“Shit.”
She knew
this was it. It was towering over her, its blade-like limb speeding toward her
neck. Everything began to move in slow motion, and the events of the evening
played over one last time in her mind.
It wasn’t
totally Lena’s fault that it would end like this. She recalled how her mother
had pressed her to spend her Saturday like a “normal” teenager.
“Sweetie, I
understand that your finals are coming up, but don’t you think you’ve spent
enough time studying?” her mother inquired.
“There
isn’t really an ‘enough’ point with studying.” replied Lena, her head buried in
a chemistry textbook.
“Sure, but
I really feel like you need a break. You’ve been working too hard for the past
couple of weeks, and it never hurts to de-stress a bit. You know you need a break
when your mother is telling you to
stop studying.”
“I mean, I
guess, mom.”
“Isn’t
there some kind of party you could go to? Or, what do you guys call them now… a
kickback?”
“I’ll just
see what Jax is up to.”
Jax was one
of Lena’s only friends. They met at the beginning of their freshman year of
high school. He was taller and skinnier than Lena, and had much fairer skin
compared to Lena’s reddish-brown coloration. Unfortunately for him, he decided
to pick up the phone that Saturday night that Lena called.
“Hey Lena,
what’s up? Need help with homework?” he asked.
“Actually,
I was calling to see if you wanted to do something tonight?”
“Wh- What?”
Jax’s voice broke. “Um, sure, what did you have in mind?”
“Just
something to get me out of the house, my mom is forcing me to do stuff.” said
Lena, seemingly bored.
“Oh,
alright.” replied a disheartened Jax.
The two met
up at a park near Jax’s house, telling their parents that they would walk to
another friend’s house from there.
“So, you
think of something to do on the car ride over here?” questioned Jax through
chattering teeth.
It was a
cool December night in Ehrenberg, Arizona. Jax tried to dress warmly, but the
cold air sliced through his extra jackets like they were nothing.
“How ‘bout
we check out that old high school? The one by the firehouse?” Lena suggested,
showing no signs that the weather bothered her.
“You mean
the one that’s all boarded up? With ‘KEEP OUT’ signs on them? Why would we do
that?”
“Because.
Why not? What’re you scared or something?” Lena shoved Jax.
“No. Man,
you suck.”
Lena
couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if the cold was turning his face red.
---
Within B.
Dahlia High School, a figure hunched over a small animal, what looked like a
dog, mutilated, but still living. This figure was imperceivable, appearing to
the dog as its previous, abusive owner. It ripped and tore at the poor animal’s
insides, consuming every last morsel. Suddenly, it froze, turning what could be
its head away from its food. It heard noises outside of its home, two humans.
---
“Why did
this school ever close?” Jax whispered to Lena.
“Some liability issue, too many kids
coming home sick or something.”
“And why do you want to be here
again?”
“To figure out more about this
stupid place. Don’t the rumors make you curious?”
The two teenagers clambered over
nailed boards, through a broken spot in what used to be the door. Lena flicked
on her flashlight, and wandered into an old classroom.
“How old is this place? It was only
recently closed down right? These desks don’t look too old.”
“Yeah, I think it was only a few
years ago when they actually closed this area off.”
Jax was set on finding whatever it
was Lena wanted to find and getting the hell out of there. He didn’t like
school in the first place, and did not picture himself back in class on a
Saturday night.
“Let’s go check out the main
offices. I bet they’ll have the information you’re looking for, or whatever.”
---
The creature followed the sound of
the two humans. It quickly made its way from room to room, moving through walls
as though they were nothing. Finally, it saw its prey. Two humans. One smaller.
One larger. It had been a long time since it got to eat such a glorious meal.
---
“Hey I think I got something.” said
Lena.
“It says in this record that there
was some kind of experimentation done here prior to the school being built.
