The year was 2017, the month of August. The month of heat, pool parties, and long
nights under the stars. The day started off as usual, the smell of fresh coffee
lingering through the morning air, while the radio talk shows gave relationship
advice to desperate adults. Monet had a few errands to run, so she hopped in
her little black car and drove to the neighborhood shopping market. Everything
was going fine, until she saw something in the corner of her eye. She wasn’t
sure exactly what she had just seen, but it was definitely a human figure.
Monet continued to fulfill her shopping list, but she couldn’t help but be
distracted by the thought of the mysterious figure. She wondered if anyone else
had seen it. Instead of overthinking, she decided not to worry and just kept
shopping instead. The day carried on peacefully, free from distractions, until
she caught a glimpse of the same figure in her rearview mirror as she drove
home. This time she managed to pay close attention. The figure was undoubtedly
a woman. A tall woman with sleek black hair and long legs that carried her body
about so swiftly. The woman didn’t look lost. She seemed to have a purpose, but
what was it? Monet became more confused as ever. Was she being followed? Who is
this woman? Obviously a bit more worried now, Monet pulled into her driveway.
Once she got inside she began to write in her little black diary, painting the
pages with every detail she saw today about this woman, piecing together all of
her thoughts and ideas until she finally gave up. Monet was in the need for
inspiration, so she grabbed her little black jacket and drove to the top of the
hill at the end of the road. She parked and just sat back, being mesmerized by
the beautiful view. Every night of August, around 5:45 pm, the sun starts to
set along the horizon of the busy city. The enormous ball of fire begins to
change to hues of red, and then almost pink. The colors merge with the sky,
like cotton candy and everything sweet. Monet was happy and at ease, as she
blushed at the warmth of the setting sun. She watched in amazement, but snapped
back into reality. Monet knew there was something off. She turned around and
standing in the middle of the street behind her car was the same woman, but
this time Monet could clearly see her face. The woman was beautiful, exotic,
and looked so wonderfully happy. She had a glow to her that shined brighter
than any star in the August night sky. Monet stared into the woman’s little
black eyes and warm, salty tears instantly flooded Monet’s face. She couldn’t
help but let out a small giggle and a cheesy smirk. She had always prayed about
this moment. She had been awaiting the day she would be given her guardian
angel. This day in August was the one year anniversary of her mother’s death...
I really liked the detail you had put into the "dark figure" at the end. The twist was great and unexpected. At first I was given an eerie and nervous feeling with not knowing who exactly the figure was and what she represented. But in the end I felt great satisfaction when finding out that the woman was actually her guardian angel. Good job Alysha.
ReplyDeleteGood job at writing this. I liked how detailed you were when writing this and how you were able to keep the reader interested. I also like the twist at the end of the story with the "dark figure" being her guardian angel. Great job at expressing the thoughts of the girl.
ReplyDeleteAlysha, I really enjoyed all the details and imagery used all leading up to such a beautiful moment. I loved that at first you made it seem mysterious but then there was a plot twist and the figure ended up being her mother/guardian angel. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing story! I really liked the detail you put in your story especially when making it mysterious in the beginning by describing the "black figure" and seeing it almost everywhere. I also really liked when the "black figure" was actually the mom who became the girls guardian angel on the anniversary of the moms death.
ReplyDelete-Karen V.
I liked that your piece went back and forth between her going about her peaceful summer day and the times in which the figure appeared, it was a nice contrast. Your story was unique, I kept wondering how it was going to end. With that being said, I enjoyed that the it ended with a guardian angel and the way it represented Monet's mother's death.
ReplyDelete-Mackenzie Tipple
I really liked this story because the whole time it seemed like a normal day in someones routine utopia but then an anomaly appears and you begin to go about your day different and begin to realize things that you have put away. Thank you for making this story my anomaly. - Joshua Perez
ReplyDeleteWow Alysha this was just amazing I loved all of it. I feel like the way you went about writing this and the whole plot in itself was very creative. I am in awe of this post and I really enjoyed reading it so much. You are an amazing writer! - Sofia Canseco
ReplyDeleteAlysha, great job with your story! The way you built up the suspense of the story was nicely done, and for the first half does make the reader think "what's going to happen next?" I like how the character only saw the woman as a shadow as she never got a good look at her, but when she did she realized that it was her mother looking out for her. Great job once again!
