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Tuesday, August 30, 2016

"High-Flying Blu" by Shaylen N


            The bright, yellow fireball came up over the edge of the earth, brightening everything in its path. Its light beamed on the great ocean, illuminating it with a lapis blue hue. The same light touched the tall, green palms to the mocha brown coconuts, to the high flying seagulls to every grain of sand that shimmered. Everything came alive.
 Alive with the fireball’s light was also a very tiny and bright mandarin fish named Blu. Blu was covered with vivid and wavy orange stripes across his aqua-blue skin in addition to yellow speckles on his fins and face. He was no bigger than a fishing hook yet always looked for adventure no matter the danger.
Blu never seemed to care for his own world that much. He had lived in the coral reefs, but eventually  got bored of seeing the same purple and pink corals all day long, so went in search of a better, more amusing life to live.
 One day he came across a flatfish who had poked his eye out from underneath the sand to see who was there. Amused of this stranger, Blu tried to imitate the flatfish by hiding under the sand with him.
“Scram!!!” yelled the flatfish. “Who do you think you are just taking my sand and blanketing yourself with it, huh?”
Shocked to find out how angry the flatfish was, Blu nervously replied, “I’m really sorry. I thought I could just try to be like you. You did make it look pretty fun hiding under the sand like that.”
“Well, be sorry!” the flatfish shouted back. “You’re not even a flatfish yourself so you shouldn’t be hiding under the sand in the first place. Get outta here!”
With a rejected look upon Blu’s face, he swam away from the flatfish and continued his search for his new life.
A few days later, Blu came across a school of dolphin. He saw the way they effortlessly flew up and out of the water all together like a harmonious dance. This greatly fascinated Blu, so he approached one of the dolphins to see if he could swim with them.
“Excuse me,” Blu said with an optimistic tone, “do you dolphins think you could fit one more into your group? I just thought it was pretty fascinating the way you guys flew out the water like that. I’m kind of looking for my life and I think I’ve found it swimming with you guys.”
“Little fish, I don’t know if this is the life for you” one dolphin replied. “For one, we swim extremely fast so you’ll most likely not be able to keep up, and most importantly you’re not even a dolphin. How can you be in a school of dolphin and not even be one, hmm?”
Blu was speechless. He thought the dolphin did have a good point of him not being able to keep up with the others, but still disliked the point where he couldn’t be in the group because he wasn't a dolphin.
“I’ll tell you what,” said the dolphin. “You can’t be in our group, but I will tell you how to jump out the water. All you have to do is swim your fastest and flip your back fin as hard as you can to launch yourself up and out the water. Got that?”
Blu wasn’t pleased that he couldn’t be in their group, but was thankful for what the dolphin had taught him. With a genuine smile on his face, Blu thanked the dolphins as they began to leave him. He again continued his journey.
While swimming, Blu thought of trying to do what the dolphin had taught him. With a steady start, he swam as fast as he could then flipped his back fin as hard as he could. All at once he flew out the water and into the air then splashed back in the ocean. While in the air, Blu caught the attention of a seagull directly above him. The seagull glided down and sat on the water, bouncing up and down on the waves, waiting for the little blue fish to come back. As Blu splashed back in the water, now having thrill rushing through him because of the magnificent jump he accomplished, he noticed the seagull waiting on the water and approached him, hoping he had seen his successful jump too.
“Hello” said Blu enthusiastically to the seagull.
“Hello little blue fish” said the seagull with a very content voice.
“Did you see me flip out the water back there? It was pretty cool, right?” said Blu.
“I did, it was very spectacular indeed,” said the seagull. “How did you learn that? I don’t think fish like you are supposed to be jumping out the water like that.”
“A dolphin showed me, although I didn’t get to swim with the rest of them,” said Blu in a glum voice.
“And why is that?” asked the seagull with a curious look on his face.
“They said it’s because I’m not a dolphin like them. The same thing also happened when I met a flatfish who I thought was amusing but didn’t let me stay because I wasn’t a flatfish like he was. I take it I’m supposed to just live the life I was meant to, and not try to be something I’m not.”
“Nonsense! You can be whatever you dream of,” said the seagull with much certainty. “Like if you wanted, you could be a seagull like me.”
“You really mean that?!” asked Blu with an amazed look on his face.
“Why sure. Just jump out the water and I’ll fly with you.”
Overjoyed and filled with great elation, Blu flipped out the water to soar through the air with the seagull. Only the seagull wasn’t flying, but had his mouth open. The satisfied seagull gulped and flew away into the darkening sky with Blu.






