Act I Scene I
A very simple room, Elliot and Ana sit on opposite sides
in the same position. Lights and music fade in.
Elliot stands first and walks toward Ana who does the
same. They stop facing each other.
Elliot: I hate you.
Ana: I know.
Black out.
Scene II
Ana paces the floor on her side of the room while Elliot
sits looking bored.
Ana: I just don’t understand how
anyone could be so stupid!
Elliot (exasperated): I just don't
believe in it.
Ana: B-but there's poems, and books,
and songs. . . and movies, there's movies too!
Elliot: Your point being?
Ana: They aren't just making it up!
Elliot: Lots of things are made up
Ana, don’t be so naïve. People make things up all the time to escape the
reality in which they live.
Ana: God, you are such a pessimist.
Elliot: Probably, but I have every
reason to be one. You just don't understand.
Ana: Then enlighten me since you
clearly know everything.
Elliot: I've just been through some
stuff, are you always this nosy?
Ana: Considering you're the only
person I can talk to, yes.
Elliot takes a second to collect his thoughts before
speaking.
Elliot: She came into my life like
waves crash onto the shore, sudden and intensely. But she left, abandoning me
on the sand.
Black out.
Scene III
*Flashback* Elliot sits alone reading a book. Enter
Isabel.
Isabel: Hi, um Elliot right? I
believe you're in my English class, I'm Isabel.
Elliot (tripping over himself to
stand): oh-uh-yeah Hi. . I-I like this book we're reading, do you?
Isabel: Oh, I'm not really one for
sappy romance but I guess it's alright.
Elliot: Come on, how could you not
love romance?
Isabel: It’s just so unrealistic,
so cliché. The boy gets the girl, and happily ever after. It's just not how
life works.
Elliot: I bet I can convince you
otherwise.
Ana: Sounds like a challenge.
They slowly walk off stage, lights fade behind them. *flashback ends*
Scene IV
Lights fade in, Elliot and Ana are in the same position
as before.
Elliot: I thought it was true love
but I've never been so wrong.
Ana: I'm obviously not following,
you only described how you met?
Elliot: That's my favorite memory
of her. She was beautiful. Her eyes kept me at a loss for words, her hair
shined like the sun. I've never seen anyone so breathtaking in my entire life.
Ana: So, what happened?
Elliot: She left.
Blackout.
*Flashback* Enter Elliot then Isabel.
Isabel: I just wanted to help,
Elliot!
Elliot: By telling my parents? They
want to send me away!
Isabel: They want you to get
better! I want you to get better.
Elliot: I'll never see you! You're
what keeps me sane, you can't do this!
Isabel: Oh Elliot, please don't say
that. This is for the best.
Elliot: I can't believe you're okay
with this! I trusted you... I love you!
Isabel: I love you to but-
Elliot: No, you don't! If you did
you wouldn't leave me!
Isabel: I'm not leaving you, I'm
trying to help you.
Elliot: I don't even need help, you
all are the crazy ones.
Isabel: Please just try and
understand.
Elliot: I can't even begin to try.
Elliot rushes offstage. Isabel pauses then slowly
follows.
Scene V
Lights fade in on
Ana and Elliot in same positions.
Elliot: That night, my parents
packed up all my stuff and drove me here. I haven't seen her since. Not that I
get many visitors.
Ana: We're not even allowed to have
visitors.
Elliot: For her, I would've found a
way.
Ana: We haven't left these rooms in
months; how do you know she hasn't tried?
Elliot: I just do. And what even is the benefit of
being kept in "isolation" if they're just going to put a glass wall
between us. I'm not isolated at all! I can still hear and see you. So much for
privacy.
Ana: They think it will help our
conditions to focus on making an emotional connection with just one person.
Incremental gains you know?
Elliot: Incremental gains?
Ana: Yeah, baby steps. You can't
just fix something like this in one step. You take it day by day and create
small goals to achieve happiness.
Elliot: I'm not something that
needs to be fixed, I'm not broken.
Ana: Then why are you here?
Elliot: I seem to be consistently
asking myself that very question. Besides, happiness isn't created through a
plan it just happens.
Ana: But you don't become happy all
at once. Not from this state. It takes time, effort, and self-evaluation. You
need to admit that you're not okay and then slowly work towards recovery.
Elliot: What are you, a doctor?
Ana: No, I've just had plenty of
time to think here.
Elliot: Well, I don't need your
help. I'm pretty sure talking to the same person every day is just adding to my
insanity.
Ana: So, you admit that you're not
sane?
Elliot: No, I- I'm not even going
to try.
Ana: I count that as the first
step.
Music slowly fades in while lights fade out.
Act II Scene I
to be continued . . .
