Monday-January 5th, 2015
Back to School. My schedule didn’t change a lot. I only have a
different teacher for math now. But some other people got switched into most of
my classes. It wasn’t really a big deal until 4th period. The bell rang and I
started taking out my notebook. This girl walked in late and when i saw her I
felt… weird. I think I’m gonna try to talk to her.
Friday- February 6th, 2015
I still haven’t talked to her. She seems pretty chill but I
don’t know what to ask her, I mean we don’t really know the same people since
she’s a senior and I’m a sophomore. I looked through last year’s yearbook.
She’s in soccer, that's pretty cool. I could ask her about that but that's kind
of weird, I don’t even really like sports.
Thursday- March 12th, 2015
I finally talked to her after class but it wasn’t really
anything personal. I asked her if she had a job. She misheard and thought I
asked if she had some gum. She said yeah and she gave me a piece. It was
awkward but I took it and asked again. She said she worked at the taco bell
down the street from school. I asked her if they were hiring and if she could
give me some tips for job hunting. She said that the manager is coming in on
tuesday and that I should stop by because he gives interviews on the spot.
Hopefully I get the job.
Tuesday- March 17th, 2015
I went to Taco Bell. I saw her working. I was really bad
talking to the manager. Needless to say I didn’t get an interview.
Wednesday- April 1st, 2015
Today in my 4th period I ran up to answer a question on the
board, no one else knew the answer and I thought I did. On the way to the board
I kinda tripped on a wire. A lot of people laughed including the girl. I ended
up getting the answer wrong too. I didn’t feel embarrassed, I got to hear her
laugh. She has a nice smile, too.
Wednesday- April 29th, 2015
The girl and I started a habit of waiting for each other after
class and walking together to lunch. We talk everyday. I don’t think I’ve been
this happy before. I’ve even started working out. I wanna tell her I like her
but I don’t wanna ruin what we’ve got going. I have to tell her soon though,
She’s gonna graduate in less than a month.
Tuesday- May 26th, 2015
She graduated and I didn’t tell her. I tried going to visit her
at work since I was going to get a book from a bookstore near there. I walked
for six hours and right when I was about to walk from the bookstore to her job
my mom came to pick me up. I was pretty angry but mostly sad. I gave her my
number and she still hasn’t text me.
Monday- June 1st, 2015
I was on Snapchat today and I saw her on this guy’s snap. I was
surprised that she knew him. I guess they were smoking last night or something
and she ended up spending the night at his house. He posted a picture of her
sleeping. I kept looking at it. Her new nose ring looks cool.
Thursday- July 30th, 2015
I start school next week. I haven’t even started my summer
reading for school. These last few months have been too depressing. I need to
get over her.
Thursday- July 21st,
2016
I was smoking with my cousin today. The smoke still hurts my
throat and the high makes me feel stupid. I’m gonna try to stop smoking again.
Friday- July 22nd, 2016
I found her twitter the other day. I requested to follow her
and she just accepted it today. I tried messaging her but she hasn’t replied
yet.
Tuesday- September 6th, 2016
My friend tried acid the other day. He told me it was pretty
cool. It sounds interesting I might look into it.
Saturday- September 10th, 2016
I messaged the girl today. I asked her if she knew anyone who
sold tabs. She gave me her kik and she told me she knew a guy in Norco. I asked
her how it was for her. She told me that it was “Fun Times”
Sunday- October 2nd, 2016
I don’t think she really cared for me. She won’t even talk to
me about anything. Is it because I’m not “cool”- because I don’t go out to
parties or drink or do acid? She pushed me to better myself and now I feel like
the thought of her is just holding me back. I didn’t think it was possible to
hate someone who meant the world to me THIS much.
Sunday- January 5, 2017
Tomorrow I go back to school. I need to do better this
semester. I gotta finish High school strong.
I stopped smoking. I realised that it's really messing me up in
school and I can’t afford ruining what I have going for myself. The girl
deleted all of her social media so it helps keep me from thinking of her. I
hope she’s doing ok.
