It was the first day of school of my sophomore year. I was dressed in new
clothes that I had ironed the night before. Fast forward to the end of first
lunch and I was on my way to my fourth period class. I hope people don’t get
the wrong idea but I’ll be honest here, the first day of any class I usually
try to scope out the prettiest girls in the classroom. So with that in mind, I
walk into my world history class and I was one of the first to get there. I
thought that I was in a perfect scenario to see every girl that would walk in.
So I sat down in a seat in the middle but still the front of the class and I
was casually watching the door just waiting for a decent looking girl to stroll
in. There were a few that weren’t that bad but none that really caught my eye.
Slowly and slowly the time to get to class started to diminish and so did the
open seats in the class. Then this guy who I’m not very fond of sits down next
to me. So that didn’t put me in a very
good mood about this class. I then saw a girl approach the doorway. It was as
if time stopped. But this was not just any
girl. This was one of the finest specimens of woman I had ever seen. This girl
had wavy dark brown hair that was unlike any other I had ever seen. Her outfit
consisted of mostly somber black colors which struck me as mysterious seeing as
I had NEVER seen her on campus before. Her skin was that of a well maintained
porcelain statue. My heart literally skipped a beat and I could not keep my
eyes or mind of her. But I had to. At least until the teacher called roll, only
then would I have an excuse to even look at her. Trying to not look obvious I
stopped looking and I didn’t get to see where she sat down. A few more students
walk in. The bell rings. She starts taking roll. I’m attentively listening to
the teacher, waiting for her name to
be called. My name is at the top of the list because it begins with the letter
‘A’. It’s getting close to the end of roll. All of a sudden I hear the teacher
call her name, “(CENSORED)”. I was
surprised anyone on this campus had a name so exotic. I had heard that name
before, but never had it sounded so beautiful. I turn my head around looking to
match a face with that name but I just could not. To my surprise the girl who
sat behind me was her who responded
with a very subtle yet pleasant “here.” I turned my head and saw the most
beautiful girl that I, to this very day, had ever seen with the most beautiful
hair, the most beautiful clothes that lie on her porcelain-like skin and now the
most beautiful name. This is what I believe to be love at first sight. To this
day with god as my witness I have never seen such a woman come even close the
beauty she had inside and out.
Find the shape and tell it!
Thanks for giving me a little giggle, Julian. I can relate to you, as I tend to scope out all of my classes for the first couple days of school for "that girl." Unfortunately to be honest, I'm way too shy to make eye contact and communicate with people, unless I know them.
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ReplyDeleteThis was honestly such a cute story! I enjoyed the fact you kept this girl's identity as a mystery because it kept me on my toes and made me want to keep reading until the very end. I admire the amount of detail you used, for I was able to easily imagine every scene in my head. I also liked the way you described the girl, using words such as "porcelain-like", because it allowed me to create an image for this mysterious girl. Overall, great job!!
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ReplyDeleteSo far this was one of my favorite stories on this blog. Good job. I loved how you described everything so I could imagine your reaction and the girl and her mysteriousness. I also loved the fact the you kept her identify hidden and you said that you still continue to feel this way about this one girl till this present day in time. It was really a sweet and lovely story.
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ReplyDeleteThis piece was truly captivating and raw. It was a great to read a 'love story' from the male prospective. The fact that you used very strong imagery helps the reader to experience a similar range of emotions as the subject of the piece, from anticipation of scoping out the room for a girl to walk in, to irritation at the boy who took a seat beside you and even the over whelming feeling that washes over as the subject sees The Girl. The only real criticism i have would be one extra proof reading to fix minor errors such as spelling. However, over all the piece was lovely and genuinely enjoyed!
ReplyDeleteThis story was really interesting because it described a lot of my thought process throughout my younger years. However, I love the courage you mustered in order to write this. Personally, I wouldn't have even began to write on the topic of a person I fall in love with. But anyway, this little story was really lovely and I really love how straight forward you are with the words and the way you write.