Some kind of chemical residue was left behind and it ended up getting most of
the kids sick. It says that the chemicals had some ‘undesirable effects’ like
making students more aggressive, and changing their appearances.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not really sure, it said
something about subtle differences in students depending on who you asked. Like
the mother of this one student said she saw her son with more freckles than
usual, while the same students brother said that his eyes became darker. I
don’t get it.”
Jax didn’t say anything.
“And in this report, it says
something did happen to a certain student. Not that they died, but that they
went missing. I really don’t understand this Jax. Jax?”
She turned around. What she saw was
completely different than what Jax saw.
He saw a clown stabbing him through
his back, and the knife coming out of his chest. His last thought was fear, he
always hated clowns.
Lena watched the blood run out of
her friend’s mouth, as he slid off the creature’s arm and onto the floor. Lena
saw a dark, lanky figure, with sharp ends for each of its limbs. She began to
run, to no avail. The creature moved from Jax’s lifeless body almost as a
shadow, cutting off her only exit from the office room.
“Shit.”
Before Lena’s decapitated head had
hit the floor, the creature began to feed on Jax’s insides.
Well that went from 0 to 100 real fast. I liked that while the story was done mostly through dialogue, I had no trouble understanding it. I also liked how you squeezed in your own sense of humor into this horror. Nice job.
ReplyDeletewoahh! this piece is so different compared to the others I've read. I appreciate your organization of how you decided to write this piece. I thought it was really cool how the title was the lesson of the story. I especially admired the detail and thought you put into writing this, amazing job!
ReplyDeleteEddie Avila
Period 1
Wow! This piece is real interesting. I love how intense it got and how you tied everything back to the beginning. I also like that I can see your humor too in this piece. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting the outcome at all! That's what makes a story captivating. The way you separated the story lines by an account of the monster and an account of Lena kept the story going.This makes me think about all the times I wish I would've stayed home and studied. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis took a HUGE turn for the worst for Jax and Lena. I really enjoyed this piece, which took on a very different type of view. It switched between the three characters, which I really liked, especially when the monster came into play. Once that evil character was introduced, I started to root for Lena and Jax, hoping these two characters would make it out alive. Buuut I was certainly wrong. Great job Ty!
ReplyDeleteThis story did not go at all as I expected but I really enjoyed reading it. I found the whole story rather funny and just super entertaining to read overall. Great work !
ReplyDeleteI need more. This story was so good. I wasn’t expecting the outcome at ALL. The beginning was relatable and I think that’s what drew me in l wanted to see what would happen to the main character(Lena). Keep writing stories and publish them because this was amazing and It’d be wonderful to read more.
ReplyDeleteAvalon Freeman
Pd. 2
This was fun to read and had me on toes towards the end, very creative nice work!
ReplyDeleteIts super dope that the plot twist came in the beginning, rather than it being a cliff hanger sort of plot twist. But it wasn't the only one!! You kept the twists coming with the reason for the school being abandoned and with the blood thirsty monster!! It's such an awesome story, and your use of sensory details made it easy to picture in my head as I read along. Great work on this one. ✪ Imani Crenshaw, per. 2
ReplyDeleteYou completely subverted my expectations at the end there. I never thought I would enjoy stories about innocent teenagers getting eviscerated and cannibalized, but here we are now. Definitely a huge fan of stories that do the whole bait-and-switch. I was expecting a wholesome life lesson when you delivered the complete opposite.
ReplyDeleteWow! This piece has such an amazing plot and formatted so nicely. I was drawn in by the title, expecting something I would relate to, but that was not the case. The story has so many elements that remind me of "Interstellar" where you can analyze MANY times and still find something new. Your use of flashbacks and shifting the point of view really immersed me into the piece and showed your great proficiency in writing!
ReplyDelete- Travis Ly
This was a great piece, the plot twist at the end really surprised me.
ReplyDeleteThis truly took a turn that I wasn't expecting at all. I thought the worse case scenario would be Lena failing her test. I was captivated by the story especially since you started the scene with the word "shit". Good job, Ty! I loved your story despite hating clowns with a strong passion.