I really enjoyed this piece specifically because I journal write and this is how I would write in my journal as well. This piece also is so real and something that many students can relate to. The feelings that were presented are all so relative in caring for someone and having that urge to know how they're feeling and always subconsciously thinking of them in all cases. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting piece because it demonstrated the thoughts of a typical teenager when they have a crush on someone. It seemed like the relationship was more important to the guy than the girl so maybe she just saw him as a friend. At the end of the diary, it was good to see that the speaker stopped using drugs and moved on with his life once the girl disappeared. It seemed like she was really holding him back in his life. Overall great piece!
ReplyDeleteSuch a raw piece, thank you for sharing! Whether reality or not, it's evident emotions behind it were a real influence in your writing. I really enjoyed the syntax technique you used of simple sentences and back and forth thoughts; it portrays the diary format adequately. I'm sure many can relate to such simple distractions of high school and how they take a toll on us confused and developing souls of teenagers. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThe form of this makes it really interesting when reading. It also shows how some things can make you distracted from what is really important in life. Sometimes people lead you on and I have experienced that before and it sucks. They would be in my mind constantly and I didn't know how to stop it. You might still think about the person but you just have to wish them well. I enjoyed this piece and how realistic it is to so many others lives. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very good Gavin! I loved how you had all the dates layed out so we could see the time sequence and the time frame of the whole situation. I personally got the impression that this relates to many people on a daily basis. We like them, how do we tell them? Then you start talking and feelings grow even deeper just for them not to be reciprocated. It truely sucks but that is how it works sometimes. I feel we often feel the need to change for a certain someone to like us or want to be friends with us. I really enjoyed your piece, it was very relatable. Greta Job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very different from anything that I have read before, very interesting. I liked the organization of the work, how it was composed of very short entries and how it allows you to see the speakers thought process over time. It felt very real.
ReplyDeleteI love this Gavin! When I started to read the piece I thought it was going to end up with you guys together. However, you shocked me when it started to go the other way on May 26th 2015, it did make me sad and I felt bad for you and your situation. Also, I loved that you ended up realizing what is best for you and learning from your mistakes. Many people have been in your situation and are probably very happy that you shared this.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed how this piece was outlined. It included an interesting twist that encompassed a theme of love. It was incredibly interesting that the narrator's attraction towards the girl made him a better person, where, in general crush relationships, love is a distraction to character. Well done, I enjoyed the diary entries and the thought/emotion put into it!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece a lot, the diction and syntax used in this piece makes it entertaining and interesting. The way you used a diary entry format truly captures the emotion of the narrator. I am crushed to hear that it didn't work out in the end, but maybe something good will happen later. Thank you for writing this great piece!
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed reading this piece and the journal entry structure. This piece had many emotions and accurately reflected the life of a high school senior and crushes. It also showed the bad effects people can have on others and how love may distract people from the important things in life. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing timeline story. It was so well composed and your structure of the piece gave it an overall mood. Your piece was very successful and I loved how you did it as diary entries. Also, your simple diction was perfect for this type of piece. Good job Gavin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the structure of this piece and how it still successfully delivered a heartfelt and meaningful story. The character development throughout the piece was vivid and the story gave a realistic view on young/puppy love. Generally, the girl and the boy end up together or break up in the most dramatic way, however this story was nonetheless very realistic especially in our time and culture. Overall, this story really got to me. Good job, Gavin.
ReplyDeleteI loved how it started and ended on the same date, to see the growth and change throughout the two years as well as the thought process. The way it was written, short and concise yet with emotion behind was captivating. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you showed how the narrator grew and developed as a result of his experiences with the girl. While he first let his crush control him, he realized that she wasn't a positive influence and instead relinquished his feelings for her whereas, typically, high school crushes are depicted as consuming and almost obsessive. The fact that he decided to stop smoking and work on his academics ends it with an optimistic, hopeful tone and further deducts from the validity of stereotypical high school romances.
ReplyDeleteI think the progression in each month was written well because we see another side to the guy and girl. They go from being strangers to friends and then acquaintances. You also showed the influence, both good and bad, that she had on him which is important because it shows just how much she meant to him until she eventually didn't. Overall I liked all the emotions of love, sadness, and happiness you expressed in this. Thank you for a great piece!