Interesting premise, with a compelling title to boot. Check for minor spelling and grammar, mostly improper use of commas where periods are needed, and a few awkward phrases. Also, the relationship between Elliot and Ana remains a bit ambiguous, though that may just be your intention or a result of the word limit. Aside from that, it's all good.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS. Making this into a play was a really smart move, I felt a little more connected to the characters because of it. the cliffhanger made this all the more dramatic!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you decided to write this in play form. The way you described the characters made them seem more real and allowed for us as an audience to relate to them more. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI love how you wrote this in play form and the way you described the characters. It allowed for us to relate and understand them even better. I really really enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteKristyn!!! I'm so mad that this isn't a full length play. I hope you've shown this to Mr. Kiley and you're able to produce this because it's such a cool concept. I'm already hooked! We're all a little nuts, so I really believe anyone can relate to either character. Wow. What a great play idea.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this. I'm in love with how you established the characters in such a small amount of time and made me feel like I could see them and know a little bit of their personalities. I also loved that even though this is written as a play, you didn't directly state the setting, which left readers something to figure out. It kept me thinking afterwards about why the characters are there, and I really enjoyed that. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteCarly Soos
Wow. Just wow. From the moment I opened it up I tried to put the pieces together, but not all of them are left out. There is this ominous sense looming over the characters as you wonder why the character Elliot is there, why Isabel "betrayed" him and sent him to what appears to be a hospital. The ambiguity helps the reader infer their idea of the feelings each character has and allows the story to come to life.
ReplyDeleteThis play kept my attention the whole time. I would really like to know what Elliot is official in what I assume is an asylum. The flashback make the story really inserting, especially with Anna's forth wall break. I really enjoyed its fluid conversation. The characters weren't stiff and I could feel they emotion. Very well written and I would really enjoy reading more.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a captivating read! I personally find it very hard to compose dialogue without sounding forced or superficial and have seen many instances where others struggle with the same problem, but not you my friend! I could vividly see the conversations playing out in my mind and felt that even in these short scenes, you already developed the characters personas. Im super glad you're talking to Kiley about developing this into a full length play and if you do put it on for spring season... I would be very intrigued in auditioning! (;
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing! I love the ambiguous setting of where Elliot and Ana are, and why either of them are there, and I love the story behind Elliot and Isabel. The relationship between Ana and Elliot feels so real, and the angst and hurt that Elliot feels about being in that place can really be read throughout the entirety of the play. I'd love to see this become an actual play here at the school, you should definitely continue developing this story idea.
ReplyDelete-Carianne Lefebvre
This was an amazing play! It's as if it was Shakespeare's writing this play. The characters were great and I felt like I can relate to them. I honestly would like to read more or see this as an actual play. You can't keep us hanging with that cliffhanger! :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all let my just say... WOW! This was truly a masterpiece and a fun to read. From the very beginning I was entranced by the ambiguity of the characters and why they hated each other. The layout of the present, the flashback, and the switching of the character really pulled me in as a reader. At the end, I was left begging for more and upset that it was not a full length play. Writing it in the form of a play really made it stand out because it was unique ands executed very well. Good Job! - Jennifer Kirksey
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing play. It keeps me wondering why Elliot was in that room and why his parent's sent him there. The cliffhanger has me on the edge of my seat. I'd love to read more
ReplyDeleteI found great pleasure in reading the first act of your play. The connection between the characters and the audience was quickly and easily established. I hope that the story continues as mysterious as it began, until a big plot twist hopefully at the end! I loved the concept of flashbacks throughout the scenes to give the audience a sense of background to this intriguing story. Hope to read the rest soon!
ReplyDelete-Elaine Molina
This is an AMAZING play. I was intrigued from start to finish. I love the concept and how I can relate to both characters. Keep me updated for Act 2. (: Would love to have our drama department perform this.
ReplyDelete- Taylor Vasquez
Oh My! This was so good and you are not even done writing it! The way you started it off had me hooked right away, it made me want to read more and more! You are such a good writer and I can not wait to read more and hopefully you have it performed !
ReplyDeleteI'm not usually a big fan of plays but I actually loved yours. You used a lot of imagery which I like because it helps me figure out what's going on in the play. I hope you write more because I am really interested in this piece and I would to see how this play ends.
ReplyDeleteI NEED MORE. Kristyn this piece was so good, I read it 3 times before I settled down to comment on your wonderful work. I really like how you made the story into a play, the stage directions created more dramatic imagery and the dialogue between the characters building up to the end of the act sparked a lot of interest from me. You are a great play writer and I encourage you to continue this piece as well as creating more plays!
ReplyDeleteWOW Kristyn!!! I enjoyed this play so much and I was surprised to see that you wrote your piece in play form. I loved how I can personally relate to all three characters quite well. I am astonished that you put a dramatic twist at the end. I liked how you left it as a cliffhanger. Great job!
