"The Audition" by Lilian H

 
      My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking. I can’t catch my breath. I don't know what
to do. My future will be determined within the next five minutes. I enter the room.
      I signed up for this audition in hope for acceptance into the 2018 San Bernardino County Honor Band. I participated in this band last year and I hope to do so again but before I can know
whether or not I have made it in, I have to go through the completely terrifying five minute audition. This audition consists of playing the prepared selected pieces by the director of this band, two out of all the twelve major scales, one full range chromatic scale, and one sight reading excerpt. I rehearse at home for two hours almost everyday in the weeks leading into the audition; playing the Remington exercise, blowing through some scales, and then the prepared pieces. These rehearsal sessions have been good and I improved something every session.
      I feel confident, but as the last day before the audition arrived, I run through different possible scenarios that could occur. I imagine myself completely fumbling all my scales and somehow dropping my clarinet. I know that I am just psyching myself out and take a quick break. I calm myself down and begin the last rehearsal before the actual day came. I begin with the Remington exercise to warm up my fingers and my instrument. Then, I play scales in different patterns to work on my articulation and scales. Everything is going well so far and so I

decide to play my selected pieces. Nothing sounds to odd from what I have played before and decide to get lots of rest before I am judged by someone else for a chair.
     The time came for me to get ready to leave for the San Gorgonio High School. I brush my hair and put on a dress before I eat breakfast. I feel fine so far and begin to get in the car to leave. I do my best to keep my composure for my mother took me to this audition. I do not want her to see that I am nervous but as my mother, she could tell that I was and in an attempt to make me feel better, she told me to take out my clarinet to practice a little. I did just so but because I was in a moving vehicle, the bumpy freeway caused the clarinet to bounce a little and stab my lip a few times. Because it was making me feel even worse, I decided to stop and just relax until we arrived.
     I had just arrived at the high school and I still remember it from last year. The high school was mainly brown and all pretty spread out as well. I walked to the gym where the sign up table was and I really begin to start feeling the pressure. I see a few of my friends and I greet them in an attempt to not fall apart completely. I set up my instrument and begin to warm up a little. Everything is alright and so I ask a friend to name a scale so I can practice. I begin to play one and my fingers froze and then fumbled and I am terrified all over again. But I have to keep going and just “trust my fingers” as my clarinet coach has told me before. I don’t want to over work my ombuchure so I stop, drink some water, and decide to look for the room that I am suppose to be auditioning in. It was chilly when I walked outside and since I was wearing a dress and wasn’t used to it, I begin to shiver and hope that my finger do not get to cold when I have to play. Inside the building, I am not allowed to play and so I walk down the long hallway to find

my room trying to remember everything that i had been told. I stand outside the door and wait for 1:50.
     At last, 1:50 has arrived and the judge opens the classroom door and beckons for me to go in. I slowly begin to make my way inside and then hear the door slam shut behind me. My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking. I can’t catch my breath. I don't know what to do. My future will be determined within the next five minutes. I feel like I have been trapped but the judge in the room reminds me that I can take my time and I begin with the scales. The first scale went smoothly but the second had a little hiccup on the way down and I begin to feel embarrassed. I then play my chromatic scale upon request and I feel more confident again. It then comes time for my prepared excerpts and luckily, they decided to only play the first and third excerpt which happen to be the easier of the three. I am then asked to play a sight reading excerpt and it was good until the very last note because I played the wrong note but as I looked at the judge, they seem to not have noticed so I play the right note and at last the audition is over.
     I do not completely remember what had happened the next day to be honest but now I have to wait for the results to be released within the next week or so.
     Finally, the results have been released and to my relief, I have been chosen among fifty to participate in this band and I am really glad that my clarinet coach had told me to “trust my fingers.” If he did not, I think that I would have messed up even more and I realize now that I should believe in myself more often and not worry about everything so much.