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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

"The Second Circle " by Geraldine D


 
            It was the fifth of May at 8:50 in the morning; the beginning of hell. Every morning was always the same: get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, make coffee. Except something was off. The house was unusually quiet. My wife wasn’t around to nag at me about the bills and how I never help with chores around the house. Long story short, we got into an argument last night so she left to spend the night at a friend’s house. Not only was the house quiet, but the strong wind and rainy weather was odd since I live in California, but then again the weather is always changing here so maybe it wasn’t too odd.
            Before going to work, I decided to drop by Vons to shop for some groceries and flowers to make amends in hopes that my wife will forgive me for the fight last night. As I walked into Vons, I noticed that it was eerily quiet and the usual music that played throughout the store wasn’t on. I walked around to find a worker to double check if it was open, but all of the checkout lanes were empty. After a minute or two of walking around, I finally found someone who was standing by the door. He didn’t look like he worked here. His pale complexion and dead gaze were a little freaky, but I thought he might have some answers for me.
            “Hi! I was wondering if you could help me figure out if this place is open yet?”
            “It is open, but only to those above,” replied the stranger.
The stranger’s reply was unsettling, but unlike any normal person who would attempt to leave as fast as they could, I continued to ask questions. He could be some sort of psycho, but curiosity got the best of me.
            “What’s the ‘above’?”
            “The above is where the living dwell.”
The more questions I asked, the more twisted his responses got. None of it made any sense.
            “But I am the living. What do you mean?”
            “Your death occurred four years ago today. You are of the many misfortunate who
 ended up in the second circle.”
I froze. I died? The second circle? No no no. It was all coming back to me.
It was late at night and I was driving after the fight with my wife. I don’t remember where I was heading, but I wanted to get as far away as I can from the house and forget the awful acts I’d committed. Knuckles bruised, the foul breath of alcohol, yelling, crying. I don’t know what had come over me. The amount of power that I held in my hands gave me a sense of dominance and strength; the power that I’d long wished to have ever since I was a kid. If only those who would pick and laugh at me could see me in that moment.
Though I remember my crimes, there was no way I could be dead. I have to apologize to my wife.
“How do I return to the above?”
“You can not. The punishment for the sins you have committed are everlasting.”
“You aren’t real. None of this is real. I’m only dreaming.”
I ran out of the store and got into my car. In an effort to ease my mind, I turned on the Christmas radio. Static. Is this really a dream or am I just crazy? Heading home, I never noticed the passengers in the other cars because of the wind and rain. As I was at a stop light, what I made out to be a man turned his head to look at me, but one thing was missing: his face. I stepped on the pedal and sped all the way back home. I hurried into bed, but it was difficult to fall asleep after encountering that strange man. I took a couple of sleeping pills to help speed up my disappearance from this weird alternate universe. I drifted off deeper and deeper into sleep.
            Finally, it was the next morning. The house was still, my wife was gone, and the weather outside continued to rage. I checked the date and time- May 5th, 8:50 A.M.

23 comments:

  1. I really like the interesting topic of purgatory you included in here. I'd really be interested to hear the rest of the story because I think it left off too early. Great job!

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  2. The type of setting that you created really stood out to me. Calling a place where the living dead reside as the "Second Circle" was striking, and it was even more intriguing that the main character must relive that day, everyday. Overall, the planning and concept of this idea stood out to me as unique, and it portrays a vital lesson that signifies the fragility of life. I'm impressed!

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  3. This was a cool story. Right off the bat, your title and beginning sentence caught my eye. At the beginning of the story, I was pretty excited cause personally I kept thinking about Dante's Inferno with that layers of hell idea. The whole time while reading, I was trying to guess ahead as to what was happening in this world. But, I wasn't expecting that much depth of story to be shared regarding your main character: it gave the story that much more weight and personality. Nice job!

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  4. This was a very creepy yet enjoyable read. I was almost too scared to continue the story, wondering what was going on in this mysterious universe, but I would still read it if it was an entire book because the visual imagery and descriptive language that you used made the story very intriguing and suspenseful. I loved reading it from beginning to end, great job!

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  5. When it started, I had no idea it was going to go in this direction and all I was thinking was the story connected to the audience. Tying in the idea of what happens after you die, and especially if you committed a sin was well written. You also did a good job at leaving some things ambiguous and up to the reader to decide the events like what actually happened with the wife. I also like the way you made his punishment a loop and the main character had to relive his regret and pain for eternity. Overall good read.

