It was a summer day, 5 years ago. Like every other summer with my family, most of it is
spent in the refreshing pool of my nina’s. My cousins who usually came over to swim were: Chris,
Andrew, Myself, Hannah, Michael, Lina, James, and (the youngest at the time) Aaron. It was made a priority for the Jimenez kids to know how to swim since we went so often, which all of us
had. All except little baby Aaron.
Before we all went to the pool, my family fed us all and thus began the summer day that fell out of our normal routine. My two eldest cousins Andrew and Chris both use lifevests because they weren’t the greatest swimmers and they needed a little help to keep them up above the water.
Aaron used a lifevest simply because he didn’t know how to swim.
All of the cousins were swimming together playing games while the adults stayed inside. .
After most of them went inside to rest after a couple hours of swimming, it was just Lina, James, and I left in the pool. Now, I don’t know what YOU did with your cousins in the pool but my
spent in the refreshing pool of my nina’s. My cousins who usually came over to swim were: Chris,
Andrew, Myself, Hannah, Michael, Lina, James, and (the youngest at the time) Aaron. It was made a priority for the Jimenez kids to know how to swim since we went so often, which all of us
had. All except little baby Aaron.
Before we all went to the pool, my family fed us all and thus began the summer day that fell out of our normal routine. My two eldest cousins Andrew and Chris both use lifevests because they weren’t the greatest swimmers and they needed a little help to keep them up above the water.
Aaron used a lifevest simply because he didn’t know how to swim.
All of the cousins were swimming together playing games while the adults stayed inside. .
After most of them went inside to rest after a couple hours of swimming, it was just Lina, James, and I left in the pool. Now, I don’t know what YOU did with your cousins in the pool but my
family really enjoyed pretending we were rulers of the sea. We usually switch up the roles of
who
plays what and that day I wanted to be a good mermaid while my cousin Lina and James were my
rivals. As we played, unknowingly to anyone else, Hannah had taken off Aaron’s life vest since he had exited the pool. As she went back inside thinking that he would follow her in, Aaron wobbled his way to the unfenced pool deck and fell in not so far from where I was treading water.
Unfortunately at this moment Lina, James, and myself were too focused on our game that no one had taken notice to Aaron struggling silently. As I was about to return a smart remark to my “rivals” I heard a soft gurgling noise. I turned my head and witnessed my baby cousin sinking underneath the water while facing upward. From this moment everything went slow to me. I cradled Aaron in my arms, ran out of the pool, and screamed “Aaron!” at the top of my lungs in order to get the attention of the adults. He was as light as a feather. As I made it to the backyard door, I began to kick it while continuously screaming. It felt like the parents were taking forever to get to us.
I looked at the glass door and saw the clear reflection of the fear and desperation that took
over my body. I directed my vision down to my cousin and saw that his lips had a tint of blue in it
which horrified me to no end. Finally the adults had rushed to us and my Tio Hector (Aaron’s dad) had grabbed him from me and was screaming the name of his child. He put him down on
plays what and that day I wanted to be a good mermaid while my cousin Lina and James were my
rivals. As we played, unknowingly to anyone else, Hannah had taken off Aaron’s life vest since he had exited the pool. As she went back inside thinking that he would follow her in, Aaron wobbled his way to the unfenced pool deck and fell in not so far from where I was treading water.
Unfortunately at this moment Lina, James, and myself were too focused on our game that no one had taken notice to Aaron struggling silently. As I was about to return a smart remark to my “rivals” I heard a soft gurgling noise. I turned my head and witnessed my baby cousin sinking underneath the water while facing upward. From this moment everything went slow to me. I cradled Aaron in my arms, ran out of the pool, and screamed “Aaron!” at the top of my lungs in order to get the attention of the adults. He was as light as a feather. As I made it to the backyard door, I began to kick it while continuously screaming. It felt like the parents were taking forever to get to us.
I looked at the glass door and saw the clear reflection of the fear and desperation that took
over my body. I directed my vision down to my cousin and saw that his lips had a tint of blue in it
which horrified me to no end. Finally the adults had rushed to us and my Tio Hector (Aaron’s dad) had grabbed him from me and was screaming the name of his child. He put him down on
the concrete floor and stuck his finger down Aaron’s throat in order to see if he would have a gag
reflex. As we all anticipated the sudden gasp and throwing up of water, we got nothing from him.