ReplyDeleteThis piece captured my attention from the very beginning, starting with the title and all the till the end. I like your word choice you used to describe the girl. Words choice such as "porcelain-like skin" and "finest specimens of woman" is not often seen and was a good idea, as it made the story unique. Overall the story was very refreshing and fun to read. #notrelateable
ReplyDeleteI very much appreciated reading this topic, you left the thoughts raw and honest as if simply thinking to yourself which definitely added to the writing's purpose. The topic of love or admiration is often highlighted and glorified in writings but not always reflected on. Thank you for opening up and exposing these thoughts and feelings to others.
ReplyDeleteFrom start to finish i loved this piece. I could really relate to this on so many levels. Your intricate and elaborate descriptions help me paint a picture in my head, and it assisted me to comprehend the rollercoaster of emotions you went through. Reading this piece i saw myself in you In which that you did the same things that i would do on the first day of school for any school year. Overall a very good piece that many people can relate to.
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are about your habits and your personality. I feel to show your true self is very brave and admirable. I enjoyed the visual imagery that you used to describe the girl you fell in love with. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved reading this story. The explanation of how you felt was almost as if I were in your shoes. I admired your descriptions of the girl and how the whole classroom setting occurred in that moment. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteThis story made very happy just because it was so honest and genuine, you really put your emotions into this and it made the story much more relatable. I personally loved hoe detailed you were when you described her coming in and you seeing her for the first time, and the risky truth of saying that you seek out the prettiest girls made me laugh because it is something most people don't admit. Overall, your piece was both incredibly detailed (with visual imagery ;) ) & very fun to read!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this story and felt as if I was in that room too through your clear usage of imagery and details. Also I liked how your feelings were very vivid and you could feel the progression of it throughout the story.
ReplyDeleteI could definitely relate to this piece. You give such good description and make it very relatable. I also found this piece to be funny, I enjoyed the part where you said "This was one of the finest specimens of woman I had ever seen". This piece was all in all enjoyable relatable read.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you decided to write this piece. I feel like often times guys are afraid to be vulnerable and fragile. I completely agree with you that love at first sight exsists because the physical attributes of someone is what you see first in a person. As for the structure of your piece, by using the intro to conclude you story really brought it all together (she had "porcelain skin" and "brown wavy hair") because it reminded the audience of the main purpose for writing this story.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, props to you for having the courage to write this experience of yours. It is true that guys can have this kind of feelings towards the ladies, however what impresses me the most is you having the courage to write a blog about it. I enjoyed how vividly you described the appearance and your feelings towards that girl, but most importantly your choice of words like, "This was one of the finest specimens of woman I had ever seen." This is the probably the first blog that actually made me laugh in tears.
ReplyDeleteI feel like it takes courage for a guy to post something so personal especially since the girl you are talking about might still be around school. Some guys in high school are afraid to confess their true feelings for someone and it was nice to read such an honest description of your thoughts. It would be interesting to know if you ever got to talk to her since she sat right behind you.
ReplyDelete-Ashley Sung
I really enjoyed this piece because it is easy to relate to. I liked your use of suspense throughout the story because it created a curiosity that made me want to read faster to find out who the mystery girl was. You also used great imagery that made me feel like it was a memory of my own.
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ReplyDeleteThis story was a great romantic comedy. You really did well with your descriptions of the girl based on your first person perspective. I could also see your sentence structure work well with the flow of the story, along with diction and method choices. This kept me curious as I read and really enjoyed it!
I really enjoyed your story so much. Its not very rare that you hear or read a story of a teenager seeing love at first sight. I really enjoyed the mystery you used to describe the special girl. The imagery you used gave an image of what this girl looks like. Great job on your piece Julian.
ReplyDeleteThis story was interesting and was nicely written. Your word choice was very well chosen and the details on the girl were really specific and realistic which made your story easier to understand. Once i read the first sentence i was curious to what happened next which made me keep reading. nice job.