ReplyDeleteThis story was great! I had no clue where it was going to end up but the ending had me shocked. You did a good job at captivating the audience by your use of imagery as well as dialogue. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThe organization of the story is very reminiscent of a few scenes of what would make up a horror movie. It's certainly an ending nobody would expect, despite the foreshadowing in the first two lines.
ReplyDeleteI am very surprised with the ending, but the crazy plot twist shows that things may happen when you least expect it. This piece was very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. It was so descriptive that I felt like I was watching a movie. The title seemed mundane, and relatable, at first, but when I reread it after finishing, the title made me laugh at how much of an understatement it was. I really want to see the aftermath of what happened and what will happen to the being in the abandoned school. Such amazing writing and a really cool concept.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Well done Ty! That was an amazing piece, I was enthralled with your writing and I just could not get to the next word fast enough. I really enjoyed the horror aspect of your piece it was something very different and you nailed it.
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting the outcome to be so dark and abrupt but it was really well done as the strong friendship was ended by the creature. Normally you would expect the kids to overcome or escape, but the different route you took was interesting and well done.
ReplyDeleteWow, the imagery you used EFFECTIVELY placed a vivid and disturbing picture of an impaled Jax and a decapitated Lena into my brain. The way you described the blood oozing from his mouth was particularly chilling to me. I don't know if it was intentional, but I picked up a vibe that Jax might've had a love interest in Lena from the scene where Jax was nervously talking to her on the phone. So that was interesting to me. I was not expecting the blade-like limb to belong to a clown! Good job.
ReplyDelete-Sammie Sandoval
Ty, this was an amazing piece that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout. I like how the story stayed entertaining and intense apart from the great amount of dialogue that can be found. I also enjoyed your imagery when describing the monster and its various actions.
ReplyDeleteThe plot was what really drove the story home for me, especially with the plot twist of the killer clown. When I read the title I thought there would be a more light-hearted approach to why Lena should have stayed home, but I loved this version a lot more.
ReplyDeleteThe plot was what really drove the story home for me, especially with the plot twist of the killer clown. When I read the title I thought there would be a more light-hearted approach to why Lena should have stayed home, but I loved this version a lot more.
ReplyDeleteReading the title my first thought was "typical ty", but what I was expecting was the complete opposite of what you delivered and I loved it. I especially appreciated your use of satire throughout as you have a clever and slightly dark sense of humor. You also did a fantastic job at captivating the reader and keeping him/her guessing the whole time. The whole story had a "Stranger Things" feel to it which I enjoyed very much as well. Keep up the great work <333
ReplyDeleteThis short story really caught me off guard. I was intrigued by the first word and wanted to keep on reading. I really liked how you broke the story up using the dashes so we could see both sides of the story.
ReplyDeleteSamantha Ehrlich Period 1
My god, did this take a turn that I did not expect it to! I love how the plot twist comes at the beginning, and then is almost forgotten about until the very end, it really adds to the shock factor of if all. While reading the part about Lena and her studying, I felt myself relating to the character a little bit, but come the end of the story, that was quickly turned around as well! Excellent work on your story. :)
ReplyDelete-Carianne Lefebvre
This is great! I liked the beginning of the piece foreshadowed what happened later in the story. The entire time I was curious about what the beginning really meant, and later it on became very obvious. The descriptive imagery you used worked well with the overall tone of the story and it kept me on the edge of my seat.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the subtle bits of dark humor that you implemented throughout the story. Especially the part where Jax's thoughts as he was stabbed by a clown were how much he hated clowns. The story really strayed away from the normal life lesson and happy ending type of stories. Great Work!
ReplyDeleteWell that was a plot twist! That escalated quickly. I love the vivid use of imagery that effectively describes the bloody capitation. The diction gives the reader a sense of fear and eeriness that is unparalleled. I greatly enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDelete