"Numb as Summer" by Carly B

Depression affects more than 15 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year (Anxiety and Depression Association in America) and Despite its high treatment success rate, nearly two out of three people suffering with depression do not actively seek nor receive proper treatment. (DBSA, 1996). What is so menacing that people can’t get the courage to openly express themselves?

This isn’t a narrative of myself but awareness. It’s not a cry for help or a beg for attention, just an explanation. More often than not people are affected by this disorder and refuse to ever talk about it or seek help. It’s complicated and emotional. Not everyone has the same experience but here’s a sense of definement:

I became numb as these summer nights slowly closing in. It's kind of strange to think that school is out but the sun stays hidden behind the clouds almost threatened to come out. My anger has festered, boiled, simmered but now lays still. Nothing arouses me anymore. It’s always a lack: A lack of care, a lack of enjoyment, a lack of infinite hopefulness. My sadness washes over, submerges every thought, and drowns the remaining pieces. It streams to forget the good that has come by as well. My happiness, she lives through the cracks of the morning, until I’ve had the chance to widely wake into the cycled nightmare. Sometimes though, she takes the courage to slip within dreams and creep into my memories of ice cream dates, fits of laughter over absurdity, and passionate moments of triumph but again she remains hidden behind the threatening clouds not daring to come out and confront the kiss of our new truth. I don’t have to tell them anything because it’s become easier to avoid anyone. Maybe they think I’m sick or just tired. They wouldn’t know either way. Home is always alone. The hole buried within stretches endlessly, everyday digging deeper feeling the familiarity of emptiness and still the last shred of hope carries my weakened body from bed to the shower, shower to my room, from my room to the kitchen, never actually stepping away from the comforting black abyss of my mind. Still I'm as numb as the summer nights drifting away. School fast steps and approaches demanding answers so ignorance is the solution to this depression.

This can be taken in many ways, maybe relatable even realistic or just a bunch of bs to cover for a last minute idea on a blog post. Either way it was worth the time. Talking about it, learning about, and experiencing in other’s shoes what it’s like for them. Depression is a unique flaw in humanism but still it makes us complex and compassionate towards each other. It’s no longer an idea expressed in words when someone can live through ultimate lows and surpass. It purposes for us to come closer to some kind of understanding or definite realization that pain and suffering are very much normal but we need to be conscious of how to deal with it.