28 comments:

  1. I love the descriptive language you used throughout this. I really felt bad for Blu when the others kept rejecting him. I liked the message the seagull had for Blu near the end. I was really surprised at that ending, my jaw dropped when I read that, very sad ending :( All in all, a great read with a twist ending!

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  2. I really enjoyed this piece because of your description of a setting that at first glance would have the reader expect a happy story. The joyful setting from beginning to end is really surprising considering the dark undertones, which pulled me into the story, Overall, I found the piece to be very appealing and well written because of its uniqueness and interesting story.

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  3. First of all, I enjoyed all of the visual imagery that you were able to create. I vividly pictured every scene of the story which made it even more engaging and amusing. While reading, this story even inspired me to be anything that I aspire to be. The plot line, diction, imagery, and unexpected twist at the end each made this an awesome short story!

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  4. I liked how you used vivid color imagery towards the beginning to describe the scenery and animals. This gave the story a happy tone which changed drastically at the end with the contrasting darker imagery. I also liked how you depicted Blu as a character many people can relate to. Overall, this is an excellent story.

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  5. This story was very creative and was beautifully brought to life through vivid use of imagery. The use of dialogue was a nice touch which allows readers to grow closer to Blu and learn more about their personality. The story starts out so lively and bright and by the end turns darker. It was nice to read a story which does not result in 'happily ever after' for a change as tragic as the ending was. You did a wonderful job of bringing your story to life through your use of imagery and diction, along with use of dialogue, great job.

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  6. I thought this story about the tragic hero Blu was very heartwarming and surprising in the end with the unexpected twist. I enjoyed your use of dialogue to help get a better sense of what each character was feeling. Overall, I enjoyed plot of this story. Great job!

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  7. This story was very well written in it's imagery and dialogue, it felt very much like a children's movie in how the fish interacted. Blu is a very adorable character, and each time he was rejected, I felt it from my own experiences. The bright colors helped enhance your descriptions of the ocean from just being 'blue', and I especially loved the twist ending, as dark as it was.

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  8. I loved this story, from the fish that could to the hilarious and morbid ending it was amazing. I loved the imagery you used and how you described how Blu felt as he was rejected. The writing on how Blu felt throughout the story was really well done and I could really empathize with him. I really loved this story.

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  9. Wow...just, wow. The imagery you used at the beginning was intriguing, but my favorite part was the twist at the end.

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  10. Wow...just, wow. The imagery you used at the beginning was intriguing, but my favorite part was the twist at the end.

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  12. My favorite part of this entire piece was honestly the opening few paragraphs. Your use of imagery to describe the vivid colurful scene was exceptional. It was as if I was there, like a slight escape from reality, to this paradise of color. The over story line was great too, especially the plot twist at the end, great job! Super good piece

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  13. The imagery you used in the first few sentences really helped set the setting and draw in the audience to the bright and colorful world of blu's. Overall the story has a happy playful tone that makes it easy for the reader to understand the story. I also admired the use of irony you used to close out the piece. Great Story!

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  14. Amazing story. The imagery in the beginning is great and provides a lot of detail into the world. i love the message in the story about how you can be whatever you want to be. And of course the twist at the end also adds in comedic relief which is perfect.

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  15. The way in which you described the sunrise over the ocean in the first opening lines painted a very clear picture of the beautiful scenery and really highlighted the ocean's natural beauty. I liked how you continued to be very descriptive through the use of imagery and dialogue throughout the entire story. Especially in regards with the dialogue, I believe you did a great job at building the reader's connection with the character, Blu, through the use of dialogue between Blu and other characters. The story was very inspirational as well, especially when you wrote about how "you can be whatever you dream of" but then added a plot twist to the story which left me in shock and changed my outlook on the theme of the story.

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  16. This was a very creative and interesting story. Your use of imagery gave me something to picture while I was reading. I was immersed into the story the whole time. Overall this was really good.