ReplyDeleteKristyn you are AMAZEBALLZZ! I have always seen your raw and natural acting skills, but now being able to witness your writing abilities as well, COLOR ME IMPRESSED!! Just solely upon one scene I can already see well established characters each with dynamical personality traits. This gives readers (soon to be audience members ;)) a reason to like certain characters because you relate it to the real world and real people. Also letting us witness someone else's problems and what they are going through, in a way, allows us to feel sympathy for characters. That is something only a true writer is capable of (AKA you!). Great job girl love ya!! XD
ReplyDeleteDefinitely one of the more uniquely structured pieces this batch. It's impressive how you were able to convey the growth of the relationship between Ana and Elliot with so few lines. It really feels like a minimal interpretation of the classic love story.
ReplyDeleteThis is too short! Every time you perform on stage, I am in complete awe. I love your acting and I loved this small piece! Please continue writing because you've got me hooked! I can imagine you acting out all parts of this play, your tone, emotions, etc. which gets me even more excited to see how the plot would unfold!
ReplyDeleteHi Kristyn! This was amazing, I enjoyed it very much! I normally don't like reading plays, but the words you chose to convey everything was fantastic. I thought it was so cool how the last scene reveals where the characters are. This was great!
ReplyDeleteKristyn, out of all the time I've known you through the drama program I never knew you loved to write as well! I love the idea and the emotion that is conveyed through the characters you are creating and I really hope you finish writibg and produce this later in the year for spring season because it is a wonderful play concept.
ReplyDelete-Sean Bailey P.4
Ah Kristyn! As a person who loves the performing arts I couldn't help but to read you post aloud and act out the characters and that's one of the reasons that I love how you put the story in script form. Your writing as made the story come alive and play out right in front of our eyes. The characters have exemplified a teenage life as they are easy to relate to in many circumstances. I can't wait to ready the rest. Great job!
ReplyDeleteKRISTYN!!!!! Can I just say that ever since freshman year when we were in english together, your love for literature has always intrigued me and it shows through this amazing play that you've written. I really loved how you were able to develop the relationship between Elliot and Ana and made the characters seem so relatable to teenagers today. I was able to find a part of myself in both Elliot and Ana and I absolutely loved the suspense you created. You should definitely think about making this an entire play. Amazing job!!
ReplyDeleteKristyn, this is absolutely great! I loved the use of imagery used in this story, I felt like I was able to connect with the characters and watch the growth of their relationship with only a short amount of lines. The structure of this story was really unique and I hope you continue this piece.
ReplyDelete- Eliana Rodriguez
I think this excerpt was really great. You're a great writer! This little passage was great because I was able to sympathize with the characters in such little time. The plot and imagery was great. Can't wait for part 2. Keep up the good work Kristyn!
ReplyDeleteI really loved how a small script kept me wanting to read more and more! You wrote an amazing play, I absolutely enjoyed it. You were able to reveal the situation between Ana and Elliot without putting specific details...I would like to read what happens next, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you opened with giving the reader a sense of unknowing. The "flashbacks" really kept me reading this piece because of how it gave me insight on why they are there. The mood throughout this story gave me a feeling that these two are in a psycho ward of some sort or the behavioral health department in a hospital. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteWOW Kristyn I am impressed! This play was amazing and I hope it becomes a production at our school. The way the story flowed, and your use of flashbacks made me want to keep reading. I hate how it ended with a cliffhanger because I want to hear more!!!
ReplyDeleteI loved this! I agree with many of the other comments that this should be a full-length play. I loved the mysterious tone over the whole piece, it kept me at the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next that would uncover more clues. I appreciated the simile that Elliot used to describe Isabel, "her hair shined like the sun" because it gave me a clear image of how bright and beautiful she is and how much Elliot truly was mesmerized by her. The cliffhanger at the end really entices the reader (and me) to hope for a continuation of this piece. I can't wait to see this play at school!
ReplyDelete-Elizabeth Rivera
Kristyn, I loved how you used the transitions of the present to the flashback of the past. Even if it was a short script, it made a clear image and created a small movie in my mind that I enjoyed very much. Please write more so I can continue to read to see what happens with Elliot and Ana.
ReplyDeleteThis play was very interesting to read, especially for a snippet. For me the use of imagery kept me focused on the occasion and the foreshadowing is what kept me interested and wanting more. Great job.
ReplyDeleteJudging by the amount of comments you already have, you've likely heard all I have to say and then some. But this literary price is done in such a ambitious way that it's hard not to be drawn in. There is a story beyond what is being told, and that vagueness implies to us as the audience that we merely are looking through a keyhole at a small aspect of the whole at 'play' here. Unintentional pun, but in all seriousness and to finish off, this is an absolutely incredible price that I would love to see elaborated in the future
ReplyDelete