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Wednesday, February 1, 2017

"Those Reminiscent Memories" by Maya A


     When you’ve known someone for so long, it’s hard to just forget them just like that; to
just stop loving the way they laugh, smile, the way they hold their head when focused or the
wrinkles they gather upon their brow when confused. I still remember that day very clearly when
she asked, “Could we talk…” I, of course, unconditionally said yes, because I was already
planning something of my very own that evening. I was on cloud nine the whole day.
We’ve been dating for three years already and I was ready to finally ask her the most life
changing question. I had the perfect restaurant, the perfect band that would play and the perfect
suit that I would wear. We had decided to drive separately to the restaurant, and I didn’t think
anything of it, but the tone of her voice sounded unusual as if she were distressed, or worried
about something. I didn't think too much about it as I hung up the call and started getting
dressed. I called the restaurant to double check the reservation, made sure I had the ring and
headed out the door. When I arrived she was already inside, and it took a lot out of me not to
skip to the table knowing that later tonight, I could finally call her my fiancé. I walked up to the
table calmly and gently kissed her cheek. I felt as though she slightly turned her head but I
figured I was my imagination. I sat across from her and she began to fidget so I started with
some small talk. She replied vaguely which I was thought was very unusual so I figured I would
cheer her up by proposing. I excused myself and asked the waiter for the band to be played in
two minutes. As I sat down in my seat, she said, “Let's talk.”
     I stared into her eyes and realized it was serious. I sat down glancing around the
restaurant for the band to show up any minute now. I grabbed the ring, and as I was bringing it
above the table cloth she said she wanted to speak first. I slightly lowered the ring to my thigh
then turned because I could hear the song I requested playing. I turned to look at her face and she
was flabbergasted, watching the band slowly travel to our table and the other customers of the
restaurant turning our way. I began to get up and she grabbed my arm as if to stop me and
jokingly shook it off and she clenched her hand together and looked down. As I got down on one
knee and opened the box she looked at the ring. I started to form the words “Will you marry
me?” and she said, “I know you wanted to be loved but, I don’t love you; all these years I just
didn’t have the heart to tell you, you weren’t the love of my life.”
     So many things went through my head in that moment. Our future was over; everything
that I worked for was gone. Just like that. I bit my lip trying to hold back the explosion of tears
waiting to happen and clenched the box with the engagement ring. As my eyes stayed fixated on
her big, blue, watery eyes, my legs began to tremble and I slowly rose from the floor, hearing her
say,
     “I’m sorry.”

23 comments:

  1. Very heartbreaking and very effective. This story had my attention from beginning to end. It is very interesting how in life we plan everything to be absolutely perfect, but sometimes in spite of our best efforts it all comes crashing down. Very insightful and well written.

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  2. I really think this story is amazing. The way it's written from a first-person point of view allows us to experience this story with a deeper connection, and the build up to the end blinded by infatuation is great. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  3. This story almost made me cry. It honestly is one of the scariest moments of someones life and it can often be hard to propose a commitment such as this one. I love all the detail and I especially love that this was from a males perspective. Often times men believe that it is not acceptable to express their feelings but this is the raw truth.

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  4. Not only did your diction within the first sentence depict a tragic ending, but I was able to relate that experience with some of my own friendships. The "can we talk line" is so often an indicator of unfortunate events which sometimes erupt in the ending of some relationships. This piece was so suspenseful throughout because the guy proposing is so oblivious to the fact that his girlfriend is about to break up with him. And often when you're so infatuated with someone, you dismiss little hints as being insignificant. I enjoyed the imagery as it made me feel as though I was sitting in the restaurant watching this scene unravel. Great descriptive piece!

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  5. This event in this story broke my heart. I liked the way you introduced the plot with the opening sentence making the reader unsure if the story would be about a heartbreak or death. Although the event was foreshadowed, it remained interesting to read. I enjoyed that you used a male perspective and how his heart was broken rather than, as it usually is, the females. As I read, I felt as if the speaker was personally telling me of the event. You constructed a great piece, good job!

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  6. I really enjoyed the diction and descriptive words that you used in your piece. This allowed me to imagine the whole situation and the way the two characters felt. I feel that some people do not know how to tell someone the truth because the truth might hurt the other person, in some cases. Nice job, overall!