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  17. The foundation of this story was well built, as the substantial visual imagery in the beginning facilitated the establishment of your setting. The overall trend of your plot is very intriguing, as it superficially appears as a story that encourages a common finding of one self's own distinct attributes and traits, however your twist adds a new layer of real-world application to this message. Your interpretation of this concept as the notion that despite the presence of individuals who endeavor to help us find our true passions and identity, the only true source of confidence we can find lies within our own judgment, is a more applicable and relevant life lesson for your audience. As a whole, your story did a spectacular job of simplifying the embedded theme, while adding an element of creative entertainment that opens your piece to a wide general audience. In short, this piece was a job well done.

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  18. I really enjoyed this story, it was really well written and thought out. It was very creative and I enjoyed the positive message that came out of the story. The dialouge was easy to follow and amusing to read. Your character descriptions were strong, and gave your readers a better understanding of the importance of Blu as the main character.

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  19. Excellent job on this! It was very well written and reminded me quite a bit of "Rainbow Fish", a children's book that I frequently read when I was little. You did a very good job of keeping the tone light-hearted and playful even though the message the story was conveying was rather sad. The character development flowed extremely well and you used imagery so vivid I felt as though I were reading a picture book.

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  20. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Blu was eaten by a seemingly innocent and encouraging new friend. The sudden end of poor Blu's life really signified how even though we may find we are never accepted and are faced with the cold front of rejection and segregation, life can always get worse. The flowery imagery and use of vocabulary also provided a happy and positive tone to the story, leading the readers into a false sense of safety and security, only to find that our brave protagonist was brutally murdered by the natural hierarchy of nature, teaching the audience the powerful lesson to never trust anyone.

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  21. This was a very cute story, I really enjoyed it. I love how Blu wanted to escape his mundane life for one with adventures and thrills. I liked the descriptive imagery of the sun in the beginning and the dialogue of the characters, it really showed their personality. The story was very childish, which is my favorite aspect, but it was a mean end to Blu's search for a different life.

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  22. This story already contains a very good usage of imagery and diction, but I love the message of identity in this piece, I can relate how in real life other people and even ourselves always try to suppress us and our inner desires to find the right identity, it forces us to assume a false existence in a sense. Great job! :)

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  23. The beginning of the piece was filled with very vivid imagery that appealed to the reading experience overall. I really appreciated the use of color and how vibrant it appeared in my mind. Your character, Blu, is so relatable in that others tell him what he can't and can be when he should have far realized before that he could be anything he wants to be. The use of a fish instead of a human was a unique aspect of your writing that was entertaining, creating a basic moral of life out of the page and making it more dynamic by using inhuman actions and experiences. The ending was a little off-putting but still amusing, and it really put a marl to your point.

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  24. The story was great. Leading up to the plot was very interesting. You got me to really be into the story. You showed a lot of imagery and got me to imagine and use my senses to understand the story more. I really felt as if I was in the story, I can tell u have a very creative and artistic mind.

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  25. I really enjoyed the use of imagery in this. The way you made everything so clear and use vivid detail could help me really envision everything. The use of diction was great, and you were very clear. I felt bad for Blu after he continued to get rejected but to see he did find a friend was reassuring. I like this piece of writing, good job!

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  26. You know what? I am beyond sad that the Blu had to have such a bad ending to his life. You truly played my life. This is great in that you are able to evoke strong emotions from your reader. I also enjoyed that Blu's life was about to end because of the whole food chain thing, but the seagull gave him one last jump, allowing him to feel complete as he flew into the air. Instead of devouring Blu as soon as he saw him, he showed mercy to Blu. The moral of the story was fairly clear, in that you should go ahead and be anything you want, but still you must be careful and suffer the consequences of such decisions.

    -Kynoa V.

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  27. I love the moral lesson you left at the end. Throughout the piece, this poor fish was trying to become any other creature he could be besides himself. Instead of appreciating who he was made and created to be, he tried to run away from his true identity and as a consequence, he was tricked and eaten up. I can relate this piece to my personal life and the life of many others that I know. Well done.

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  28. you did a great job with this specific literary piece. More specifically your vocabulary, dialect, and especially your imagery. These factors really gave this passage that real life contrast and the way you digress into blue's life was brilliant.

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