ReplyDeleteThis was quite a creative and enjoyable piece to read. It had an early establishment of a rather ominous tone, so I was pretty surprised to learn that the figure was her guardian angel! That was a nice use of situational irony which made the identity of the guardian angel all the more unexpected. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece! It definitely had me scared at some points. I thought this piece was extremely creative and your ending was great!
ReplyDeleteThe way that this story hit the reader is absolutely indescribable. The feeling of suspicion and curiosity that I felt in the beginning and quickly turned into relunctancy as it finished off on such a beautiful ending. Your use of detail to describe every little action really accentuated the story, really bringing it to life. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe way that this story hit the reader is absolutely indescribable. The feeling of suspicion and curiosity that I felt in the beginning and quickly turned into relunctancy as it finished off on such a beautiful ending. Your use of detail to describe every little action really accentuated the story, really bringing it to life. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was so descriptive from the sunset to Monet's emotions. I loved the ending and how you build suspense throughout the story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour use of all the details and imagery made me really be able to see exactly what you are talking about and it was done in such a perfect way. Your creativity in this blog is very impressing as well great job! -john b. IV
ReplyDeleteI actually got chills while reading this. I thought it was going to be horror related but that was the biggest twist ever. I love your detailed description of the sky and glow of the woman. This was incredible to read!
ReplyDeleteWow, amazingly written! I loved how you built up the tension until the ending, where it was revealed that figure following her around had been her guardian angel the entire time. I loved to way your described the sunset, and it's very easy to empathize with their grief- and joy upon seeing the woman's face. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe description the story had was just perfect. The black figure coming at the end of the story was a bit of a scare but you added such a sweet twist to it. The day was a normal a day and then Monet sees her guardian angel her mother it was just beautiful.This was an amazing piece!!
ReplyDeleteAlysha, you've done an incredible job on building up your story and creating an endearingly unique character that I got attached to despite this only being a short story. You have a lovely writing style and I'm very grateful to have been able to read this piece from you, keep it up!!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Alysha, loved the mysterious vibe in the beginning with all the detail and imagery and then it lead to a surprise.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how this is not a typical story talking about guardian angels and how you looked at it from a different approach. I like how there was a dark figure but the story overall had a very uplifting tone which was really established by the imagery of the sun and nature. Very well done! <3
ReplyDeleteI loved your story!!! I was not expecting that ending. I also love how easily you shifted the tone of your story from mysterious to warmth and happiness. Your story is written so wonderfully with the way you use the setting to represent Monet's emotions.
ReplyDelete-Kailee Hinds
Alysha, your piece was phenomenal. I enjoyed and appreciated your use of suspense as well as your sort of twist ending. Great job.
ReplyDelete-Braden Bailey
The use of imagery in the piece added to the horror of the piece, and gave it a more in depth feel. The descriptions, such as Monet's emotions, give such an authentic vibe overall. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteI really like how there was some resistance in trying to avoid looking at the mysterious figure and as time passed by, Monet displayed multiple acts of resistance and trying to find the true identity of the now certain woman. I also like the way the story was written, the back and forth transitions were excellent and the last sentence simply blew me away!!!
ReplyDelete- Mayur Chhitu
A hauntingly read filled with imagery that illustrated the short story. The ending is great on how the woman was the main character's mother all along and how it wasn't violent but watching Monet like a guardian angel. Overall, Great job Alysha!
ReplyDeleteThis was a beautiful story. I loved the use of detail and imagery used, it really helped this piece come alive. The twist at the end was wonderful and unexpected. Great job <3
ReplyDelete- camryn greer