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  7. Jaw dropping story, Maya!! I couldn't believe it when she said she never loved him. How could she do that after 3 whole years?! I really like the use of diction throughout the whole story because I can really get a feel of the atmosphere of what's happening. My heart was breaking for him, but I hope he finds another love. This story could teach people that you shouldn't keep in how you truly feel otherwise it'll be too late. Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Wow the twist at the ending was so dramatic. The way the whole story was described caught my attention and encouraged me to keep reading to find out how it will end. I felt sorry for the guy because he loved her for so long only to find out she didn't love him at all. This was a nice but sad story, great job overall.

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  9. I really felt all the emotions of this piece which you did an amazing job at portraying. I felt every little sense of feeling the main character felt throughout the entire story. And I felt what she felt as well because she did not do it out of bad intentions but rather, good ones because it seemed like she did not want to hurt him. Overall, this is a great piece and I enjoyed reading it.

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  10. This story is very well written. The vivid descriptions really capture the audience's attention and show how impactful this event was to the speaker, and your portrayal of the his emotions throughout the day made it seem more realistic.

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  11. I really liked the way you started off this story; especially how easy you made it, for the reader, to fit a face to those descriptions of someone who you could not easily forget. It creates a more universal layer of theme over the intro to your work that seems to linger, only to return at the end when the man finally starts to realize the weight of the situation as he describes the one he could not easily forget. That was a nice touch

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  12. This is a perfect example of how things can go so wrong in a short amount of time, but a good reminder that nothing can be perfect in life, the sad thing for me is how could someone reject someone else who devoted so much time to them? I really liked how you perfectly displayed the emotions, the main character was basically shattered at the end. Great job!

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  13. I really enjoyed this story even with the unfortunate ending. Your story grabbed at my emotions and I'm sure others as well, which is always a good element to catch readers attention. The events leading up to the incident were told well and very descriptive, good job.

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  14. I liked this story from the beginning, as the first sentence foreshadowed the heartbreak that would occur near the end. I liked the descriptions you used, from the elaborate planning of the proposal to feelings of heartbreak when she rejected him. The feelings of the main character were easily seen and easy to relate to. Good job.

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  15. This story felt so sad and heartbreaking...After all his work and planning he seemed to be living in a fantasy. You can really feel the emotions of the characters in this story. The twist is depressing but that just ads to the tone of the story, good job!

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  16. I really felt and drawn into the emotions of the characters in the story. It is so heartbreaking that the love of his life "changed" or does not love him back which tells us that you cannot really force someone to love you and be with you no matter how much hard work you put into it. Overall, a great piece of writing that is descriptive and the first person point of view helps the readers to have a connection to the main character of the story and feel his emotions.

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  17. This piece literally had me on the edge of my seat. This piece is really good. The details and diction really showed the emotions the main character went through throughout the events.

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  18. I liked the detail and descriptive emotion you used from the excitement and nervousness to the heartbroken. Good job especially towards the end in which you delve into the utter heartbreak that the speaker feels, it is inevitable for readers to sympathize with him.

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  19. I really enjoyed reading this piece due to the strong effect that the diction had on the entire story. The descriptive diction that you utilized in this story really allows us as readers to feel exactly what the main character was feeling from start to finish. As I was reading this I began feeling nervous and had to tell myself, "wait you aren't going through this!" Overall this story was amazingly written and left me on the edge of my seat as the story progressed. Great job!

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  20. Wow, at the end, I could even feel the heartbreak of the character. When your dream is so close to you and everything is perfect, only to have everything fall through, it's very painful and depressing. The way you contrasted the girl's aloofness and speaker's excitement really showed how painful it is.

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  21. I loved this story because just when you think you have everything, you have nothing because it is gone in an instant and i really feel for people who have experienced that tragedy -Moe Assaf

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  22. This was crazy!!! Maya!!! I wanna know more!!! Haha this should really be a crime. I love what you did with the ending but also hate it. Haha. The piece was interesting from beginning to end!! It was so sad but pretty unexpected! :)

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  23. I like how well the story was told... you seemed to capture the speaker's emotions very well, and I commend you for that. Nice Job.

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