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Friday, October 5, 2018

"Friday Night Frights " by Alicia G



     As 8:00 pm rolled around, Mandy and Julianne had finished getting ready. The two girls had been best friends and neighbors ever since they could walk. As they made their way downstairs of Mandy’s house, laughter and whispering were heard. They then came to find their mothers in the kitchen drinking martinis and talking about the latest episode of Keeping up with the Kimberleys. “You girls ready to go?” Julianne’s mom asked. “Yes, we are heading out now so bye mom, love you,” Julianne replied. “Love you too, Mom,” Mandy yelled out as she followed Julianne. “Okay be safe girls.” “Don’t take anything suspicious from anyone!” The mothers took turns shouting advice to the girls and in unison snuck in “Love you!” before the girls closed the front door.
     With being in a small town, not many street lights were lit on the street. In fact it was almost pitch black if it wasn’t for the headlights of Julianne’s car and the moon lighting up the night sky. The windows were down and the music was blasting, it already felt like a great night. As Julianne came to a stop at a red light she looked out the window and saw a man across the street looking back at her. He wore black pants and a navy blue shirt. He was of an older age because of his withered white hair and lack there of on top, but Julianne couldn’t quite make out his face. “Jules! The light is green.” Mandy had snapped Julianne out of the eerie headspace and she had forgot about the man within a matter of seconds. Finally they got to the party. No
alcoholic drinks were in sight, however Julianne chose bottled water from the ice chest just to be sure. Mandy on the other hand, poured herself a cup of fruit punch from the punch bowl. Once a great song came on, they were off to the dance floor.
     Lost from being in the mosh pit, the girls hadn’t been able to find each other. Finally, Julianne found her friend in a bathtub covered in red vomit all over her green top and white pants. “Of course the punch was spiked!” thought Julianne. Down the stairs, through the crowd of people, and out the front door the girls trudged with Julianne supporting almost all of Mandy’s weight. As soon as Julianne placed her unconscious friend in the car, she turned the key in the ignition, which gave a slight sputter before starting and with that the girls were off.
     10 minutes into the drive, the car began making the sputtering noises once more followed by slight jerks each time she pushed harder on the gas. Julianne had no choice but to pull over at a nearby park. Cell reception was always sketchy in certain parts of town, so when Julianne had to make the decision of staying with her friend until morning or walking to the nearest gas station for a phone call, she did what she felt was best. Only after locking the doors twice and making sure the windows were cracked an inch so that her dear unconscious friend could breath, did Julianne feel slightly better about leaving her friend. She decided to run to the gas station to reduce time. When Julianne arrived at the gas station she went straight to the phone in the back. As she dialed, she made sure to collect all of her nerves and calm her breathing to be sure not to place her mother into a panic. “Hello?” her mother picked up the phone quickly. “Mom it’s Julianne, we kind of got stranded at McGregor Park, can you please come pick us up. The car died.” “Okay honey, stay where you are I’m on my way,” *click*. Once Julianne’s mother hung up, she began her run back.
     Crossing the grass of McGregor Park, Julianne’s stomach dropped. The passenger door was wide open and Mandy was nowhere in sight. As Julianne got closer she saw that the door had been forced open on the outside. Blood drenched the seat and was splattered across the dashboard. Mandy had been dragged out of the car because a trail of blood was smeared on the floor, leading into the playground where a black mound lay. Julianne sprinted across the lot to the mound. A scream lifted out of her chest that echoed throughout the park. The body that used to be her best friend lay limp, covered in her own blood and stabbed to death. Shaking and frozen in shock remained Julianne. Sounds of footsteps emerging out of the trees shot through the park. A cold chill ran down Julianne’s spine. The thought of her being next shook her out of her imobile state and sent adrenaline pumping in her body. The next thing she knew, her legs were running. A hand, as rough and hard as wood grabbed her shoulder and yanked her giving her whiplash. Still seeing blurry, Julianne tried to focus her eyes on the man standing above her. As her vision began to clear, she realized it was the man she saw on her way to the party earlier that night, except he now had an axe in his right hand that he was placing above his head and grabbing with the other hand. Paralyzed, Julianne looked up at the night sky said a prayer and was plunged into darkness within a matter of seconds.
     A sound of a gunshot rippled through the air and a bullet struck Mandy’s killer through the ribs. Immediately, he fell on the floor. The manager of the gas station, who had heard Julianne’s conversation followed her back to the park to be sure she was safe. But Julianne on the other hand remained on the ground unmoving, for she had died from fear.

24 comments:

  1. From the title I was curious as to where the story would end up, although somber, it was very well written! The imagery was great and the vocabulary was exceptional! -Joshua Kidwell

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  3. This story was truly amazing! I really tensed up at the end reading each word of how Julianne was reacting to her surroundings. The detailed imagery you wrote into the story was absolutely amazing, I could vision the story word by word. Amazing job Alicia!

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  4. The title of your poem brought attention to me! I am very fascinated by the build up to the climax of the story and how much detail was put into this. I very much felt as if I were there witnessing these events. Good Job!