ReplyDeletewhen i was reading this, i felt like i was reading your diary or something. I like how you kept it kind of short and blunt with all of the sentences. it makes the piece kind of tie in easier if that makes any sense, every entry seems to make the previous one more understandable. finally getting the courage of telling her and then not being able to sucks, but im glad you've grown from this and im so happy to see you graduating with such great accomplishments. keep up the great work !
ReplyDeleteThis story really places you in the shoes of someone that has intense emotions but is unable to express them. On a personal level I've seen this take root in too much people I know. As for the format, I think it was really creative how you used a diary format as I think in the age of social media people are forgetting to express themselves in more original ways. Great job, and if you've faced this before things will get better if you keep your head up!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you outlined your story. With only a first person point of view and short sentence structures, I thought that it wonderfully gave into the suspense towards the end because it only gives the readers a limited perspective making us think and wonder what is going to happen next and what had happened to the girl.
ReplyDeleteand I loved how the story was based on your perspective
This was a very relatable piece especially to the audience of teenagers. It was interesting how you showed the slow digression of the main character when his friend left him and it greater shows the bad consequences and risks we are willing to take (smoke, do acid) to make up for a sad feeling.
ReplyDeleteThe piece was a very interesting read which was well done in a journal entry style. The story had me hooked on fact that I wanted to see how the whole situation played out. It was also interesting as there truly are people who experience this and reading this makes us realize it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting to watch the gradual degradation of the narrator's life because it truly portrays how someone you like/love can turn your life around (either in a good or bad way). I like how you ended the last entry; making it relatable for other students who have gone down a dark path but assure them that there's always a chance to escape it. Thank you for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteThe first entry immediately hooked me. The tone that was presented in this piece felt so real, with such simplicity in each day. It was interesting seeing how the narrator's life developed as the entries continued. There was a mysterious, yet genuine tone in the entries that almost make the reader feel like they're prying into personal information, which makes this piece really great. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteGavin, I loved the structure in which you wrote your piece because it made your writing relatable to an audience. The story line also made it enticing to an audience, because many have had to go through bad experiences where a crush turned out to be a negative impact on one's life instead of a positive one. You did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the organization of this piece and how raw it was. It genuinely felt like I was reading someone's diary and it was descriptive enough to keep me interested. The story line made it incredibly interesting for the reader, especially the fact that we were able to see both the ups and downs of his story.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really creative piece. It was interesting to see the progress of the protagonist throughout the diary entries. I did not expect the crush to have such a detrimental impact on the boy's life. But it was nice to see that he realized that the girl only did negative things to his life and he changed for the better. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI like the journal entry style of writing that you had going on. This was a very interesting read and I enjoyed seeing the gradual time forwarding from 2015-2017. You did a really good job with this and thank you for sharing your piece with us.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Gavin I really enjoyed that instead of just writing the story you also chose to write it in a diary format. Having the events of what happened to the speaker in a chronological order gives the reader the chance to see how teenagers live with distractions and also manage their mental health on the daily.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece and the specific structure you used to make it seem more understanding for us as the readers. I also really enjoyed how the end of the story as it wasn't your typical "guy gets the girl happy ending." This story was more of a reality for me as I was reading because this is something that might happen to most people throughout high school. Good Job!
ReplyDeletei absolutely loved this piece. I feel like a lot of people we talk to in high school, even though we don't talk to them all the time, we still care. I know there are plenty of people in my life who i love and hope for the best of them yet we don't talk all the time. I loved how this story took place over the course of a year and we go to see the development of the emotion and the relationship.