ReplyDelete-Kaaria Belcher
wow, I enjoyed the use of colors to create vivid imagery! Your metaphors also gave me a better understanding of what the girl looked like! Very nice job with the creativity Julian! I really enjoyed the level of deepness and how personal this piece is to you.
ReplyDelete-Madeline Juarez
Your story put a smile on my face. I like the way you described the details you saw in the girl and how that made her different from the rest of the girls in the class. It also gave me a visual image of her. I do not come across any love at first sight stories with a guy perspective, so your story caught my attention.
ReplyDeleteYour story put a smile on my face. I like the way you described the details you saw in the girl and how that made her different from the rest of the girls in the class. It also gave me a visual image of her. I do not come across any love at first sight stories with a guy perspective, so your story caught my attention.
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ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this piece. The way you took the time to really explain the girls features and the way she made you feel makes the reader feel as if they themselves were in the room while you had this experience. The imagery you used was so intricate and vivid I was able to paint a picture of what the girl looked like. Reading this piece was like an inside scoop into your feelings and you completely putting yourself and your thoughts out for everybody to see was very brave
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece. You used exceptional imagery and terrific figurative language in order to paint a vivid picture of the girl you admired. I felt as if I was in your place and was going through all of the emotions that you were feeling in the moment. This was truly an amazing story.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I just want to start out by commending you on discussing a topic that I feel like is on a lot of our minds on the first day of school whoever that person may be. I really liked how you described the girl throughout your piece, I could really envision how she looks like going off of your very descriptive and well thought out imagery. Usually read and hear stories about love at first sight from a female's perspective, so it was enjoyable to know how a guy feels when he sees someone who strikes his attention. Great job:)
ReplyDelete~ Lydia Nyingi
This was so interesting! The fact that you were able to share your experience was so sweet. You're a senior and you can clearly and captivatingly tell the story as if it were happening in the moment. It was very interesting to me to get insight on a guy's perspective. The vivid visual imagery that you expressed, brought the piece to life and allowed me to feel as if I were you in that moment. Other than the minor tense errors it was very well written!
ReplyDeleteThis piece gave me butterflies! Your tone was so clear and dedicated as well as imagery. Your use of imagery is so descriptive and you can actually visualize this mystery girl. Tone was on point with the use of diction. I loved it and it is such a sweet personal reflection.
ReplyDeleteWow where do I begin I just really enjoyed this piece not only because Im a hopeless romantic I mean I love love stories they are ute but because You never get a guy to be so open to telling others what he has felt or experienced. I enjoyed how you used imagery and use very well thought out descriptive words as well to make your story in a way more juicy haha. This was such a cute piece and very sweet thanks for letting us all experience what you did.
ReplyDeleteThe way you used description to portray the mood of this piece is magnificent. The piece was an overall very deep piece with great word choice such as "Her skin was that of a well maintained porcelain statue". Along with the way you described the mysterious girl was absolutely amazing, in the sense that this situation happened two years ago.
ReplyDeleteThis story was so cute! I loved the description you used to describe her appearance. It was really personable and relatable when you talked about your emotions and how you felt when you first saw her and heard her name. The detail made me feel like I was in the class.
ReplyDeleteI love this piece!It's so adorable, you had a great use of imagery throughout your writing but still kept "that girl" a mystery which made me want to keep reading. I like how deep and personal you get into your descriptions through your writing.
ReplyDeleteThis story was so cute, the way you described your exact thoughts when the girl walked in the room. The word choice you used was so descriptive, and the imagery made me feel as if I was there seeing the girl as well. The title, the piece, the topic was all really good. This was a really nice piece
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece! The way you incorporated visual imagery throughout your story made it quite easy to visualize the girl's appearance. Your selection of vocabulary made this story much more vivid; the way you kept the girl confidential kept me reading towards the end of the story. I also loved how I could relate myself to this story as well. Overall a very great piece, nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI really thought that this story was adorable. Seeing how you portrayed your ideal girl, yet making her seem mysterious not just to you, but to the readers as well. Using lots of imagery that was not too specific to the point where you don't reveal her identity.