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  6. You did a good job inserting visual settings into the reader's mind with the rainy, overcast imagery in your introduction; I appreciated how the ominous tone only intensified with each attempt the speaker makes to get a sense of their surroundings, and how the revelation brings to light the speaker's own flaws. The end also illustrates very well the degree of dread that would accompany one coming to the realization that they are caught in a cyclical sequence of events. Great job!

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  7. I really enjoyed this story overall, it shows how exotic your creativity can be. The title kind of confused me at first, however towards the end of the story I picked up why you called it what you called it. It was very interesting how you incorporated dialogue and overall, this story was very good! Excellent job!

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  8. This was a very entertaining read. It was horrific and creepy in the best way! The gradual buildup of certain details from mildly scary to extremely terrifying was effective, and I loved the simple yet impacting ending. Good job, Geraldine!

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  9. wow, the story is amazing. Its creepy yet intriguing, I like the mysterious flow in the beginning of the story and how it unfolds at the end of the story. Also, this story is very detailed and it helps the reader picture what you are writing. Thank you for this wonderful, original story.

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  10. Woah! What a plot twist. I honestly didn't see that coming at the end. I didn't know you had such a knack for writing dark stories. Nice one G.

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  11. I loved this story! I am personally a horror junkie and sometimes get my fix through reading short stories like these and I felt as if this were one I would find as I would be scrolling through my feed on Tumblr or something. Nice job!

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  12. What an amazing story. The beginning of the story pulled me in to read the rest of the story. Great use of imagery and detailed to describe the guy standing next to the door. It gave me a picture on what it looked like outside and how the guy next to the door may have looked like.

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  13. This story was amazing and I loved it! I was so captivated on what was going on and at the end you really messed me up. At first I thought that maybe everyone else was dead but then the reader found out that it was really him that died. However, you made it different by having it all be a dream. Good job!

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  14. This was a great piece, it had such a uncanny feel to it, but only made me want to read it more. It was interesting to see how the day reoccurs to that exact same day with him waking to no memory. Well thought out and written good job.

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  15. This is so great Geraldine!! This story was so simple to read, and really well written. As creepy as it was (in a good way) it was a very intriguing piece and I greatly enjoyed this. Thank YOU!!

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  16. This was amazing, Geraldine! I really enjoyed the purgatory setting and the concept of someone continuously living within their own personal hell. The suspense from the beginning continued to grow and that kept readers, like me, captivated and interested in the story. This was really good. Great job!

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  17. Very spooky me likey, nah but that was really nice the twist and the man's denial of the situation made for a real character and is the second circle supposed to be a reference to dante's seven rings of hell

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  18. G! This second circle you wrote about is really interesting. I love how dreadful and creepy you made it sound. You added many details to your story. I like how you added the part where there was no music in Vons. It was written very well.

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  19. In some ways this is a version of hell that is just of terrifying as the stereotypical fire and brimstone version. Being forced to live the same day over and over again and constantly confronting your own sins is a wonderful idea that has the right balance of eerie feelings and a sense of justice. Good job.

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  20. Wow Gerald I am really taken aback by how thoroughly written this story is. It reminded me a little bit of Dante's Inferno with the circles of hell in a way. But in this case the guy is in denial and keeps reliving the day he died but as if he is still alive. very great use of details used in this story I am excited to see more of your writing talent.

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  21. This story is truly terrifying, surreal yet downright compelling. It scares me to think that such a place as the second circle may exist where our life revolves around our perpetual punishment for our sins. This is an amazing story topic and wish I could hear more fascinating stories about the Second Circle.

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  22. I really enjoyed this story, especially the way the character shows his change from confusion to panic. The way everything was described felt so real, and the twist about how the Second Circle was a sort of afterlife was really cool.

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  23. Wow that was really good Gerb!! I had my eyes glued to the screen the whole time, amazed at the suspense created in your story. It is very sad but had a great moral to it about forgiveness and dealing with anger and our actions toward the people we love in general. Your piece was describing the possible outcome of that effect and the internal emotion that went along with it. I can only imagine ever being in that position knowing that there isn't a second chance. That is why we must be careful and cautious with the way we handle situation, people and ourselves because we never know when the time comes, and when it does we want to end it on a good note. Awesome Job Gerbaline!!:))

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