It was very easy for anyone to be able to relate somehow to this piece and all we can really do is work through it the best we can.

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  8. I loved that you were able to turn this situation into a positive opportunity to appreciate the things you weren't able to before. Although it is very sad that our senior year was cut short, it is nice to look back at all the good moments we were able to have. Great job!!

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  9. This was so accurate to what I was feeling too. I felt like all the days just kind of mashed together and weekdays blurred from weekends as none of that matters anymore. Time only seemed to matter when you didn't have enough. The class of 2020 would look back on this year as one of the most hectic and life-changing. We can only keep a positive attitude during these difficult times.

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  10. Reading your piece made me very emotional, it is something all of the 2020 senior class can heartfully relate to. Nice work articulating your thoughts; We all are missing closure from our last year before adulthood and college, and I still remember my last day of high school in early March so vividly despite not knowing it would be the last day. It is a strange, devastating, and unfortunate time but we will all get through this and hopefully look back with understanding <3

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  11. I relate to this so much, your words are exactly how I feel and I'm sure many other seniors globally feel as well. It was a very relatable and emotional piece and I feel we all now understand how valuable time can be and how we should cherish the memories we get. Great work.

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  12. It's comforting to know that there are other's experiencing the same feelings I am during this time. This piece is something we can all relate to because we're all living through this together. Good work!

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  13. This was very well-written and you made such a great point. Even through the stressful and difficult times, we must appreciate the people we experience it all with and any laughs that are shared. And you are absolutely right; all concepts of time and days have definitely been lost lol. Great job!

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  14. Kori, I can totally feel and relate to your piece! Our senior year, the last and supposedly the best year of our high school year, was taken away from us and it is indeed devastating. I was also heart broken after finding out that we will no longer return to school. It was definitely shocking to all of us. However, I liked this piece so much because you’ve shown positivity despite the situation. I am glad I met you in high school, and yes, I agree when you said that at least we were able to create long lasting memories that we can altogether cherish.

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  15. Isabella PattersonApril 21, 2020 at 3:00 PM

    This was a pretty perfect summary of what it seems like all of us are feeling right now. It was nice, for lack of better words, to see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I also found it amusing how you described the lack of motivation because it made me think this quarantine is causing Senoritis 2.0 for everyone. -Isabella Patterson

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  16. Your piece had me walk through senior year once again, but even more slower this time. You managed to capture the feeling and effects of time slipping by at such an incredible rate since the start of quarantine, but in such a "slow" form of writing, which really puts me in awe. That's the way I see it, and that's the way it feels. I think it is because you wrote your piece in a catalog way, like an astronaut stuck on a remote planet would as the days go by. But an astronaut doesn't just sit there, he works. We must do the same and use this valuable time to work on ourselves. Well done.

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  17. This point in time as everyone is feeling so alone in their own feelings when we are all going through the same thing. Seeing how you felt when everything was starting out. You wrote a week written piece about this fact of what you are feeling which something we all can feel.

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  18. Thanks for writing this piece Kori, I’m glad that I got to read something super relatable with all that’s been going on. Thanks for sharing!!

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  19. That feeling of confinement is very relatable. Although we have access to so many resources allowing us to communicate, nothing can compare to talking to and hugging your friends for the last time (or "vibing" with them ;)). Your writing has made me realize, once again, what I took for granted when I was at school. None of us seniors knew that March 13th would be our last day of high school, but in a way, not knowing had kept us away from having to say goodbyes. You're an amazing writer, and thank you for sharing your thoughts :)

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  20. I love how you wrote how we as seniors are all feeling during this tough time. I felt pain in my chest reading this because it just made me emotional. But you are right about how we don't really appreciate the things we have until it is taken away from us and I feel like we as a society should really take that into consideration and appreciate all the things that we have and not take it for granted. Overall, this piece was a very good read and I'm so glad someone covered this topic. -Kaj Miranda

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  21. My life doesn't feel right anymore anyway. There is a big feeling of existential dread. I myself have been listening to music from the 70s and just thinking. Nothing feels right anymore. I'm happy you could display your emotions that we all relate to. Good work soldier ~Nathan Sandoval

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  22. The fact that we ended school on Friday the 13th is depressing to think about and I completely understand what you are going through. Our spring break should have been filled with fun (like you said). We should've been able to go places with our best friends but we weren't and the weather outside almost reflected that. I also am grateful for the 1st semester because lots of memories were made and that's what we will have to hold onto in the future.