ReplyDeleteThis Story was absolutely captivating, Julian. I enjoyed hearing the diction you used to describe the beautiful girl with the "porcelain" skin. Great Job.
ReplyDelete~ Raven Farrow
Great job! It's very rare to see a love story through a guy's perspective, or at least from what I have noticed. This new perspective added depth but your light hearted commentary kept things entertaining. It was also interesting how you described your emotions. I felt like I was there with you experiencing it all.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really entertaining and detailed. Also, you have so much courage to describe what you do when you come into a new class and when you described your first love. Even though, I do not believe in love at first sight, this story really questions if I really do not believe in love at first sight.
ReplyDeleteI throughly enjoyed reading this piece and even personally related to it as I think most of us scan the room for attractive people on the first day. I really enjoyed some of the diction you chose such as "finest specimens of women". I personally love unorthodox descriptions that really make you think and enjoy the subject that much more, overall a really good piece, I enjoyed the read
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story because it relatable. I also enjoyed the how it was written as if you're vocally telling the story. Also, the imagery used to describe the mystery girl is also really good.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you wrote brief and simple sentences but at the same time they felt so full. Your description of the girl was so detailed and it was beautiful the way you described her because its not often that you hear love stories through a man's perspective. I love that you have your own vision of what "love at first sight" is and that is how it should be because everyone will have a different take on "love at first sight." Overall, I really enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I'd like to say thank you for brightening up my day a bit. I had a smile throughout the entire duration of reading your piece. The bluntness made it genuinely gratifying and kind of gave me a laugh for your brutal honesty of how you "scan" waiting for the perfect girl to walk in, and it was as if I was right there with you when the girl of your dreams finally entered. The briefness of your sentences really expressed how rapid your thoughts may have been at that time. Also, your imagery, both with the sight of her and sound of her voice, allowed for me to truly experience your piece.
ReplyDeleteWoW.I really enjoyed this story it was funny and entertaining. Now i actually want to know who the person is that you are talking about. The diction you used was great and you created alot of imagery for me as the reader. If this story is based on true events and you truly think this girls the " finest specimens of women" you have ever seen you need to wife this girl. If you haven't already.
ReplyDeleteThis piece of writing is one that really interested me. It may be a real event that happened to you but you created this writing as if it were a romance movie and that's what made me enjoy this piece, a piece that makes me want to read more, know what happens next. I admire your use of imagery to describe how this girl's appearance may be and of how she may sound like, giving me a more vivid image about the experience. The diction that is portrayed in your writing is very well written. Honestly, your story is very entertaining to read.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. I know this feeling as something similar had happened to me during 1st grade. I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and, thankfully, we were able to become close friends. Last year, I was even lucky enough to date start dating her. Seeing "the one" honestly has to be the greatest feeling ever, and I can say that no words could describe her beauty. Great use of imagery here, and overall this was a well written piece!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, posting this story requires a tremendous amount of courage and I give you props for that. What captivated my interest was your use of imagery. Using porcelain as a descriptive word provides a fresh perspective since it is seldom used for describing. Combining that with a topic which most guys can relate to allows for a wonderful reading experience. There are tons of guys out there who wish they possessed the courage you emitted in this story. - Jerico Dizon
ReplyDeleteI thought that this story was really funny and interesting to try and picture the girl that you described with really good imagery. Your imagery made it really easy to imagine the scenario in my head. It is also very crucial that you left the girl's name out because it adds an unknown piece for the reader to try and possibly figure out themselves or for the reader to relate it to something that he or she has also experienced.
