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Monday, May 6, 2019

"Nothing Meaning Something" by Luke A



            The windows were rolled down as my Ford F-150 sped up the street, the crisp, cold breeze of the night air whipping through my hair. My left elbow was placed upon the opening of the driver’s side window, bent at an angle to where my chin could slightly rest upon my enclosed, clenched fist. The aux cord was plugged into my phone, with my stereo’s subs turned all the way to maximize the bass. I could feel the vibrations within my hand as I gripped the steering wheel, the stereo playing the somber song of Come and See Me, by PARTYNEXTDOOR and Drake. As I reached the narrow stretch of road up ahead, the streetlights disappeared, leaving my headlights as the only source of direction I had. Soon enough, the infamous gated community appeared in front of me, surrounded with warm lights and paved brick sidewalks. As I reached the gate, I completely whipped the car around, drove for about 10 feet, and shifted the gear into park against the curb. I felt the soft fabric of my lanyard graze my knee, as I twisted the key slightly in the ignition, turning the engine off but leaving the stereo system on. I draped the lanyard around my neck, walked to the edge of the sidewalk, and looked over at the whole entire city. All around me were lights stretching as far as to the mountains miles away from where I stood. Hundreds of thousands of people were living their lives, either driving on the freeway or simply just sleeping in their beds in their houses. For some reason, I felt that something was missing, but I couldn’t tell if it was something absent from my surroundings or some part of myself that I had been missing, but all the noise around me had just blocked it out, until now. I had never felt so utterly alone and so coldly numb.

            I couldn’t seem to feel anymore, as if my emotions had shut themselves down without notice. I felt no sadness, depression or negativity, nor happiness, joy, or warmth. I quickly realized that I had been this way for some time, but the distractions around me had provided a diversion away from myself. Why couldn’t I feel a thing? All my life I had known that there was so much more in the world to be felt, discovered, experienced, and enjoyed. It gave me purpose to continue living, whilst constantly changing and evolving. But yet, standing there hundreds of feet above the rest of the valley, I could not feel a single thing. When had I lost this part of me along the way? Or was this who I had always been? A nihilistic, numbed, emotionally distant man who thought nothing meant anything. That we are all simply existing in a struggle of life as we push an immense boulder up a steep hill, with no end in sight. Did anything really mean anything? Maybe life itself and the experiences thereof don’t actually have real value. Maybe value can only be given by someone or something. Or maybe none of this mattered either. Maybe I was just thinking too much. And maybe I was just a dumb teenager, thinking he knew more than what he really knew. As I got back in my truck I drove home in silence. No radio, no stereo, not even a single hum. Whether anything I cared about actually mattered, I thought that perhaps my perspective upon what I thought mattered determined
my outlook towards the world. But even that I wasn’t so sure about. Then, suddenly, a smile crept across my face as I looked out my window, up into the black sky above, knowing that in 5 years I would forget all about this, knowing that, in this moment, it all didn’t really matter.

           

20 comments:

  1. The piece was really good as it provided a captive way with words while remaining ambiguity. The description used throughout was also very informative and helpful in depicting the situation! -Joshua Kidwell

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  2. I really liked your story. I liked the way how you put your experience into perspective. I found it very interesting that your emotions and feeling went away buy just looking out to the city. Perhaps it is a good idea to just stop and see what really matters in life. Thank you

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  3. This is very interesting because you never found that "missing" piece of life, but you came to the realization that it didn't necessarily matter right now. I admire the detail and imagery, it created a very peaceful picture in my head. I hope you find that "missing" piece in the future ;) Great job.

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  4. I liked the amount of detail and imagery you put into your piece. I think a lot of us can relate to questioning our future, who we are, and then realizing that we are thinking too hard about it. Great job!!

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  5. Luke, this blog was very well organized to feel like the reader was thinking the same things as you. It's crazy how once you're a teenager you start to feel like you're overthinking and trying to understand life. It's most interesting because it demonstrates how much of life is a mystery. Very good.