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  5. WOW! Reading this narrative was truly a nerve-racking experience! Your consistent use of vivid imagery clearly depicts your story and it seemed as if I was there with Julianne and Mandy from start to finish. I was able to clearly picture Julianne returning to her car to find a bloody crime scene and then being attacked by the suspect. Despite the gloomy atmosphere of this piece, it is clear that your talent and creativity shines through it all. You honestly should write more Alicia! Great job!

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  6. Alicia,
    Your story was so well written and intriguing! Your use of foreshadowing in the first sight of the murder and the character's decision to drink water "just in case" really adds to the depth of the story. I think the way that the surroundings were described throughout the story's entirety added to the creepy tone you created. I think you really have a talent for story writing andI hope to read more of your work in the future!

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  7. WOW! What a nerve-racking piece! The vivid imagery and detail utilized throughout this piece had me latched on the entire time. In particular, I was able to envision the scene when Julianne comes back to her car and discovers a horrific scene. Despite the ominous tone and topic of your piece, it was a delight to read and your creativity clearly shines through it all! Great job Alicia! -Eugene Kim

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  8. Alicia, I loved how your story was written! The choices of the characters, the setting, the overall mood, even the tile foreshadowed an ominous ending and an ominous ending we received. Though I will admit, the ending was, at least to me, a display of situational irony with the death of both girls. Originally I had expected both girls to die, but this was revoked with the appearance of the gas station manager only to be countered again when both actually die. It was quite a twister! Amazing job!
    - Sara An

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  9. Alicia, I really enjoyed reading your story. I was roped in from the beginning. I loved the use of imagery such as, "withered white hair", and the foreshadowing. This piece was very well written, great job! - Ashley French

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  10. I was able to envision this whole story in my head due to your excellent use of imagery. The small details you included, such as the blood that "drenched the seat" and "withered white hair" really helped tie the story together and helped readers see the story in their heads. Even though the story had a not-so-pleasant ending, it really kept me on the edge of my seat! Good job! - Sofia Hormaza

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  11. Alicia, I really enjoyed reading your blog! The details and imagery put in this made it seem as if I were witnessing it. Your stages of plot leading up the climax were very well produce. Overall amazing blog! -jayleen lupian

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  12. Alicia,
    One thing I really enjoyed about your story is that it is tolled by a characters perspective. I also liked it
    that it was suspenseful. I also think that this story would be a good example for other teenagers that like to go to parties. It would remind students to be more cautious when going to parties like the one in our story. It would be helpful.

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  13. Great story! I loved how you built/made the story from fun to horror. Two teenagers enjoying the night later on passing away in an instant. Amazing use of imagery and well-written description.
    - Karen V.

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  14. I really like the way the imagery in this story was used to create whole environments. It really adds to the intensity when you can visualize the surroundings of the character and how it makes them feel.

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  15. Wow! Your story had me on the edge of my seat! The foreshadowing that you implied into your story really intensified the suspense of it all. This is a great story to read especially with Halloween right around the corner. Well done! -Katy O'Hara

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  16. i really liked the way your story was full of suspense and tense moments. You put real focus on every little detailing and because of that the story sounded so realistic and life-like. As I was reading i could imagine the surroundings, the murderer and the fear.

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  17. Amazing story. I really enjoyed all the imagery that was portrayed throughout the story because it made it come alive in my head. My heart was pounding because of the intensity in the story. When I was reading the title I didn’t imagine it to end the way it did but that’s what made it great! - Natalie Cerrillo

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  18. Incredible story! It has great pacing and such an eerie atmosphere throughout, your use of details really helped maintain the atmosphere as well. The ending had a great twist that I felt was really unexpected and pretty original.

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  19. I liked your story so much, it was almost as if it were a movie playing in my head. I think that I have to say that my favorite part was the description of how when Julianne saw the man she froze, because it made me imagine and feel what she was feeling as she saw the man in the dark. Just a great story! (Julia Avalos)

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  20. This was such an amazing piece to read. Once I started reading I couldn’t stop due to the amazing imagery and the the tone shift from the beginning being light and just a fun girls night out to a sinister blood filled ending. With all the detail it helped build the atmosphere of the piece. -Sezar Guitron

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  21. Goodness Gracious! What a very enticing and chilling story. Although there were hints in what the outcome of Julianne and Mandy's night was going to be, I was still surprised. The intense and chilling atmosphere you created made for a great and frightening climax! Good job!

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  22. Alicia, this was such a great and suspenseful read. I was on the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next. Although it had a sad ending, I truly did enjoy the piece. Your use of imagery and details made me feel as if I was in each scenario myself.
    -Paul Aureus

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  23. Alicia, I really enjoyed your story. I loved how well you introduced the plot and laid out the scene in the beginning, in a way it foreshadowed what was to come. Throughout your story I was on the edge of my seat and was anxious for what was gonna happen. It was very well written, great job!

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  24. This story was very compelling, leaving me wondering and questioning for an outcome. Along with the many descriptive details this story really brought to life the suspenseful nature of the piece. AMazing job!!!
    - Julissa Saenz

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