Pages

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

“5 stages of grief” By Angela O


 “ ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG”
Denial- It didn’t make any sense to me, there was absolutely no way it was true. It had to be a nightmare, I would wake up and things would be back to normal. In my head I thought of a thousand different scenarios that could disprove the most obvious one. My mind was working harder than ever to try to comfort myself from what I knew was inevitable. I was trying to make sense of something that to this day remains senseless, and something that I know I will never be able to make sense of. At this time all logic and reason had escaped me, they betrayed me in the time I needed them most.
Anger- Then I got mad. Mad because it shouldn’t have happened. Mad because she deserved better. If anyone deserved to live a long happy life it was her. Mad because she was too young. Mad because she deserved more time. Mad because I knew there were things she deserved to experience that now she never would. Mad because her little sister deserved more time with her. Mad because she was a good person, she was the only person I’ve ever met that was really true to who she really was. She gave life color and quirkiness. So yeah, you could say I was angry, I was filled with anger, I felt like I had the right to be, because it still didn’t make sense and I desperately needed it to.
Bargaining- I’m not a particularly religious person, but suddenly I had to be. I needed a miracle. I prayed and maybe I didn’t do it hard enough or I didn’t do it right, but I prayed more in a few days than I had done in the span of my life. I promised that if she got her miracle, I would never sin, I would be a great person, I would devote my life to helping others and I would be for people what she had been for me. I tried to negotiate, and I know that’s not how things work but I was desperate and I was willing to try anything. I promised that I would devote my life to religion, I’d do whatever I needed to do if she would just get a miracle.
Depression-But all that anger and confusion washed away, and it morphed into something a lot worse, and a whole lot harder to get out of. I became consumed with a type of sadness I had never experienced anything remotely close to. There is something called broken heart syndrome, it’s an actual condition where extreme stress can cause heart muscle failure, the
feeling almost imitates a heart attack, and well I became familiar with that sensation. I found it hard to function, to breathe. After that, I found it hard to find the humor or the good in anything, something that I had learned from her. She ignited a spark in me that died shortly after she did. Growing up I had always heard people say how everyday they thought of a particular event or person, it was a concept I couldn’t grasp, I think maybe because I didn’t think I cared about anything enough to think about it every day. But I get it now, almost three years later and not one day passes without her crossing my mind. After she went I felt like I couldn’t laugh, as if laughing would be making a mockery of the situation, as if I’d be failing her if I did. I found living to be pointless, if someone as good as her could be stripped away for no reason then there was no point. I felt hopeless and alone, although she had touched the lives of many people and I knew there were many people who felt the same way or worse, I still felt alone.
Acceptance-But in the end I knew I had to move on and make peace, because no matter how much I thought about it and how much it didn’t make sense, there was nothing I or anybody could do to change it. In life she made everyone smile, and I owed it to her to make sure that even in death she would do the same. I accepted the fact that the memories I had with her would be the only ones I would ever have, and I began to cherish them fully. I figured I would live my life in dedication to her, and do the things I know she would’ve wanted to do. I accepted that I would have good days and some days would be bad. I sometimes would wish I had never met her, so I would never have felt the pain of losing her, but now I know how foolish that is because the memories I made with her were worth the sadness I still feel. In the hospital I thanked her parents for bringing such a great person into the world, because meeting her was the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten. I learned so much from her and still continue to learn from the way she chose to live her life. I hope she’s proud of me, and all the things I’ve accomplished, I hope she knows she gave me the courage and strength I needed. She was my friend, no doubt the best one I’ll ever have, but now she can be something even better, my favorite angel.
For my friend, Dana

26 comments:

  1. Lauren Elizabeth WrightOctober 10, 2017 at 3:20 PM

    This is beautiful. As I'm sure you intended, I didn't remotely realize what this was really about until the end of the piece. Everyone has seen all kinds of "5 Stages of Grief" articles on the internet, and up to the ending, this was in correlation with all those. However, the way you ended it added layers upon layers of much deeper meaning to your piece about grief. I never personally knew Dana because the only class I ever had her in was Spanish, but despite that, I definitely teared up reading this. Amazing job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I appreciate the depth that your piece contains and the thought and emotion put in to create something so powerful. Many can relate to "5 Stages of Grief" in multiple ways, and the way you expressed how you coped with the situation will help many others and have a whole different outlook upon the times of grief. Dana was truly loved by all and will forever be an angel!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Angela, this piece absolutely moved me! Being someone who has dealt with plenty of loss in their life, I couldn't have related more to a post. I agree with you completely when you said it is important to remember to live your life loving other people in order to honor your cherished loved one. RIP Dana <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really needed this, I am currently going through this myself so it was good reading something I could understand. Grieving is a process and everyone experiences it differently. It's just really crazy how I got on here and read about this especially with everything going on. So thank you, I really appreciate it and wish you complete healing because grieving is a process.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Losing someone you hold dear and have the fondest moments with feels so unreal. Your ability to put these feelings into words is absolutely incredible, however I apologize that you had to go through these five stages. I definitely have way too much experience with them, and wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, let alone a person as wonderful as you. Dana truly is a kind, sweet soul. No one will ever forget her. -Imani Crenshaw

    ReplyDelete
  6. This piece...there are no words to describe how amazing and emotionally moving it is. But way to make me cry. I felt like I could feel your pain and the way you personalized the stages of Grief moved me beyond words as I'm sure anyone who has lost someone important in their life can relate. I didn't personally know Dana but from others I have heard she was a stunning person inside and out. I love this piece and the tribute to your favorite angel Dana.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was really beautiful. The amount of emotion and understanding that I could feel through is was almost unreal. You did a fantastic job, I've seen articles on the internet about grief and how to deal with it but this is the first one that really spoke to me. Again fantastic job.