ReplyDeleteInteresting structure! I like the whole "diary" setup, it is always interesting to see no matter how much it appears. Even if each day's entry was simplistic, it made it feel like a typical teenager's actual thoughts and entries. The character development was nice! To me, it seemed like this crush had some negative effects on his life. He made some drastic changes in his life because of her but it seems like his troubles allowed him to improve himself. Even if things didn't work out the way he wanted, he used this experience to take a step forward in the right direction. Your piece made me think about my own personal upsets, but now I feel like I can use them positively. Thank you for sharing this piece! Wow Gavin, great moves! Keep it up. Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece as it portrays the wavering thoughts of common teenagers. I think this is a common situation most teens face in high school when it comes to crushes and the influences around us that we can fall into when we're not always in the best place. But I'm glad in the end it became a positive thing and your character was able to grow from heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteGavin, I love this diary format. It gave specific detail to the situation, and it showed me the reader how you grew as a person throughout time. it is reassuring to hear how you overcame bad influences and are now on a good path top you're future. Great read and good luck.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very interesting to read, and kept me wanting to read the next entry. The diction used makes it seem very realistic, and the development of the narrator trying new things, even if they are bad. I liked the journal style you used through the piece.
ReplyDeleteThis was so good! I really loved the structure of this and how, although each entry was short there was so much detail packed into it that it kept it really interesting. This was really relatable to, I think, anyone ho's ever felt like they were in lv. I really enjoyed this and I think it was very brave that you and impressive that you were able to share something so personal.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you made this piece in first person point of view because it made me feel like I was inside of the story don't know if this is actually you who stopped smoking,but I'm glad he did because drugs are bad. But it felt like a journal entry and I enjoy reading these kind of books. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you made this piece in first person point of view because it made me feel like I was inside of the story don't know if this is actually you who stopped smoking,but I'm glad he did because drugs are bad. But it felt like a journal entry and I enjoy reading these kind of books. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteWow Gavin great job! I enjoyed this piece of work. The way you formatted this was perfect because it helps it look organized and also gives it a journal like structure. Hey everyone enjoy a love story haha. its unique how we see a negative impact instead of a positive one when in love. Plot Twist!!
ReplyDeleteThe was a great story, The way you used Journal entries really made the narration feel personal and real. The way you showed the character's love and eventual heartbreak was so emotional and relatable, it was amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis piece felt so real and I don't know if it was whether the addition of the dates or the raw reality of the story but it felt like an honest experience of someone's struggle. What's more is that it showed growth from troubled times and the lows one would experience from a high. Nice story, the honesty in it is amazing.
ReplyDeleteWhat first got me to read your entry was the format of you story. I really enjoyed how realistic your piece was and how each entry was short. I was happy at the end because he quit smoking and he had no more distractions so he can finish his final year of high school strong. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you structured your story as a journal where it helps us readers to feel the emotions and thoughts of the person when he started talking to this girl whom he likes but in the end it didn't work out because the girl seem to not care. The story makes us readers realize that some things are just destined and we are better off without the people who does not really care about us! Anyway, Great Piece!
ReplyDeleteWow Gavin, this is one of the most raw uncut pieces I have ever read and I truly loved how you didn't sugarcoat or change your experiences to fit this blog. The way you kept tract pf what was happening with this girl as well as what was happening in your own mind and your own troubles was really intriguing and added alot of character to the piece. Sometimes we have to get up from our very lowest of lows to reach the top but that doesn't mean we can't get there or be happy again/. It is possible and i hope that things for you are looking up, because it cant always be dark. Its your job to turn on the light.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece. The entries gave me a reminiscent feeling of The Stranger in how your narrator seems to act almost indifferent to certain events that happen or do not happen in his life, even though it is clear that major events are taking a toll on him. I especially liked how you utilized the idea of an unrequited love to convey the suppressed emotions of someone going through the ups and downs in high school. Nice work, dude.
ReplyDeletewow this piece is so good i really enjoyed it. long time crushes never last anyway i know that from experience.
ReplyDeleteGavin, it is told so vividly I even thought this was real and was going to call to see if you're ok. The amount of emotion you bring to this piece is insane as if your love for this girl was a roller coaster brought to a saddening end. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteGavin, first of all I love the structure of this piece!!! I love that it is informal and relateable in the way that everyone is familiar with journals and personal entries. I think it was amazing that you were able to use this experience that you went through and reflect on it. That is one of the most important life lessons, when events in life do not go as planned we must simply learn from them.
ReplyDelete