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  23. This piece was super relatable to a lot of students, as they can read this in their own shoes, knowing that all of this is happening to them as well. Thanks for sharing your feelings! -Aaron P

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  24. You perfectly depicted what I think all our peers are currently feeling. It hit most when you talked about the beautiful weather we've been having that is just mocking us to be out in the world again. Although our situation is unfortunate, I appreciate your ability to focus on the good that has come out of your senior year. I particularly loved the gratitude you sent out to the people doing their part in this whole situation.

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  25. Your piece is so beautifully written. I have been feeling the same way and have realized how appreciative I should be for the first semester of my senior year and for the short amount of time from this semester. I also like how you mentioned that even though this time has been rough, you have learned something from it which was how you started to understand that we never really see the value of certian things in life until it's taken away from us. Overall great work!

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  26. The way you describe how you felt the day we found out everything is closing down is honestly one of the most accurate things I have read. I felt the exact same way and feel the same about how everything just feels empty and lonely now. WE just have to hold onto the future that may be in store for us and hope for the best.

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  27. This piece is relatable on another level. I’m sure we all wanted to enjoy our last few months as seniors. It’s sad knowing that I won’t see many people after high school but that is unfortunately just the way life is.

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  28. This is obviously so relatable this whole situation is still so crazy and surreal, I went to the store today and its just so nuts to see everyone with masks on to be totally honest its kinda scary. Like you said I really never noticed how much I valued school.

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  29. I think your piece is so relatable. It captures so much emotion and makes you feel in the moment. I also think that you perfectly described the current situation. Amazing job!! -Linda Hung

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  30. I know what you mean man. I feel trapped in my house and in my room. We have so many things we could be doing, but none of it eases the need to go out into the world and interact with new or different people everyday. Great writing on how you're feeling in this crisis. Stay safe out there. -Justin Lim

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  31. I think your blog post was very well structured and detailed of how you feel during this time and also im sure all of us. I also like how you mentioned the memories of the beginning of the year are the ones we should hold onto and I agree. I hope you are well also!

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  32. i know how you feel. this whole situation has allowed me to see school and senior year in an entirely different way. i never realized how happy i was to go to school until i couldn’t anymore. i feel somewhat cheated out of a high school experience and those weekends out or with friends. i hope that everything works out in the end. stay safe and healthy:)

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  33. I absolutely loved reading this! It was very relatable and really shows how most of us are feeling. I really enjoyed the part where you said you said we don’t see the value of things until they’re taken away which is so true considering how many of us actually miss school. Thank you so much for this very well written piece that made us realize we’re not alone.

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  34. I absolutely loved reading this! It was very relatable and really shows how most of us are feeling. I really enjoyed the part where you said you said we don’t see the value of things until they’re taken away which is so true considering how many of us actually miss school. Thank you so much for this very well written piece that made us realize we’re not alone.

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  35. Your blog was very relatable! This has been a difficult and unexpected year for all of us and reading this sparked many emotions. Amazing job at giving us your personal perspective which most of us can agree that we have similar perspectives. Well done!

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  36. I can feel the same emotions that you are feeling. This is all brand new to us and we are going to get through and it will all end sooner or later. Great job.

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  37. I felt this on a spiritual level. I was immediately attracted to this piece when I saw the title because this is something that all of the class of 2020 is struggling with. This is honestly very similar to how the story has played out in my head and how I'm going to eventually tell this to my kids and grandkids.

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  38. Isabel QuintanillaApril 23, 2020 at 3:37 PM

    I think this is how most of us felt, and continue to feel knowing that our senior year will have to end this way but I love that you turned this into a positive experience by being grateful for the memories that you did make. Great job!

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  39. Sabrina MusharbashApril 23, 2020 at 6:09 PM

    Honestly, I couldn’t wait for school to be cancelled but then once it actually was I felt such a loss when I realized I’d never be able to see some of my closest friends except through my phone for the rest of the school year. I completely understand what you said about the days seeming to bleed into one another...I literally never know what day it is anymore either. I think you did a great job capturing the emotions that we are all feeling and I especially love the thank you at the end that you gave to essential workers and everyone else for social distancing. Overall, great job.

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  40. With the overriding emotions of the entire class of 2020 unable to be put to words, you did an incredibly well job in doing so! The confusion and the numbness we all are separately feeling as we stay apart, but we remain in unison as the stages of this pandemic affect us all in a matter of sadness yet eye-opening awareness to what we had taken for granted and what we should be grateful. Thank you for this!

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  41. I can totally understand your feeling Kori. Everything about this post was exactly what I felt. Experiencing this whole thing made me appreciate school more, made me appreciate the things I thought I disliked. To me there are pros and cons to this whole situation and I am not glad nor mad that all this is happening. To me this is something that happens in life and we all just have to deal with it together, but seeing you write this did make me realize and dwell on things that I have done in the past.

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