ReplyDeleteAww this story was so cute! I really liked the way you described her hair and her skin. Also I actually felt that I was in the class when reading this it made the story feel so real like I was really waiting at the door for someone to walk in.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so amazing. The way you describe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions for this girl were so raw and true. Many guys don't know how to convey these feeling let alone have the courage to put it into writing and publish it. This piece strikes as entertainment, your use of imagery and diction made me want to finish reading and find out how the story ended.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cute story. I loved how easily it was for me to imagine what was going on because of how well you described everything.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was so cute! I loved the way you described falling in love at first sight because it was in a more real way in which people can relate to the story. The way you described your emotions and what you went through upon seeing her was very well done. It has great imagery as well!
ReplyDeleteBrianna K.
first of all you are a man among men, to be able to write about the thing everybody knows guys do but say they don't do in a public place like this blog for all the class to see you have my respect for what little of a man i am. One of the best things about your story is that with your use of words you were able to illustrate a cute picture of love at first sight that isn't boring, generic and unbelievable. though i do not personally believe in love at first sight nor has your story changed that, but your story has painted a different picture on the canvas that is my mind as this love at first sight was believable, funny and interesting. What i'm getting at here is that you can totally pick up chicks man with this romantic writing, and based on just this story it seems like you haven't gotten the girl what's up with that.
ReplyDeleteI love this story because from the beginning it was humorous, but then all of a sudden this girl walks in and she's all you can think about. The use of imagery makes me feel as if I was in your fourth period class that day and could picture whoever the girl was. I also loved how this connects with readers for those who have felt that feeling of love at first sight, but even if they have not, your whole story makes us want to have that for ourselves one day. I think in general it is hard for girls and guys to right about these types of things but because what you wrote feels genuinely true, it gave your story that certain spark that many writers wish to have.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was quite entertaining. I'm glad you were able to open up like that and admit something not many would be able to because it made for an interesting story. I can definitely put myself in your shoes, not only because i too have been in the same position, but because your use of descriptive imagery really pulled the whole thing together. I think its very important for people to be honest with themselves and with others and that's exactly what this piece is. Honest.
ReplyDeleteAlright Julian, my man, you have the bravery to admit to doing something that all men do but nobody talks about. The imagery you put into this piece was astounding and I loved it because it's so relate-able and it brings back memories of when I experienced that sophomore year (I told you this story dude) but without the horrific failure and shame. Also I'm totally not writing this comment because its 8:25 and its due tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this piece. It is raw and real. The details you incorporated in this made me feel as if i was falling in love with this girl. Yet, it was so relatable when you added the aspect of watching the door to see everyone you would have to tolerate for an entire year because how many of us haven't done that? I also think it was really cool to see high school love from a guys perspective. Really refreshing to know girls aren't the only ones falling in love at first sight. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThe honesty and genuine tone of your love at first sight was insightful to those who never had that feeling. The way you wrote your stratedgy to "scope out girls" made me smile at your bravery to send out. The imagery of you seeing this girl and only her caused such curiousity out of me as a reader to wonder who is the mysterious "porcelain like skin" girl that stole your heart and I hope she's still a positive impact in your life.