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  6. This was such and interesting read your story was very captivating.
    - camryn greer

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  7. Luke, what a great piece with insightful knowledge. Sometimes, I can share the same feelings expressed within this piece. The nihilistic attitude towards life and realizing none of our actions are going to be remembered or matter in the future. Good job- Paul Aureus

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  8. Luke this post was very interesting and insightful. I have been thinking the same way ever since we learned about Albert Camu and his beliefs and views, which I think threw us all around, questioning our life existence. Overall great job! -Ella Macaraig

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  9. Taylor ArchulettaMay 14, 2019 at 2:18 PM

    Luke, I really loved and enjoyed reading your blog piece. I really connected with the beginning of your blog when you talk about driving to where you can look at the whole city and how it sometimes makes you not have an emotions, you're basically just standing and breathing. To me though, it relaxes me, it has helped me many times to be somewhere and just look at the horizon and breath. Thank you for a wonderful piece!

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  10. Luke,
    The way that you described the location of your piece allowed me to actually picture a road I like to drive down when I need to think. I think that you did a great job when describing the environment. I like the obvious change from describing your surroundings to reflecting on yourself and your thoughts. I think that you touched on a deeper topic in a great way because of your choice of diction. The multiple changes in tone really kept me intrigued, as well.
    Great job!

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  11. Nathaniel LanderosMay 14, 2019 at 9:47 PM

    The imagery in this piece was spot on and was really able to see what you were saying. I would like you know that there is God who loves you and wants a relationship with you. The Bible says in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life." God takes away loneliness in our hearts and feels it with the joy of Jesus Christ. In which God has done with me and it was amazing! If you have any questions fill free to reach out to me through Ms.Cogswell. Have a awesome day and ill pray for you!

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  12. Luke, you did an amazing job on setting the scene and tying in the tone. I'm sure everyone feels this way every now and then but it's good that you know that it won't last forever. I really enjoyed reading about your experience and the imagery you used made me feel like i was actually there. Great Job!

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  13. Your piece is so detailed and eye opening. If I had to guess more kids feel this way than we know. I love how you highlight a specific personal experience to convey your thoughts.
    ~Kailee Hinds

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  14. Existentialism hurts me, it makes me think too much on how worthless some moments are that we feel are so important. Anyway, great job setting the setting and detailing surrounding aspects. Really enjoyed it and love the imagery - Adam Huizar

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  15. I really like this post, it does a very good job detailing an existential crisis, something that by definition should consist of nothing and therefore be indescribable. I like how you questioned not only life and it’s meaning, but also you’re crisis and questioned whether it really was anything. I mainly enjoy the conclusion and how you realized questioning life didn’t matter because you’d forget all about it and it wouldn’t matter anyway.

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  16. Lindsay SlemboskiMay 15, 2019 at 6:46 PM

    The amount of detail you incorporated made the reader feel as though they were experiencing the scene. I like how insightful your piece was and how you looked over the city, thinking about people living their lives. Great job!
    -Lindsay Slemboski

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  17. Santiago RodriguezMay 15, 2019 at 8:11 PM

    I liked all the details you provided I felt like I had a deeper understanding of the situation and the setting. I think everyone has had a similar experience at some point in their life making your piece even more relateable. Good job!

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  18. The story was eye opening and descriptive. The details used really gave the story imagery and insight. I've had an existential crisis once and it wasn't fun. Great piece and amazing job.

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  19. Luke, I can relate to the feeling of having an existential crisis when you least expect it. It's sometimes hard to tell whether the memories we have are concrete, or if they are just illusions made by the universe. I agree with you, and think that when this happens, it's best to live life in the moment, and enjoy it while it lasts.
    -Lance Aquino

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  20. This entry really left me baffled after I read it once so I had to read it twice in order to comprehend what you said better. Sometimes I do wonder about how much I matter and how scared I am to not leave a mark on the world. To be forgotten and never remember. This entry does really sum up how I think about these things and then of course forget them yet they still manage to pop up occasionally. You did a nice job Luke!

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