    Sara Perez Period 5

    ReplyDelete
  8. I read your piece through watery eyes the entire time. Grieving is such a big process and is hands down, one of the hardest processes that anybody has to go through. I felt every sentence and word as you described your continuous journey through missing and loving Dana. I love how she has not only impacted your life positively, but I know for a fact that you have impacted her life in such a great way also. I am sure she is so proud of you and your accomplishments and is cheering you on from the sidelines. I love your piece so much.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I enjoyed how you used your personal experience to explain the 5 steps of grieving. Reading your piece brought tears to my eyes as I remembered Dana in middle school and the one time she died her hair blue. Overall your piece was very powerful.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This piece was beautiful. I liked how you used your personal experience to explain grieving, it made the piece really powerful. RIP Dana

    ReplyDelete
  11. I really loved this because one of my teachers father died and she said that she felt as if he would be alive the next day. She has been crying and has been experiencing these stages. Rip Dana

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm speechless. This entry was beautiful. I enjoyed how this poem was straight to the point. It made it easy for the reader to feel all the emotions that the speaker, which is you, was feeling. Angela this entry was amazingly beautiful and I am glad you were able to open up about it. No doubt Dana would've loved this. We all greatly appreciated this and that you dedicated this to her. RIP Dana.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This was a wonderful piece, and I really enjoyed how you used your personal experience. Eventually, everyone loses somebody close to them and I know this blog will help others get a better understanding on how to deal with it. Your piece also showed how big of a positive impact Dana had on your life which really exemplified how great of a person she truly was as she would always brighten everybody's day up.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my gosh, this was so beautiful. I personally didn't know Dana, but she was known throughout our freshman year and she was also in my English class. She was a really beautiful person and I liked her even though I never actually got to know her. I really liked that you wrote this about her. Great job. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Reading the title of this, I didn't know what it would be about. But as soon as I read the first line, I knew it would be about her. This piece was so beautifully written and there's no doubt Dana would have been proud of you like we all are for being so brave to write about such a sorrowful and relatable topic. When I finished reading I realized I had tears in my eyes as I remembered the memories I shared with Dana in middle school. I've experienced this type of loss twice in high school and just remember that we are all here for you and we love you and Dana loves you. Again fantastic job Angela. RIP Dana <3

    ReplyDelete
  16. I opened this post not expecting anything like this. I admire how deeply you felt and expressed in the piece and how openly you spoke of your loss. It's hard to write about grief because it's ongoing and hard to look at from an outside perspective without making it seem impersonal, but you did just that. You captured a human experience and I am proud of you for being able to talk about this now. I'm sure Dana would be, too.
    -Elaine Molina

    ReplyDelete
  17. It takes a lot of courage to write and put into words something so personal and life-altering. You did this in such an articulated way, applying personal experiences to the universal concept of steps of grieving. Good job and I hope that you will continue to live everyday to the fullest for your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This was a beautiful piece from start to finish. I know it must have been hard typing your experiences with grief but the words I'm sure have impacted those who have read. You are strong and I am so glad to have dedicated my time to reading your post, and remember, she is proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. This was an amazing piece of literature. I could not imagine the amount of courage that it took you to write this. I love how you perfectly included every detail about your experience in this.
    -Steve Martinez P.1

    ReplyDelete
  20. Angela, your entry was beautiful. It must have been so difficult to even write this and share it with us, but you did an amazing job capturing your experience. I could definitely sympathize with the grieving process of losing someone. Dana was an amazing girl and I'm glad you're doing much better.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This was beautiful. I loved how raw this was. This really hit home for me, and I was able to relate to exactly what you were feeling. You created something absolutely beautiful with the pain that you experienced. Nice work, and just know that she is so proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This really tounched me and i loved it alot. I loved how you rxplained how you felt and i know many can relate to you & i know i can and i really loved the emotion you put to it. RIP Dana we all miss you

    ReplyDelete
  23. This piece was so well written. It brought tears to my eyes, no doubt. I love that you wrote this about Dana, great job! She's missed dearly!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Before you even mentioned her name, Dana had already appeared in my mind because this piece mirrors exactly what I went through. She was my best friend and every morning I woke up hoping it would all be a dream. What's great about this is that its universal in nature and can be applied to anyone who's experienced the loss of someone they are close to.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is absolutely beautiful. I teared up while reading it. You turned the typical "5 Stages of Grief" informative article into a profound personal narrative that we can all relate to. RIP Dana. She will be forever missed and cherished.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my lord! I loved this! It was so relatable and I like how you added your own personal experience to help the audience relate. Really great job!

    -Kaitlyn Rueda

    ReplyDelete

Remember, make your comment positive, supportive, and specific to the piece you're commenting on. No anonymous comments! :)