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery made this story come to life in my head. With describing her hair, outfit, and comparing her skin to that of a porcelain statue, I could picture this girl's beauty. Also, this story made me happy to know that there are people who still believe in love at first sight and who can think of another human being as something so beautiful. I enjoyed reading the story as it was happening, which created some suspense, when not knowing who was going to walk into the door next. Overall, you have a well written, descriptive piece that I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery made this story come to life in my head. With describing her hair, outfit, and comparing her skin to that of a porcelain statue, I could picture this girl's beauty. Also, this story made me happy to know that there are people who still believe in love at first sight and who can think of another human being as something so beautiful. I enjoyed reading the story as it was happening, which created some suspense, when not knowing who was going to walk into the door next. Overall, you have a well written, descriptive piece that I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your piece because it made me laugh and I could relate. This reminded me of the first time I saw my boyfriend and that overwhelming feeling that came over me when I first laid eyes on him. I really appreciated your use of imagery because it made me feel as if I was actually there in the classroom, witnessing it all. My favorite part was when you described the first time you saw her because it's just the sweetest thing to me how you describe her. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI liked your piece because it made me happy to hear that you found that "special" person that everyone is looking for, and I really enjoyed how you didn't just describe her as beautiful or cute. You used imagery such as how you said she had porcelain like skin to show how beautiful she looked. Overall i enjoyed your story and it made me think back to the first day and how you can meet someone you've never even heard of let alone seen at our large school.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job telling the story from a male's perspective and using imagery and diction to bring the emotions and feelings to appear real. You were able to demonstrate your own idea of "love at first sight" well using very descriptive wording. This piece is relatable and thoughtful and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job telling the story from a male's perspective and using imagery and diction to bring the emotions and feelings to appear real. You were able to demonstrate your own idea of "love at first sight" well using very descriptive wording. This piece is relatable and thoughtful and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story and you deserve lots of credit for having the guts to post this. Your use of visual and auditory imagery made me feel as if I were there, because we have all had these kinds of experiences. And the detail you put into this really displays how much this girl caught your attention, which shows you did a great job in living up to your title. It is clear that you included a lot of thought into your work in the line describing her skin as "well maintained porcelain statue", allowing the reader to vividly visualize this. One last comment is I really did enjoy reading this as it was a relatable story, which made me laugh as I was reading it because how much I could connect to this.
ReplyDeleteThis story was so cute and fun! I love how "her" identity was kept a mystery. It added to the overall effect of the story by keeping the reader wanting more. You described her in such vivid detail that it made envisioning her very simple. I like this piece because it was sort of a look into your thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteI would say this a true epitome of a high school crush, very rare may I say for this piece to come from a male's perspective. It was a very heartwarming and refreshing story to read. You described this girl very beautifully by focusing on her doll-like features and making sure to be attentive to those small details of her appearance. It kept me interested as I was anticipating to see who the girl really was but by not disclosing the girl's name, you added a bit of mystery and suspense for the readers.
ReplyDeleteI would say this a true epitome of a high school crush, very rare may I say for this piece to come from a male's perspective. It was a very heartwarming and refreshing story to read. You described this girl very beautifully by focusing on her doll-like features and making sure to be attentive to those small details of her appearance. It kept me interested as I was anticipating to see who the girl really was but by not disclosing the girl's name, you added a bit of mystery and suspense for the readers.
ReplyDeleteWoah!! I cannot describe how much i fell in love with this piece, it was very well written and as I was reading I started to get the chills because of how true all that you have written is. I loved how as i was reading along i would try to fit in personal experiences into your story so i can have a visual of the story. The way that you described the fact that there is always highs and lows in a relationship and it just gave me the understanding that love is a wonderful thing and that there will be good and bad times but regardless of how bad true love can get there is always something better. Great job and I am totally re-reading this .
ReplyDeleteThis story is so well-written and put together. There are plenty of "aww" filled moments which makes the story even better. Your description of the girl was so detailed, that I felt like I was in a world history class watching her walk in. I very much enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in this piece makes me feel as if I was actually experiencing what the writer experienced. I was able to visualize a beautiful face, hear a name that elegantly rolled off the tongue, and feel the authors heart racing. The writer truly encompassed the idea of love, or better yet infatuation, at first sight. The fact that the girl's name was purposefully not mentioned adds a sense of mystery to the piece as well.
ReplyDelete- Samantha Baltodano
Well done!! A different view point of "having a crush" was much needed and fun to read. I was very jealous of the description you gave and I looked into it to see if I had that 4th period world history class. Unfortunately not but I also thought your precise use of imagery made the reader feel present in the situation so very good job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece of writing really reached to me and I can find it relatable and I'm sure the majority of highschoolers can as well. Your writing sparked interest, passion, and a lot of mystery with vivid imagery of your settings. This piece of writing is my favorite so far amongst the August writers, It was a pleasure reading this.