All of the family was shouting and crying not knowing what to do until my grandma had pushed through us. She dropped to the floor and began to do CPR on Aaron. We all watched and began to lose hope when a couple of tries had went by and he was still gone. My Tio Hector was crying and he had to walk away because he couldn’t process what was happening. The rest of us stayed and watched without blinking an eye, hoping for a sign of life. Suddenly Aaron begins to throw up water and starts to cry. My Tio Hector ran to Aaron and held his son like he never wanted to let him go. We were relieved and cried along with him since the feeling was so surreal.
The ambulance came to pick Aaron up since they were called to make sure everything was alright. One of the men came to speak with me and told me that I had saved his life and if I wasn’t paying attention, Aaron would have been at the bottom of the pool at that moment. We all went to our homes after comforting each other. Some time around 8pm we get a knock on the door and my Tio Hector came with flowers and the gummy life savers. We both hugged and he still calls me lifesaver to this day.
After this incident the family decided to teach Aaron how to swim, he was very afraid at first and would scream if his foot even touched the water. My nina also put a large fence around the pool in order to prevent anything like that again since we have three new baby cousins in the family. But now, Aaron is a confident swimmer and gets to enjoy the fun games we play during the summer.
This event was extremely significant for my family because we now know to be very alert and aware of our surroundings. Today I still observe the places and people around me to get
All of the family was shouting and crying not knowing what to do until my grandma had pushed through us. She dropped to the floor and began to do CPR on Aaron. We all watched and began to lose hope when a couple of tries had went by and he was still gone. My Tio Hector was crying and he had to walk away because he couldn’t process what was happening. The rest of us stayed and watched without blinking an eye, hoping for a sign of life. Suddenly Aaron begins to throw up water and starts to cry. My Tio Hector ran to Aaron and held his son like he never wanted to let him go. We were relieved and cried along with him since the feeling was so surreal.
The ambulance came to pick Aaron up since they were called to make sure everything was alright. One of the men came to speak with me and told me that I had saved his life and if I wasn’t paying attention, Aaron would have been at the bottom of the pool at that moment. We all went to our homes after comforting each other. Some time around 8pm we get a knock on the door and my Tio Hector came with flowers and the gummy life savers. We both hugged and he still calls me lifesaver to this day.
After this incident the family decided to teach Aaron how to swim, he was very afraid at first and would scream if his foot even touched the water. My nina also put a large fence around the pool in order to prevent anything like that again since we have three new baby cousins in the family. But now, Aaron is a confident swimmer and gets to enjoy the fun games we play during the summer.
This event was extremely significant for my family because we now know to be very alert and aware of our surroundings. Today I still observe the places and people around me to get
a sense of security. I also learned to act fast, you can’t wait for anyone to act on something if it
needs to get done.
This was written very well from the start! Even the title gave the audience a sense of suspense. The tone at the beginning was explained very well because it was very relatable, especially when you asked what the audience did with their cousins in the pool. It made me feel much more connected to the story you were telling. The mood shift was also very sudden, showing us how fast the events really were in the moment. Loved the seriousness and even the message! - Kayla Magana
ReplyDeleteI think this piece was very powerful as it shows how quickly life can change. I also loved how you put "Now, I don’t know what YOU did with your cousins" because I think it draws the reader in even more to put themselves in the situation. I think the imagery of the baby gurgling is powerful because it is something that wouldn't necessarily be uncommon but in this situation it meant danger. Overall, this piece was really powerful and holds a lot of meaning to it. -Isabella Patterson
ReplyDeleteDang! What a horrifying but necessary life lesson. The suspense and anticipation of what was going to happen to Aaron was really killing me. Your story was very detailed which helped in bringing the story to life. Great job :)
ReplyDeleteTruly, your recollection of events made me, as the reader, feel like I was there witnessing these events. You use of suspense and short, jabbing sentence structure really pulls the piece all together. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very well written story! Your storytelling skills held my attention and made me want to keep reading. I loved the part where you mentioned seeing your own fear and desperation in the reflection of the glass door; it was a very powerful line. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! This story had me leaned into the screen from beginning to end. It was very detailed and just a great story overall with a very valuable lesson. It's scary how fast one moment in life can change everything forever. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHonestly this was such an emotional piece, probably more so for me just because I have siblings that young and know how frightening it is when they go swim because there's always that possibility that they can drown. You did a great job at keeping the reader at the edge of their seats. I couldn't handle the suspense, so I had to go back and reread the whole thing because once I read that Aaron fell into the pool I skipped to the end to make sure he was okay. Also, you adding the detail about your uncle bringing you lifesavers after the whole ordeal was over provided some much needed comic relief to the whole story, and was a very nice touch overall.b
ReplyDeleteThis story is a great example of how fast things can occur, and how you need to act on it as fast as possible before something tragic happens. You reacted quickly enough to save your cousin's life, and thankfully it worked. You did an excellent job of turning it into a personal reflection, I felt as if I was there too. - Breana P.
