February
3rd , 2013. This was the day I gave a shot into achieving my dream,
to become a gold medalist in a 300m race. At the arena, I briefly looked at the
shiny brilliant lustrous lights that radiated into the dark sky. I looked down
the track in the direction of the finish line. My stomach grumbled like an
eruptive volcano. “In lane 4, representing Central Valley School!,” the
commentator announced to the crowded arena. “Smith, tipped to win the rice.” An
intense roar exploded from the crowd like a pride of vicious lions. That pumped
me up, ready to achieve my dream. After uncountable hours of practice, hard
work and torture, and eating healthy, it all came down to this, the biggest
event of my life, the 300 meter final. My hands were shaking. My throat was
parched and a freezing sensation ran through my trembling body. I rose and
observed as the last drop of sweat travel down my face. “This was it, one of my
lifelong dreams coming true. I have to win this,” I thought.
“Athletes!
Go to your starting position!,” the commentator announced. I got hold off my
last anxious gulp of ice cold water, then walked up to the white starting line.
I placed my feet into the starting blocks. I was ready. At that point, like
disappearing impassable mist, all my anxiousness and fret appear to magically
disappear. The fire in me lit that I had my fate right in front of my very own
eyes. Suddenly, a tremendous silence took over the entire arena. The gun then
was carefully lifted up and “BANG!.” It went off like a mortar shooting the dark
blue sky. Vigorously, I raised my head as I reach my natural pace. Tramp,
tramp, tramp on the jerky ground, my legs went. I believed it then. I believed
that I had a shot for the Gold medal. This was my time. Sudden thoughts of the
gold medal shining around my head. “I can do this, I’ll do it for my family,
friends and for my dream.” My legs were working very well. My heart beat like a
drum. My driving adrenaline stepped in. “I am nearly there at the finish line..
I can do it!.” But then the most unexpected thing happened. Something hit me,
it was like there was a shark biting my leg clean off. It was my hamstring, I
discovered. It was like my leg is a piece of paper torn into two. There was two
choices I needed to choose. It's either “Should I carry on? Or “Should I lay
here on the ground in agony?”....”What should I do?”
Petrified,
shocked and frustrated, I fell onto ground in agony. The more I lay there in
pain, the more I thought of giving up. My hamstring was hurting so much and do
not know how I tore it. However, a thought came to me like a clash of
lightning, "I have to get up for my fans and family. But what if I
couldn't?" I tried to get up and it was successful but my leg was still in
devastating pain. I thought about falling back down again. But it felt like If
I fell down again, I can no longer get up.
Therefore,
I kept on “running,” it was more like a quick limp. I looked determined, so
determined to win. (Inside though, I was crying like a girl as sharp pain run
through my hamstring.) My father, who means a lot to me, saw me struggling and
he broke through the security and ran to my side. A loving smile came onto my
face. He went to give me a hand. "You don't have to do this.", he
said. But I knew I did. "Yes, I do", I replied because now inside, I
was determined. "Well then, we are going to do this together." was
his reply. We carried on for meters, passed the bright cameras, security and
first aid. I did not need it. I was feeling delighted because I was with him.
My
dream might have been crushed, but at least I know that I have been this far
and already achieved a lot of achievements. As we reached the finish line, he
let me carry on, on my own. This moment was mine and I was not going to waste
it. As I passed the finish line, the crowd of 4,000 people stood up and gave me
an uproaring cheer and clap.”I had done it!” I finished last but it did not
matter to me. I did not need any award to prove myself. I did not need a gold,
silver or bronze medal because I already had proven to them that I never gave
up during the race.
This was such an amazing piece that was only glorified by your determination and how you described everything. I really enjoyed how you described the lights, the crowd, your thoughts, and the pain you went through. The amount of effort that was put into this story to make it a great piece is indescribable. This piece goes to show that with strength will and determination, you can achieve many things. Good job with this piece! And might I add, you are a winner in my eyes
ReplyDeleteThis piece hit me in so many ways because of the fact that you do not have to win to feel acomplished about what you do. The emotion is present and clear, which drives this piece to the excellence that it is. Excellent!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the imagery used in your writing. The point of view you told this story in helps the reader see the event from your eyes. Also, I liked how there was an actual moral to the story.
ReplyDeleteIt was cool to feel how involved your story was, in the sense that it was easy to let the story guide itself forward through your descriptions and comments on what it is like to run a big race. It's not hard to imagine the scene through the feelings experienced in your writing; especially the build up to the start of the race when the gun is fired. Nice job, dude
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing piece of writing and I enjoyed the moral aspect of it. Sometimes in life we fall down and might want to stay down, I know I do sometimes, but we have to get up and that is what your story showed us. Even though you showed us an example of that is a physical way, mentally we might feel that way too. If we failed a test we should not stay down, instead stand up and do better the next time.
ReplyDeleteYour story is very inspirational. You make it clear that no matter what happens to you, you should never give up even if you never accomplish your dreams. Great message!
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to lie I tried skimming through it just to finish the read but I found myself stopping and thoroughly reading into every detail. I couldn't stop reading. This story conveys a message of persistence and dedication as well as the random acts of kindness humanity stills holds. I'm not sure if you k now the Nigerian runner who actually experienced this during a race and his dad helped him finish but it's the same impactful story of completing something you've set to finish no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the anticipation of the story, it helped me to pay attention to the events and the character's feelings. I really wanted the main character to win though. Besides that, I really like how your message shows that winning isn't always important, rather it's your ability to keep going and not give up. I know this might be obvious but your piece looks like it was inspired by the story of Derek Redmond, I think it's cool how you put the story into something more relatable, it shows that either way persistence is a good quality for success in life. Great job bro!
ReplyDeleteThis is really inspiring, you were really able to put great imagery and emotion into the piece. it was powerful to read and shows a great message about strength and what is important in sports and life. great writing.
ReplyDelete-Nathan Smith
I liked how descriptive this story was and that in the end we see that winning isn't everything. You showed us that although something difficult can happen to us, that we can keep going and do not always need a memorabilia to prove ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described how you were feeling when you got in the starting blocks waiting for the sound of the gun to go off. As a track runner I can relate to my hamstring being in pain. I enjoyed the moral of the story. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job in putting the reader into the shoes of the character, describing in detail the pressures of being so close to accomplishing a huge goal. It was a good build up to where you think he is going to get the gold metal only to be betrayed his legs. This shows life is unpredictable and cruel and that life is just one big hurdle. But you instantly changed the tone into that of determination, demonstrated through the characters will to finish the race. Good job Romulo, the message in this story is quite inspiring.
ReplyDeleteIt's great how you emphasized more on your determination and was able to develop greater meaning to it. It was quite inspiring that even though there was a fall, there was intense sense of strong will to get up knowing that winning isn't what all matters.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very strong piece. The imagery and detail was used well to portray your very inspiring story. It shows a very encouraging message to any audience.
ReplyDeleteThe first hand imagery really gave the readers insight to what you experienced in your accomplishment. Your story was motivational and encouraging and all in all a great piece.
ReplyDeleteGreat Romulo! I love how your story shows the importance to persist and never give up, regardless of the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteromubro, I'm at a lost for words, that descriptive, intense, and petrifying story was done with complete amazement. Your determination is similar to mine on many circumstances and how nothing can stop us from achieving our goals. Great job fam, stay gold and keep running the good race.
ReplyDeleteromubro, I'm at a lost for words, that descriptive, intense, and petrifying story was done with complete amazement. Your determination is similar to mine on many circumstances and how nothing can stop us from achieving our goals. Great job fam, stay gold and keep running the good race.
ReplyDelete