ReplyDeleteAww I love this story so much, I loved the words you described her as, it just seemed so elegant. I can just imagine this whole scenario. This is a great story to present and have the courage to put on the blog for others to read and visualize an incredible life experience to relate to.
ReplyDeleteThis story is so cute and very captivating. I admire the sense of mystery you're giving as you're describing the girl from her physical appearance to the sound of her voice. Your illustrations created a vivid image for me, mostly through my visual and auditory senses. And I must admit, your short story is quite relatable as well. So I can relate with your emotions during that time.
ReplyDeleteI was deeply entertained with not only the content of this writing but the simplistic and yet also emotional view of the first sight of what is described to be an angel from another planet. The diction used throughout the piece allows me to relate to you on an emotional level and I can feel my heart drop as you describe how she sits right behind you and so casually says "here" as if she is like everyone else when in reality nobody could possibly compare. Great use of your reality as well as your true emotions to convey a feeling some have never felt and yet can still understand.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece not only because I connected with the concept of love at first sight but also because of the faint humor you incorporated into it. You made a simple day at school seem like one of the most important days of your life, filled with a rush of emotion & thoughts. All your word use created a sense of mystery and left me wanting to know more about her and what continued of your relationship with her, if any. The story was cleverly planned out with great imagery, descriptive language, and a relatable topic.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is truly beautiful not only because you fell in love so quick but because you were able to recall the details of the situation so vividly. Your choice of diction allows the audience to feel like they were there with with you and I could picture what the girl might have possibly looked like in my head. I would love to hear what happened next.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading this story! It genuinely put a smile to my face and could probably put a smile on to anyone's face. The raw emotion that you expressed for this girl felt very real and not like some random emotions you made up just for the sake of the story. Your description of this girl was excellent and allowed any reader of your work to picture her in their head. This was accomplished through your word choice, or diction. Your selections allowed us as the reader to see what you saw when you first saw this girl. I just really liked the way it felt genuine. I am intrigued as to what happened between you and this girl as you went on through sophomore year. Wow, great moves Julian. Keep it up. Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading this story! It genuinely put a smile to my face and could probably put a smile on to anyone's face. The raw emotion that you expressed for this girl felt very real and not like some random emotions you made up just for the sake of the story. Your description of this girl was excellent and allowed any reader of your work to picture her in their head. This was accomplished through your word choice, or diction. Your selections allowed us as the reader to see what you saw when you first saw this girl. I just really liked the way it felt genuine. I am intrigued as to what happened between you and this girl as you went on through sophomore year. Wow, great moves Julian. Keep it up. Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteHonestly in my opinion, I believe that almost every guy does this. I admit that I used to do this as well. I really enjoy how you can go back to that day and describe it in such a way as if I was another student in your class. How you can describe exactly your first impression of how she looked is truly amazing. I feel like this experience was genuine and unpredictable.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly relate doing this every school year and every class. What i enjoyed about this is the imagery and description of them mystery girl like "Her skin was that of a well maintained porcelain statue" this can get a real image of how this mysterious girl. The description with the tone of this mysterious girl is also great visual of how she would say it "her who responded with a very subtle yet pleasant “here.”" Overall a very great piece and enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story Julian. The thing that really intrigued me was the title I thought to myself hmm what a basic title I wonder if it is just some fake romantic story you see on television. But I was really surprised that you showed your true self within this piece and I learned something about you today. I think that overall you could use some more figurative language through out the poem to really give people a better description of the girl.
ReplyDeleteThis story or passage is more of a romantic comedy in my opinion. The way the kid or the speaker digresses into a perspective of a person desperate for love. The way he describes the"fine specimen of woman" is very satirical. More specifically how he describes all aspects of this anonymous girl using vivid imagery makes me feel like i actually know the censored name. Also like i'm sitting right next to him seeing the same thing with my own eyes. Great Job and hilarious even if that wasn't your intentions.
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