ReplyDeleteMay I just say Cassandra? Wow. That is brilliant and thank goodness that you heard him. I loved in the piece that not only you are the life-saver, but how you ended with how you learned to “act fast” and that “you can’t wait for anyone to act on something if it needs to get done.” Showing not only the story in full case with every detail, but ending with that statement really shows how you and your family have learned from this. That is a beautiful story and thank goodness from fast reflexes and good hearing! - Kira S.
ReplyDeletewow... This is a the most terrifying event I've ever read. I can't imagine the trauma that came with it afterwards. Your piece has a lot of imagery which made it seem like I was there while this was happening. Great job! - Leigh Rubillar
ReplyDeleteI think that your story was very detailed and I enjoyed it very much. I felt your fear when you mentioned how time slowed when you were waiting for the adults to come to the door. Also I am very glad to here that Aaron has faced his fear and now enjoys summers with the rest of your family.
ReplyDeleteyour writing was great and I was surprised at how well you handled the situation when you were younger!! your piece really had me worried for your cousin and I felt just as horrified. your addition of certain descriptions like the blue tint on his lips was a horrifying detail that made it feel all the more real for me. great job but I'm sorry you had to experience something like that. -kayla j
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ReplyDeleteI loved this story! It started of so calm and warm with family fun, but it took a fast dark twist that me on edge which I really enjoyed. This piece was put so together so perfectly, great job! :)
ReplyDeleteThe way you described this personal narrative also made me think of the time I saved my brother from drowning at a family pool party. The foreshadowing in the beginning paragraph was really effective as it sent chills down my spine knowing what would occur in the continuous paragraphs. -Wendy C.
ReplyDeleteTruly amazing. I would have to agree with your Tío Hector that you are a lifesaver. When you said, "Today I still observe the places and people around me to get a sense of security," it shows how much of an impact this traumatic event has made on your life. Also, great use of descriptive detail! -Halie Montes
ReplyDeleteThis was a very frightening story that was only captured through your descriptive and detailed story telling. It had felt like I was there, witnessing this extremely horrifying event with you. Your descriptive scenes made it pop and really caught the feelings you must have felt during this life-changing event! Explaining not just your own emotions, but everyone else's really made this story intense, really glad everyone was ok in the end.
ReplyDeleteWow, your story kept me on edge the entire time. I love how you incorporated suspense into you story. The first thing that caught my eye was the tittle, it was a great attention getter. Also the time space that ypu had before revealing that Aaron was alive was just another example of why youre such a good story teller.
ReplyDelete-Dahrien Trotter
This story was insanely good. The way it shifts from a happy to dark tone is truly mesmerizing. There were so many surprising events that happened in this piece. The suspense happening throughout this piece really increased my level of curiosity. Amazing writing in this peace.
ReplyDeleteThis story not only was filled with clear imagery and so many details to make me feel like I was there in that moment, but it also took me on an emotional roller coaster! My heart began racing as I read through the lines of this story and I became so captivated and concerned for the life of this child. Wow Great job! - Isabel Quintanilla
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible story, having the characteristics of a lifeguard, I became very anxious as the story progressed. This must've been a life changing experience as you are now precautious. I was very intrigued and worried as to how the story would've ended. As the story progressed you were able to make a connection with your learning experience to act fast. Great job! -Stephanie Cabrera
ReplyDeleteI love the dark mood the story took and your use of diction throughout made me feel on edge as it progressed. It was as if I was part of your story. -Katera Perry
ReplyDeleteI loved the suspenseful characteristics of your essay! It kept me on the edge of my seat, very well written! :)
ReplyDeleteI can’t believe you saved your young cousin’s life like that! Going through such a traumatizing event like saving your cousin makes one realize just how fragile life is. Really great story, had me on the edge of my toes the whole time. - Hannah Colunga
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